


Doubtful Heartbeat

by Code520



Category: Chinese Actor RPF, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, BJYX | Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan is Real, Bottom Wang Yi Bo/Top Xiao Zhan, Chaptered, Cheating, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, M/M, Romance, Top Wang Yi Bo/Bottom Xiao Zhan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:49:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 108,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24962554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Code520/pseuds/Code520
Summary: Xiao Zhan was a normal employee in a normal office of a normal company, having a normal life with a normal wife. Until one day, his old boss had to be replaced by the CEO's son, Wang Yibo. Then, Xiao Zhan never thought his normal life could be that chaotic just because that person wanted something more than a normal employee/boss relationship with him.
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo & Xiao Zhan, Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan, Xiao Zhan/Original Character(s)
Comments: 121
Kudos: 281





	1. An Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any possible grammar mistake. English is not my mother tongue.

His eyes hurt because of the laptop’s screen, he thought that maybe the glasses would help, but as always it was too many hours working in front of numerous documents and numbers. His head was so tired and he only wanted to end that horrible day, that horrible week. Unluckily, he stayed more there because he didn’t want to reach home yet. His boss was used to see him working until being the last one going home, but he was concerned too about his health. His life was dedicated to work. And to his wife too. Working a long shift to return home and being with his wife. That would sound pretty good if he felt relaxed with her, but the only thing he wanted was peace and loneliness, exactly what she didn’t give him.

His wife was always asking him about his work, about his coworkers, about the late hours, about what he had done, and it was fine, sometimes he wanted to talk with her. However, she was stressing him much more when she drove him crazy at the evenings. That was why he stayed in the company even if he didn’t have enough work, he wanted to hear the silence and sigh alone. Less that day. The light of his boss's office was still on and that was weird because his boss was always on time to meet his wife after work. He would love to have someone waiting for him outside whom he wanted to go with and spend hours together. That was impossible with his wife.

Then, as if he knew something was wrong, he stood up and walked beside his desk, hitting with his hand the plate with his name written on it and making it fall on the floor. The sound was too loud in the middle of the silence and he closed his eyes, hating himself inwardly. His hand was stretched to catch it and his eyes read the two hanzi on it.

肖战 (Xiao Zhan)

“Xiao Zhan, what are you aiming for in your life?” he asked himself aloud and sighed. He put it on the desk again and headed to the office slowly. His knuckles knocked on the door slightly and a gentle voice let him come inside. Xiao Zhan bowed after opening the door and found his boss saving all his stuff into boxes. He frowned deeply, what did it mean?

“You’re still here, right?” his boss smiled tiredly. “You’re so young yet, how old…?” he stopped to think.

“Twenty eight, boss” he reminded the old man in front of his eyes.

“See? So young to be wasting all this time working” Xiao Zhan looked down knowing that he was right, but after all his life couldn’t offer him more options than working or being in home.

“I want to reach someday the chance to be boss” the young man confessed with that slender face of his. The old man chuckled and approached him to pat his shoulder.

“Boy, it's good to have dreams, but don't ruin your life. Go out, meet friends, laugh, be happy. You have an amazing wife, try a trip with her, don't forget her” his boss stroked his shoulder and continued saving things in boxes. Xiao Zhan observed him in silence, he was thinking about his words. His wife didn’t mean not to ruin his life, maybe having married her killed his chances for a successful life.

“And why are you putting your stuff in boxes, boss?” he asked curious about it. Would they fix the office? Or maybe he was going to change it.

“I’m going to retire finally and enjoy my life after thirty five years working here” he answered with a smile and Xiao Zhan widened his eyes. It was surprising that a person as his boss, who was dedicated to his company completely, was going to leave it so easily.

“Isn’t it painful to leave?” Xiao Zhan was frowning. The boss only turned around, sighing.

“Not now that I know I will be free…” he said with an innocent smile before grabbing a box and going outside. The employee left that office shocked right after. He couldn’t understand that feeling. Being happy for stopping working. Was that possible? His life was work. What was more, he felt nervous when he wasn’t working, he needed to have his mind occupied or he wouldn’t be able to be relaxed.

Suddenly, his name was spoken behind him and he turned around. “Tomorrow, your new boss will come. He's the CEO's son, so be nice with him, okay?” the old man announced and Xiao Zhan nodded before turning around again and walked to his desk. He sighed, just the fact of being important in a company because he was the son of or relative of made him be sick. For sure he was going to be stupid, arrogant and egocentric. Xiao Zhan was dubious if that person deserved that high job, he would check it out tomorrow, though. Now it was time to go home and sleep to work more the next day.

His hands placed all his stuff into his black suitcase and took his blue jacket. He walked through the empty desks to cross a dark hallway. When he started there, it was pretty scary, but now it was even relaxing. He liked the loneliness, he loved being alone and in silence, no one could bother him. That was why he liked to be the last one to get out of there in part, to be alone during a while, just him and his work. It had become an habit already, he felt weird when he left the company earlier. It was like breaking his monotony and he hated that. He needed his schedule to be completed everyday because sudden things got him so anxious.

Then, he was going down in the elevator when it stopped and the doors were opened. He started to walk without looking up because he realized the lace of one of his shoes was untied and abruptly, he crashed into someone. He fell backwards, his butt truly hurting and a man began to shout at him. “Can’t you be more careful?!” his voice was severe. Xiao Zhan didn’t know what to say and he only stared at that man. He had messy, brown hair, a small nose and fleshy lips. His suit was wrinkled and his shirt was opened on the neck. His tie was peeking out of his pocket and his phone dropped from it too. “Are you stupid? At least, apologize!” the man got up difficultly, the smell of alcohol was hard around him. Xiao Zhan stood up quickly to bow and apologize lowly.

“I’m sorry” his words were lost and confused, why did he have to be the only one apologizing? But when his gaze went up, the man was inside of the elevator and he couldn’t say anything else. Xiao Zhan sighed, wondering why he should bear with drunk people even in the company. Then, he tied up the guilty lace and found that that impolite man had left his phone on the floor. If he was there at that hour, it was possible he worked in the company, so he just took the phone and decided to search for him tomorrow. He saved it in his pocket and walked to the parking to take his car and drive home.

He lived near so the path was short. Slowly, he parked the car in the garage and got out to enter the house. A house with two floors, in a rich neighborhood, three rooms, two bathrooms, a living room, a kitchen and a garage. A small garden behind should be added in the list, but also a little room he had in the second floor he occupied to do his hobby. Painting. His wife never came inside because she hated it, it was useless for her, so Xiao Zhan only painted when she wasn’t in home or she would start to complain. He avoided any type of argument with her, that was the real useless thing there.

Then, just wanting to eat a bit of food and go to sleep, he went upstairs to enter the room and started to undress there. His wife was already sleeping in the bed, so he was quiet. Suddenly, a strong smell reached his nose, he stank. Xiao Zhan decided to take a bath, a hot bath to forget a tough day. He filled the bathtub and got in. The shivers through his body, when the hot water surrounded his skin, felt so good he sighed with a shy smile on his face. Xiao Zhan only needed a little break to be able to continue the next day. Everything felt better when he was alone. When he did his daily tasks alone.

Suddenly, a weird music started to sound and he frowned, not knowing what that strident sound was. Behind him, the door was opened and Xiao Zhan turned around to find his wife with sleepy eyes and a phone in her hand. That was the one that man let drop. He caught it to pick it up and answer, maybe the person knew how to return it.

“Yibo! Where are you?! You left me alone again!” that man seemed angry for some reason and Xiao Zhan decided to answer before he could be scolded.

“I'm sorry, the owner of this phone lost it, if you can contact him, I will return it gladly” the young man said politely, he could assure that the other person was truly bothered by that man. He wasn’t surprised, though.

“Eh? Did that idiot lose his phone? I'm sorry about that! I will tell him, thank you” he seemed softer and Xiao Zhan hang up, sighing. That situation was a bit stupid, and he hated it. Then his gaze looked up to find his wife there.

“Who was? A bit late to call, don't you think?” she seemed annoyed by it and she had the right to be, after all it was truly late to wake someone up.

“I’m sorry, this phone isn't mine, a drunk person dropped it in the company. Go back to the bed, I will go soon” he said while catching her hand and approaching her to the bathtub. He stood up to kiss her, but as always she turned around violently.

“I told you not to be naked in front of me, we've just gotten married” she complained flushed and Xiao Zhan laughed, getting out of the bathtub.

“After almost a year, you're still saying that” he caught a towel to dry his body quickly and tie it around his waist. “I’m covered already” he spoke lovely and his wife turned around with a shy smile. They hugged and finally, kissed too. Just in moments like those, he noticed how he loved her, the reasons why he married her, which sometimes disappeared suddenly.

They had been friends for a long time, until she proposed to him one day and they started to go out in the last year of college. Five years after, they were getting married surrounded by a hundred of people. Everything seemed perfect and they started to live together. However, their relationship changed. It was hard to live together. They were always fighting and she scolded him by everything. It was like she was pushing him too much to do what she wanted, that was why Xiao Zhan usually stayed in the company longer than needed, he wanted that peace a bit more. Even if he only thought while looking at the nowhere, he desired to return to those moments when they were a couple or even friends because all they had seemed as broken. But then, when they shared the same bed, Xiao Zhan liked watching her sleeping or hugging her during the night. That feeling of protecting her from the world was still there, inside of him and he wondered why it was so hard to remember sometimes.

*****

He caught his briefcase to go downstairs quickly, he had slept too much and now he was late. Then, his wife came out of the kitchen to give him his bento and a peck. Xiao Zhan rushed to put his shoes and ran to get in the car. That day, the new boss was going to be announced and he didn’t want to cause a bad impression. Xiao Zhan drove as fast as he could and just one minute before the arriving hour, he was entering the building. As always, he greeted everyone there, he was truly known by every employee. Remembering the scene of yesterday, he took the elevator to go to his floor and ran to reach his desk as soon as possible, noticing that the CEO was talking with someone, unluckily the second person was turning him his back. Was he truly his son? Xiao Zhan was reticent to think he was going to do a good job.

Then, he left the things on his desk and heard how the CEO called them all to approach. Everyone was already surrounding them and Xiao Zhan searched for a little space to see who the new boss was. He raised his gaze and his eyes were widened. That face… he was unrecognizable. His hair was perfectly treated, his face showed a poker face combined with two cold eyes, that suit he was wearing was expensive and probably new. Xiao Zhan licked his lips, noticing for first time that he was handsome. Last night, he just looked a homeless, how could he be the CEO's son, but also his new boss? Xiao Zhan was staring at him completely shocked. That was bad, maybe he was already hating him because of what had happened, he truly seemed angry…

“Good morning, everyone. I'm Wang Yibo, your new boss. I will be occupying Zhao's place from now on so nice to meet you all” he greeted them with an emotionless voice and their coworkers started to applaud politely. Xiao Zhan joined them, still doubting what he should do when Wang Yibo noticed him. Maybe the phone was a good excuse to know if he remembered last night's crash. Then, Yibo was bowing with a polite smile and looking around, so suddenly, their gazes met and the boss frowned before opening his mouth. Xiao Zhan gulped and bowed as saying that he remembered yesterday. Even with that, Yibo didn’t say anything and kept explaining the new functioning of their section, but sincerely, Xiao Zhan was in other world, wondering how he should approach him about his phone. Somehow, he felt nervous.

After ending the presentation meeting, every employee went to their own desks, Xiao Zhan included. However, the husky voice of his new boss surprised him. “Hey, you, come to my office” when the young man turned around, he found Yibo looking at him with cold eyes and two fingers moving as going to him. Xiao Zhan nodded and joined him to be alone in their office. He felt so awkward there. So lost and vulnerable. “Your name?” he sounded rude as he was ordering some papers from his desk. It was weird because he didn’t sit down on his chair.

“Xiao Zhan, boss” his words trembled and Yibo raised his amused gaze with a smirk. He changed the weight of his body to his left leg and tilted a bit his head, his hair showing his pale skin from his forehead. Xiao Zhan sighed to relax himself and take a better position in front of that penetrating gaze. He seemed as enjoying that.

“I’m sorry for last night” he suddenly spoke. “I think I drank too much and well… being the boss is not easy” he surrounded the desk to be just in front of Xiao Zhan, leaning a bit on the edge of the wood and showing perfectly his height was lower. The young man was hating that behaviour as egocentric person who had gotten everything for being the son of.

“How can you know if you haven't started?” his mouth spat that without thinking. What the hell was he doing? Inside of him, he was panicking, just expecting a ‘you are fired' reply. But his face kept cold. His shoulders were tense and he could feel his skin sweating; unluckily, he rejected the idea to lower his gaze in front of a being as him.

“Just bearing with all your thoughts of ‘he's the son, he doesn’t know even to add and subtract', I'm already having a hard time” he crossed his arms and his face became serious. Xiao Zhan raised his eyebrows, wondering how he could know that. “You think it, huh? Well, I don't blame you” he sighed. “But sorting me out before even knowing my name… That's a bit superficial” Yibo said with a disappointed expression. Xiao Zhan couldn’t reply, he got the whole point, his mind was blank and finally, his gaze was lowered in front of him. Somehow, just because of that light annotation, he got his respect too.

“I’m sorry, I will be more careful in the future” the employee bowed, trying to get a forgiveness by his boss. But Yibo only chuckled while rubbing his eyes.

“How much dignity can you lose just because a boss is scolding you?” nothing was fine with him. Everything he did was wrong, there was always a bad commentary about his acts. Xiao Zhan looked at him lost and confused. What was wrong with him? He started to think already that he was hating him. Because otherwise, there was no other explanation.

“I'm not losing my dignity, I'm just accepting my guilt about prejudging you before knowing how your work is” he tried to explain his acts, maybe like that his boss would understand and would stop that nonsense of attacks. He felt powerless when he had to shut up.

“It’s fine, it's fine. I hope this won’t be an obstacle to build a great work environment” he smiled again. Was he volatile or just stupid? Why was Xiao Zhan so angry? He never got angry that easily, why did he with him? But he swallowed all that anger to show his fake smile and nod.

“I hope so too” he replied as he wanted, fake, challenging. Was he obligated to be like that from now on? He had no problem, but a brat as Yibo would not overcome him.

“Then, that's all, you can go to work” he ended the chat and turned around to sit on his chair and open his laptop. Xiao Zhan bowed and searched for the exit, but when he was grabbing the door handle, his mind remembered about the phone and he came back to tell him.

“Ah! Excuse me, last night you lost your phone when we crashed” he informed the boss and the latter raised his look worriedly.

“Do you have it?” his voice was anxious and Xiao Zhan nodded, not understanding anything. “Return it to me, please” Yibo seemed as nervous and impatient. The young man frowned, but followed his orders.

“I have it in my briefcase, wait a minute, please” he said and came out to take the phone. Everyone was looking at him, maybe waiting an explanation about why he had been in his office that long, but he was already more worried because he wasn’t finding that stupid phone. Maybe he had left it on his house, after all, his wife had found it and for sure it had been left somewhere instead of in his briefcase to take it that day with him. He was praying that Yibo wouldn’t be angry.

He retuned with his hands being empty and looked at his boss, half embarrassed, half troubled. “I’ve forgotten it in my house, I can take-“

“Would you mind if I accompany you to take it after work?” he seemed as truly needing his phone and after all, he didn’t mind it at all. So he accepted without a problem. “Thank you, let's meet at 7 pm on the hall” he said and the employee replied with a yes. Just then, when his boss returned to the laptop, he noticed he was really young. He looked even younger than Xiao Zhan, yet he worked completely focused as if he really knew how to do it without a problem. Maybe he was wrong after all. He sighed and came out of the office with a bittersweet taste. He should be more careful…

*****

He looked at the clock and it was exactly 7 pm. He was waiting in the hall, looking around to see if his boss approached him. He was somehow nervous, he had never taken his boss with him to his house. His wife never knew too much about his work either. He didn’t want her to know also. Just for one thing she didn’t control yet, he wanted to keep it like that a while more. Then, while sighing because of those thoughts, he found Yibo walking to him handsomely. He didn’t seem as the same person as yesterday at all. He wondered how much he had drunk to be like that.

Without talking too much, they headed to Xiao Zhan's car, a normal one, just not so expensive, in a black tone. Yibo came in without a doubt and the path was silent. They both didn’t seem as talkative as that morning and Xiao Zhan was happy about that, he wouldn’t handle another conversation as the last. Mostly because the day had been tough and he was in a bad mood and tired. His sleepy eyes were focused on the road, not even glancing at his boss. But so deep inside he would like to turn around and stare at him a few seconds. So, when he had to stop the car because the light was red, his eyes glanced at Yibo slowly, finding a man leaned on the window while watching the nowhere, his eyes were lost in the night city. And that truly suited him.

Then, suddenly the boss turned around to discover him and his hand pointed outside of the car. “It’s green” those words made him wake up and continue driving under an embarrassing atmosphere. He was stupid, but also he had given his boss reasons to make fun of him. “Are you this weird everyday or just today?” he asked and Xiao Zhan sighed. He had messed up again that good moment beside him without having to bear with his poisoned tongue.

“I don't take my boss to my home everyday” he wanted to have a point there, to shut him up for just once, but as always Yibo had something to say. Xiao Zhan truly hated that type of people who always needed to say the last word.

“As if I were important…” he muttered while rubbing his eyes and kept silent the rest of the path. Xiao Zhan just left it like that, why should he continue if he knew it wouldn’t have an end? He was too tired to argue with that person.

Before he expected, they reached the garage and they both walked to the main door of the house. He opened it with his keys and came in, followed by a silent Yibo. “Wait here, I will bring you the phone” he was removing his shoes when a slender person appeared through the hallway.

“Welcome home, dear” she said in a whisper when she found his boss there. Xiao Zhan only stood up to peck her lips and went to search for the phone. Meanwhile, he could hear how they two started to talk. “Good evening, I'm his wife, Li Baozhai” she was as always trying to know everything. That it was normal, introducing herself to an unknown her husband had just brought, but Xiao Zhan preferred that it wouldn’t happen.

“Nice to meet you, I'm Wang Yibo, your husband's new boss” his voice was warm and nice. What was that? Show her his face too, for sure she was going to win him. Xiao Zhan smirked amusedly. If they two fought, it would be the end of the world.

“Oh, and excuse me but why did he bring you here?” his wife as always trying to know even the last detail. And Xiao Zhan knew that she was going to make him allow Yibo to keep with them and have dinner as long as he was his boss, but he had the perfect excuse.

“Yesterday, I dropped my phone and luckily, your husband found it” he explained briefly, omitting the details he wanted and Xiao Zhan sighed while finding it in the bathroom. He should be more careful. Then, he headed to the hall.

“Oh, that phone, last night someone called and it woke me up” she laughed falsely and Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow. His gaze turned to Yibo who seemed as worried.

“Did someone call?” his voice was anxious and Xiao Zhan nodded while giving him that bloody phone.

“Yes, I suppose he was a friend because he was complaining about being alone or something alike” he said not giving it importance and his eyes saw how Yibo smiled relieved.

“Ah, yeah, yeah, just a friend, also thank you by the way, I will let you rest now” he bowed and turned around to exit the house. The young employee was wondering if that would be as easy as that, but of course his wife hit his arm. He knew perfectly what she meant, but he turned to go to the kitchen, he was hungry. Then, being so horribly stubborn, Xiao Zhan heard how his wife spoke that bloody question he was trying to avoid.

“Boss Wang, why don't you have dinner with us? It's already late and after all, I did too much food for us” she smiled nicely and his boss seemed as lost. Xiao Zhan sighed while brushing his eyes, it was clear that Yibo just wanted to return home as soon as possible.

“I truly don't want to disturb you more, I've already caused troubles to your husband” he spoke, maybe for first time being sincere and the young employee kept staring at him. It was weird to see that bright in his eyes. Perhaps he was happy about that invitation. No, that was impossible. A rich person as him wouldn’t like a few steamed vegetables with noodles and fried fish.

“It’s completely fine! C'mon, you will enjoy it” his wife took a pair of slippers and invited him with a warm smile. Xiao Zhan could know that she felt Yibo's innocence by far too. So he went to the kitchen and started to prepare the seat for his boss.

“Thank you, really” his boss seemed happy and looked at the food with excitement. What was wrong there? Xiao Zhan was lost about Yibo, so cold and egocentric in the company, but so ordinary and naïve in his house. Somehow he couldn’t get that person, not at all, and he knew his boss only for twenty four hours.

“Don't worry, it's so nice to have dinner while not being alone” his wife answered after leaving the hot vegetables on the table and sitting beside her husband. Yibo caught one and tasted it, he looked as a little kid enjoying something new.

“So delicious…” he smiled. “But don't you usually have dinner with Xiao Zhan?” he asked doubtfully. The young employee only took his bol of noodles and ate it in silence. He didn’t want to hear anything there. He would leave them talking all they want and he would sleep after that.

“No, he's always working and working… It's a miracle he has arrived today so soon!” she laughed as not caring about it, but he knew how sad she was about it. He knew he was selfish for doing that, she was his wife after all, but his nature was being alone and that was severely broken by her. So even if he felt bad, it was the only way to get his needed space.

“Xiao Zhan, you are so stupid really. Keeping on working when your beautiful wife is waiting for you here…” he said while taking his bol of noodles and Xiao Zhan raised his gaze. So there he was yet. Those poisoned comments were still inside of him. So that was how he could trust him. Nothing.

“Oh, Boss Wang, do you have a wife? Or even a girlfriend? You talk like if you already have” she started to do the typical, private questions which nobody needed to know. Except her of course. Xiao Zhan only let her do, maybe Yibo would end up fed up soon and would go away in a brief while.

“No, I'm single unluckily” he smiled modestly and his wife continued doing exaggerated reactions. Since when was she like that?

“Your future girlfriend is going to be so lucky! So young and you're already wanting a partner!” Li was excited for a reason her husband truly ignored.

“Excuse me, but how old do you think I am?” Yibo seemed embarrassed and Xiao Zhan showed his gaze lost.

“You're still a brat, right?” the employee raised an eyebrow.

“I'm twenty two years old” he laughed. What? Xiao Zhan was even older than Yibo himself? That was impossible. He was working for someone recently done in college. Now more than ever he was sure he had used his connections to be in that job.

“Oh! Your skin is so perfect! I'm so jealous” his wife complained and Xiao Zhan stood up to take the sake already, he wanted not to hear anymore.

“Don’t be jealous because your skin is one of the best ones I've ever seen in a woman” he smiled widely and the husband frowned. Was he flirting with Li? Was he stupid? His wife only flushed and kept in silence suddenly. What was wrong with them?

“Boss Yibo, do you want a beer?” the employee asked, regretting the fact of not having poison near.

“Oh, yes thanks, but just a bit” he spoke troubled. Xiao Zhan didn’t take his words into consideration and filled his whole glass.

“I truly like men who can drink beer” his wife added that useless comment in the middle of their chat and Xiao Zhan opened his mouth as not knowing what to do. In front of a guest, he couldn’t scold her, much less in front of his boss, but she was crossing a limit he was hating.

Yibo drank plenty of it in one swallow and his face was painful, how stupid was he? He truly wanted to punch him. But for knowing he was going to win and his boss wouldn’t remember anything, he opted for getting him drunk so Xiao Zhan filled his glass again. “No, no, it's not needed” Yibo said after getting to drink great part of it. The employee knew that his boss would seem so impolite if he didn’t drink it so once more he filled it. It was so funny to see how that man's cheeks were already flushed because of the alcohol and how his eyes seemed as not focusing on anything. He decided to stop, if Yibo was so drunk, he would end up being a bother for him.

He left the bottle on the table and his wife caught it to serve his glass. Xiao Zhan drank it even if he was horribly angry with her. They would talk after. His eyes kept on his wife, trying to know why she had done that, but Li only smiled at him back. Which was her game? He was so lost. Xiao Zhan sighed, trying to calm down, but when he raised his gaze, he found a totally drunk man moving weirdly. “Boss, do you feel well?” The employee asked worried, maybe the beer hurt him or maybe he was feeling bad.

“Better than never, Xiao Zhan!” his voice was high-pitched and his moves were careless and slow. He was bloody drunk. Why? He had just taken a bit. “Well… Indeed I need to pee… Where is…?” he tried to know where the bathroom was and Xiao Zhan indicated him. Yibo seemed as not understanding what he had said at all.

“Accompany him” his wife whispered him.

“Why should I?!” Xiao Zhan whispered her back angrily. Suddenly, Yibo stood up and had to lean on the wall hard.

“Because of that!” his wife pointed it out and the young man stood up.

“And why don't you do it if you two get along too well?” Xiao Zhan reproached her and his wife kept in silence while he was helping Yibo to reach the bathroom. His boss hugged his neck with one arm and Xiao Zhan held his waist to walk straight until the door. Before leaving him alone, the employee warned him.

“Pee while sitting down, I don't want you to stain the whole room” his voice was severe and tired. Yibo only laughed and nodded before closing the door. He waited for him outside, wondering why he was so drank already. It wasn’t normal. Yibo wasn’t a normal person. And Xiao Zhan only wanted to sleep because he had to work so early the next day.

Abruptly, the door was opened and a man tried to get out so fast that he lost his balance and Xiao Zhan caught him before he fell. He wasn’t as despicable as letting him hurt himself. Mostly when he had been the one who had gotten him drunk. Yibo only wrapped his arms around his neck while their faces were so close and Xiao Zhan stared at little details for first time, like how hazel his eyes were, or how good he smelt, or how fleshy his upper lip was. Yibo smiled stupidly while approaching. Xiao Zhan froze and didn’t move when that sleepy man rested his head on his shoulder.

“Hey, Shan, sorry for always bothering you like this… You're a good friend…” he muttered serious and Xiao Zhan frowned. He supposed that Shan was a friend of his, so he only looked around to find his wife observing them.

“What should I do with him?” he asked while observing Li's face and she was disturbed. Why?

“Carry him upstairs and prepare him the bed in the guest room there, he can’t arrive at his house like that” she said a bit bothered. Xiao Zhan didn’t know why she was like that with him so suddenly when before they were flirting so nicely. The bothered one there should be him, who had to see how her wife was staring at other man. Also, somehow he thought about karma. He wanted him to go away as soon as possible and because he had given him so much alcohol, now he would stay all the night. See? Xiao Zhan was convinced that keeping in the office working was much better than all of that. He was already stressed, The employee didn’t need more reasons to want to give up on everything, because he was at the edge already, and he didn’t want to fall. Not yet.

Slowly, he got to make Yibo go upstairs and let him sitting on the floor while he was opening the closet and catching sheets for the bed. He didn’t want to say a word, mostly because he was hating that arrogant man as never before. Xiao Zhan was tired but instead, he had to prepare a bloody bed for his stupid boss. What was he doing wrong in his life to deserve that? He sighed, trying to avoid those thoughts not to get worse and he approached Yibo. “C’mon, you have to sleep” he spoke while taking his boss by his armpits and pulled him until the bed. That man wasn’t doing a glimpse of strength at all. What was more, when he looked at his face, he was giggling.

“Xiao Zhan!” he called his employee loudly. He only frowned because it was so late to be shouting. Suddenly, his drunken face was changed to a challenging one. “Undress me, Xiao Zhan” his voice became sensually and the man just lay down, placing his arms over his head, letting the shirt go up and show his belly. When the employee glanced at his pale skin, he noticed a problem between his legs also. He widened his eyes. Not because a man was excited in front of his eyes, but because he was getting hot with that view too. What was wrong with him?! He shook his head, maybe he was already tired and also, he didn’t spend a proper night with his wife for a long time. It was normal that reaction, it was his body after all.

Xiao Zhan decided to approach and start to untie the buttons of his shirt and he could see how his nipples were protruding from the white fabric. Why was he so excited? The alcohol, he was 99% sure. And that 1% left? Well, Xiao Zhan didn’t know the whole truth… Or at least that was the excuse he thought of. His hands continued until opening it and he found a built torso, two marked pectorals and abdominals. He was sexy because his body was also thin and he had a few moles, which made it cute. What was he looking at? He removed it and went to open the belt and the zipper to lower his trousers. His eyes wanted to look at his crotch, but he impeded it with so much will-power. Instead of that, he placed the clothes on the little desk near the bed and when he turned around, he found a man touching himself hard. Xiao Zhan couldn’t help but staring at that hand moving fast on that big member. Was alcohol able to do that in a person? Somehow he doubted it.

Full of rage and embarrassment, he caught a wipe from his pocket and he threw it on his torso. Yibo only took it with his free, clumsy hand before arching his back, moaning deeply and the boss came on his belly. Xiao Zhan was pale in front of that man. Had he just seen his boss jerking off? Then, Yibo opened his eyes and smiled at the employee. “Just in time, thanks” spoke he while raising the wipe. Xiao Zhan walked to the door to go outside of that room and wonder what had just happened in front of his eyes. That was completely surrealistic and he was in shock yet.

_He was pretty erotic and… sexy…_

His mind was doing circles in the same direction. No. He wasn’t gay. He did not like men. He only liked women. And he was going to show it, to prove it to himself. He went to the bedroom and searched for his wife, who was already going to the bed. He hugged her, kissing and sucking her neck needfully. His hands touched several parts of her body, but he felt her tension. “What’s wrong with you?” she said hastily, turning around. He knew he had to be soft and sweet with her, because Li didn’t like the hard type, when he always desired to do it naughtily and hard.

“It's just that we haven’t spent a night together this month and…” he approached again to her, softer this time. And she only wrapped her arms around his neck. They started a kiss and his hands again went down to touch her butt and crash their bodies. But she stopped disturbed again.

“I told you I don't like someone touching my butt and less rubbing that on my body” she put a disgusting grimace and Xiao Zhan felt how his lust was decreasing considerably, noticing slowly how she was the main reason why they only used that bed to sleep. He got tired and only undressed to lie down on the bed to rest. He heard how his wife sighed and approached him. “If you did the things correctly, I wouldn’t mind to make love as much as you want” she reproached him and that didn’t help. However, a thin woman was placed a bit over him, while kissing his lips. They rolled in the bed and he started to do all she liked. Only like that they would do it smoothly and without complains.

But that idea was still bothering him and somehow, he was unable to turn himself on again and his wife never did anything to help him. Then, the abrupt view of Yibo touching himself came to his mind and that heat inside of him appeared again so strongly. He was hating it, however, Xiao Zhan only could continue like that. And that wasn’t the proof he wanted after all.


	2. Naughty Lips

Slowly, someone rubbed his hair and he woke up lazily. His alarm clock didn’t sound yet, then, what was wrong? He opened his eyes to find his wife in front of him, already dressed up and ready to go out. He frowned deeply wondering where she was going to go at that hour, but Xiao Zhan only waited for her to speak. His throat was truly dry, that was why when she answered she had met early with a friend to spend the day together, he only nodded and closed his eyes again to turn around and continue sleeping. But only ten minutes after, he was unable to sleep again. So really getting anxious for that, he stood up in a bad mood and dressed up a bit because he was naked. Last night hadn’t been enjoyable, however he felt relieved. For now.

It was still so early, so he only went to the bathroom to take a shower because last night he couldn’t and entered in his personal room. He took a look at the unfinished paintings, but his inspiration was already into something else. His brush started to move on the canvas swiftly. The image was completely fixed in his mind and a figure of a man was getting shape faster than he thought. He never realized what he was painting until finishing and checking it out closely. Right now, he was so into it that he couldn’t notice someone opening the door. His hand continued drawing without control.

“Xiao Zhan” a husky voice called him and suddenly, the young man woke up from his dream. His eyes found an almost naked man on the threshold, looking at him. “Do you have painkillers?” he asked with a painful grimace and Xiao Zhan sighed deeply. It was already time to get ready so he had no other option rather than finishing it after. He left the tools on the table and removed the white coat to go with him. He closed that door with a key and went downstairs.

“Why do you close that door if the paintings are awesome?” Yibo asked with a low voice while Xiao Zhan was searching into a drawer to take the medicament and a glass of juice. He turned around with it on his hands, but he kept still. How was it possible he had that big hangover?

“Take this” he offered him without answering the previous question. Yibo swallowed it quickly so he returned the glass. Xiao Zhan only kept doing a bit of coffee, not wanting to look at him. That image couldn’t get out of his mind. It was so complicated to forget what he had seen. How he felt…

“Answer me” he insisted before sitting on a chair and Xiao Zhan gulped to turn around and face him.

“It’s not your business, sorry” he had asked for a reply, so he didn’t care which type of answer he would say. Slowly, he took two glasses to put coffee inside and offer one to his boss. He sat in front of him, with the difference that he was only stirring the liquid, lost in his thoughts. Something was wrong. He knew it. But he couldn’t find out what it was.

“What happened last night?” Yibo asked doubtfully. Maybe he was scared of knowing it. Should Xiao Zhan say everything? They were men, maybe it wasn’t a big deal, but they had just met, so he was reticent to say it so easily.

“You drank just a bit of beer and got so drunk so my wife and I decided to let you sleep here” he answered briefly because more details were unneeded there. It was better like that.

“Didn’t I do something out of place?” he asked flushed, being even unable to look at him and Xiao Zhan frowned. Was it possible he was remembering? But if it was like that, he would apologize straight. It was like if Yibo was waiting explanations because he couldn’t complete the puzzle. And the employee wouldn’t help him.

“No, I don't think so” he lied. Why? He wasn’t sure. Maybe it was better not to remember it anymore. Just leaving it like that. The act of a drunk person who went too far. Nothing else than that. Yibo didn’t inquire more about it and they took breakfast together, in silence and slowly, Xiao Zhan found himself enjoying that. He had been missing a silent person for a long time. And in one way or another, Yibo was bringing him the possibility of enjoying the company of someone else without being overwhelmed or stressed.

“Xiao Zhan” he called him again, but in a soft mode that the employee liked it. He raised his head, willing to hear him. “Can you take me to my home and then to work? It's already too late for me…” he asked with a regretful voice and Xiao Zhan nodded, not caring about it.

“It's fine, but let's get ready now so we will have enough time” he proposed so no one of them would be so late and both stood up to get dressed and take the needed stuff. Just fifteen minutes after, they were already entering in the car and Xiao Zhan started to drive. He asked Yibo the address to go there and the boss told him an area that wasn't known for being luxurious or for rich people. He decided not to create weird ideas in his mind before watching where he truly lived. Maybe there was some type of new building and he didn’t know it. After all, he didn’t frequent that area.

Suddenly, Yibo made him stop in front of a normal block of apartments and Xiao Zhan thought there was something wrong. “You can come with me as long as I will take a quick shower too” he said embarrassed and the employee couldn’t understand why. That man was truly weird, changing his mood so hastily and without reason. But as he had told him, he followed his boss until arriving a door and Yibo opened it to come inside. It was an old apartment with only the necessities. It was the typical old house where the poor families were used to live. Why was the CEO's son living in such apartment? He was truly shocked.

“Don’t dare to peek in the bathroom” Yibo laughed as a joke, but Xiao Zhan didn’t understand it. Why that joke? Why would he do that? Did he have face of spying people in showers? He got angry swiftly and Yibo, after seeing that his joke wasn’t welcomed, looked down and went to the bathroom. He heard the water falling and he remembered that joke. What would happen if he did it? No, no. Was he stupid? Or crazy. Or just simply retarded. That was why Xiao Zhan just kept sitting on that sofa, glancing at the time and at his phone several times. He was pretty nervous there. The reason? A mystery, but his legs couldn’t stop moving, his body was sweating already and his breath was a bit fast. He was so weird indeed. He wondered why.

Then, a naked man, with a towel around his waist, came out from the bathroom to approach a closet behind Xiao Zhan and removed it to start to get dressed. Slowly, Yibo glanced at him, turning his head evidently, and his eyes could admire that man as when he was born. He could notice a sexy back and a round butt. Xiao Zhan gulped when his boss lowered his body to introduce his feet in the boxers because that butt became perfect to be fucked. He bit his lower lip and returned his head to the font. He was being mesmerized by that man, why? He was so lost about the decision his body was having regarding Yibo when he was married, he wasn’t gay, he… Indeed there weren’t more reasons, but Xiao Zhan had to convince himself that it was wrong. That excitement between his legs and those dirty thoughts had to disappear. It wasn’t proper of him. What was more, he didn’t believe himself as someone who could stare at a man like that. Imagining what would happen if Yibo approached him and sat over his thighs… No, he had to stop, that wasn’t him. He had a wife. That was completely out of place.

Suddenly, a hand touched his shoulders and by the surprise, he coughed hard. “Are you fine? Do you need water?” Yibo's voice was soft and worried. Xiao Zhan shook his head as negative answer and turned around to find him with wet hair and his shirt open. His eyes wandered around his body several times. So many, he realized how evident he was being. Yibo only smirked before speaking. “Can you approach a tie to me? They are in the second drawer beside my bed” he said, but Xiao Zhan nodded without having understood anything and he kept on sitting. Yibo frowned. “A tie” suddenly, the employee realized it and stood up nervously, searching for the nightstand with his gaze. He walked to it, discovering the apartment a bit dirty and when he opened the first drawer, he widened his eyes. There were a lube, a dildo and more things he didn’t know what they were. He closed the drawer slowly, still shocked by it and he searched in the second. The ties appeared and he caught a red one. He liked that one. Then, Xiao Zhan returned with his boss and offered it to him. His boss smirked and caught it, also looked into the mirror and started to make the lace.

“You really like red, right?” Yibo pointed it out and Xiao Zhan leaned on the back of the sofa. He liked that colour indeed, but never noticed it until he said it. He only nodded, being silent because he couldn’t believe that a person as Yibo could use that type of things. But did he use it on girls… or on him? His desire to know that was so big he was amazed with himself. Trying to know the sexual life of his boss. How crazy had he become? Since when? He was just a normal person. Why that sudden change? Maybe he was being so stressed lately, or just that it became hotter those days as long as June was arriving strongly. He should stop thinking and go on in his job and in his marriage. Not focusing on bosses and sexual stuff. That was what he had to do.

Then, Yibo was ready to go and they returned to the car silently. He looked at the hour and noticed that they were a bit late. “Don’t care about the hour. It was my fault after all” his boss seemed as reading his mind. Xiao Zhan only nodded without a word and kept driving. He looked as focusing on the road, but indeed, his mind couldn’t stop his thoughts. Why was he like that? He needed to stop, however no matter how many times he said that, nothing worked. Suddenly, Yibo's phone rang and scared him. His boss picked it up in a hurry and his face went pale.

“Shan, did something happen?” his voice sounded shaky and the employee glanced at him. That name… He had spoken it last night, he even guessed that it was the same person who called two days ago. “I go there right now…” Yibo seemed deeply affected by that call and Xiao Zhan couldn’t avoid his own words. No matter how bad their first impressions were, he was a human after all.

“Are you okay?” he sounded worried. Well, after all he was worried, but he didn’t want to show that he was concerned about an unknown. It looked so weird. But Yibo only glanced at him with a slight smile, which disappeared at the next second.

“Yes, stop here. I won't go to the company today, I'm sorry for this after all…” he asked the employee, but the latter refused to leave him in the middle of the city if he needed to go to somewhere.

“I can take you whenever you want to go” Xiao Zhan offered willingly. However, Yibo seemed stressed about it.

“No, really, stop here” his voice was a bit loud and rude. Xiao Zhan accepted it without any question more and his boss went out of the car quickly. Before closing the door, he lowered his head to look at him troubled. His mouth seemed as wanting to say something, but he only said goodbye and closed the door. Xiao Zhan drove again, but had to stop because it was red. Then, he glanced at outside and saw how Yibo started to run through the street. Why? Why didn’t he let him go to the place he needed? Somehow, that action, those last words, that situation was difficult to understand and the employee found himself bothered about it. Not angry or annoyed with his boss, because after all they were two unknowns, but somehow his heart pounded in his chest. The frustration was filling it faster and harder than he expected coming from a person he had just met. Why? Why did everything seem upside down with Yibo? Why was he thinking of him even when he was entering the building after twenty minutes of path? Why did he remember the crash when he was waiting the elevator? Why?

*****

His hand was writing a document he had to deliver at the next day and his eyes were reading the infinite pages of that contract. He lowered the light of his computer because once again the whole office had gone and he was alone in the dark. Only a little lamp and his computer were illuminating his desk to continue working. He wanted to leave it ready for tomorrow as long as he was taking so much time to end it. It was weird in him. Xiao Zhan could finish that in just a morning, but a whole day had gone by already and he had only done the half of it. His mind wasn’t there. And he knew it perfectly, what was occupying his whole concern, but he preferred to forget it and continue with it. As soon as he would end it, he would leave it on his boss’s desk so Yibo would only have to read it, and he would return to his house with his wife. His life was as simple as that and he had to continue it no matter what.

Suddenly, he heard steps through the hallway and Xiao Zhan got tense, wondering who would be at this hour. Maybe the security guy? He kept his eyes fixed on the door until a dark shape came in. Only when that person came closer and the light lit his face, the employee could recognize Yibo with tired face, eye bags and his suit a bit dirty, he was not wearing already the red tie and somehow, Xiao Zhan felt disappointed. What had he done during the whole day? Indeed they hadn’t seen each other since that morning and somehow, he was glad to meet him again. Why? The boss only frowned and looked at the hour, Xiao Zhan followed his steps and realized the hour too. That was fucking late. Then, Yibo only turned his computer off by the button on the monitor and walked to his office. The young man turned it on again to continue working, why should he stop because he said it? Well, relatively he hadn’t said it, but indicated it so Xiao Zhan didn’t care and continued that damn document.

Sometimes, his eyes glanced at his office, which had the door opened, so he could barely see what he was doing too. He was completely focused on his laptop and tapping frenetically the keyboard. He was so fast that Xiao Zhan was truly doubting he had started yesterday to do that. Also, he had his shirt open and looked more handsome once more. The employee sighed, why was he looking at his boss? He should be working… His mind was already so tired, but by thinking so much of that man. He was lost about why all his focus was for Yibo if they didn’t know each other. And all was fine, until his boss jerked off in front of his eyes. He couldn’t erase it at all. He was completely absorbed by that image. No matter how angry and disgusted he could have felt at first when he turned around. When he saw his powerlessness, his cute face asking for more, his body being so weak… all of that caught him in a way he had never felt before. Yibo was like the most perfect drawing to admire. Being naked and weak in front of his eyes…

Suddenly, the voice of a person woke him up and Xiao Zhan raised his head surprised. Yibo was in front of his desk, he seemed as ready to go home and the employee realized that he had lost another hour just by thinking of that man. What was wrong with him?! It was already so late that even his wife would be worried about him. He checked his phone in a hurry to call her, when he found one message. His eyes read it, feeling how the disappointment was hitting him hard. He rubbed his tired eyes, being defeated in front of his boss, who kept in silence there, looking at him with a poker face. Xiao Zhan read it again, slower.

_Darling, I will keep this night with my friend. You have your dinner in the fridge. I will be back tomorrow's morning. Bye!_

Yes, he had read well. Another night she would spend with her friend. He could understand that she wanted to go out, be with friends, sleep outside, but that was starting to be so frequent that Xiao Zhan was already doubting who that friend was… He was really worried about it, so much that it even hurt. But he couldn’t seem vulnerable in front of his boss. So he turned his phone off and started to take his stuff inside his briefcase. Xiao Zhan stood up to take his jacket and be ready to go. When he raised his gaze, his boss wasn’t already there. He didn’t say even goodbye and his disappointment grew up even more. He was already fed up with the world. So he only walked through the hallway, took the elevator and crossed the hall to go straight to the parking. Surprisingly, when he found his car, he saw a man waiting for him. He approached and Yibo looked at him with tired face.

“You’re slow, I want to arrive home” he sounded as if they two were living together and Xiao Zhan would like to laugh at that point, but he sounded angry instead.

“What? Don't you have a car?” he opened the door and both got inside, Yibo truly not caring if he was being scolded. That man was a bother indeed. But somehow, Xiao Zhan was feeling better with him around.

“No, and I lost the last train so… To my house, please” that arrogance, when he sat on the seat and leaned on the door, waiting for him to be his chauffeur, made him be completely amazed by such a person. He just kept staring at him, without even turning the car on. Yibo only glanced at him like saying to go on. And Xiao Zhan only sighed. Why was he controlling him? He felt so stupid, but at the same time, he didn’t feel bothered by the fact of driving until his house, what was more, it was better if he took more time outside. That house, so big and lonely, could make him feel so bad and moody when he was as tired as that day.

No one talked more. The silence was surrounding them, fulfilling that car completely, even their breaths were so low that the only noise was the motor working out. It was already so late that no one was on the street so driving was so nice, no traffic jams to be in during hours. He had the whole road for him and he went a bit faster than normal. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his arm tightly, so much that he was scared. He found Yibo looking at him with panicked eyes, sweating a lot. “Can you go slower, please?” his voice was shaking and Xiao Zhan decreased the speed. He was worried now, what was wrong with going a bit faster?

“Are you okay?” he didn’t want to provoke that at all. Xiao Zhan was truly feeling bad about how Yibo was feeling. Maybe was he afraid of high speed? Or he wanted to vomit. “We can stop if you need a bit of fresh air” he glanced several times at his boss, who was just brushing his hair and after a minute, the latter smiled at him back.

“It’s fine, I was just a bit dizzy” his attitude changed again, the nice one showing up again. Xiao Zhan couldn’t believe him completely, but opted for not asking anymore. His face seemed better too. Then, just when it seemed to go smoothly once more, a sudden message arrived and Xiao Zhan asked his boss to tap the button to be read aloud.

“ _Dear, I'm sorry, my friend has just found an awesome opera tomorrow, so I will come back after dinner, lucky that I left enough food for you!_ ” the program read and Xiao Zhan decided not to even answer. He was really frustrated with her. He was starting to be her second choice and that was hurting him. But the worst of all was that Yibo had listened to it too. He glanced at the man by his side with embarrassed eyes and his boss was only waiting an explanation with his arms crossed.

“If you don't answer her and put that ugly face, it’s because you're so fucking bothered… Are you jealous? Don't tell me you're the type of man who still thinks that women only have to clean and take care of children” Yibo talked straight aloud, maybe not noticing how angry Xiao Zhan was getting.

“No! Fuck, no! She can do whatever she wants!” he explained before Yibo thought that he was a retrograde man. He truly had no problem with watching how her wife had fun too, but he was so worried that it was happening so frequently that lately he was becoming mad every time she decided to meet her friend.

“Then?” he continued asking without caring about his employee feelings and all he got was a shout by him.

“Can't you shut up?!” he was completely angry at that moment, rather than angry, he was overwhelmed with what he was feeling. He was a mess since yesterday when he had never felt alike and he didn’t know if she was the only reason, even if she had guilt there. He felt so powerless, so much that his eyes were so wet and reddish. So deep inside of him, he knew the answer, he truly knew himself, but he couldn’t accept what was happening at that moment. He couldn’t say that it was fine, that was why he kept in the ignorance. Maybe like that, he wouldn’t suffer.

After the shout, Yibo remained in silence the last five minutes they took to arrive to that building, where his boss used to live. He was feeling already so bad for it and as long as he could see how bothered Yibo was, going out of the car without a single word. Hence Xiao Zhan came out too to call him. “I'm sorry” he spoke lowly and Yibo frowned.

“What?” maybe he was just playing with him or maybe he hadn’t heard his words, but Xiao Zhan repeated his apology again without being ashamed. “I was just trying to help you, but I don't know why I even try with a person I don't know” he said aloud because of the big space between them. After that, Yibo turned around and Xiao Zhan closed his car to chase him. Why didn’t he leave it like that? Why was it so important to explain? Everything was upside down at that moment. And he was as lost as never. Every step he did was to the nowhere. What should he do?

“Wait!” his mouth was able to say only that before grabbing his forearm. What was he doing? Yibo turned around to look at him and Xiao Zhan used that small height difference between them to seem superior. “I didn’t mean that” he couldn’t continue speaking, his heart was pounding and his mind was blank. Xiao Zhan was overwhelmed by how close they kept.

“You were so straight. Don't worry, I will shut up and stop bothering you” Yibo reproached him carelessly. The employee was still holding his wrist and his hand didn’t let it go. His boss started to be fed up and just kept walking, dragging him strongly. Xiao Zhan was so tired that he couldn’t stop his body and just let him do until his apartment. Both came inside and the young man released it now that he could make him listen to what he had to explain.

“I’m sorry about that, but I don't want to talk about it” he started and Yibo only did things around him without looking at his face even once. “I’m so tired after being unable to work, after having a wife who is forgetting me. Lately, I can't control anything and I can't anymore, okay? So just let me shout for a while because I need it” his voice was loud and just those words meant a great relief inside of him. Two tears made their path through his cheeks and when he raised his gaze, Yibo was staring at him. Nobody did a move for a few seconds and Xiao Zhan felt so ridiculous there. Crying in front of an unknown… How crazy was he? “I’m sorry… I should go…” he whispered, his cheeks burning and turned around to take the door handle. But before opening it, he felt a hand grabbing his. Xiao Zhan could feel those soft fingers catching his and slowly, he faced Yibo. The man didn’t speak a single word, he only caught his both hands and took them to his shoulders. Then, his boss grabbed his waist and approached their bodies. Also, he hugged him tightly, resting his chin on his shoulder and Xiao Zhan felt a warmth filling his body fast, so much he had shivers. Without thinking about it twice, the young man hugged his neck and only then, a tender hand brushed his hair.

“I thought you might need a hug” it sounded as an excuse, even if Xiao Zhan could feel it wasn’t. However, he could understand it and only nodded. After one or two minutes like that, the hug was broken slowly and Yibo made their two cheeks touch slightly. They kept too close, so much their noses could barely feel each other and their breaths were mixed heavily. Xiao Zhan couldn’t think at that moment. Having that man so close, asking for a kiss so badly. His own lips were licked, expecting it completely sure Yibo was going to do the step. He was mesmerized by those fleshy lips, by his warmth, one of his hand almost on his butt. That attraction was reciprocal and Xiao Zhan was feeling so happy that he was lost. He had a wife, what was he doing? Should he cheat on her? No, that was forbidden for him, kissing Yibo would be what would ruin his life. That was why he lowered his head, separating a bit their bodies, deeply wishing that his boss would still continue it. However, as long as it wasn’t a fairy tail, Yibo broke the hug completely, turning around to approach the kitchen. Xiao Zhan kept there, feeling horribly stupid and ridiculous.

“You can stay here the whole night, it's so late and… I don't like being alone” Yibo offered him with a nervous voice, but no one could look at each other. Xiao Zhan's heart was pounding, deciding what to do, if he should stay. He had nothing to do in his home, no one was waiting for him there, but here… there was someone who was inviting him to stay. Maybe the reason was starting to be blurred, but for a long time, he hadn’t wanted to be with someone as much as at that moment. So he raised his face to nod briefly and approach the kitchen too. He sat on a chair to see how Yibo prepared a small salad to eat something and he took only two pairs of chopsticks and two drinks, water for him and a beer for Xiao Zhan.

“Let's watch a bit the TV” probably, the both of them were trying to avoid any type of conversation, that was why they sat around the low table and Yibo turned the TV on, appearing a variety program. They ate from the same bowl slowly, sitting close under a corner of the table to be able to share it and sometimes their gazes found each other. Xiao Zhan tried to focus on the program, so that uncomfortable situation would end soon. However, when he went to drink, a tear fell from the corner of his mouth and Yibo dried it with his thumb, catching his chin softly. His boss smirked suddenly and approached him, his hand still grabbing his chin to keep him still. And slowly, his boss licked the zone that was stained with beer, reaching the commissure with his tongue. Without thinking, Xiao Zhan lost his control, all the sanity he had gathered before not to provoke that, and caught his nape with his hand to kiss his lips deeply. Both moved their mouths hastily to find the tongues and play with them. It was being so naughty that Xiao Zhan couldn’t believe he was doing that with his boss. Trying to lick his whole mouth, feeling how Yibo's hand crossed his jaw to reach his hair and brush it tightly as he felt a tongue so deep inside his mouth. He was so skillful that Xiao Zhan wanted more, but the lack of air and his imminent heart attack obligated him to stop the kiss.

“I’m sorry” he whispered almost over his lips and he separated, being unable to look at him. He couldn’t eat more food as long as his stomach was upside down, so he just leaned his back on the sofa. Then, Yibo sighed, stretching his body completely and resting his head on the sofa, showing his thin neck and very marked Adam's apple. Xiao Zhan kept looking at it, how perfect it seemed to suck, devour. He was daydreaming with fulfilling all of that when he was discovered by his boss. Yibo only smirked and caught his wrist to pull him over his body. Xiao Zhan felt an arm around his waist and his hands were leaned on his shoulder while their faces stayed so close once more. What was happening? That seemed endless and the employee's control was decreasing so fast that he was completely lost about what he should do. Those lips were begging to be kissed again and he felt so weak. Then, a sudden memory of his wife came to his mind and he tried to set him aside, but Yibo was stronger.

“Let me go…” Xiao Zhan spoke flushed. His boss only smirked, showing how powerful he was. “It was because of the beer, don't take it seriously…” the employee continued trying to stop him and making excuses. Anything was better than telling how attracted to him he felt. That type of reaction was not proper of him, why was he succumbing so easily with Yibo? Maybe, because the way he treated him. For first time, someone was making him feel hot only with his presence when he was used to imagine things to turn on. It was new, exciting and tentative, that was why he had to resist and stop that nonsense with his boss.

“Yeah, the beer, the heat of this night and the tiredness, right?” his irony was palpable in that sentence and Xiao Zhan sighed so bothered. “So the kiss has been a mistake” Yibo said while raising his both eyebrows.

“Exactly, so let me go, I want to sleep” he sounded so disturbed and pushed him aside so strong that Yibo gave up and stood up. He wasn’t truly bothered, not with his boss, but with himself. What was happening to him? Everything seemed out of his control. So lost and confused. For first time, he truly doubted what he had to do, even if the answer was so evident. Suddenly, he heard a hit and he turned around to see how Yibo took a folding bed beside the bed, looking so angry somehow.

“Go to sleep and don’t give me more problems” he said rudely before sitting again to drink the last part remained in his glass. Xiao Zhan frowned deeply and refused to keep silent.

“You were who offered me to stay” he pointed out that detail which seemed forgotten by his boss and Yibo just gave him a hateful look.

“And I'm regretting it” he spoke without a doubt. The employee felt so hurt at that moment, so much he decided to stand up and shout at him.

“Then, you know what you have to do next time!” his anger showed up evidently, leaving Yibo speechless. Xiao Zhan only approached the folding bed in the next room and undressed until only having his boxers. It was so hot that he was wondering if he could sleep covered by that warm sheet. But he didn’t want to be observed by that pervert man, because he was a pervert. That was why he only covered until his belly, feeling his legs as burning, and he closed his eyes to sleep, but the noises outside were too much. Yibo was washing the few stuff they used to eat at that hour and Xiao Zhan wondered how he couldn’t be tired yet… It was so late after a crazy day, he was dead. That was why he fell asleep quickly, falling in his own peace once more, but suddenly lowly steps walked around him and the young man woke up, taking a look at the room.

He found Yibo, undressed and lying on the bed. He took a look at the clock and it was four am. Was he going now to sleep or he had just stood up to do something? Xiao Zhan decided to raise his head while breathing heavily and his eyes found Yibo looking at him like an owl. “What’s wrong?” he asked because his boss had just scared him. The latter only turned around without a word and Xiao Zhan frowned deeply. Something was happening and that person didn’t want to talk. After all they were unknowns, but not controlling his desire to know, he climbed on the bed to touch his shoulder and ask again. Once more there was no answer. Because of the silence, he could hear like a sob, was he crying? He couldn’t see properly so he leaned his hand on the other side to try to watch his face and suddenly, Yibo's hand caught it to intertwine their fingers and place it on his stomach. Did he want the employee to hug him? Could that be weirder? Xiao Zhan was doubting what to do, however, because of the tiredness, he rested his head on the pillow and pressed his back on his torso to comfort him, just in case he was truly crying.

Xiao Zhan could smell his scent from his nape and mesmerized by it, he approached even more. What was happening that night was crazy, they two were crazy, but it seemed like no one could stop, like if they both needed to touch, to be near, to enjoy each other. And he could confirm both because when his nose rubbed his skin, Ybo's hand got tense around his. However, once again, nobody said anything about stopping or asking what they were doing. Xiao Zhan only closed his eyes, feeling so much better there than in that folding bed and fell asleep. Sometimes he could feel Yibo moving around him, but it was nice to feel him so near, the bed so warm. He was loving that.

*****

Slowly, he felt something so good on his neck, he was loving whatever it was. Xiao Zhan only tried to find it with his hand and only a head was touched. He brushed that hair, thinking that his wife that morning was being so wild and nice with him. Until his hand noticed that that hair was too short to be his wife. Hastily, he remembered everything, what happened last night, and his eyes were widely opened, trying to discover what was happening on his neck. Finally, his skin could feel two lips sucking it strongly and Xiao Zhan only caught his shoulders to push him aside. Their gazes found each other and Yibo was smirking deeply. The young man sat quickly on the bed and shouted at him.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” his voice was rude and disturbed. However, Yibo only laughed and lay down on the bed with a forearm under his head. He wasn’t wearing clothes, only his boxers and his mind remembered quickly what was hidden under them, how hot it could be. Then, Xiao Zhan shook his head, hating how easy that man could drive him crazy and stood up to dress up. He couldn’t anymore beside him. He didn’t know already which limit he could reach with Yibo closer, because indeed, he wasn’t a human anymore if he was near.

“I couldn’t wake you up and opted for a… faster way” he said still with his provocative smirk and Xiao Zhan only sighed, so fed up of that man and his I-do-not-care-if-you-have-a-wife actions. The employee only left the bedroom to arrive to his kitchen and find something to drink. While he was searching on the cupboards, he heard the steps of a man and how he sat on a chair.

“Don't you have anything to have breakfast?” Xiao Zhan asked disturbed and Yibo stood up amused. The boss opened a drawer and took two coffee packets. The employee frowned while watching how that man put milk in two glasses and the coffee inside. Then, he put them in the microwave and set one minute.

“Done. A free breakfast for the man” he joked ironically when the microwave ended and Xiao Zhan only took his glass to approach the table and try to have a normal morning. He turned his phone on to see if there was something interesting and opened Oasis because he needed to do anything before paying attention to that human. He started to watch the posts, bored about them, so he left the phone on the table and scroll down with his finger, not paying too much attention either. Suddenly, a woman he recognized so well appeared in a photo so close to a man, and he put his finger on it to stop it. So indeed that friend was a man. A sudden heat grew up inside of him and he grabbed the glass strongly.

“If you break the glass, you will have to pay it” his boss commented unnecessarily and Xiao Zhan had enough that morning.

“Can’t you shut up?!” he hit the glass on the table, with the bad luck that the coffee was spilled on his hand. “Fuck!” that was burning his hand as hell and his mind was blank of how to calm it down. Then, he saw how Yibo approached in a hurry to brush it with a cloth and take him to the sink. The cold water was helping a lot and when the pain decreased, Xiao Zhan only felt two hands rubbing his gently.

“How can you be so stupid?” Yibo said with a tired voice and the young man only sighed feeling so horribly ridiculous. His wife was with other man, he was behaving like a teenager with his boss, and for more, he had burned his hand because of an anger attack. Did he had no control over himself already? Was he so lost that everything seemed out of control? Even his thoughts? His life was breaking at that moment just by thinking that his wife could have done anything with that man… He couldn’t trust her anymore, and that was what was hurting him the most.

“I’m sorry” he apologized with a tiny voice and tried to remove his hand from the water to stop being a bother for Yibo. However, that man didn’t allow him. His boss only stopped the water and caught the cloth to dry it slowly. It was still hurting a lot, and he saw how his skin was so red.

“Come with me” his boss pulled him to the bedroom and made him sit on it. Then, he opened a drawer and took an ointment tube. Xiao Zhan was thinking he was being so well treated by him. If that had happened in front of his wife, he would only have heard shouts, complains and scolds. However, Yibo was being truly careful with spreading the ointment on his hand and Xiao Zhan was feeling cared. Even if that was impossible coming from his boss, firstly because he was an unknown yet and secondly because Yibo was such a despicable guy. Even if the last reason started to have an interrogation at the end. Xiao Zhan only continued watching how his boss covered it with a bandage slowly, he wasn’t almost feeling pain, and then he finished satisfied.

“What a good boy” Yibo smirked, caught his chin and kissed his lips suddenly. It just lasted a few seconds, but he could feel how he sucked his lower lip, exactly where he had a mole. Xiao Zhan was frozen, what should he do?


	3. Words As Knives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains dubious consent. You can skip it as it's not too important in the story.

His lips were being kissed by his boss at that moment, how that big hand was rubbing his chin softly, how their noses were being rubbed slightly. Xiao Zhan tried to close his eyes and enjoy it, he was desiring to enjoy it, but his awareness was only thinking about his wife and that kiss meant the reason why he would be angry once more. When Yibo broke it, the normal distance returned and his boss only stood up to take a shower. Xiao Zhan was so lost about that. Had he just kissed him without a reason? Last night, he was a bit excited by the beer and also angry because of his wife, so he could excuse that, but what Yibo had just done was so out of place that the employee kept there until that man ended the shower and appeared again with his towel around his waist to remove it. Once more, he showed him perfectly that round butt and Xiao Zhan was just desiring to approach and do the dirtiest things with it, but the employee only stared at his naked body until Yibo turned around naked and smirking.

“Do you like what you see?” he asked, being completely unashamed of showing everything to him. Xiao Zhan blinked several times and gulped nervously. By the corner of his eye, he glanced at how his boss was approaching him like that, without a single fabric covering anything and stopped just in front of him. The young man lowered his head, not knowing where to look or what to do and suddenly, his dreams became true. Yibo pushed him backwards until making him lie down and he sat over his thighs. His hands were touching his torso slowly and his body was lowered, making Xiao Zhan feel _everything_ against his. He was frozen there, and just pushed him aside slightly. Yibo rolled on the bed while laughing so hard. The employee just sat, amazed by such a bounder and saw how his boss stood up to get dressed up.

“I can't believe how naïve you are” he thought out loud and Xiao Zhan only decided to leave the room to stop that embarrassing situation. Since the hand incident, the employee couldn’t speak a word, he was so lost and confused by how hard Yibo was playing that his sense of saying what he thought disappeared. His boss didn’t talk after that either, they both prepared the stuff needed to go to work and finally, they were reaching the black car again. Without talking about the destiny, Xiao Zhan drove to his house so he would take a shower and change his clothes. They seemed as having read each other's mind, because his boss just waited in the car the ten minutes he took to get ready enough to be back and start to drive once more, straight to the office. No one talked, Yibo seemed as being into his thoughts completely and the young man couldn’t help but glance at him. He was still bloody handsome with that messy hair and his opened shirt. Somehow he was regretting not having done anything before on the bed. His body was yearning for him that close so much that he hated the fact that the chance to have tasted it had been ruined. But what he was thinking… He was married, of course he couldn’t have that type of situations.

He was fed up of himself and his attraction regarding Yibo. He always thought he would be loyal to his wife, that no other person would destroy that marriage. But if he continued like that, who knew how they two would end, and he was so disappointed with himself because of that. Xiao Zhan felt a bad person, someone who was betraying the supposed most important person of his life. However, he couldn’t believe in anything already, because everything was breaking and changing around him without a chance or the option to stop it. His own consciousness was being his worst enemy at that moment and he sighed deeply, almost reaching the parking of the company.

“What are you thinking about?” his boss asked him suddenly, and Xiao Zhan glanced at him while frowning. That man was looking at him serious and curious, but with that cool aura that seemed irresistible to the employee. He didn’t know what to answer. He couldn’t say anything which was spoken inside his mind. Or he would be completely defeated in front of that superb man.

“I have to end the contract with that new company” he explained, indeed; thinking about it, instead of about him, was better, so he just went with that to create a normal chat between them.

“It’s so long, they are really adding a lot of impediments… If you want, I can help you” Yibo said calm and willing to do it, but Xiao Zhan just frowned.

“No, I don’t think you would…” he shut up before ending the sentence. He noticed his own words, still thinking that the CEO's son was unable to do that work and he only heard his chuckle. His disturbed chuckle.

“You don't think I can do it…” he finished it with an irritated voice. The employee sighed, he didn’t think that, it was just that his mouth had betrayed him in the worst way possible.

“No, I don't mean that-“

“I don't care what you mean, it will always be like that” after saying that, Xiao Zhan stopped the car in the parking and Yibo didn’t doubt a single second to open the door, get out and walk straight to the company without looking back. Xiao Zhan kept shocked inside the car, looking how that man was walking elegantly until disappearing in the corner. He was feeling so bad. He had hurt him, but didn’t think Yibo would react like that, mostly because the other day his comment wasn’t taken in the same way as that moment. Maybe Yibo was getting tired of that situation. It was normal, nobody liked being underestimated in their job, especially if he was good at it.

Slowly, he left the car to enter the building and he saw a lot of people waiting for the elevator, he recognized the back of one of them. Xiao Zhan approached while frowning and he asked a coworker. It seemed like one of the two elevators had broken and now just at the hour to arrive, it was being so hard to go at the floor needed. Xiao Zhan sighed, knowing that he would have to go up twenty four floors while being completely fixed to everyone. He had bought a car not to handle that in the train, he truly hated people touching him without reason. Then, while waiting, he placed himself beside Yibo and glanced at him. He wondered if from that moment on, that man would still want to know something about him, he was being really cold after that. But the elevator arrived and everyone tried to enter it, so Xiao Zhan hurried up. He didn’t know how he ended up reduced to be on a corner, pressing his back on the wall. When he raised his gaze, bothered by the person in front of him who was completely fixed at his body, the employee found a cool face staring at him. His boss leaned a forearm on the wall beside him and Xiao Zhan looked at everyone there. He was panicking, he was well-known for being married, what would they think if they found Yibo so close to him? Luckily, all of them were on their backs.

Slowly, he could feel how that man was rubbing their bodies slightly. Xiao Zhan placed a hand on his hips to push him away, trying to glance at the people beside him. And as his worst nightmare, he started to be excited down there. He gulped, knowing that Yibo could feel his half-erection over his. Luckily, the elevator opened and a few people went outside, because the employee could move around to have his boss behind him, against the corner. He felt safe the last ten floors left, but being so naïve, he felt a hand crossing his hips to be introduced inside his trousers pocket. Xiao Zhan ran to catch it, but it was late, his fingers were already rubbing his crotch. He felt shivers, what made his breath be irregular and his face be tense. He was so lost, it was so erotic, hot and new that he was feeling his body in its limit. He tried not to moan, even gasp, controlling his breath the most possible, but Yibo was truly playing hard in front of everyone. Finally, the elevator was opened on their floor and they could get out. Being the last of the people who went out, Xiao Zhan looked behind and when he saw no one, he caught Yibo's hand to push him into the toilets. It was empty and he took advantage of it.

“What's wrong with you?!” he shouted, being out of himself. Yibo only smirked and looked at his crotch satisfactorily. Xiao Zhan being fed up of him, just approached and caught his shirt strongly. “Never touch me again, okay?” his voice was deep, scary, but Yibo only seemed even more amused. Suddenly, his waist was wrapped by a strong arm and his body was pulled inside of a cabin. His back found a wall and what were strong grips around his shirt became just two hands leaning on his shoulders not to fall. His boss was so close to him, but one of his hands just closed the door and locked it. Their eyes kept looking at each other for several seconds until his crotch felt a harsh hand touching it blatantly. Xiao Zhan gasped abruptly and tried to stop him, however, Yibo chuckled slightly.

“You still don’t see it…” he muttered as his hand stopped. The employee frowned wanting to punch his face, but his words surprised him. “You’re… so… naïve… that… I… can't…. stop… myself…” between every word spoken beside his ear, Yibo kept crashing their crotches hard. Xiao Zhan felt as dying into pleasure, that was overcoming any dream he had or he could have.

“Please… Stop…” the cornered man muttered while moaning lowly, feeling how he was reaching his point of no return. Then, hastily, Yibo stopped, heavily breathing too, and his hands worked fast on opening their zippers to set their two hard members free. Xiao Zhan refused, tried several times not to allow him, but Yibo only touched him more until being weak. His almond eyes were showing how much lust was killing his inward and his boss caught the two lengths to pump them together. One of his hands went a bit up to rest it on his neck, his fingers touching his nape, and Yibo approached their mouths. They were so close Xiao Zhan could almost feel the kiss, but it didn’t arrive and he was being impatient. Why was he desiring that man so badly? Why was he desiring to be fucked against the wall? Why was he desiring to be possessed by that man over and over again? He was as lost as never before and scared, so scared of what he was feeling.

“Fuck… I want to be inside…” Yibo thought out loud in a whisper the employee could hear because of how close they were and he couldn’t believe its meaning so he preferred to stay in the ignorance. That was already so surrealistic to continue adding more facts that seemed more impossible than the last. He only focused on that hand touching him, on that member fixed at his and that breath that heated up his lips. But even like that, his own consciousness was bothering him a lot. Too much that his hand went down and caught his to stop it from moving.

“I’m married… Stop, please…” he breathed heavily. Yibo only looked into his eyes. That hazel colour was darker than usually, Xiao Zhan could feel that desire, lust inside of them. He felt hotter just by watching them, but even like that, he knew that was wrong. There was no way he would ever cheat on his wife. He wasn’t able to do that.

“Then, believe you're being raped, that you're being forced… But let me end…” he spoke rubbing his lips against his slightly. Xiao Zhan closed his eyes fleetingly to enjoy that, and he knew that would be the perfect excuse to be able to end that, but he wasn’t as crazy as that pervert boss. He hadn’t received those values.

“What are you sayi-“ his words were cut off by a sudden kiss when they heard the door of the toilets being opened. That person could hear them if they weren’t quiet, and that would mean being defeated regarding that. Xiao Zhan only concentrated on those thin lips catching his softly before breaking it slowly, without making any sound. They pressed their foreheads together, Xiao Zhan lowering his gaze ashamed and Yibo only continued his work with his hand, not waiting for that unknown to go away. The young man did a hasty moan and his boss even smirked; he was searching for that reaction, for some reason Yibo wanted everyone to know their secret game not caring about his life at all. And that seemed so selfish for Xiao Zhan.

His face became gloomy, he felt disappointed by that. However, that didn’t stop his boss from going faster when that person closed the door after going out. Xiao Zhan was feeling truly used at that moment, it was so painful that his eyes were wet also. He hated that with all his might, how could he end up like that? So easily and without will-power at all. But the most frustrating thing was how he came on his hand, how he grabbed his shirt while closing his eyes, how he moaned full of pleasure, how he let that man kiss his lips once more. Xiao Zhan felt so defeated that he couldn’t raise his gaze after ending. He didn’t watch either how Yibo caught paper to clean his hand and his member or how he didn’t care about him at all, just going out of there in a hurry. Xiao Zhan only cleaned it poorly to close his trousers finally and sat on the WC to wipe away the few tears that were falling abruptly. Why was he mattering his acts that much? Why was it hurting like that? Why was he feeling so bad? He would love to think it was because of his wife, for having cheated on her, for having been with other person, for having broken his promise of being loyal, but no matter how painful it was, his heart was aching because of how Yibo had treated him. How could he mean for him something so strong already? Three days. Just three days had passed since they met. Why then? Why that pain?

*****

Finally, lunch time had arrived and he felt free to go upstairs and reach the rooftop with his usual coffee and sandwich from the cafeteria. He was losing weight because of that, but he didn’t care actually. His stomach was refusing the food so much lately that he preferred not to eat and go on without stupid stomachaches or sudden vomits. Then, he sat on a bench to enjoy it, the summer arriving, that heat warming his body under that stained suit. He sighed once more remembering everything. He couldn’t avoid it at all in the whole morning, but luckily he could end the contract. Xiao Zhan would deliver it after ending the lunch break to his boss, who had disappeared suddenly at that hour. It wasn’t like he cared about his affairs, but the curiosity was hitting his mind strongly without a reason. That man was captivating him more and more no matter how much pain he could feel inside of his chest.

Then, being weird that someone would go there at that hour, a man appeared in front of him. He raised his gaze, finding an known face, but that didn’t make the situation weirder. “Huang, is there a problem?” Xiao Zhan asked straight, that man was his coworker from the same floor, Huang Tao. He was his same height, thin complexion with a black suit and yellow tie. His hair was really short and dark, along with sharp eyes and thin lips. He was pretty popular in his section and even if they didn’t usually talk, they got along as much as possible in the meetings and the company's parties. He seemed a good guy.

“I would like to ask you something” he started to talk nervously. “What were you doing this morning in the toilets?” his question was like a pot of cold water over his head. How could he know? How could he ask that? Actually, why was he asking about that? Maybe he could avoid it yet and make him feel confused.

“I don't know what you mean” Xiao Zhan answered apparently calm, but he was sweating by the adrenaline rushing his veins like a roller coaster. Huang only moved a bit uncomfortable.

“Boss Wang and you in a cabin” he explained himself better briefly and Xiao Zhan couldn’t hide his nervousness. He knew it, what had happened inside of that fucking toilet was known by someone. He felt no floor under his feet. But even like that, he tried to hide it and lie.

“It’s not your business, Huang” he stood up to leave the rooftop as fast as possible but the words of his coworker stopped him.

“I will tell your wife” he threatened Xiao Zhan straight. The employee only chuckled and turned around to face him so close.

“It’s your word against mine and I'm sure my wife will believe me before an unknown” his despicable smile was hiding how scared he was. Despite of what he had said, he didn’t believe his wife would trust him that much. She was so jealous and possessive that Xiao Zhan truly hated that part of her. So yes, it was so possible he would mess his marriage up with that.

“I have a video of you two” Huang continued his thread of confessions and the employee, before panicking, preferred to use his brain.

“Then, show me, show me how you will break my marriage” Xiao Zhan challenged him, but Huang only rejected that idea. He knew he had nothing, mostly because he had been checking every single corner of that cabin during the time Yibo had been touching him. Just a question was left inside his mind then. “Why would you do that?” he asked, still with a rude voice and his coldness lowering the temperature not mattering if the sun was hotter that day.

“You don't deserve a woman like her. I don't know how she could marry you…” Huang said with anger showing up in his words.

“Instead of marrying you” the employee ended his sentence amused by how stupid that man was. Tao only frowned. Xiao Zhan knew how his wife was desired by several men, but he didn’t care because what he didn’t want to become real was already happening. “Even if you get to make us get divorced, you will never be her first option… Neither me…” he chuckled coldly in front of him, but sad when he turned around. That was making a hole inside of him. It was so possible she was cheating on him that he wondered several times why he had gotten married in first place.

Without hearing another word from that person, he got out from the rooftop as quick as he could. He was almost trembling by the fear of being uncovered. And just because Yibo had become crazy and wanted to touch him anywhere. His life was a mess since he knew his new boss, so the problem was Yibo's one. Even though he remembered how he liked those touches and how he let him to continue. But it wasn’t his fault, or at least he pretended to believe it wasn’t.

Then, reaching his desk after the shortest lunch ever, no one was around, less one person in the office. He took advantage of that to deliver the contract finally and go on with the next work. He caught all the papers and approached it. The door was opened, but even like that, he knocked at the door while looking at the back of that dirty man. The boss didn’t turn around to know who was, he only invited him and Xiao Zhan came in doubtfully. He didn’t know how to react after what had happened between them. He didn’t think about it before coming inside and he hated himself a bit for that. Suddenly, Yibo turned around and found him there, still and insecure once more and a small smile tried to appear on his face, however it was hidden at the next second. He started to approach with those eyes again and the employee knew he had to stop that. He had to eradicate the problem.

“I've ended the contract” his voice was a bit louder than he expected, showing how nervous he was, and worsening that situation, his cheeks started to be so flushed. He tried to stop that reaction, but it seemed impossible, his body seemed as out of control. Just then, Yibo caught the amount of papers and glanced at them quickly. Then, he approached the desk and left them on it, catching another smaller one before walking near him again.

“I did my own version, please check it out before going home. I will choose the best one to deliver” he ordered him and Xiao Zhan widened his eyes. That was impossible, that contract in just a morning seemed impossible even for him when Yibo hadn't appeared yet. His hands caught it and it was so smaller, he wondered if that was okay. There was a lot of information to add, for sure it was wrong like that. But he accepted, at least he would only have to read a document for the rest of the day. So he only nodded and walked outside without any interruption. He sighed relieved finally, that had been tensed, but after a lot of attempts, they truly looked as employee and boss. Xiao Zhan only returned to his desk and started with the document.

He read it twice, he was even starting the third time trying to find just a single mistake, but nothing. It was perfect. That contract overcame any expectation he could have. Everything was so simple, short, but perfectly explained, not lacking anything that wasn't irrelevant. It was so easy to read and understand, but without erasing the needed technicalities about the subject in question. Xiao Zhan was completely amazed by that superb work. Where had he been working before there? For that he had to have years of experience, but where had he gotten it? Xiao Zhan was speechless noticing his own mistakes in his contract. Slowly, he started to feel a bit useless, having worked hard on it to create such scum, was he being even efficient? He doubted it somehow, no matter how many hours he would keep working and improving in the nights, of course he would never be someone recognized by his amazing work, or by highlighting positively. And that was creating a pressure on his back, knowing that if he ended up behind his coworkers, he would be fired. Xiao Zhan only sighed, rubbing his face with his hands feeling defeated and so down.

Suddenly, his name was spoken by his boss to approach the office and he could feel some gazes on him. Why? Why were they looking at him like that? It was so unkind to feel that way. However, the employee only approached the office and closed the door behind him. Yibo was waiting for him leaned on his desk with his butt, his contract on his hands. Xiao Zhan only waited for some hint and his boss started to walk to him. He wasn’t looking at his eyes, he was still unable to do that after that morning. Even like that, he could still watch how he broke every single paper from his work. Xiao Zhan widened his eyes, being completely shocked and his boss just threw it in his trash bin.

“This is how your work is worth it” Yibo smirked, his eyes full of victory. What was that? A revenge for his words? Did he deserve that?

“I'm so sorry about it” his voice was trying to seem normal, but it trembled a bit at the end when he bowed and the knot in his throat became unbearable. He couldn’t breathe by feeling so useless at that moment. That embarrassment for having done such an awful work and even having delivered it like that… He should be ashamed of that.

“Then, it's clear I will send mine. But for the next time, learn how to create a decent contract” Yibo scolded him, no mattering how he could feel and Xiao Zhan bowed once more to express again his regrets. He couldn’t say another word, he was completely out of place and the only thing he tried to do was turning around to get out of there. But when he did, his legs felt as disappearing, everything was blurry in front of him and the last reaction he could have was holding on to the doorframe not to fall on the floor. His mouth was so dry he couldn’t swallow and his head was truly hurting. He was so lost about what was happening to him, but he was starting to feel again his legs and see properly.

“Xiao Zhan, are you okay?” a worried voice asked him from behind. And now Yibo was worrying about him, after how he treated him that day. He had never felt as used as those last ten hours. And just because his fucking boss couldn’t be more careful with the others' feelings.

“Yes, boss” Xiao Zhan answered as cold as possible, trying to make another step, and it worked. He was walking again out of that office, reaching his desk to pick up his stuff and leave the company. It was time to go after all, that day he didn’t need to handle anything else. Everyone was looking at him, for leaving that soon after a whole year leaving hours after them, but he didn’t care, he didn’t care about that man who was looking at him. He was fed up with caring about others.

Xiao Zhan only reached his car as he could, feeling so weak and tired he thought constantly he was going to faint. Not sure about what he was doing, his hand started the car to drive. He was so nervous just in case it would come again and he would have an accident. Luckily, the path was short, so he was going to be fine. However, slowly, his eyes started to close, stopping watching the road. Only when a truck whistled him, he woke up hastily to turn the steering wheel hard and save his life from a sure death. What had just happened? His car had been almost hit by a truck because he had fallen asleep while driving. He knew he didn’t have to take the car while being like that, even thus, he had been that stupid to do it. Now, his heart was pounding, his head was hurting the double and his body was trembling so much he was doubting he could reach home. But slowly, being so carefully, Xiao Zhan was able to arrive safely.

Then, he came into his house to find his wife and greet her with a smile, somehow he had missed her. She only shouted at him back, though. “Why didn’t you take the food I did for you? And where did you sleep last night? The neighbours didn’t see you coming back” she seemed crazy and Xiao Zhan, instead of telling the truth, he lied about everything.

“I reached home so late that I wasn’t hungry and went straight to sleep…” his voice was tired, husky, reflection of how bad he was feeling, but his wife only continued complaining. So much that the young man lost his temper. “Why can’t you shut up?!” he shouted at her as strong as his health could and he cut off her words instantly. A weird silence was created due to the strange behaviour he was having. Normally he would have just let her talk and talk until she would have gotten tired, but that day was being already so horrible that he couldn’t anymore.

“I’m your wife” she only spoke after it. Xiao Zhan understood that fact properly, but there were limits she shouldn’t cross.

“I’m going to sleep” he informed briefly untying his tie.

“And the dinner?” she only asked, of course that was the only thing she cared about.

“I'm not hungry” that was the last thing they said that night. Xiao Zhan only went upstairs to undress and take a bath first. He rubbed his skin hard, trying to erase any mark on his body from that despicable being. He could still remember what had happened, every single detail, every single kiss he gave him, how warm his hands were or how good feeling him so close was. Xiao Zhan was unable to forget that, forget other person in his life and that was creating an unexpected pain inside his chest what was so hard to bear. He never thought he was going to be able to cheat on his wife, to be as horrible as that. His fist punched the water strongly, hating himself as nothing else. How could he?

*****

His head was truly hurting after having a horrible night. He couldn’t sleep at all, his mind was thinking and thinking again without explanation. He was completely hating the fact that he was going to work a whole day again beside that awful man. That didn’t help him to be willing to work gladly. What was more, he didn’t want to work anymore. For first time in his life he needed a rest, Xiao Zhan was truly feeling overwhelmed by everything around him, feeling how he couldn’t control anything, how his life was out of control and he was unable to stop it. That was destroying him from inside his soul. The fact that all he knew, all he was used to, became unbearable to handle those days, and he was scared, so afraid of trying new things, of stopping the usual ones to change it. And what was the main point, he had no idea of what he should change first.

That was why he stood up as every morning, dressed his suit as every morning and took breakfast beside his wife as every morning. The only different detail was that she was angry with him because of last night, but he didn’t care too much, he had better problems at that moment like to focus on his wife's tantrum. So he caught his briefcase and got inside his car as every morning, but another detail came up; he was completely scared of driving again. His mind couldn’t stop remembering the almost car accident he could have caused. However, feeling perfectly awake and ready, his keys were introduced and turned around to make the motor work and go straight to his company. He was a bit sweating by the fear inside of him, that wasn’t usual, Xiao Zhan being so scared of driving. His heart was pounding fast when he arrived at the parking and turned the car off. His hands were trembling and his legs felt as jelly. Maybe a bit of water was what he needed.

Xiao Zhan walked as if nothing was happening to him to enter the building and search for the water machine to take a bottle. Indeed, the cold water was refreshing after having so much heat in the car, but his body reaction was still hitting him strongly. He only decided to carry on, for sure it would go away while working. So he arrived at his desk and found a document on it. His hand caught it to read it and before ending, his boss appeared first. “I want you to make a graphic with all of that, okay? It's urgent so finish it before lunch break” Yibo explained in a hurry and the employee widened his eyes.

“But this is too much” he thought out loud, being audible for the people around him and his boss frowned while approaching his desk.

“Is there a problem? If you're here, considered one of the best employees, is because you do these things so easily, right?” Yibo’s voice was severe, marked by the sarcasm he loved using so much. Xiao Zhan only nodded while lowering his gaze. “Then, why are you wasting time? Start now!” he shouted at him in the middle of the office and Xiao Zhan just sat down to turn his computer on and start to organize the information. He couldn’t look up, the embarrassment was so hard in him. The desire to cry was strong, so strong that he couldn’t focus on the paper, mostly because he couldn’t see it. Then, suddenly someone approached him by behind.

“Maybe this will help you, I've been in charge of gathering that information” Xiao Zhan turned around to find Huang there, looking at him, surprised when their eyes found each other. His were red so evidently that, even though he had taken the paper and was working on it already, his coworker tried to know. “Are you fine?” his voice was a whisper, what he thanked; he didn’t need anyone else knowing his actual mood.

“Yes, go away” he didn’t raise his head from the paper, but could feel how Huang walked away. At that moment, Xiao Zhan didn’t want to wonder why he had just behaved like that when the previous day, he had been threatening him with breaking his marriage. That would only make him lose more time and he was horribly lacking it. His hands worked as fast as possible, but his eyes looked at the clock and he knew it was impossible to end it on time, mostly because his headache was being stronger and his fingers mistook the keys several times due to the shakiness he was suffering since yesterday.

Nothing was helping him and the pressure of messing his work once more was overcoming him. His thumb dried his eyes in a fast move to continue the graphic quickly. His eyes already were confusing the numbers and he had to check it over and over again. When he wanted to notice the hour, everyone was already standing up to enjoy their lunch. Xiao Zhan tried to go faster, but he knew he needed at least another hour to finish it properly. However, knowing that was going to happen, Yibo called him to deliver the graphic in his office. He breathed deeply before standing up and walking up to the desk of his boss with his empty hands. His knees couldn’t already hold up his body anymore and slightly one of his hands leaned on one chair’s back. Xiao Zhan didn’t say a word, he wanted him to talk, to hear his excuses, to make fun of him because he knew since the first moment it wasn’t feasible. And that was truly hurting him; how Yibo was enjoying all of that. He wondered why after how he had treated him. Why?

“I'm sorry, the graphic is not ready, but if you gave me one hour more, I would-“

“I never thought you could be so useless” his words cut off not only him, but also his breath and heartbeat. Yibo stood up to walk around him. “You take all of that time to end a simple contract and also you do such a shit. Now I ask you to end a simple graphic and are you telling me you need more time?!” he shouted at him once more, close to him. His head wanted to burst, but what was worse, he couldn’t breathe properly, the oxygen refused to get inside his lungs. It was like his body was completely paralyzed. “You are so useless that now I understand why your wife is cheating on you, having such a husband has to be difficult” he chuckled despicable. Xiao Zhan wasn’t even blinking not to shed all the water in his eyes. Then, he felt him so close to his ear. “I bet she only wants you for fucking” Xiao Zhan couldn’t anymore and raised his gaze to look at him, wanting to kill him. But what a mistake, because the tears fell so easily that he ran to dry them with a trembling hand. “Go to work, useless crybaby. I want that graphic in thirty minutes or you will be fired, okay?” he said despicably and the employee wanted to reply, he wanted to send him to hell, to shout at him and say how much he hated him, but the knot in his throat didn’t allow him even breathe.

So he just turned around, not having any point of support for his body and his legs only dragged his feet as he could. Once his knees failed, his hands grabbed the door strongly, feeling he was going to faint. His eyes couldn’t see already, his ears could only hear Yibo's question as if he was inside the ocean. “Xiao Zhan, are you okay?” why was he worrying about him now? What the fuck was wrong with him? He didn’t reply, mostly because he couldn’t, and he caught the door handle to open it and try to get out. But as what he was guessing, his body lost all its strength, his eyes refused to see anymore, and his hands dropped the doorframe to feel how he was falling in the nowhere. The last thing he could remember was a strong hit against the floor and a shout. “Xiao Zhan!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For fics updates, you can follow me on Twitter:: @W1Bo_


	4. Medical Progress

His mind was a mess, only shouts and lights covered his senses. He felt someone carrying him, but he had no strength to open his eyes or try to move. Was he dead? He was so disoriented, feeling something so cold on his back. Then everything was moving around him, a strong noise didn’t stop sounding over and over again. The only thing he could remember nicely was a gentle hand catching his constantly. It was warm and soft. But at some point, he didn’t feel it again. What was more, his sleepiness became harder and harder until every sense of his body was completely annulled. That was scary, but he couldn’t feel anything. It was impossible to react to anything. And he wondered if he was going to wake up.

*****

A strong light was hitting his eyes and that made opening them even harder. His head moved from one side to another, feeling no strength on his neck, but even like that he wanted to look around and discover where he was. His hands found soft sheets covering him and a fluffy pillow under his head. Was he in a bed? Maybe had all of that been a dream? He rejected the idea when his eyes could focus on something, white walls, white ceiling with fluorescent lights lighting the room. A desperate woman by his side, her face was so worried. Li? Was she his wife? Why was she there? His hand tried to catch hers, feel comforted by her because he was horribly scared, but she only stood up and started to shout.

“Thanks God you have woken up! Do you know the scare you gave me?! Don't do this again, do you hear me?!” his head wanted to burst so badly that he closed his eyes tightly, realizing once more how he couldn’t breathe properly. His ears could hear a constant whistle and how it fastened. It was coming again, that pressure on his chest, that desire to cry. Suddenly, he felt someone putting an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and he tried to breathe slower. Then, he opened his eyes to thank his wife, but against all odds, he was taken aback by that man once more. Yibo was there, looking at him with worried eyes, full of sadness maybe, he wasn’t wearing his contact lens. And he realized that his wife was beside the man with whom he had cheated on her. However, he had no more strength to worry. He only wanted to die at that moment and stop that suffering inside of him.

“Look, dear, I have to go to a yoga session now, I will be back in a few hours, Boss Wang told me it was fine for him to be here with you, so you won't be alone until I come back, okay?” his wife spoke to him like if she was in a hurry; Xiao Zhan wanted to complain, but the mask and his throat being totally dry made it impossible. So he only saw how she went outside of the room and let him be alone in that situation. Slowly, Yibo went out again and the sick man wondered why he had gone away too. It wasn’t like he wanted him near, not after what he had told him the last time he was conscious, but he was so scared of living that again that he couldn’t bear being alone.

Luckily, Yibo came back followed by a doctor, who approached and started to examine his eyes with a little lantern, the panel that was monitoring his blood pressure and pulse, and he requested him to sit so he would be able to hear his heartbeat to discard a possibly heart problem, so he turned the machine off finally. Xiao Zhan raised an arm to remove the mask, but he was completely tired and it was so difficult to move. Then, without a doubt, Yibo stopped a nurse from helping him and even if the employee shook his head, his boss approached him by the other side of the bed to sit and grab him by his armpits. In the moment he could, Xiao Zhan's hands grabbed his shoulders not to fall and allow the doctor to make his work. He sighed before starting to breathe regularly and be silent while he was hearing his heart from his back. Bit by bit, his neck started to be unable to keep his head and he rested it against Yibo's temple. He was smelling his perfume mixed with his natural scent and he thought he was going to fall asleep abruptly. However, the doctor finished and he was placed on the pillow again by a gentle Yibo.

Then, the doctor raised his hospital gown, leaving the sheets until his abdominals to hear it now over his torso. He kept long time on it and Xiao Zhan could see how his boss crossed his arms and waited impatiently while observing every point of the room. But him. He wondered why. It was impossible that he would regret what he had done, so maybe he was just being bothered by that and only wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Xiao Zhan curved one edge of his lips hating that idea, but it was the truth. No matter how it hurt. Then, the doctor finished and reported no strange noises. But even like that, he would keep the rest of the day until the next one in observation. Before leaving, the doctor asked him if there could be something which was stressing him lately. “That would help us a lot to determine the cause of your sudden faint” his hands were holding a pen and a notebook so there was no other way.

“I-“ when he tried to talk, his throat seemed as breaking and the man there asked for water. Luckily, Yibo had one in his bag so he approached and held his head while his lips reached the bottle and the water finally came into his mouth. He drank plenty of it, feeling how it crossed his being. Meanwhile, Xiao Zhan rested a hand over Yibo's to control it and stop when he didn’t want more. Their gazes found each other for first time and their hands kept together until his boss left his head on the pillow again. Then, he tried once more. “I’ve been… truly busy with work…” he spoke with a husky voice. The doctor only frowned.

“Only that?” he sighed, he had no other option.

“I have a lot of pressure in my job… since the new boss came” he spoke like if Yibo wasn’t there. “He’s just treating me like shit” he showed how frustrating it was and the doctor nodded.

“I wonder when bosses will learn how to teach his employees properly…” the doctor thought of loud before sighing and let him continue.

“Also, since a few days… I have arguments and problems with my wife…” he added. Xiao Zhan could see how the doctor glanced at Yibo, raised his eyebrows and kept writing without a word. “I think I wasn’t sleeping well… because yesterday I fell asleep while driving… and almost had a car accident against a truck…” he confessed, glancing at how his boss widened his eyes, was he truly worried?

“That's so bad, you shouldn’t drive in this condition” his doctor scolded him and Xiao Zhan only nodded, knowing he had reason. “Anything else?”

He doubted if he should continue, but his boss was there and he didn’t need to hear his problems. “No…” he finished his confession and the doctor nodded. He said he would come back in a few hours to see how he was progressing, if something happened, they could call the nurses. But then, before leaving, the doctor turned around.

“And you? Are you his relative?” he asked while frowning and Yibo finally talked.

“Yes” he said. Xiao Zhan widened his eyes, what was he saying? “I’m his brother” he lied to the doctor, and before the sick man could reply, one of his hand rubbed his hair sweetly. He loved that sudden act, so much he forgot the rest.

The doctor nodded and relaxed his face as if everything was fixed now and got out of the room. In the moment the door was closed, Xiao Zhan couldn’t keep the question inside of him. “Why did you say that?” his voice broke at the end because his throat was dry again and Yibo sat once more to open the bottle and approached it to his lips slowly. This time, Xiao Zhan only touched the plastic and didn’t look at him. “Thank you…” no matter what he had done that morning, he was truly treating him so well actually.

“He was already looking at us oddly so I just avoided more problems for you…” his voice felt as sad, so sad and regretful. The employee looked at the other side of the room to be able to ask why finally. To be brave enough to hear the answers for his questions.

“Why did you kiss me? Why did you touch me in the elevator? And why did you treat me as scum after, but now you're so nice?” they came out suddenly, even leaving himself surprised by how straight he had just been, but he couldn’t anymore. That situation with Yibo was breaking his sanity. However, his boss only approached more and caught his hand. That warm returned to him. He remembered it while he was fainted. It was the same feeling. Why would he catch his hand?

“I need to go for a while, okay? I will return soon, sleep a bit” Yibo rubbed his hand a few seconds more and without looking at him, he stood up, dropping his hand, and walked to the door. He exited the room without looking back and Xiao Zhan wondered why he went away that sudden. Being more stubborn than him, he tried to sit on the bed and approached a wheelchair near him. He didn’t know how he could sit on it and started to move, feeling his arms completely dead even before reaching the door. He got out and saw how he was waiting for the elevator at the end of the hallway. It was empty so he could move at his rhythm easily. When he reached the elevator, he saw the number of the floor when it stopped and caught the other one. He was decided to follow him. No matter what.

The elevator was opened and his eyes found another exact hallway full of doors. It was empty, less for a man who was still in front of a room. Why? He moved slowly, not to be noticed, and suddenly, he came in. Xiao Zhan worked hard to reach it quickly. He was sweating and so tired, but finally he was in front of a door a bit opened and his hand grabbed the handle to push it and be able to come in. He never expected what he found inside. Yibo was in front of a sleepy man in a bed while crying hard without apparent reason and completely shocked by finding him on the threshold.

“What are you doing here?!” his hands wiped quickly his cheeks and approached him in a hurry. No matter if he was in the middle, Xiao Zhan moved the wheelchair until coming in and making him set aside not to be hurt. Yibo stopped him from going further, but the employee was already watching that man better. He had brown, long hair, thick lips and seemed as dead if it wasn’t by the machine showing his weak heartbeat. He could know that person wasn’t just resting for a while.

“Is he in a coma?” Xiao Zhan asked with a weak voice, but he only felt how someone was pulling from his wheelchair by behind. He was fed up and put the block on the wheel so it wouldn’t be possible to be moved anymore. Yibo sighed deeply and surrounded it to be in front of him; he kneeled on the floor to look at him better, his eyes being watery.

“Let's return to your room, you need it” his hand caressed his cheek and Xiao Zhan melted at that moment. There was no other option, right? He was too tired to fight, so he opened the block and let him get out of that room. 520. His boss walked slowly, it was so nice to be carried by him, there was no rush to reach the room. So he took advantage of it.

“Why don't you answer me to any question?” he was bothered by that fact, so much he continued doing more.

“Because you do too many”

“That's because you don't tell me anything” his reply came out as fast as his mind could react. What was that chat? Suddenly, they stopped in the middle of the hallway and he felt a hand surrounding his chin, then it pushed it upwards until being able to see how Yibo approached and left a soft kiss on his lips. His upper one was trapped by two thick ones a few seconds, what were the best of his day. But at the moment it was broken, they two returned to the normal, embarrassing situation. Xiao Zhan wondered why that kiss now, why he kept doing those things no matter what. It was troublesome for him as long as he had a wife. But… if he hadn’t a wife, what would he do? Xiao Zhan touched his own shoulder, and slowly he searched for the handlebar, where Yibo's hand was placed. He caught it shyly, lowering his head because of his hard-flushed cheeks. Then, they arrived to the elevator and his boss had to approach to push the button, but surprisingly, their hands never let each other go away. Xiao Zhan wondered why.

When he wanted to notice it, Yibo was intertwining their fingers and he couldn’t hide his smile. Why? Why was he seeming as a stupid teenager? Mostly after what had happened between them, those words, that attitude, he was just his puppet. And by thinking that, his happiness disappeared. They waited patiently in the elevator until they could continue that slow path. Xiao Zhan became really gloomy just in some seconds. His puppet… He decided to set his hand away and keep them both on his thighs. Why was it hurting? He couldn’t understand why everything Yibo did hurt him that much.

Finally, they reached the room and his boss approached the wheelchair to the bed. Xiao Zhan was supposed to do it alone, but without expecting it, Yibo slipped his arms around his torso gently to catch him. He, surprised by that, only hugged his neck, letting him do up to leaving him sitting over the soft mattress. However, when the time to break that contact arrived, he felt unable to. He was wondering how many times he had needed a hug since he had been on his limit. Just a hug. And he hadn’t had anyone to get one. So he just stayed like that, needing it as breathing, and again without words, Yibo seemed as understanding him, because he sat on the bed to hug him tighter. After that fact, Xiao Zhan couldn’t handle anymore that weeping, that had been there since the other day. It looked that the only thing he had needed all this time was a hug and crying. How could a human end up like that if he didn’t have such a thing? Yibo separated a bit to look at him, their noses touching, but he couldn’t stop crying. Xiao Zhan was biting his lower lip, feeling unable to stop, feeling so useless again as his boss had well said. And that made him cry harder and rest his forehead on his shoulder. Slowly, a hand was rubbing his back and he felt a soft kiss on his hair. He couldn’t anymore, why?

“Why do you do all of this now?” his voice was a soft whisper he knew he had heard perfectly. Then, the hug was broken and Xiao Zhan was afraid that, because of the question, Yibo would become distant again, but luckily he only searched for a handkerchief and cleaned his nose as if he was a kid. The employee caught his hand to make him stop, but after all, he only let him do it, just catching his hand. When he ended, Yibo left it on the table beside the bed and wiped his eyes with his own thumbs, caressing his both cheeks at the end. “Just tell me why” he begged again. Why was he taking so much time to answer?

“I’m sorry about what I said this morning. And last night, how I treated you. In reality, I don't think you're useless, I was just angry trying to compete with you because your comments...” he sighed. “And I couldn’t think that I was hurting you… Creating problems about ending up drunk, taking you to my home, doing… those things to you…” his voice was soft and regretful. He had never seen Yibo as sincere as at that moment. But even like that he still had answered to nothing. “When I saw you fainting so suddenly, I…” his head was shaken, looking down for a few seconds. Xiao Zhan only raised his hand to touch his chest and he felt his heart pounding hard in it. He only approached and, hating himself for being that weak with him without knowing why, he caught his chin and kissed his lips sweetly. He trapped his upper lip over and over again, doing a little sound at the end of each kiss. Yibo tilted his head until deepening it a bit more, sucking the zone where his mole was, and Xiao Zhan only grabbed his nape, feeling how they both were lowering their bodies to lie down together, his boss being on top of him.

The latter broke it to play with their noses slowly and smirked suddenly. Was he volatile? “Why do you kiss me then?” he asked and Xiao Zhan understood his boss had just done the same thing he did during the time they were alone in his house. He found himself so lost, why did he do that? He didn’t know, it was just an impulse, an unexplainable desire, a hard attraction. But he didn’t want to say that.

“I told you, it's a mistake” he muttered lowering his gaze. His eyes only returned to Yibo when he sat again and he felt disappointed for having such distance between them.

“So this has been another mistake, right?” his voice, instead of sad or bothered, was sounding truly amused. What was the joke?

“Exactly” he frowned, trying to sit a bit not to be completely lying down, but the pillow didn’t want to move. He was struggling with it when Yibo approached him to place it correctly and the employee only smelled his scent once more. Why was it relaxing him so easily?

“Then, why do you keep doing mistakes?” his boss didn’t return to his original place, but kept as close as they were when placing the pillow. Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip, being nervous.

“Do you like those mistakes?” his question wasn’t a reply for his answer, but it was a nice way to avoid it, avoid to destroy the only excuse that made him go on with that craziness.

“I…” he kissed his cheek. “…truly…” then, his nose. “…love…” then, his commissure. “…all your mistakes…” he finished the sentence so close to his lips. Xiao Zhan was going to kiss him, when someone opened the door and Yibo reacted like placing his pillow better and separating like if nothing was happening. The employee was just wishing it wasn’t his wife, and then, his eyes met the nurse's ones. He sighed relieved. The poor woman kept looking at them weirdly, yet she continued his job.

“Your doctor asked me to control your pulse again” she explained briefly and tried to raise his gown, but Xiao Zhan ended the work covering his belly with the sheets. The nurse started to put circles on his torso, almost on the same marks as the last time, and turned the machine on again. She bowed and came out of the room silently. Yibo approached with a moody face and uncovered his body with the sheets. The sick man caught them strongly, though.

“What's wrong with you?” he asked, trying to seem only shocked, but the machine was showing his heart going faster. Yibo raised his eyebrows and dropped them. Xiao Zhan placed them carefully and tried to relax. It was difficult though, hearing constantly how fast it went.

“Do you wear something under the gown?” his boss asked disturbed, pointing it to remark it better. Xiao Zhan raised his both eyebrows and chuckled. Was he jealous or just curious? He would check it out quickly.

“I have nothing” he lied with a poker face and Yibo sighed, like if he was controlling his emotions. But just like a bomb, he burst.

“And why weren't you more careful? What would have happened if she had seen more than she should?” he asked with a husky voice. Xiao Zhan was struggling with handling his laugh and slowly, he lowered the sheets.

“Check out how much you can see by yourself” he offered before showing a slight smile. Yibo ran to raise it to discover an underwear. The employee laughed hard at that moment, knowing that he was jealous by a nurse. Why should he be jealous? They were nothing. His laugh stopped abruptly and his eyes stared at his boss, who seemed out of place. “I’m sorry, but you were being really cute” he pouted after ending and Yibo glanced at him several times and sat by his side. He wondered why. Suddenly, his boss rested a hand on his thigh and took it to the inner part of it. Xiao Zhan tried to stop it, being afraid that someone would enter and mistake the situation, even if it wouldn’t be so wrong after all.

His hand got closer to the underwear dangerously and the machine whistled faster. Xiao Zhan didn’t know what to do, he was being betrayed by his own heartbeat, showing the effect that man had in him, and he only sat to catch the hand. “Stop this” he was glancing at the door constantly, but at the same time, he didn’t want to let Yibo without an eye over him and his naughty hand, what was still trying to play. Xiao Zhan sighed deeply, his patience running out fast. “Please” that word was the last between them before Yibo removed it and covered his body with the gown and the sheets. After that, an uncomfortable silence appeared; there was nothing to say or to talk, well actually, there was, but no one seemed willing to do it.

Then, Yibo stood up to approach a chair to the bed and sit on it. Xiao Zhan was going to say he was fine on the bed when his boss started first. “Can I sleep here?” he questioned out of place. The employee felt truly bad for making him stay by his side because his unashamed wife preferred to go to a stupid yoga session instead of taking care of her husband.

“You can sleep in your house. Really, it's getting late, don't worry about me” he was fine there, he had his doctor and nurses, but what was more, he was feeling already better. There was nothing to be worried about. Also, he was just his boss, why would he have to keep there?

“I worry about you. If nobody _else_ is willing to take care of you, I will” his voice was decisive and his eyes were spreading sincerity all over the room. Xiao Zhan could feel the remark on that last sentence regarding his wife and he couldn’t defend her, mostly because he was angry with her. But spite of what had happened between Yibo and he, the latter was just feeling grateful with him. For staying there, taking care of him and seeming so willing to help him with anything. He would love to have someone as him by his side…

“Thanks…” he whispered, a bit flushed for that strange _confession_. And suddenly, that man got so close once again. A part of him was still thinking that cheating on his wife was horrible, but after seeing who truly worried about him, his hand caressed his cheek and Yibo kissed his lips tenderly. That warmth returning to him was so relieving that he tightened his hand around his nape to make it last longer than planned. Xiao Zhan bit his own lower lip when his boss separated a bit and the latter smiled slightly.

“Then, can I?” he asked again, returning to the main point. The sick man nodded without speaking a word and Yibo sighed before crossing his arms on the edge of the bed and rested his head on them to close his eyes. Xiao Zhan observed how handsome he was, how he couldn’t set his eyes aside from him. And shyly, his hand approached his hair to rub it slowly. It was so soft that he couldn’t help but smile sweetly. He was like a kid. “Why don't you sleep a while too?” Yibo said suddenly, scaring the employee until the point of removing his hand. Knowing that it would be the best, completely flushed, he closed his eyes to rest a while together with him.

However, no matter how hard he tried to forget everything, his mind couldn’t stop a single moment. Xiao Zhan truly wanted to sleep, his head was still hurting, but he was unable, what was more, he was getting nervous about it. Feeling bored, he looked at the clock and he saw it was really late. For sure his wife wouldn’t come already. Was this how she cared about him? It was disappointing, being married with someone who showed that concern. He had always been with her, no matter how bad or how busy he was, she had always been the most important thing. Nevertheless, it wasn’t reciprocal.

Breaking his thoughts, the door was opened and a nurse came in with a tray on her hands. Xiao Zhan put a finger on his lips to indicate her to be quiet and she nodded with a shy smile. The nurse left the tray with his dinner on a moving table he had and he bowed politely. However, she approached a bit more. “I'm sorry, but the visiting schedule has already finished” she whispered. Even if she didn’t say it, that meant that Yibo had to go and a part of him refused to be alone, or better said, to be without him.

“He has just fallen asleep after a horrible day, just let him sleep a while more” he excused him and the nurse seemed troubled. He felt bad for her, but he needed Yibo by his side. “Please, he will go when he will wake up” he continued his arguments for keeping him there and the nurse sighed.

“Okay, but don't make any noise” she said and started to remove again those circles on his torso. “You will be able to sleep better, the doctor believes it’s the only thing you need” she continued whispering. Xiao Zhan felt relieved that it was only that and thanked her for her work before seeing how she closed the door slowly. He approached the moving table with the tray and the food. It was from a hospital so he didn’t expect the best dishes. Just a soup with an egg, boiled rice and vegetables and a banana were in front of him, but it seemed a lot for just him. His stomach was still upside down so he wasn’t hungry at all. Instinctively, his eyes glanced at Yibo and decided to ask him if he wanted something. His hand rubbed slowly his hair while saying his name twice. That man started to open his eyes disoriented.

“Are you hungry?” his voice was sweet and Yibo smiled happily without a reason. His boss took a look at the tray and without asking, he took the banana. Xiao Zhan was amused because he wanted it too.

“And if I want a piece?” he chuckled. His boss raised a bit the already-opened banana and he bit it to start to chew it.

“Don't worry, you will have more banana” he spoke naughtily and Xiao Zhan closed his eyes completely ashamed, he was flushed, his ears so reddish. The employee could only hit his arm while laughing along with his boss.

“Stupid” he muttered while starting his soup slowly. Why were they playing like that so suddenly? What was more, why was he enjoying it? It was really funny and interesting to do, no matter if he was being that embarrassed at that moment. He liked how they both smiled when their eyes crashed. Or how they continued fighting for the food. But knowing it was just a game, Yibo left the half of the banana on the tray and Xiao Zhan gave him the remaining rice he didn’t want. Like that, both could enjoy a dinner together, another shared dinner between them. Maybe being in a hospital wasn’t that bad.

Then, when he moved after ending his part, he felt a hard pressure on his belly, he needed to go to the bathroom urgently. He removed the sheets to stand up, but Yibo was faster and caught his arm. “Where are you going?” he asked worried, leaving the bowl of rice on the table. Xiao Zban felt embarrassed of that, but he knew he wouldn’t let him go if he didn’t tell him.

“I need to go to the toilet” he confessed while turning around to get his slippers. He was feeling much better so it was sure he would be able to walk properly already.

“Wait I will help you” Yibo cleaned his hands and stood up to approach him. However, Xiao Zhan was more stubborn and continued without him.

“No, no, it's fine-“ at the time he tried to make a single step, his knees lost all their strength and he fell once more. Luckily, Yibo ran to catch him before hurting himself. Why? He wondered why he couldn’t walk yet. Why he was so scared now. So much he only hugged his boss better, feeling secure in those arms around his torso. Their bodies were completely fixed, so Xiao Zhan tried to separate them a bit to stop feeling _everything_ against _everything_. But the few centimeters he got were only to look at each other and search for their lips desperately. That was insane, that feeling inside of him was unbearable, he couldn’t control it at all. His arms were wrapped around his neck tightly while his butt was being stroked suddenly by a soft hand. During all that game of touches, their lips continued sucking each other and licking the inner part of their mouths without caring anything else. Xiao Zhan was the first one who was searching for more when his hand caught his hair and carried his head to his neck. Yibo didn’t doubt it for a second. His mouth devoured his skin and little gasps left his throat.

Suddenly, the door was opened and both stopped to look at it. Their faces were pale, but no more than the nurse's one. They set each other aside, Xiao Zhan sitting on the bed and Yibo only leaned on the wall beside the window, looking at the floor. The nurse only pointed at the tray. “I came to take it” she explained embarrassed and the employee looked at it, watching how there was still food on it. Maybe Yibo wanted to end it so he lied.

“I’ve not finished it yet, may you come back in fifteen minutes?” he asked politely, but also flushed. She nodded and kept staring at his boss.

“Excuse me, the visiting schedule has ended, didn’t your…” she stopped there, not knowing how to call him. “Didn’t he tell you?” she opted the easiest way and Yibo frowned while staring at him. He pouted and changed the sight to that beautiful city through the window.

“Yes, but I want to keep here” Yibo approached her with a smirk and the nurse tried to reject that idea; Xiao Zhan could see how out of place that woman was feeling. “Maybe you will get it easier like this” his boss muttered and got ¥100 from his pocket. Both Xiao Zhan and the nurse widened their eyes immediately. The employee only wanted to kill and kick him out of his room as hard as possible, but suddenly, he wondered why he was trying so hard to stay. Did he want to stay?

“I’m so sorry, but I won't accept that, so if you're so nice to leave…” she said with a kind voice, something surprising for the patient; if he were the nurse, he would punch him on his face.

“Look, I'm friend of Zhao Tengfei, the CEO of this hospital, I wouldn’t like to disturb him at this hour just because one of his employees doesn’t allow one of his friends to keep beside… his brother” Yibo spoke with a low voice and the nurse bowed in a hurry.

“I didn’t know that, sir. My most sincere apologies. I will come back in a while for the tray” she bowed nervously and troubled, getting out of the room quickly. Yibo only turned around with a triumphant smile, however it disappeared when he found Xiao Zhan looking at him with disgusted eyes.

“Are you truly friend of that person?” he asked him, observing how his boss approached the bed to sit and continue eating the rice with the few remaining vegetables. Xiao Zhan got fed up and snatched the bowl away from his hands.

“Hey, you” he got bothered and caught it again. “I omitted the detail that Zhao Tengfei's friend is my father, but see? Everything is fine” he chuckled a bit while chewing and swallowing the food. He was eating so carelessly that he ended up with rice on his chin. Xiao Zhan approached his hand to take it and eat it as long as he didn’t know what to do with it. Yibo raised his eyebrows and smirked.

“And what was that about me being your brother?” Xiao Zhan asked bothered. His boss kept that stupid face of his.

“Do you prefer _lovers_?” he smiled naughtily and Xiao Zhan flushed instantly.

“Of course no! Don't be stupid!” he was so disturbed, but not with Yibo, just in part for teasing him so much; he was truly bothered by himself, by kissing him and liking it, by hugging him and enjoying it, by glancing at him and desiring more. So the lack of meaning in _brothers_ and the truth behind _lovers_ had just scared him so much to even make him be gloomy hastily. Because he didn’t know what to do. Even if the question was so simple to answer, he couldn’t believe it yet.

Then, he remembered he needed to go to the toilet and without asking help, he stood up once more, leaning on the wall. His legs worked much better, he felt more secure and he could make even normal steps by his own. Nevertheless, he found a person by his side, grabbing his arm just in case he would fall and Xiao Zhan kept staring at him. Why would he do that? Why would he stay by his side that easily? He couldn’t understand it, he couldn’t understand how finally he wasn’t afraid of falling. And just because he knew that he would catch him if that happened. Xiao Zhan searched for his hand to intertwine their fingers and glanced at him shyly, discovering a pair of eyes on him. Gulping nervously, he continued walking until the bathroom and closed the door so Yibo would remain outside. After using it, he moved his legs a bit, grabbed to the edge of the sink, maybe it was just a transient debility after that collapse. He would be fine. He was sure of that.

His hand caught the handle to open the door and find Yibo there, waiting for him patiently and he couldn’t help but smile slightly when his hands gripped his forearms to support him. Xiao Zhan improved in his steps, doing them already normally, but even like that, instead of approaching the bed, he got closer to his boss, their foreheads resting on each other. Yibo ended up being weak and hugging his waist, his both hands touching his back as much as they could. The employee didn’t know why again, but those lips called him; his mind refused to believe again which was the option he was going to choose once more. He wondered why his fingertips liked too much touching his soft skin through his cheek, through his neck; how his thumb drew the shape of his lower lip slowly. Yibo only kept still, not kissing him, not trying it, just followed all his moves without a clear answer. Finally, Xiao Zhan took the decision to cover his nape with both hands and put his lips on Yibo's hastily. His boss was taken aback by that fast move, but he didn’t reject neither him nor that kiss, what became harder and deeper after a few seconds. That seemed the paradise for him, a place to feel secure and relaxed, enjoying the company of someone. But sooner than he expected, Yibo stopped him, keeping their lips almost rubbing.

“Are you sure?” his boss tried to make him reason, to make him think about what he was doing. He was worrying about his future, probably about what the next day would be for him if his wife discovered what he had done, how his life would be destroyed, his status on that society, his appearance of perfect husband. Was Yibo worth it? Was losing all of that worth it just because of having him? Being able to go further without feeling bad or creating problems… He didn’t know. He truly didn’t know what would happen if he continued cheating on his wife, if he chose his boss, if he accepted his new, confusing feelings, if he decided to risk everything just because Yibo had become his whim to enjoy when the things with his wife didn’t work. And he realized how unfair it was for his boss. How he felt as playing with both at the same time. Could he be a worse person? Could he hurt them more?

“I’m sorry” those words were the only ones he could speak before letting two tears fell. Yibo separated a bit to dry them and pecked his lips.

“It's fine, I'm here” he replied sweetly and Xiao Zhan's heart felt as dying into happiness. Why? Why did he have to be that happy beside him? Why did he let him approach the bed and lie down on the mattress with him? Why did he rest his head over his shoulder? Why did he like it so much? So much that his heart was pounding, that his weeping stopped, that he felt asleep in those arms. No matter how hot it was, he wanted to keep there; no matter where they were, he didn’t care; no matter who they were, he needed to forget. Just forget and sleep with him.


	5. Found Feelings

Xiao Zhan had been awake already for a while, his eyes only observed how cute Yibo was under his body. Even if they could be together in the same bed without even touching, he had slept the whole night over him. His whims about Yibo started to be really evident and cheeky, but his boss accepting so willing and pleased didn’t help him to stop with that attitude, so he just continued enjoying that man all he needed. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel bad for the situation he was making him live, but at the same time, Yibo seemed as preferring it before being just simple boss and employee. He wouldn’t have stayed here, he wouldn’t have kissed him like that, he wouldn’t have been teasing him and saying those things otherwise. So somehow Xiao Zhan only followed his game because he liked it, he loved it. He loved placing his head on his shoulder to smell his neck or feeling two arms around his torso. It was addictive, so much he couldn’t stop, no matter if he had a wife or if he was cheating on her. He was caring each day less every time his wife gave him another reason to focus on other person, to search for love in other person. Actually, he wasn’t exculpating himself from the guilt of being playing with two at the same time, but maybe he wasn’t the completely mean one there.

Slowly, he decided to stand up and walk a bit around the room, his legs continued being a bit weak and he wanted to recover completely as soon as possible. So leaning on the wall, he began to walk, trying to seem normal, doing simple steps, and he was feeling secure with his legs already, he had no type of problem to walk already. Xiao Zhan looked at the bed, excited to wake him up and tell him that he was able to walk perfectly. But he decided to go to the toilet first and wash his face a bit, also his hair because it was starting to be hotter. When he was drying his hands, he heard voices outside of the room.

“What are you doing asleep in my husband's bed?” that voice he knew so well was talking with Yibo. Xiao Zhan panicked and hurried up to get out and find his boss woken up with his wife in front of him and her typical expression of annoyance. “C’mon, stand up and get out of here, I want to talk with my husband” she talked to his boss so rudely that Xiao Zhan frowned truly disturbed with her. Yibo stood up and opened his mouth to say something, but the employee's anger towards her was faster.

“He’s been sleeping in my bed because he hasn’t moved from my room since I entered the hospital, not like others who prefer to lie and go to stupid yoga sessions” Xiao Zhan sat on the bed because he felt bad again. That pressure on his chest was coming back. Yibo immediately placed a hand on his shoulder to see if he was okay. He needed to breathe deeply and everything would go smoothly. So he just did that, sighing at the end and turning around to face her.

“After it, I had to take care of a house. If you took care of yourself more, we wouldn’t have these problems now” she reproached him and Xiao Zhan looked at her so hurt. How dare she?

“Oh, I'm sorry for being a burden, just go away if I disturb you so much” his voice was so severe and he stood up to face her closely. His hand caught that bag she was carrying to open it and see she had brought him clean clothes. It was perfect for that day because his doctor would allow him to return home at the afternoon. So he just left it on a corner and kept staring at her.

“Don’t say that, you know it's not true” Li approached her husband to place his hand on his torso. “I have to go again, but just let me know when you will leave the hospital so I will take you home” she smiled and kissed his lips softly. Xiao Zhan didn’t close his eyes and broke it as soon as possible, knowing that Yibo was observing them. His chest was empty when she touched him so he made a step backwards.

“I don't know it yet” he lied to her. “Maybe tomorrow” he gained time, planning something with his boss mentally. He hoped the latter would like it. Xiao Zhan glanced at both quickly, the woman only nodded and the man widened his eyes. The employee gulped, trying to end that situation as soon as possible.

“Well, call me with an hour and I will come, okay?” his wife approached him again and left another peck on his lips. He wondered why she was so affective that day so suddenly; he was disliking it, especially in front of Yibo, who remained glancing at them out of place. So at the moment Li said goodbye and closed the door, Xiao Zhan approached his boss. He was scared of being rejected, after all he was playing with both at the same time, and not being wrong, Yibo only surrounded him to go to the bathroom and shut him inside. He only sighed, knowing that this was unbearable, that he had to find a solution, a way to make it work. But how could he do it?

“Why did you lie to her?” his boss scared him from behind because he had kept himself absorbed by his thoughts. He only approached him, looking down due to the embarrassment of his idea, but he said it.

“I want to spend the whole day with you” he blinked and finally, looked at him straight. Yes, that was another whim he wanted from Yibo, a whole day by his side. However, he didn’t want a no, he couldn’t hear a no. So when he saw how Yibo shook his head as rejecting the idea, he pouted cutely and approached his ear. “I will let you do anything” what had he just said? Why had he said that? He wanted nothing like that, he only searched for company; he was scared of being alone. Thus, Xiao Zhan lowered his head to search for his neck and kissed it a few times, until Yibo caught him to stop. He seemed really lost about what to say, his eyebrows were frowned and his lips being bitten revealed the dilemma inside of him. The employee saw him so troubled that felt so bad for being so selfish and unfair. His body did a step backwards and he gave up. He wouldn’t force anyone to do something.

Yibo didn’t move, what was more, Xiao Zhan was the one who muttered an apology and sat on the bed confused. What was he? A stupid, spoiled kid? He was old enough to know where the limits were. He was ashamed of himself and his behaviour… It was so disappointing to see how he, the man who was always helping anyone, was treating his wife and boss like that. What was wrong with him lately? Which was the problem? What had happened to make him be like that? He sighed, brushing his hair with a hand.

_Xiao Zhan, what are you aiming for in your life?_

He asked himself mentally, over and over again, trying to search for the answer. He was finding one, but refused to admit it. It had to be impossible. He was just so screwed up that he raised his gaze to find Yibo in front of him and ask him with his eyes for the answer, the correct one. His boss only squatted down, taking one of his hands to his left cheek, and Xiao Zhan couldn’t stop him from approaching, leaning his other hand on the edge of the bed, and kissing his lips softly. He needed that. He needed to feel him again like that. It was like fresh air to breathe. The purest creature filling his soul with a strange feeling he couldn’t describe. Then, it was finished and Yibo stood up, with a pouting Xiao Zhan asking for more with his gaze. His boss only touched his nose with his index finger sweetly and smiled slightly.

Breaking the moment, what was truly hated by Xiao Zhan, the doctor entered the room with a smile. He approached the patient, watching how Yibo did a step backwards relaxed, and stared at the young man. “How are you today?” he asked with a positive voice.

“I’m fine, I'm like always” he said briefly, not knowing how to explain himself. The doctor laughed and took notes on the paper he always carried with him.

“Talk about your nerves, breath, tiredness” the man insisted and the employee glanced at Yibo for a second, who was observing the situation amused. What was funny?

“I’m calm, like if I had had holidays for a week” he laughed. “I could sleep so well this night so I'm full of energy and… Ah, my legs are perfect already, I can walk normally” he told him, continuing watching how Yibo was biting his lips not to smile. He wondered why so hard that he couldn’t control his. The doctor looked at both above his glasses and shook his head.

“Every test we did to you is correct, so if you're feeling well already, I'm happy to say that you're allowed to return home” he confirmed with a very good mood. “Just have you got clothes here?” Xiao Zhan nodded, remembering the bag his wife had brought. “Then, you only have to dress up and go to the reception to sign a few documents. I will leave them ready now” he informed of the step he had to follow and Xiao Zhan smiled widely, being happy about leaving the hospital finally. He stood up to shake the doctor's hand and thank him for his work. Yibo approached the doctor too to shake his hand while saying just a simple thank you, but showing two bright eyes.

“Take care of your brother more from now on” the doctor advised him naïvely and Yibo nodded at the next second.

“I will” his voice was firm. Xiao Zhan could think he was just acting, that he was just interpreting the lie he started, but he could see sincerity in those hazel eyes. The way, his boss looked at him after, didn’t show that character he had invented to be able to keep close to him; what was more, Xiao Zhan believed those words. He believed Yibo was going to take care of him. And he prayed it to be true. It was clear that lately he had even forgotten how to take care of himself, how to conduce his life already. So the last guide to follow was his boss. With his kisses and hugs, it was the only way he found what he needed, a place to belong to. Just by thinking about that, his eyes were wet when the doctor left the room. Yibo approached once more to catch his chin and make him raise his face, showing him his sad side without a doubt.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with concern in his eyes. Wasn’t he really pretending that? Was he really acting as he felt? Xiao Zhan could only wish for it. For having a person who was truly worrying about him.

“Nothing, I'm going to change” he smiled weakly and doubted if he should peck his lips. A hard tension grew up between them, he could feel it, like if both were lost about what they should do. So Xiao Zhan did the step and kissed him tenderly, just not more than three seconds, but it had been already another perfect kiss between them. Hiding his shy smile, he caught the bag and entered the bathroom to change. Luckily, his wife had given him simple clothes as a T-shirt and trousers. He felt so comfortable with them. Then, he returned to the room and a pair of eyes stared at him continuously. Yibo didn’t stop looking at him with what seemed as a surprised grimace; the employee wondered why, but he didn’t question it. He only walked to the door, being followed by a silent man, and they reached the elevator. No one spoke, even a single word, neither just the act of trying to search for a subject was made. Both kept silent until the reception where Xiao Zhan talked with the woman there. He signed every paper and left everything sorted out. He was free when his body felt the slight wind and the hot sun surrounding his being.

Suddenly, a hand caught his and Yibo pulled him until a parking near the hospital. Xiao Zhan was panicking because of their intertwined hands and could sigh relaxed when his boss dropped it. He shouldn’t have strong emotions for a few days or it would come back. Then, he took a look around him to find several cars, but also one he knew very well. His black one was in front of him. Xiao Zhan wanted to drive again, he loved driving to feel the calmness filling his soul, but when he tried to remember where he had his keys, he couldn’t recall it. Maybe they were with the rest of his stuff in the company, nevertheless, how was the car there? Hastily, he heard the sounds of keys being moved and, when he turned around, his gaze found his boss shaking them. He raised his eyebrows before approaching and taking them, but Yibo moved them faster, not letting him catch them.

“Why? It's my car” Xiao Zhan complained, trying to catch them once more, but nothing further from reality, Yibo didn’t let him. He got sulked due to his behaviour, what was he? Someone to make fun of? “Give me the keys!” his voice was loud and disturbed, however, Yibo's gaze was scary.

“What for? For ending up having a car accident as the other day?” he spat. Why was he caring about that now? It had already happened and he was fine, that was all what mattered.

“Won’t you let me drive again then or what?” Xiao Zhan challenged him and Yibo smiled despicably. What?

“No. Get in the car” he ordered. His boss sat on the driver’s seat, not giving him a single chance to even try it. With a deep sigh, he surrounded the car to sit beside him.

“But do you even know how to drive?” he doubted as long as he didn’t have a car. Yibo only glanced at him with a bothered gaze.

“I know how to do more things than you, so stop treating me as the CEO's stupid son, please” he sounded truly bothered. Xiao Zhan only lowered his eyes, thinking that maybe he was still underestimating him just because of that fact. At last, he was only being unfair toward him.

He drove in silence, Xiao Zhan liked how he did it. Smoothly, slowly, carefully. It seemed he had truly done it in the past to be able to go so confident through the road. But also, how cool he was with those sunglasses and that focused face. Xiao Zhan only kept thinking while watching him; the path was long and he didn’t want to be so silent. A sudden confession came to his mind. Should he say it? What was more, how would Yibo react? At least, he had to try. “The day before yesterday's morning, I was having lunch on the rooftop” he started so suddenly. Yibo glanced at him for a second, but returned to the road. “Then, one of my coworkers approached me and told me that he knew what we had done in the toilets before” he confessed half of the story, but his boss was already nervous about it.

“What? Who was?” he asked in a hurry. Xiao Zhan thought that maybe it was to use his power as boss to stop him from saying anything, but he decided to continue, not answering his question.

“The main thing is that he told me he had recorded us meanwhile and threatened me to show it to my wife” he finished the whole story and sighed deeply. Since when did his life seem as an angsty drama? Actually, that sounded really stupid and surrealistic. However, he waited for his reaction.

“What the hell? Tell me who was, Xiao Zhan” he spoke his name at the end and the employee felt his heart pounding. What? Was he stupid? Was he a stupid teenager living a summer love story? He had thought that phase had been finished long time ago, but it seemed like he was being as always. Believing too much in fairy tales.

“I won't. I know he can't do it because he hasn’t got any video, I kept looking up to see if someone dared to take a look” he confessed, remembering just a few glances at the ceiling, but he had to convince him in some way.

“You kept looking at me and at our dicks” Yibo spoke without being ashamed. Xiao Zhan just avoided his gaze in a hurry.

“That’s not true!” his voice got out louder than he wished and his lie only became more evident.

“Then, you lost how mine was bigger than yours” Yibo said with a smirk. The embarrassment betrayed him completely.

“And what’s wrong with that?!” he replied without thinking, just letting his pride as man take over. His boss only smirked wider and chuckled a bit at the end.

“I was watching you the whole time, I know where you were looking at” he continued smiling already, his mood getting better for some reason. And Xiao Zhan could only look down and wait to reach his house. He checked his phone to answer a few messages he had about coworkers asking for his condition. He was glad that he had such a nice people around him. Then, he found one of Huang. Xiao Zhan frowned, even doubting if he should read it, but he didn’t want to be impolite.

**From:** Huang Tao

_Good morning. I was worried about your health since yesterday, when you collapsed in the middle of the office. Somehow, I can't stop blaming myself for what I did, thinking that maybe it has been my fault. I'm so sorry for that, I have no video, I was just lying to get your confession. I was just feeling mad at the idea you were cheating on your wife with our boss. But I have no right to get in your lives. So I won't go further in this subject. I hope you’re fine and can forgive me someday. Greetings._

Xiao Zhan sighed deeply, not knowing what to answer. Huang had always seemed like a nice guy, willing to help anyone and so innocent. He wondered why he had done that. And now he was apologizing because of his consciousness. That person couldn’t be a bad one telling that easily his plans. Or maybe Xiao Zhan was just being too naïve with people again. Once again, he didn’t want to make anyone feel bad, so he just typed an answer, sometimes doubting what he should write. After all, they were just coworkers.

**From:** Xiao Zhan

_Good evening. It's nice to receive an apology from you. Indeed, what you did wasn’t correct, but after all, I can't talk about it since I'm doing this to my wife. You only did what you thought convenient, so don't blame yourself about this. I had too much pressure on me these days, the only thing I need is taking care of myself. Although, I hope what happened the other day won't be repeated in the future. Greetings._

He pressed the sending button, not wanting to think about it too much and left the phone in his pocket. Even before ending it, his boss's voice scared him. “What were you doing?” Yibo asked, still focused on the road. Xiao Zhan frowned, wanting to know why he was so interested in it.

“Nothing important, just a few messages” he answered briefly, trying to see if he needed more information. But Yibo nodded and parked the car, turning the motor off. Then, Xiao Zhan looked up and saw the parking of the place where Yibo lived. Why were they there? The employee turned his head to look at him and the latter only got out and took the bag with him. He only followed him without a word, maybe there was a reason and he would end up sleeping in his house that night. Or maybe Yibo had only accepted his plan of spending the day together. Better said, the night.

Whatever it was, they walked silently until reaching his apartment and Yibo left his bag on the floor beside the bed. Xiao Zhan walked slowly through the living room, watching perfectly what his boss was doing. Especially when he turned around and kept still. “And what do you want to do?” his voice was a bit embarrassed, the situation was embarrassing. Xiao Zhan was as lost as Yibo, after all that whim had been an impulse of his desire towards his boss. In reality, he had a terrible dilemma now he was where he wanted. He could act as buddies or just approach him and fulfil what he had said to convince him. He knew the answer he wanted, Xiao Zhan truly knew what he wanted to happen, but he was so unsure. Did he want to ruin his life? Had he done it already? Why should he stop himself if he had already ruined his marriage? Why should he continue suffering from being unable to taste him when there was already no turning back? Not having even a single reason to control himself, Xiao Zhan stared at his boss and walked straight to him. But suddenly, Yibo did a step backwards and stopped him with a hand on his chest. The employee widened his eyes, feeling a harsh pain under that hand, what fell after.

“Why can't you stop yourself from rejecting me?” Xiao Zhan spoke without thinking, feeling deeply angry with him. His boss just frowned, seeming so lost. “It's my marriage, okay? If I don't care about ruining it, it's my fucking problem” he yelled at him without controlling his words at all. It was possible he would regret it after, but at that moment, he only wanted to be desired by that man once again. To feel needed by someone.

“Why can't you see how selfish you are?” his voice was low, painful maybe. His eyes were showing how nervous he was after his words. Just then, Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip, trying to approach once again, but his boss didn’t allow him. “And my life? My life will be ruined as the man who broke a marriage” he raised the volume with that last explanation. But the employee titled a bit his head. There was something what wasn’t fixing in that puzzle.

“Then, why do you kiss me? Why did you touch me in an elevator in front of anyone? Why did you corner me in a toilet to touch us?” Xiao Zhan ended up catching his shirt, being closer to him without Yibo separating their bodies. Slowly, after several seconds waiting, he felt a hand on his waist, being slipped inside his T-shirt. Against all odds, Yibo brought their two foreheads together, their breaths crashing hard.

“Because I can't control myself when you're close to me” he confessed with his gaze lowered. “That doesn’t mean that I don't know that I'm breaking a marriage, your life, my own life… But I-” Xiao Zhan cut his words off with a sudden kiss. He covered them hastily, trying to make him stop worrying about that because he felt the same way, completely lost about what to do, but inside of him he couldn’t stop his desire towards him. That was why his arms were wrapped around his neck while the other’s two were hugging his waist tightly. Their lips were playing so hard, their tongues meeting sometimes shyly. Just when his hand caught his hair to carry his mouth to his neck, Yibo caught his chin to obligate him to look at him. “If you are going to call this a mistake, please, stop now that it can be fixed” he muttered with a painful voice. Xiao Zhan kept on thinking about it. That couldn’t have an excuse. If he did it, he had to know what he was doing and which the cons were.

“How can I call it a mistake if it's with you?” at that moment, his mind hadn’t been what had talked, but his heart. He was just remembering the last twenty four hours and how Yibo had taken care of him more than his wife in the whole year they had been married. So, yes, after realizing who was worth it, Yibo was the only one who mattered for him. “Please, make me yours” he begged, caressing his check softly, also wondering why he had asked for that in that way, but maybe it was the truth, it was all what he desired after all. And being grateful for accepting, Xiao Zhan felt how his T-shirt was removed and found two eyes staring at him.

“I won't stop...” he warned the employee, but the latter only searched for his neck to lick and suck it while a hand was being lowered to stroke his butt strongly. His hands opened his shirt to kiss his collarbones too, feeling that perfect torso, he had desired to touch so much, under his fingertips. That seemed like a dream he had been wishing for those last days by his side. How was that even happening actually? How was he allowing Yibo to stroke his butt so hard that their crotches were being rubbed slightly? He wasn’t thinking properly. He wasn’t choosing that decision after reconsidering it several times. He was just hot and fed up with the monotony. It was like his mind needed a break from his normal life to risk a bit and feel alive. And Yibo was perfect for that. How he made him forget about his life so easily. That seemed like a miracle. Trying to focus his mind on that man, who was fixed at him, completely, he raised his head to search for his lips and let him control the situation from that moment on.

Yibo only turned the both of them around to make him fall on the bed with him on top, kissing his neck strongly. Xiao Zhan stopped him from doing it so harshly. “Don’t leave a mark, please” he had to be careful after all, no matter how he accepted to do it, he had to arrive at home after and do as her husband again; thing what was seeming even heavier each second, he spent with Yibo, more. His boss only nodded a bit gloomily and continued through his torso, making him gasp sometimes when his teeth bit his skin, especially his nipples. Xiao Zhan was totally unaware that nipples could be so exciting and hot. Or maybe it was just that Yibo truly knew how to do it, because he was already feeling his body in the heaven. Then, his eyes glanced at both sides, trying to know what time it was. His wife was always asking at least fifteen minutes with just preliminaries, he always had to follow her rules not to hear complaints. He was used like that, so being so quick with Yibo was so weird for him. However, who was being truly odd was he himself because his boss raised his head to see what was wrong.

“Do you want it faster?” the latter asked, truly doubting what he wanted. Xiao Zhan widened his eyes slightly. Faster? How fast could they go? Did he want to know? When he realized what he was answering, his face was nodding without stop and he saw how Yibo opened the zipper of his trousers not to only lower them, but also his underpants, ending up being completely naked in front of him, totally defeated and exposed over the sheets. Nobody had seen him like that, neither even his wife. His cheeks were flushed, but his embarrassment didn’t forbid him from looking how his boss removed his shirt sexily and opened his own zipper to take off the rest of clothes. Xiao Zhan felt a harsh puncture of pleasure inside his stomach when his gaze stared at that hot member. His lower lip was bitten hard by his teeth when that handsome man placed his body over his. They kissed softly, the employee enjoying how tender his skin was under his hands, and just being curious, one of them was lowered to stroke his butt while Yibo was torturing his neck once more. He felt a smile against his cheek before it was kissed and their gazes crashed in the middle of that lustful atmosphere.

“Shouldn’t we turn the lights off and cover ourselves?” suddenly, Xiao Zhan asked, feeling how his boss was going further in those preliminaries. Yibo only frowned and smiled slightly.

“Why? It's hot and I want to see you...” he clarified between kisses to his lips. However, it still looked so weird for him as long as he had always done it with his wife like that, just feeling and not watching. But now, Xiao Zhan observed better his body and his free hand touched his torso, noticing how well-built his pectorals were. Then, his both hands grabbed his arms, shaping his muscles form under the palms of his hands. He was loving how it felt and how Yibo started to smirk, close to his lips. He left a quick peck and kneeled on the mattress, between his legs, what Xiao Zhan closed due to his shyness. He observed how Yibo opened the first drawer of the nightstand and his eyes found all those things again. Would he use them on him? Or better said, _into_ him? He tried to sit down, having his legs over Yibo's thighs when his boss returned with something in his hands, but it was dropped beside them to hug his waist. His face was a bit worried about that sudden move, but Xiao Zhan only wrapped an arm around his neck to keep in that position and pointed out the rest of things inside of that drawer.

“What are those?” he said with an innocent voice that Yibo loved because of how he smiled. Instead of an answer, he got a few kisses. Pouting because that wasn’t what he wanted at that moment, he repeated his question, being so persistent.

Hastily, Yibo made them fall over the bed, him being so hot without a noticeable reason. Then, he muttered beside his ear. “When I desire a man inside of me, I use them...” he moved his hips against Xiao Zhan's crotch and the employee gasped loudly, feeling pleasurable shivers crossing his whole body fast. The young man searched for his ear and bit his lobe.

“You can use me” he didn’t know what he had just said, but he was in the verge of exploding in the middle of such a dirty conversation. He only heard a chuckle and felt a few kisses and bites on his shoulder. Was that a yes?

“I'm sorry, but I reserve my butt for the ones I truly like...” he spoke slowly, his mouth over a nipple before sucking it. His hands started to search for his legs to make them be raised, exposing his hole completely. Yibo kneeled between them to observe him perfectly. His boss touched his torso, then his belly reaching that hot part of Xiao Zhan, making him shiver when the two palms of his hands rubbed everything blatantly. He had never been harder than that day, and just because of a man. Xiao Zhan was arching a bit his back due to the pleasure he was feeling because of his hands; his own arms were beside his head, not doing anything but grabbing the pillow tightly. He was truly gasping, only trying to focus on him instead of what he was breaking at the same time. Then, he thought once more if he was sure about that, if it was worth it. Would he regret it? He was scared of that, of losing everything because of a whim. He closed his eyes, gulping a bit of saliva through his dry throat. He was on time to stop it, Yibo was only playing with a finger inside his hole, he could stop him if his ideas were unsure. But Xiao Zhan only moaned when the second was in and moved. His fingertips were rubbing something inside what was making his body tremble. Then, hastily the third was put in and the mix of pleasure and pain drove him crazy, cancelling any type of doubt in his mind.

“Zhan-ge” he called him by his name followed by that and the employee got flushed even more. Yibo approached his ear. “Do you want me inside, Zhan-ge?” he asked in a whisper and Xiao Zhan gasped by how erotic those words sounded, how dirty his name sounded being spoken by Yibo. Their gazes crashed and he only nodded desperately. “Beg me...” he started that odd game, what was extremely embarrassing. His voice wasn’t audible and his boss got impatient. “C’mon, beg for me in you...” he was gasping while saying it. Maybe he had a kind of fetish with it, so being so hot, he didn’t think of it twice.

“Boss Wang, please...” he couldn’t look at that man over him. The embarrassment was so strong after speaking that. But indeed, his body felt as burning, his member was even aching for being so hard.

“More, I want to hear more...” Yibo asked while kissing his shoulder and rubbing his length tip on his hole. Xiao Zhan was needing to be filled with it so he didn’t matter to repeat that shameful beg.

“Please, I want it...” his hand was grabbing his hair tightly and somehow, his legs ended up being wrapped around his hips. He thought that it would start after it, but further than the reality, Yibo was aiming for killing his sanity completely.

“More, Zhan-ge...” his name truly sounded beautiful between his gasps, it was like the best melody he could hear. Xiao Zhan was arching a bit his back already due to the pleasure just those words provoked in his body. What was happening to him? He had never been like that. So crazy for someone.

“I need you inside, Yibo... Plea-“ even before ending that beg, he felt how something so hard and big came into him. He hugged his partner tightly, needing his support to handle that pain, and his boss only covered his mouth to soften his shouts. He stopped for a while, just keeping inside as his hard gasps by the pain were calmed by his lips torturing a beautiful mole under his lip. Xiao Zhan felt how his body was screaming that wasn't possible to fit in, but also how his hole was asking to be completely filled by Yibo. He was unable to control his desperation inside of his mind and body that was begging to be taken at the limit. That was why, when Yibo began to move slowly not to hurt him, all the pleasure he felt was enough to cover the pain and make it feel sweet and needful over that bed. His hands just grabbed him as tight as he could, in part to handle all he was feeling inside, but also, because he wanted that to be endless, not letting Yibo go ever. Xiao Zhan realized that if sex with him felt like that, he would become addicted. He would need that man everyday. To be his and prove it every second of his life. Hence his words betrayed him and speak out loud what he was too ashamed to admit. “Deeper... Yibo...” then, as having switched him on, he felt how indeed, his boss could reach way deeper in him, what made his back arch everytime he went in with a hasty move.

His butt was being broken by that bloody length, that wasn’t stopped a single second. The rhythm was slow, though, as if Yibo was trying not to hurt him. Xiao Zhan felt so horribly lost there, between those endless kisses and those perfect moves inside of him. Every cell of his body was controlled by him, his senses were at his mercy. It seemed like he was out of his being. He was convinced he couldn’t feel any drop more of pleasure, but he knew he was totally wrong when his own climax came too fast to even tell his boss. He arched his back, opening his mouth to shout and moan as hard as he could; his legs took his hips deeper and his arms hugged him until hurting. The proof of his orgasm intensity was the scratches his nails left on his back when he was trying to stop that desperately. He was breathless, his eyes closed, so he couldn’t see the amazed man above him, how for a second Yibo stayed still, admiring Xiao Zhan stained, fucked and helpless under his hands. But shortly after, his stomach felt a soft wipe, probably cleaning his expelled cum and the employee decided to attempt to glance at him. He felt so sleepy suddenly, his body had no strength, but even like that, Yibo left his hole, showing that he hadn't finished yet, and helped him to turn around, making him be all on four.

“Show me that butt” he slapped one of his buttocks and Xiao Zhan gasped tiredly, feeling how his hole was wide open. His arms couldn’t almost keep his body up and it was more complicated when Yibo began to move inside harder than before, making him feel even crazier over that bed. Xiao Zhan tried to raise his body, finding his boss's torso. Then, as if Yibo had read his mind, the latter hugged his waist to make him sit over his crotch, kneeling on the mattress like him. Even like that, he could continue moving, holding Xiao Zhan not to let him lie down on the bed again. Everything he did was amazing for the employee. And he wanted more due to that reason. That was why he turned a bit around, the needed angle to catch his nape with a hand and kiss him. His body could realize one hand on the middle of his torso and other attempting to reach his member and pump it in a moderated speed. Then, his hand, which was playing with his hair, was lowered to catch his forearm in an useless attempt to stop what he desired with all his might. Just when Xiao Zhan returned to look at the front, Yibo pressed their two bodies together and started to devour his shoulder and neck by behind, feeling the pain of little bites and sucks.

Xiao Zhan was only moaning, his brain wasn’t working at all, what was more, even if he tried, it seemed impossible to say how much two plus two were. So he just closed his eyes and all what was happening around him became even stronger. After that, his sanity was so corrupted that slowly, he dared to move his hips against Yibo's and he smirked when his boss gasped heavier. He was enjoying it until being unable to realize if that was reality or not. If Yibo doing all of that to him was real or not. He was so ruined mentally that he didn’t care anymore about embarrassment. Somehow, he wanted anyone to know what they were doing at that moment, show how Yibo was possessing him over and over again. Their moans and how the bed was cracking truly helped them to be pretty evident, but it seemed that his boss needed more. “Shout my name...” that whisper ended up being spoken beside his ear, making him feel the electricity rushing his spine.

“Boss Wang...” his voice was a breathless gasp. He had no more strength to spend. However, his partner searched for the last glimpse in him.

“No... My name, Zhan-ge...” he insisted, repeating once again his. Xiao Zhan leaned his hands on the sheets to handle everything surrounding him and be able to fulfil his request while Yibo found the perfect position to go faster.

“Yibo...” his voice was husky due to the whimpers. “Yibo...” he repeated because he was loving that. How his body was burnt by the pleasure. Then, as marking his end, he tried for last time. “Yib-“ his words were cut off. He was breaking inside. His back was aching for being so arched. His butt was destroyed when Yibo moved so fast that he thought he was going to faint. Those were just a few seconds when the whole world collapsed and nothing had sense anymore. He felt his insides being filled by something very hot as his own body dared to stain that hand, that hadn't stopped until now, and everything around. Only remained a hard breath over his shoulder what became soft kisses followed by a tight hug. Finally, his hole was free and Xiao Zhan could only turn around weakly and wrap his arms around his neck, leaning his head on his shoulder, being invited by that man who didn’t doubt in continuing being embraced. He was so weak and exhausted that he seemed as actually indeed fainted. Hence Yibo shook his body a bit, calling him. He could feel his voice worried. He was just tired, but even a finger was impossible to move. He noticed how he was dropped on the mattress and before breaking his embrace around his neck, his hand brushed a bit his hair to show he was fine. Abruptly, someone lay down beside him and the employee felt a long sigh. Was he truly worried?

“I'm sorry, I have been too harsh for your condition” he talked lowly, his voice being regretful. Xiao Zhan decided to find him with his close eyes and hugged him, staying over his torso. His hand continued touching his skin from his right pectoral to his shoulder. In exchange, he felt a complete arm embracing his back and another his waist. That was perfect as their legs were intertwined. “I wanted to take a shower” he chuckled slightly and Xiao Zhan grabbed him tighter.

“After...” he pouted. His ears heard how Yibo accepted and just then, he ended up falling in a deep dream where everything was confusing and darkness prevailed. However, his body was still surrounded by that warmth what scared any fear away. He didn’t want to wake up if that would mean to keep like that forever. Xiao Zhan only desired that, feeling that loved over and over again. And it seemed like only Yibo was able to do it.


	6. Troublesome Words

His whole body was hurting, but under him, there was a soft mattress what made moving less painful. He was lying on his belly, so, to see what was surrounding him, Xiao Zhan decided to roll and look at the ceiling. His eyes weren't used to the shy light the sun was starting to show, so his hands just brushed them while frowning with a little growl. Somehow, that bed felt so cold when he knew it had been so warm the whole night, so he searched for that heat source unsuccessfully. Slowly, he sat up to take a look around, finding an empty room. His feet touched the floor, that was covered by their clothes. Had he been able to do it? His gaze was lowered to see his own body. Naked. He was totally naked. So it hadn’t been a dream. What had he done? He brushed his hair, feeling his heart pounding inside his chest. Should he dress up? He liked being naked through the house, but it wasn’t his. Well, Yibo wouldn’t see anything new after all, so he walked between the clothes and peeked in the living room. He saw a man, wearing only his underwear, sitting on the floor with a coffee on the table in front of him. Without thinking about it, Xiao Zhan opened the door to show up, his cheeks a bit flushed and his lip being caught by his teeth. His eyes looked straight at those wide ones, that were following every step he took. Without words, Yibo moved a bit to see how Xiao Zhan placed a foot at each side of his legs and sat on his thighs. The employee's hands rubbed his torso slowly, then his shoulders and they ended up playing with his hair when Yibo kissed his lips softly. His back felt two warm hands crossing his spine until reaching his butt to stroke it. Xiao Zhan couldn’t control again that desire inside of him and his tongue searched for his boss's lustfully. Why? Why did he need that? Why was he enjoying that with all his being? Why was he being the worst husband of that world? Abruptly, Yibo broke the kiss to create a short conversation between them.

“How do you feel?” his voice was sweet and a hand caressed his flushed cheek. Xiao Zhan titled a bit his head, loving that contact. If it weren’t forbidden, he would think he had found his perfect life.

“Maybe, a bit tired” he curved his lips into a shy smile and Yibo followed him with a tender chuckle. Xiao Zhan dared to catch his face with a hand and rub his free cheek with his nose, smelling his scent of soap. “But I'm better than never” that confession was a mutter. That little secret was only known by Yibo, how he had loved it.

“You should continue sleeping. It's so early yet” he said while embracing his thin body tighter. The young man rested his head on his shoulder, being so comfortable there to change his place. His mind could work already and he remembered that he had to return to his house sooner or later. Then, he realized the little fact that even if Yibo had rejected his plan at first, they ended up in his apartment. He was so curious about that that he couldn’t shut up.

“Yibo” he called him by his name, knowing that calling him as _boss_ was already stupid. That man embracing him only rubbed his hair with a little growl as reply. “Why did you take me here?” he asked with a pouty voice. Yibo only sighed and kissed his shoulder.

“Because I know that you will be fine with me, that I will take care of you properly” he explained with a serious tone. Maybe husky and low, but Xiao Zhan loved it. What he had said and how he had said it. However, the employee could feel how the ambient turned weird between them and he had the urge to do a kind of joke.

“If you take care of everyone _this_ well, I will be jealous” he laughed slightly, trying to soften that tension, but he raised his face when it even grew up. His lips became a thin line while looking at those distant eyes. What was wrong? Yibo lowered his gaze as if he was feeling bad because of something.

“We can't be jealous of each other, we have to go on with our lives…” he spoke in a soft mutter and Xiao Zhan realized the hardness of his own joke. It wasn’t a proper moment to say something alike. That was why he attempted to find a way to fix it quickly, he hated seeing his boss like that.

“I know, it was a joke after all” he smiled, downplaying it as if he didn’t care. In reality, his heart ached so hard due to the truth of their lives. Having to accept they were unable to feel anything else but pure attraction and desire for each other. When Xiao Zhan was sure there were many more, but also that they had to keep hidden.

“We have to talk about it” Yibo raised his gaze suddenly. He seemed sad and unwilling to continue, but still forcing himself to talk. “This, what we did, is nothing more but…” he tried to rate it as something already predetermined, however his answer didn’t come and Xiao Zhan thought quickly to help him.

“This is just an affair” he agreed, not showing how painful it was for him. “I have a wife and you… I'm sure you have your private life, so we should just consider these as…” this time, he was the one without words to include all they had done. His brain couldn’t work faster, but nothing was coming. Then, Yibo took over as he had done before.

“Sexual meetings. We just meet, have sex and continue our lives after” his boss seemed as having understood his idea and sharing it. Xiao Zhan nodded, realizing it was a good way to call it and stood up because he was unable to keep so close to him anymore. Why was it painful? It was just considering Yibo as an affair, why then?

“I'm going to take a shower” he announced with a smile, which disappeared at the next second, and his boss nodded, looking down, like if he were in another planet. Xiao Zhan tried to not care and approached the bedroom to take his bag. Then, he remembered that he had forgotten to check his phone completely and rushed to turn it on and discover several messages. Only one highlighted.

**From::** Huang Tao

_So nice to know you're better. Even if you say that, I still feel bad about it. What do you think of having lunch someday and talking about this in person? I want to tell you some things. I will wait for your answer._

That was pretty odd, asking for a meal together so suddenly. But Xiao Zhan was truly curious about what he wanted to tell him so he typed the answer before taking the shower.

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_Sorry for the waiting. I would like to go drink one day after work and talk. We will concrete the day in the office._

Xiao Zhan knew that he had been so rude, but somehow, he wasn’t in the mood to be nice. He was unable to be kind with anyone. He felt a sudden anger through his veins. The morning had started well, why was he annoyed now? In some way, it was simple. He had heard what he didn’t want. And that was always painful. So, not to remember it over and over again, he entered the living room and left the phone on the table a bit stronger than how he wanted. “Is something bad?” Yibo asked without a doubt and Xiao Zhan thanked him mentally for worrying about him, but it was impossible he could talk about that with him, mostly because he was the main problem.

“No, it just dropped from my hand” the employee clarified and walked to the bathroom without looking behind. His hand closed the door and he opened the shower tap to see how the water started to fall. His body was placed under it and his skin burnt. His hands were placed on the wall and his forehead followed them to end up feeling something cold under his wet hair, what was over his eyes, covering the first tears that dared to seem as water. He wondered why. Why couldn’t he continue having his last life, the one he had lived for a year, the one that seemed a bit boring and unhappy, but it was three times better than the actual situation? Just almost a week was needed to change everything without noticing. Yibo had become his perdition. He was losing everything just because he wanted a few kisses, some warm hugs and a great fuck. Actually, he felt as his boss's slut. Giving him his ass as if he were paid for it… What else did he want? He had all he desired. Proper studies, a good job, a beautiful wife, a big house, a nice car. He could buy any type of whim, expensive food, clothes, trips. Then, why did he choose the most complicated path of all? The one which would ruin all he had won. The one which was impossible to obtain completely. The one which was forbidden. At least if Yibo liked him… But Xiao Zhan just seemed a nice toy to use. Their conversation had left it so clear. And maybe that was what was hurting him the most. Not sharing the same feelings.

Being fed up of that, he took a quick shower and dried his body to dress another pair of T-shirt and trousers. It felt so nice, he wasn’t used to wear it as long as his job always required a suit. Then, before going outside, Xiao Zhan took a look at the mirror. His hand brushed his wet hair, trying to put it in a cool way. When he noticed how ridiculous he was being, his hand messed it up completely, breaking the previous attempt of hairstyle. Then, he caught his bag and went outside, having to cross through the living room to reach the bedroom. Yibo was still there, checking his phone. But… since when was it black? If he remembered correctly, Yibo's was yellow. Xiao Zhan realized in less than a second and left the bag on the floor to run to his boss and tore the phone away from his hands. “What the fuck are you doing with my phone?!” he yelled at him, being totally mad at his actions. Why had he done that? Was the meaning of privacy not clear for him?

“So Huang, huh?” Yibo only said with an eyebrow raised. Xiao Zhan opened his mouth in disbelief. Was he serious? He took a look at the screen and indeed, Huang's chat was opened and there was a new message.

“You don't have the right to check chats that aren't yours!” Xiao Zhan scolded him severely, but Yibo seemed as simply not caring about it. That man only stood up and got closer to the employee. His face looked angry, as if he was fed up with something. Xiao Zhan only exited all the pages in his phone and turned it off to put it inside his pocket. When he raised his head to return to his boss, the latter was almost touching their noses. Why? What did he want now? The employee tried to step backwards, feeling so disturbed by what he had done, however, Yibo continued walking until he was reduced to be trapped against the wall.

“So you are going to drink with him, right?” his voice sounded tense and bothered. Xiao Zhan widened his eyes. He was jealous. Horribly jealous for wanting to meet a man after work. When they were nothing. When he had been the first who said they couldn’t be jealous. That was a complete nonsense.

“It’s not like I have to explain you what I do with my life” Xiao Zhan pushed him, but he seemed as stuck there in front of him. One of his forearms was placed beside the left side of his head. Every time a bit closer.

“Aren’t you satisfied already with two? Do you want more? How many do you need?” he spat mercilessly. Actually, that truly hurt him. How he said it, how he looked at him, how he treated him as a simple slut. He had already enough to bear with, Xiao Zhan didn’t need more shit around to handle as well. Suddenly, his anger filled him and made him push his boss away strongly, freeing himself.

“I’m not a slut who goes fucking everyone everyday! What's more I don't like men! I've never been with a man before, you were the first last night!” he confessed while shouting without stop. He was in the verge of crying due to Yibo's last, harsh words. He had no right to be jealous, much less to say all of that so carelessly. He had a heart too, which was suffering more than anyone could think at that moment. His fingers wiped away the tears in his eyes in a fast move to look up and find a lost man in the middle of the room. “You read it, right? He only wants to tell me something. If I chose after work is because we have more time to talk” he explained, not knowing why if Yibo didn’t deserve any explanation, but even like that, Xiao Zhan did it to stop any stupid idea inside of his head. And he wanted to know if he had gotten it, but his boss kept silent, lowering his gaze as if he had realized how wrong he had been. Xiao Zhan decided not to waste more time there. At that moment, the last thing he wanted was being with Yibo if he thought that about him. His eyes looked at that man, who was standing still, and his heart ached as never before. Why?

Not wanting to think anymore, he walked to the bedroom, catching the clothes on the floor to put them in the bag. Then, he approached the nightstand and saw the lube bottle. His hand was placed on his stomach quickly when he felt the pleasure of last night once more by recalling what they had done on that bed. Xiao Zhan glanced at the grey sheets, discovering white stains. Those were the proofs of how much they both had enjoyed each other last night, how his skin was feeling his warm hands, how he closed his eyes and could still see that man moving behind him. And when he was breathing slowly to calm his body after such memories, a well-known warmth surrounded his torso and back. Xiao Zhan caught one hand to set it aside, but Yibo caught it on time to keep on hugging him and he was weak. So weak he hated it. More when two lips kissed his neck softly, reaching his ear to breathe beside it. “I’m sorry…” he murmured, his voice showing regrets and sadness.

“Do you really think I let anyone fuck me?” Xiao Zhan asked coldly, lowly. He had no more strength to continue overcoming hurtful situations every time he thought his life was starting to get better. He opened his eyes when a hot forehead was rested on his shoulder and shaken as a negation, but Yibo didn’t answer with words. “I’ve just done it with my wife… And you… So how are you capable of saying that about me?” Xiao Zhan spoke his thoughts as if Yibo weren’t there. He wouldn’t have been able to ask that if his boss had been looking at him. The employee wasn’t the type of person who could say what he thought, it was much better to keep silent for him. Like that, he didn’t have arguments or problems with anyone, but with Yibo, everything he felt, he thought, he desired had to be exposed at the next second. He couldn’t control it.

“Why only with two?” Yibo asked suddenly, forgetting his question. Xiao Zhan didn’t want to answer to that, he would seem so stupid and ridiculous, so he just opted to avoid it.

“And you? How many?” he turned a bit his head to find Yibo's hair. His face was raised after and their gazes crashed. He was waiting for the answer, what seemed impossible to get because his boss didn’t speak. Xiao Zhan decided to look at the nightstand again and catch his watch.

“I don't count them. Two girls, five or six men… I usually get bored swiftly, that’s why I’ve never had a relationship. All of that was… sporadic” his boss answered with a soft voice beside his ear and Xiao Zhan chuckled bitterly.

“I wonder how long you will be interested in me then” he tried to separate their bodies by breaking that hug, but Yibo was stronger and Xiao Zhan was weaker when that man cuddled him.

“What are you saying?” he sounded surprised and hurt. Finally, the employee only turned around to look at him, straight into his eyes. Slowly, his boss pushed him backwards until finding the wall. He was trying not to succumb, not to observe those thick lips or not to hug his body. He needed to be as frozen as ice so Yibo wouldn’t have any chance.

“It's pretty clear, I am another short affair to enjoy superficially, right?” his smile disappeared when his own brain processed that fact. Maybe had he done all of the hospital just to take him to the bed? Maybe had he seemed worried just to be able to fuck him? Had he used him? Was Yibo using him at that moment?

“No. You…” his boss looked troubled while trying to talk. Just then, Xiao Zhan could feel that he had no excuse for that, no argument to say because it was the reality. For once he thought someone was caring about him, it was just in exchange for sex. How stupid could he be?

“I want to go home” he spoke trying to set him aside, but Yibo just approached more. Their noses were touching, that was why Xiao Zhan started to panic, his hands pushing him over his torso. “Yibo, let me go…” his voice was anguished, he didn’t want anything else from that person. However, Yibo kissed him harshly, moving his lips fast and deep. The employee broke it by turning his head around as soon as he could react, but no matter how much he tried it, Yibo caught his chin and kissed him several times more. Xiao Zhan was feeling so powerless because even if he was truly angry and disappointed with him, he was loving those kisses as always, how their lips connected perfectly, how his adrenaline filled his veins. And at the same time, he was hurting himself, he was betraying himself being unable to stop. Why? Why were his eyes watery? By the fact of not being able to stop or because of his boss using him to fuck? Abruptly, he sobbed in the middle of the kiss, hating himself for not controlling his weeping. At the next instant, Yibo broke it to notice he was crying, his hands covering his eyes as soon as he had space to move his arms. Xiao Zhan hated crying in front of someone, he always hid it, that was why he tried to escape unsuccessfully.

Yibo caressed his cheek softly, his eyes widened and his mouth was a bit open. Their gazes met for only one second, but it was enough to find a lost man in front of him. Xiao Zhan tried to set him aside once more and this time, his boss didn’t keep on caressing his cheek and did a step backwards instead. The employee did a step forwards, walking to his bag, but he stopped for a second when he realized how his mind was wishing for Yibo not letting him go. But as always, it wasn’t a fairy tail and he couldn’t desire such actions when he was the first who stopped them. That was why the employee kept on walking and caught his bag. With a sigh, trying to find strength from anywhere, he turned around and faced an absent-minded Yibo. “Where are my keys?” his voice sounded insecure and his boss raised his eyes quickly, surprised by his question.

“I will take you home” he said before opening his closet and catching a few clothes to dress up. Sincerely, he was grateful, but it wasn’t needed. So Xiao Zhan only rejected it and asked once again for his keys. “Don't worry about that” Yibo continued to dress up and insisted on driving. However, he needed a while alone to calm himself and think, due to that, he persuaded him.

“I want to drive this tim-“

“I told you that I will drive!” he yelled at him even before letting him end and Xiao Zhan was just taken aback by such reaction. Yibo was sweating, breathless, he could even say with scared eyes. The employee only gulped and nodded without a word. Five seconds after, he glanced at a lost man. “I’m sorry, I-“ Xiao Zhan didn’t want to hear him, not anymore when what he heard was only hurting him. “Xiao Zhan!” his name was spoken behind him, but he only walked to the door and got out of that apartment. His eyes looked at the nowhere while his legs were stepping forwards slowly. Was that shout needed? Wasn’t there any moment he wasn’t suffering? He was fed up of that situation. Always crying and feeling how his chest was squeezed. He hated that. He hated that with all his might. That was why he kicked his car wheel instead of shouting.

“Why are you doing this to me…?” he muttered for himself while wiping his tears. Suddenly, a hand was placed on his shoulder and Xiao Zhan turned around surprised. In front of him, an ashamed man appeared with the keys in his hand.

“Here you have. I will see you on Monday in the company” his voice was a murmur and his eyes were lowered, looking at any other thing but him. The employee just took the keys; their hands touched slightly and their eyes searched for each other. Did he truly want to drive alone? He wondered that during the few seconds they kept looking at the other. This time, he wouldn’t suffer anymore or commit more mistakes with him. Xiao Zhan only bowed and got into the car without looking back. Through the window, Yibo was still there, watching how he started the car and drove to home. Due to that last image, the young man tightened his grip around the steering wheel, feeling how he had the urge to stop and come back to his arms. There was no other place where he felt safer than into his warm embrace. And his heart kept on telling, begging him to turn around and come back to that apartment, just at least to ask him to drive to his house. Those ten minutes they would remain together would mean like two hours, but he had messed up thanks to his stubbornness. Xiao Zhan would never learn. And that was what hurt him the most. That he would never do what his heart told him to.

*****

His hand caught the door handle to open it and enter his house. When his eyes were lowered, he found a pair of shoes. Shoes belonged to a man. A knot was formed in his throat, making breathing hard. His hands removed his own shoes slowly, not knowing if he wanted to know who was or what he was doing there. Xiao Zhan left his bag on the floor too, as if he was preparing himself to escape at any second, and he walked to the living room. No one. He heard some voices coming from the kitchen so he headed to that room straight. The door was opened, a man sighing deeply before peeking inside to discover his wife cooking something with a man sitting on a chair by her side. Xiao Zhan could only stare at that big hand almost touching her butt before they noticed him on the threshold. Indeed, staying with Yibo would have been the best decision.

“Darling! What are you doing here?” she tried to seem surprised, but her voice only revealed disappointment. He had never felt that unwelcomed before, and less coming from his own wife. Xiao Zhan only glanced at that cool man, observing him with superb eyes, his brown hair, tall, muscled. For sure he was not 100% Chinese. Li wasn’t stupid.

“I didn’t want to disturb you and I think I did well” her husband lied to her and continued before she could speak to him back. “I’m going to draw, have fun, whatever you are doing” his voice was cold, but his gaze showed hatefulness towards that man and frustration towards her. He wasn’t in the mood of even asking about his name, that was why he closed the door and went upstairs, not expecting her to chase him either.

Maybe he was too shocked or too hurt, but he was calm, he wasn’t feeling anything at that point when he dressed up his white coat and sat on the chair in front of the unfinished canvas. His eyes kept on observing that sketch of a naked man, lying on a bed, his legs mixed with the sheets. Recalling which memory made him draw it, it was impossible not to glance at his phone, over a near table, and as an impulse, he checked it without a reason. His heart pounded when he read he had a message of his boss in the notification panel. His finger tapped it to open the mail and read it.

**From::** Wang Yibo

_Did you arrive well? I'm worried, please send me back a message._

His mind was blocked. How had he gotten his number? What was more, how did Xiao Zhan have his boss's number in his phone? The employee was feeling as falling into the nowhere. Why was his heart beating as crazy? Why was his body sweating that much? The employee didn’t believe himself as capable to write a message back, his hands were trembling a bit. However, he needed to talk to him, so slowly, small words began to come and be written in his response.

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_I'm fine. Thanks for your concern._

It was pretty rude and brief, but nothing else came to his mind to write. He wasn’t in the mode of brainstorming to get a proper message. Less when it was for Yibo. Somehow, Xiao Zhan could feel that his boss wouldn’t be going to take it as a bad message. That was why he left it on the table and got ready to continue his painting. Suddenly, his phone started to ring and the scare in him was strong. His eyes glanced at the screen to see his boss's name on it. What was that? Why was he calling him? Victim of the curiosity and his desire to talk with him, he picked it up.

“Hi” that was pretty weird as long as it was the first time they talked by call. He could only hear a breath and then, a husky voice.

“What’s happening?” that was the only thing Yibo said. Xiao Zhan smiled bitterly, trying to cope with his tears in his eyes.

“You were right, I would have been better with you” he confessed with a tiny voice. The young man was doubting even if he had been able to hear it.

“You’re on time to come back” his perfect idea was convincing Xiao Zhan to get out of there and go with him. However, he needed time to think about everything. Or just simply to not think anymore. His life was just drowning him in a sea he didn’t know his mind could be until that day.

“No, it's too late… Too late…” he muttered while rubbing his hair with his free hand. That pain in his chest was burning again. He wondered why it hurt so badly. Why not being able to have Yibo hurt so badly. “If I had thought about it, if I had known it…” he started to cry without stop. He was just regretting all his life. Everything he had gotten through work and what he thought was right had become a lie. He was living a lie. Was there something worse? Was there something more pathetic?

“Zhan-ge, do you want me to go there? We can meet anywhe-“

“I don't want to see you again” he cut him off. Briefly, rudely, coldly. He didn’t think that. The pain into his chest only blamed his boss, that was why his mind spoke that without noticing what that meant after all. Everything started when Yibo appeared, all his disgrace showed up when Yibo crashed into him that night. No matter how hard it would be, if the problem was his boss, he wouldn’t continue it. He wouldn’t stay with him. He wouldn’t act as more as his employee. If everything started because of Yibo, Xiao Zhan would finish it with him. That was what he thought after, but of course, all those reasons, all those arguments, weren’t valid for his heart. It was still living a lie, feelings lies, expecting a lie in the future. Was that okay? Just continue that lie because he couldn’t stop that problem in any other way? Or better said, he didn’t know any other way and was just too scared like to confront his wife, his boss, everything in general. Like that silence after his words, Xiao Zhan was completely lost about what would happen between them from that moment on. Besides, he wasn’t brave to speak anything else. His ears only waited for a reply, an answer back, but nothing came. Just a deep sigh and the call was hung up.

Only then, he knew that any opportunity to change his life had just vanished. Only then, he realized at least one way more. Only then, he tried to call him back, but no one answered. Only then, Xiao Zhan's tears became the hardest he had to cry in his whole life. And, only then, he discovered how much he needed him.

*****

That morning was grey. His life was grey since that call. And just because of his fault. Because he couldn’t see properly what he wanted, what made him happy, what future he desired to live and beside who. Everything was confusing around him without a sign or a hint that would help him. Inside of him, Xiao Zhan could find his answer, the one he needed, but somehow, he was afraid of which one it was, so living in the ignorance, in that constant sadness mixed with anguish, was better than accepting the reality of his feelings. He didn’t think he was able to do that, to feel strong enough like to change, to confront his fears and his life. He had never done it, it was impossible now. That was why he couldn’t keep in his house. His mind only thought and thought without stop, he had nothing to do, so nothing was occupying his mind. But one person.

Just finding one way to release himself from that unbearable anguish surrounding his heart, with the excuse of doing the work he had left half done, he took the car and drove to the company, what was empty because it was Sunday. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea after all. In the parking, he remembered that night they went to home together. In the hall, near the elevator, the memory of that crash that started everything was still so clear into his mind. In the elevator itself, his body couldn’t help but recall that heat inside of him when Yibo touched him. Then, walking through the hallway, he looked by his side, finding the toilets, and his heart truly ached. Slowly, he came into the office and he could still see the moment when Yibo was announced as boss. His steps were indecisive and heavy, but he got to reach his boss's office, just on the same spot as he fainted the other day. Just then, he realized that he didn’t want to work, he was just searching for a chance to see him again. To be close again. To be hugged again. He smiled bitterly. How could he be so stupid?

Feeling incredibly ridiculous there, he decided to turn around to approach his desk, but instead, he found another man with him. His heart stopped, his stomach went upside down, his legs started to tremble. What was that? What was happening to him? They only kept looking at each other for a long time until his boss decided to enter his office. Xiao Zhan only felt cold wind when Yibo walked beside him. The employee turned and called his name. “Yibo” he didn’t know why he spoke it, his name once again. Why he sought his attention constantly. Even after saying that horrible sentence. Even after that, he didn’t know how he could be brave to call him and look straight at his eyes when his boss turned around.

“I’m your boss” Yibo only replied coldly. Xiao Zhan gulped his pain, trying not to notice it was still there, harder than never. He worked hard on his composure not to seem defeated and be brave enough to say something. However, there was nothing into his mind. Just once more, he was just needing him without a reason. Just approaching and hugging him, just feeling his warmth surrounding his body. Xiao Zhan simply needed that back. He had gotten used to him so fast it seemed even a joke, and how glad he would be if it were just a prank by his heart, however, he hadn’t felt anything alike in his life. So pure, innocent… Real.

“What are you doing here?” suddenly, Yibo asked with that voice he started to know so well. The employee was doubting if he should approach and just let him hug his soul tightly, but after all, he had just broken everything what had begun to be built.

“I wanted to work and do all I couldn’t since I fainted” Xiao Zhan answered nervously. The tension between them was palpable, truly uncomfortable and also hated by the employee, who was biting his lower lip to control his desire of having him close again. He blinked a few times when his eyes observed how his hand brushed his hair and how he sighed while looking down. Why did he seem so perfect? A god in front of his being.

Slowly, he did a step forwards, what tried to cover with a few moves more like he was uncomfortable, but Yibo noticed it because he stayed fixed on him. Xiao Zhan would love to be able to say something and go away, not to continue that horrible situation any second more. Nevertheless, his mind couldn’t control his body and his legs walked and walked up to be in front of his boss. He raised his gaze innocently, maybe afraid too of his reaction. His right hand became a fist when he felt the urge to caress his cheek. And more when Yibo caught his chin, but it disappeared quickly when that grip became painful and he pushed his head to a side strongly. His heart truly ached at that moment, being shocked by his rude attitude. His eyes glanced at him several times because he wasn’t brave enough to keep looking at those burning eyes. Just then, he discovered how angry he was.

“What am I for you? A toy to use when you want?” Yibo spoke rudely and the young man only widened his eyes. Was that what he meant with his behaviour? Xiao Zhan ran to explain him, but his boss was faster. “I’m fed up with you” he approached, intimidating him until the point of being unable to raise his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re playing. Are you truly the stupid husband or the one who started to screw up your own marriage, huh?” he spoke carelessly, with those eyes hating him too much. Xiao Zhan only reacted looking at him angrily, even like that Yibo didn’t stop. “Are you truly so sad about your wife cheating on you? Or is that just an excuse to get what you want, huh?” Yibo spat despicably, just as the employee could remember, and the latter had enough. Why was he always bearing that attitude, those words?

Then, as if he was out of control, his hands caught his shirt tightly and looked into his eyes without even blinking. “I love her, okay? Never say again that I'm playing with her or even with you. I won't allow that” he muttered so close to Yibo's face, what seemed calm. Abruptly, he felt two hands grabbing his waist and how they pulled him backwards until crashing his back against the wall. He closed his eyes due to the pain he was feeling in it, but opened them at the same instant the other man talked.

“First, if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t cheat on her. And second, it's impossible you care about me” Yibo replied huskily near his mouth. Xiao Zhan was taken aback by that. He couldn’t defend himself regarding the first accusation, but the second was completely wrong because he did. More than he would like to, but he did from the bottom of his heart.

“I do, I care about you” Xiao Zhan confessed, perhaps not mattering what his boss would understand in its hidden meaning. His hands dropped his shirt, but kept there as long as he couldn’t lower them because of their closeness, so his fingertips rubbed his jaw fleetingly. However, they became two fists when another fit hit the wall beside his head. Xiao Zhan hid his face on his neck by the surprise and breathed hard against his skin. When he realized his actions, his head returned to its original place, this time finding a lost man again. That expression he had seen already too many times.

“And why did you say that yesterday? Why did you do that and now you come to me?” Yibo asked, his eyes showing how much rage he was feeling at that moment. Xiao Zhan couldn’t keep on staring at them so he lowered his gaze, not knowing what to say or do. There was no way he could confess that, the truth behind his actions. After all, that man, who was waiting for an explanation, was still an unknown. Someone he didn’t know. No matter how much time they had spent together. No matter how many kisses or hugs they had exchanged. No matter if they had had sex. Everything of that seemed useless when he tried to think about information regarding Yibo. The most he knew was his name, his age and where he lived. Then, why? Why was he feeling that inside of his chest every time they were near?

“I was bad yesterday… And I didn’t think well what I was saying. I just couldn’t think…” he explained as good as he could what had happened inside his mind. Yibo sighed and did a step backwards to turn around and walk to his desk. Xiao Zhan hesitated if he should approach him, but he got the answer when his boss looked at him again.

“And me?! Do you think I deserved that just because you were bad? How selfish can you be?! You cheat on your wife with me, but also treat me like if I were nothing else but the second choice when she's with another man! Can you stop considering me as bullshit?!” he yelled at Xiao Zhan with all his might. Sweat was falling from his forehead noticeably and he was breathing hard; indeed, that affected Yibo more than the employee could expect. And instead of trying to avoid that, Xiao Zhan didn’t care and only searched for his own benefit. His boss couldn’t be more right. And the young man couldn’t be more speechless. But even like that, the employee wasn’t able to control his desire to show him how wrong his last sentence was. Because Xiao Zhan had never considered him as bullshit, neither the first time they met. It was just that his acts were so contradictory and mistaken even by himself. That was why, without a doubt, he approached quickly, caught his face with both hands tightly and kissed his lips softly. At first, it wasn’t returned, nothing came from the other man, but slowly, both pairs of lips moved at the same time. Xiao Zhan was surprised by it, he didn’t expect that, what was more, he was waiting for a hard push and more shouts. Instead, he received tender kisses. He didn’t want to stop because he was so afraid of what would happen after, however, Yibo forced him to. Their gazes crashed and just to soften it a bit, Xiao Zhan's hands caressed his cheeks sweetly.

“You have never been my second option since I know you” suddenly, he confessed in a brave moment of his heart and Yibo tilted his head a bit while frowning his right eyebrow slightly.

“Xiao Zhan, do you like me?”


	7. New Support

“Xiao Zhan, do you like me?” that forbidden question arrived finally. Xiao Zhan only smiled bitterly and lowered his gaze to close his eyes and breathe heavily. He was trying so hard not to cry. He was truly attempting not to shed even a single tear. And maybe it was just because he knew so well the answer and he had to lie to Yibo. How could he say the truth if he was married? What was more, how could he say something like that to a man who was possibly only wanting him to fuck? He was such a naïve person who believed any nice words he heard. He believed any good speech or any desirable wish a person could say to him. Then, what shocked him was that Yibo had never used nice words to take him to the bed, what was more he had always talked to him so rudely, tried to stop him several times and also, done everything he disliked. So how could he believe in his boss that much? He raised his gaze, completely lost about that. How could he feel something so strong about someone as Yibo?

“There's no way” he laughed in order to hide his real emotions. “We are just… sexual acquaintances, right?” his smile was fake and forced, he gave his best, but Yibo discovered it with his thumb rubbing his lower lip gently.

“Isn’t there a way I can be your first option someday?” abruptly, Yibo asked that weird thing, sincerity filling his gaze and voice until the limit of overwhelming the employee. Xiao Zhan realized how blind his boss was, not noticing how many times he had already chosen him before his wife. Yibo had become the place he wanted to belong to someday. No matter how difficult it seemed at that moment, Xiao Zhan was dreaming with that possibility, just in case…

Slowly, the young man approached and kissed his lips weakly, their skins weren’t almost touching. When it ended, their foreheads kept together. “Maybe you are already” Xiao Zhan muttered, looking down while being unable to bear that strong gaze of Yibo. Finally, he felt two shy hands trying to reach his waist to start a weak hug. “Maybe you have always been my first option…” he muttered while resting his forehead on his shoulder, noticing for first time how Yibo could mean for him more than anyone actually.

As result for his words, his confession, his boss brushed his hair slowly, tenderly. Delicacy filling his soul. And as if they hadn’t seen each other for months, Xiao Zhan fulfilled another of his whims, being hugged and protected by him again. He grabbed his shirt as his nose smelt his scent from his neck. He would pay millions to kiss it again. That was why he couldn’t let that chance to end and his lips touched his neck slightly. The embrace became tighter, having two strong arms around his body, giving him the warmth and peace he needed. Then, his boss kissed his hair. “You should go home and rest” Yibo muttered after, being so soft and careful. Xiao Zhan couldn’t help but smile secretly after hearing those words. He was happy. Truly happy to be cared by him.

“I don’t want to go home” his childish voice was evident, wanting to keep by his side a while more. Knowing that Yibo would try to make him go back home, he was faster and raised his face to search for his lips. Xiao Zhan needed to prove his boss would follow him again, no matter what he had said in the past. After all, he didn’t know him as well as being sure about it, and somehow, he was unable to take it for granted. More when Yibo stopped him. Their gazes crashed into a doubtful atmosphere. The employee could say that his boss was still so affected by his behaviour. Why was he feeling horribly frustrated?

“I need to think if I should continue this. Now, go home, please” his words allowed to show his insecurity and a glimpse of a beg. His face was serious, even sad and lost, no matter how hard he was trying to keep that fake mask on it. Xiao Zhan was able to see under it. That was why he decided to give him time, after all he had been the one who had messed their _relationship_ up. That was the price he had to pay then. Xiao Zhan made two steps backwards to create a cold space between them and looked at him for last time. Maybe checking if he was sure about his decision. Yibo was walking already to his chair so the employee gave up after such a movement. His feet exited his office and went straight to the elevator, he was defeated for some reason. Weren't they only _sexual acquaintances_? Then, why were there so many emotions in the middle? Because at this point, not just Xiao Zhan's were interfering with the idea of only fucking, but also Yibo's appeared too. And that was what ruined his sanity completely.

*****

No matter if he had tried to sleep a while, every time he felt someone else in the bed, he felt a pressure inside his chest. It was horrible, like if a knife was stabbed and someone was moving it slowly. And what was the worst, nobody could take it out and heal it. Xiao Zhan allowed himself to sleep on the limit of the mattress so any part of his body wouldn’t touch her. He wanted to know the exact reason, but everything was still a mess in his mind after the office meeting with his boss. That moment seemed so real yet. Those lips kissing him or those arms hugging him, Xiao Zhan could still recall his warmth. And he was crazy for feeling it once again. Should he search for it? Shouldn’t he care about his wife anymore to focus only on sorting it out with Yibo? Was he that despicable with people? He had been grown up as a humble person, who always looked after the rest with kind behaviour and nice words, then why was he being so selfish and mean now? He desired to hate himself, to be unable to look at his own face through the mirror, but no matter what, every morning, he woke up to go to the bathroom and glance at his eyes. That glimpse of sadness was still there, inside his pupils, showing how overwhelmed he was by the pressure. The pressure of cheating on everyone, of being a liar and what was more, a manipulator. How could he treat such important people like that?

Xiao Zhan grabbed the sink, feeling his eyes burning by the tears, full of lies and a double life. That was more than what he could handle. It needed to end. He needed to end it. But how?

*****

As every normal day, finally he could return to his company as a normal employee and even before coming inside of the building, some acquaintances were already asking for his condition. Xiao Zhan, no matter how he believed he didn’t deserve such a kind treatment, smiled and answered politely with “I'm fine, thanks”. Several people stopped him inside to ask the same and the employee only seemed a robot programmed to say the same over and over again. Suddenly, when his eyes looked around while talking with another man, they found Yibo looking at him. He didn’t stop or approach, just glanced at him and continued his path to the elevator. Xiao Zhan felt again that pain inside his stomach, the need to vomit. Just because their gazes had crashed.

He decided to answer briefly and go to the floor where his office was. He was nervous, not because of joining the team again, but because of meeting him once more. He had never felt more coward than with Yibo. And he could think it was because of how he looked threatening at first, but indeed, it was due to his hard feelings. Xiao Zhan was so scared of what he felt inside every time they were close. And when he reached his desk, having a few people asking him, no matter how he controlled it, in the moment he raised his eyes and found that man looking at him from the door, his heart was upside down.

Suddenly, Yibo clapped his hands and called everyone's attention. Xiao Zhan got scared by that abrupt sound and his face seemed even more nervous. He tried to avoid him by just sitting on his chair, when everyone was stood up, and writing notes on a paper. “Everyone, pay attention to me” he said and the rest of his coworkers didn’t disobey him, only the young man kept on his world. “Xiao Zhan, you're included too” suddenly, Yibo said and the employee searched for a hole to hide in forever. He only wanted to be unnoticed and he got the opposite, the whole office was looking at him. Especially one person.

Xiao Zhan only stood up and made as listening. “Today, I will go on a trip to Stockholm, Sweden. There, I will try to get new business with important managers so I will leave this department on everyone's hands for the next month I will be outside. I'll send you instructions via email and by phone, any doubt or problem, tell me. I want to come back and see I have employees worthy of being here, okay?” Yibo informed with authoritarian voice. Everyone was praising and giving him good words, sending him luck and accepting that step, but there was a man who was still, breathless, who couldn’t say even a single word. “Then, I will excuse myself because I have the flight now. Give your best!” he ended the brief meeting and walked to his office.

“Yi- Boss Wang!” suddenly, a trembling man called his name in the middle of that site full of people, who seemed shocked and interested in why he had called him like that. The boss turned around while frowning and asked what happened. “I… I still have to deliver some documents” he said, being lucky of having the power of thinking good excuses quickly.

“Okay, come to my desk, but be brief” he accepted and Xiao Zhan reacted at the next second, taking some random papers over his desk and approaching the door between curious people, muttering things he didn’t want to listen at all. Being fed up with all of them, he closed the door and just at that moment, he found himself alone with him again. “C'mon, give me that” Yibo said in a hurry, tearing them off from his hands when Xiao Zhan kept still in front of him. After five seconds, when his boss discovered those papers weren’t even important documents to deliver, he looked at his employee with annoyed eyes. “Are you kidding me?” his voice showed how angry he was and how fast that moment was going to end, that was why Xiao Zhan gulped and opened his mouth.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” he asked, sounding offended. His boss raised his eyebrows like being surprised.

“Should I?” he answered even more bothered than before. Xiao Zhan just continued in the same state of shock as before.

“Why? Why a month? Why so far away?” his words just kept on leaving his mouth without a filter. His eyes stared at Yibo, stronger than never.

“It's my job” his boss replied, maybe more confused now than angry. Slowly, not knowing why or how, Xiao Zhan found the courage to approach enough to catch those papers, break them and throw the pieces to the floor.

“Fuck your job” his voice was higher than before. Only after that, his arm was grabbed by a strong hand and Xiao Zhan looked at that cute, disturbed face.

“You’re crossing the limits” the employee didn’t matter about that warning, he moved his arm hastily to set it free. Why was he so angry? He couldn’t find the why, only that heat inside of him was making him do all of those unforgettable things. So he stayed in silence, knowing he couldn’t say anything and pretend to have reason, not in a moment like that. He breathed deeply to calm down and closed his eyes just for five seconds. What was he doing? He was behaving like a child. So immature and spoiled. And the worst was that he liked being spoiled by Yibo, getting all he wanted from him as easy as breathing. He wondered why his boss always ended up giving it to him. And if he was going to stay just because he didn’t like the idea of going away. But, could he try such a thing? Did he have the right to control his life?

“I'm sorry…” those were the last words he spoke before turning around and making a step to the door so he would get out of there and just hide in his bubble. However, he was stopped by two hands grabbing his waist and pushing him backwards, his back crashing with a warm torso. Xiao Zhan was speechless. Was Yibo trying to be together before going to Stockholm?

“Don't make me go with the concern that I leave you sad, please” the boss muttered beside his ear, his voice showing a glimpse of anxiety in it. Xiao Zhan looked down, finding two hands grabbing his clothes tightly and he couldn’t help but take them into his and rub his skin tenderly. Slowly, he turned his head to the side Yibo was placing his and their gazes met in that tense ambient. One of his hands was raised to caress his cheek and without a doubt, his boss kissed his lips. Xiao Zhan closed his eyes, enjoying it for last time until the next month, and turned around completely to hug his neck, needing that closeness their bodies were used to again. He felt how his back was covered by two hands that attracted him more and more, how his fingers brushed his soft hair while kissing, how his lips were being sucked and kissed over and over again by that hungry man. How he knew at that moment that he would truly miss him.

“How much time do you have now?” suddenly, Xiao Zhan asked, breaking the kiss and staying almost with their mouths touching each other. Of course he meant that, he couldn’t imagine a month being away, that was why his body was urging his attention.

“In one hour, I have to be in the airport and I have to stop in my apartment before” he kissed him after that, maybe trying to avoid the harsh meaning behind those explanations, but Xiao Zhan was clever and he got the rejection.

“If you had told me, I would have spent the night with you…” he muttered, embarrassed by it, but it was the truth. He would have spent the whole night surrounded by Yibo on that bed during hours. Because he desired it more than anything else.

“No, you stayed in the place you're meant to be” his boss replied with a husky voice. Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip, that wasn’t the truth. His place was with Yibo, no matter which their circumstances were. But how could he say that? There was no way he was able to say such a thing that easily.

“But now we don't have time…” he complained as a kid, pouting not to show his true emotions and Yibo caught his chin to tilt his head and kiss his neck. Abrupt shivers crossed his spine, making him melt in his arms. He was so weak he hated and loved it.

“Time for what?” he bit his lobe and licked his jawline. Xiao Zhan knew he was playing with his words as always, but at that moment his mind was frozen, his body only needed that man so badly.

“Don't make me say it…” he was flushed and looked down when an amused gaze stared at him. Suddenly, Yibo smiled and the employee wondered why, what was funny. Actually, he frowned and gained a kiss by him.

“When I will come back” Yibo rubbed their noses and Xiao Zhan caressed his cheek, feeling in a cloud by that sweetness that appeared once again finally. He couldn’t resist the relief inside of him by knowing that Yibo could be as kind as in the hospital and his lips searched for his boss's ones. He wanted to enjoy until the last second. Exactly when Yibo's phone rang and he did a step backwards to pick it up. “Now? Yes, wait for me” he talked with the other person through the phone and then, hung up. It was placed into his pocket and Yibo returned with him.

“You have to go, right?” the employee guessed just by the brightness in his eyes. His boss only nodded and somehow seemed disappointed. “I will work hard here, leave at ease” his hand caressed his cheek softly and Yibo smiled warmly.

“I know, be my eyes, okay?” the boss rubbed their noses and pecked his lips. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door and both separated as two springs. Then, his coworker, Huang, entered the office and opened a bit his mouth speechlessly because the Xiao Zhan was flushed in the middle of the room and Yibo was taking his stuff. “It's fine Xiao Zhan, you only have to redo the documents and send me via fax” he invented an excuse for his face and the broken papers on the floor. “And you, Huang? What do you want?” his voice was severe, probably he was still jealous of him for such messages and invitation. Xiao Zhan sighed while catching the broken papers, he would never change.

“The contract of Mr. Zhou has just arrived” he showed a paper and Yibo approached him quickly to take it and put it into his briefcase.

“Perfect. Now, I'm leaving” he said before going out of his office in a hurry, when Xiao Zhan raised his gaze, he wasn’t there anymore, just his coworker with suspicious eyes. It was impossible to refuse he was deeply disappointed, but he needed to hide it, after all that person in front of his gaze was truly interested in their relationship.

“Xiao Zhan, are you okay?” Huang asked hastily. The employee would never have imagined that he was going to ask him such a question after discovering them like that. That was why he only stood up to throw the pieces into the trash bin. Just at that moment, he saw Yibo's jacket on his chair and Xiao Zhan caught it, thinking that maybe he was on time yet to return it. But instead, his coworker stopped him.

“Don't use a simple jacket to run after him” Tao spat frowning. Then, to not show how right he was, he placed it on the coat rack.

“Not your business, Huang” he tried to leave the office and continue with his work, but Tao refused to set aside and closed the door behind him. Xiao Zhan was amazed by such impolite move and his mood started to be disturbed.

“Luckily, it was me who came inside because you two were pretty evident” he explained and Xiao Zhan knew they had been too reckless at that moment and that maybe they had been lucky for having being figured out by Huang instead of by another person. That could have been their own end.

“And what? It's our problem” he noticed he wasn’t rejecting the idea of them being too close in the middle of their job, but for what? He knew perfectly how aware Tao was about their secret meetings and their purpose, so he was too tired like to try to convince him about the opposite.

“Okay. But we still have to talk” his coworker reminded him and Xiao Zhan looked at him interested. What did they have to talk about? “This night in _Remedy's_?” he asked straight. The young man didn’t think about it twice, he needed to know what was so important.

“At 8 pm” he accepted and finally, he could go out and return to his desk. He sat on his chair, trying to seem as normal as possible and work all he had left undone. However, he was really curious, his eyes followed Tao when he walked in front of him or he looked at the clock, feeling impatient to be at that club and know what he had to say.

*****

The hour arrived and he was already turning off his computer and picking up his things to go at the meeting place when his phone suddenly vibrated. His first thought was a message from Tao saying he couldn’t go, but against all odds, he found his boss name on the screen. Xiao Zhan got paralyzed by such weird thing to receive and he doubted if he should open it. His eyes glanced at the hour and realized he had time to answer, so he tapped it and the message was shown.

**From::** Wang Yibo

_I've just arrived at Stockholm. It's cold here. I would like your hugs now._

His mouth ended up open too evidently after reading the end of his message. He blinked several times, probably thinking he was just dreaming or he read wrongly some word. But no. It was written letter by letter. He started to panic, such nice words were impossible to be for him. Maybe he was flirting with another person and he mistook the contact. Yes, he was calmed now he found the reason of it. But at the next second, he felt a hard jealousy inside of him. Who would be the other person? He sighed, what was wrong with him? Being jealous of him… He had no right, that was why he turned off his phone and decided to go. However, one thing caught his attention before leaving the office. The jacket Yibo had left behind on his chair. Xiao Zhan thought it would get dirty there during a month and took it with him; he would save it until his boss would come back.

Even if he had to drive, he couldn’t stop thinking about those words. What would happen if it was for him? He smiled bitterly. It was impossible that Yibo would say something like that. Less to him. Because they were sexual acquaintances. Because they didn’t have any type of feeling regarding each other. Right?

Xiao Zhan arrived at the club, what he knew just because in his company was pretty popular, but not because he had gone personally like that day. It seemed more like a nightclub to get drunk and find someone to spend the night, however Xiao Zhan didn’t care and tried to find Huang instead. After a few seconds looking around, he saw a businessman sat on a stool while drinking a kind of cocktail. Xiao Zhan approached and sat by his side without greeting him. They didn’t have enough confidence yet to seem mates. The employee only asked for a drink and kept in silence until Tao decided to start a chat.

“I just want to confirm it, are you two having an affair?” he asked straight, without doubting it. And Xiao Zhan knew he had three options. Admitting it, rejecting it or keeping silent. Nevertheless, he ended up reaching the conclusion that if he wanted to know, he had to be frank.

“Kind of, yes” he drank a great part of his glass and sighed, not knowing what he was doing or saying. That was why he turned around to look at Tao.

“Why? And your wife?” he spoke frowning, looking pretty lost about his behaviour and Xiao Zhan wouldn’t blame him, because any man would love to be in his shoes, of course because everything seemed so beautiful from outside. But from inside, he was living the unhappiest life and Yibo provided him that adrenaline he needed.

“Look, no fairy tail is perfect. Everything has hidden flaws. My life is a shit. And my wife… The only person who makes it better is him” Xiao Zhan confessed it like if they had been best friend for years. Indeed, that opening up was so weird in him, but maybe he needed someone who was willing to listen to him regarding Yibo.

“Then, why aren’t you getting divorced to be with him?” Huang asked surprised, but Xiao Zhan was the most amazed one. Why did it seem so easily? He hated that.

“Because two men can't be together, I have to stay with my wife and he has to only act as my boss” he clarified, no matter how painful it resulted at the end. It was the truth.

“Then, isn't it a revenge of the past?” abruptly he asked and Xiao Zhan frowned deeply. What did he mean? Why would he want to get revenge? Why against his wife? He shook his head taken aback by his awkward question and Tao seemed so troubled and nervous. He drank a few times and started to sweat.

“Are you okay?” Xiao Zhan worried about him because his body reacted in a way he wasn’t expecting at all. Huang rubbed his face and sighed deeply.

“I wonder why I mess up everything this easily…” he seemed so troubled that Xiao Zhan felt bad about him, so much he patted his shoulder and tried to find a way to help him.

“Don’t say that, what's wrong?” maybe his tone was too friendly or maybe he was trying to make him feel better, but somehow both of them got relaxed in that tensed environment and the conversation started to go smoother.

“That’s what I wanted to tell you…” his words sounded regretful. No matter what, Xiao Zhan couldn’t be more curious about what was happening. “I know your wife since we were in the college” he started and the employee disliked even that sentence. Mostly because his wife hadn’t told him anything. “We remained as good friends after it and one day she got so close to me. I truly didn’t know she was your girlfriend by then, that's why we started something like a relationship. Or at least that was what I thought because one day she appeared with a ring on her hand, forgot me and I discovered that you two had been a couple for several years already. At first, I felt so angry with you, because I thought you had stolen her from me, but after talking with her friends, I realized I had been fooled by her. And that you were just her victim” Tao finished his story and Xiao Zhan was in a hard shock after hearing such words. Was that possible? Had his wife been cheating on him even before compromising? How many men had she stayed with behind his back? The betrayal inside of him was so big he needed to vomit. His stomach was hurting and feeling so sick. However, he kept on his stool.

“And why do you tell me this now?” he asked with his gaze lost in the alcohol of his glass. His voice was so low it was possible Tao hadn’t been able to hear him. Surprisingly, he got an answer back.

“Because I thought you found it recently and you wanted to get revenge. I wanted to tell you that our affair wasn't important and that she loves you” he clarified. Xiao Zhan only grinned, attempting to laugh, because it seemed the worst joke of his whole life. But he couldn’t. Only his eyes reacted being watery and his stomach being upside down.

“I didn’t know that my wife was this promiscuous. Because she is having an affair with another man right now” Xiao Zhan confessed as he could before standing up and running to the toilet. He needed to vomit so hard. And he did. He doubted the alcohol was the guilty one here. That was why he stayed sat on the floor beside the WC and the tears started to fall from his eyes. How stupid could he be? How many times had he been fooled by such a horrible woman? She wasn’t his wife anymore. He couldn’t accept a person like her near him. It was impossible she loved him. Then, why did she marry him? Why did she choose to have a husband to destroy? How awful could she be? Now everything started to fix. Her behaviour was now evident. How blind had he been during these years? Now there was no mistake regarding what she deserved.

Hastily, scaring him a bit, his phone started to vibrate constantly. It was a call. He doubted if he should even check who was, but without thinking, his hand caught it to find a name on the screen, above the text of incoming call. It was weird of him to call like this so he got worried and picked it up, trying his best to hide how he was crying. “Yibo?” his husky voice didn’t lie as he would have loved.

“Why haven't you answered my message?” his voice sounded like a mix of concern and anger. Xiao Zhan preferred to remember the worry in his words first. And just then, he realized the meaning of that question. The message was indeed for him.

“So it was for me…” he thought out loud, controlling as he could his desire to sob. The pain became much more unbearable and he felt a horribly desire of having him by his side. But more horrible was the fact that he was alone in a toilet of a club and Yibo was several thousands of kilometers away from him. His body needed his arms around his torso, or his soft kisses. How Yibo got to calm him down so easily with a hug or his caresses. However, he didn’t have anything of that and he felt empty, lonely. He had never felt so in need of someone like that night.

“Of course it was for you! There's no one else I can say such things!” Yibo answered bothered by his naïve behaviour. And somehow, Xiao Zhan couldn’t anymore and he sobbed slightly. He prayed that he hadn't heard it. Nevertheless, he was so stupid to think Yibo wasn’t clever enough to notice it. “Zhan-ge? Zhan-ge, are you crying?” his voice seemed even afraid of his condition. He tried to talk as fast as possible to calm him, but only more sobs came out instead of words. He couldn’t stop. After all, just Yibo looked as caring about him. “Zhan-ge, what happens?” his boss tried again. No matter how many times he had said his name already, he loved how it sounded, how private they felt, how he desired to hear it every morning while waking up. And Xiao Zhan found himself crying because of that and not because of his wife anymore.

“You’re not the only one who needs a hug” he could say after breathing deeply. Maybe that confession was out of place for someone as Yibo, but he needed to hear it back, what his boss had confessed then. How when he was cold, he needed his hugs. And just at that moment, he was able to recall how warm he felt in his arms. Slight shivers fulfilled his back, reaching his torso, arms and neck, producing goosebumps around his body. He cuddled up on the floor, closing his eyes while waiting an answer. His mind wondered what type of sentence Yibo would say back.

“Are you cold too?” after long seconds, only that came and Xiao Zhan understood its meaning completely. Everything had to be hidden. Even between them.

“Yeah, it's cold here too…” his reply was vague while his weeping was disappearing and his tiredness started to be hard in him. His free arm hugged his own waist searching for warmth. For his warmth. Because he missed it. He missed him way too much.

Suddenly, he heard knocks on the door. “Xiao Zhan, are you okay?” the other person asked him and without a doubt, that voice was Huang's one. At that moment, he felt so troublesome because he didn’t know what to answer; he wasn’t okay, but it was impossible he would admit that Yibo had the fault. So he just opted to lie.

“Yes, don't worry. Go back, I will return soon” Xiao Zhan tried to sound okay, his voice being quite hesitant, however, Tao seemed as believing him because the employee listened to steps going away. Then, he came back to the call and a heavy sigh was evident.

“Are you with someone else?” Yibo didn’t mind asking at all. His words were clear and the question simple. Just a yes or no to answer, then why was Xiao Zhan so scared to reply? Maybe he was doubting how he would take that. His boss had always been so jealous regarding Tao since he discovered he was the person threatening him, so the employee didn’t want more problems added.

“Actually yes… But I will go back home as soon as possible” he tried to sound as convincing as his voice allowed him, however he heard how Yibo clicked his tongue and unconsciously, his desire to calm him down appeared harshly into his chest.

“You don't have to give me any explanation” suddenly, such a comment was said and the atmosphere turned heavy and full of tension. Xiao Zhan widened a bit his eyes, feeling how his heart was being squeezed and it couldn’t beat anymore. The pain was way too much just because of the simple fact it was 100% true. That was why he stayed silent, having a mix of emotions inside of him. “Well, that's all. Good night” huskily, the farewell arrived and Xiao Zhan felt unable to hang up that soon. Not when both were being so tense with each other.

“Yibo” he called him just on time. He heard how his boss stayed at the other side of the phone, waiting for the reason of that calling. But Xiao Zhan gulped, not knowing what to say. “I… Well…”

“I’m tired, be quick” Yibo was disturbed, so much that only four words could show how careful Xiao Zhan should be from now on. So no matter how stupid he might seem.

“It's nothing, go to sleep” his voice tried to seem okay, even nice and soft to see if Yibo got relaxed. The last thing he needed was being at unease with him now that everything seemed broken around him. At least, Xiao Zhan needed his tender behaviour not to give up. He wondered how his boss ended up being that important after just a few days.

“Then… Good night, Zhan-ge” his voice didn’t sound bothered or angry anymore, but it was sad and forced. Maybe he didn’t want to hang up that early. Xiao Zhan didn’t want. He was missing him already, and it was just the first day. For sure he would end up being crazy at the 15th if he continued like that.

“Good night, take care” he added to see if he got an answer back. That would mean Yibo wanted to stay as much as him. He prayed to hear his voice instead of a whistle what would indicate the end of the call. So deep inside of him, he was yearning for just a single word more.

“You too, call me anytime if you need me” the replied arrived and Xiao Zhan closed his eyes. That was actually more than what he was expecting or even wishing. No matter how many times they argued or how rude their words could be, Yibo was showing everyday how perfect he was. And that conquered his heart in a way what made everything harder.

“I will, thank you” he smiled, happily to know he could count on him.

“Bye” it seemed as a whisper which echoed inside of his ears strongly.

“Bye” Xiao Zhan said goodbye too, hating that to be honest, but it was time to hang up and just when his finger was doubting if it should press the red button, the call was cut automatically. He sighed deeply, that loneliness coming again. So before he would feel so down once more, he stood up, put his phone in his pocket and got out of the cabin to return with his coworker, Huang. He sat on the stool again, knowing a person was staring at him, but he only took his glass and drank it fully at once. He closed his eyes hard, feeling his throat as burning, but also the heat in his stomach and a sudden energy surrounding his being.

“Another” he asked the bartender. Slowly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and only then, his head was turned by Tao's side to find him with worried expression. However, before letting him talk Xiao Zhan smiled sadistically. “You know? Only you know about Yibo and me” he giggled, possibly already feeling the alcohol effect. “And I need someone to talk to” his eyes were quite watery at that point noticing how alone he was. Decisively, he turned around to Tao, leaning his elbow on the bar and then his head on his hand. “That’s why you will be my love support from now on” he ordered his coworker instead of asking and Huang frowned disturbed.

“Why should I? You don't know me, plus I could betray you in any moment” he said easily. That was the proof he wanted to trust him. That man was sincere, naïve and a good person with a nice heart. That was why Xiao Zhan was sure he could trust him. A person who was willing to destroy another wouldn’t have done all Tao did normally. Without a doubt Xiao Zhan smiled, looking at his new friend right in his eyes.

“I trust you” he chose simple words. Then, he took his new cocktail and drank half of it in one swallow. Suddenly, a hand appeared in the middle of the path to remove the alcohol.

“Stop a while, you don't even know what you're already saying” Huang scolded him severely placing his glass so far away from him as a little kid. Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes while sighing. Indeed, he started to be a bit drunk, he hadn’t had dinner and his way to drink was being so fast. No wonder why he was already seeming as having drunk five glasses instead of two.

“Look, I can be drunk, but I know perfectly what I do and what I say” Xiao Zhan assured looking normal for the few seconds that sentence took to be spoken. But Tao shook his head not believing him. After that, a hard atmosphere was created and the young man kept still on his stool with a pout, thinking about everything. Maybe with alcohol he could find new options. New ways to see his affair with Yibo. And possibly he found a new perspective. He would feel bad if actually he was only fucking with his boss just for pure pleasure, but the main thing was that he was okay with what he was doing, because after so much thinking, all the kisses he needed or the hugs he craved for weren’t to feel pleasure, but kind of loved by someone. Feeling that he wasn’t perfect, but at least there was a person who was willing to choose him among the rest of the world. So after getting married, that lack he started to have was reflected now in his spoiled behaviour towards Yibo. But now the question was, what did that mean? Was that okay? And the questions became fears and insecurities to hide once again. What would his boss feel if he knew that was how he thought? Would he be able to leave him? Or would he stay? What future would they have? Together? Separated? The knot in his throat was hard to handle when he realized losing him was a big possibility.

“Xiao Zhan” suddenly, his coworker called him. He moved his head as a signal to continue. “When did you start this?” that question was hard to answer because it was full of details. Small details what changed everything slowly.

“When we both kissed each other and realized it wasn’t a mistake” he smiled slightly, wondering which was the exact kiss of his own words.

“But why with the boss?” Tao frowned, possibly being so lost that any pieces could be fixed to understand that situation. Xiao Zhan drank a bit of alcohol before answering.

“I don't know. It just happened. When I realized it, I looked at him and my whole being was attracted to him” his answer was plain, he was sure Huang still had the same question. And as he thought.

“But what does he have?” his coworker started to be so interested in their affair that Xiao Zhan found he wasn’t wrong when he had the feeling he could trust his deepest thoughts about Yibo to him.

“You know? I've never liked a single man in my whole life. But somehow Yibo seems truly handsome for me, also cute when he's sweet. He has always protected me, even when we were two unknowns. Probably sometimes he has been horrible with me” his face became gloomy for a second. “But it's funny when I scold him for being like that, he understands it and… cuddles me for a while” he flushed hard and giggled embarrassed. Then, his gaze looked at Tao and the latter was surprised.

“I need a bit of fresh air” he spoke and took money from his wallet to stand up and go out followed by Xiao Zhan who was wondering what was wrong. “I’m sorry, somehow I noticed someone like listening to you and I thought it was better to walk while talking” he scratched his nape and Xiao Zhan nodded convinced about his explanation.

“Thank you about that then” he smiled slightly and they both started to walk slowly through the empty street.

“So regarding what you said about the boss… You said all of that as if your partner was boss Wang instead of your wife” Tao spoke his opinion with a shy voice, but Xiao Zhan understood perfectly what he meant.

“I won't lie, every time I'm with him I feel we are a couple, no matter what we say we are…” he sighed remembering how stupid they both seemed trying to call that nonsense as anything just to create the perfect excuse. Hastily, Tao got lost and asked. “We call us _sexual acquaintances_ ” he explained to be fully understood. Indeed, Huang's face expressed perfectly how taken aback he was for such name.

“But… did you have sex?” he dared to ask. Xiao Zhan looked at him troubled, because both parts wouldn’t have sense once he would tell the whole story.

“Only once…” he muttered, glancing at how Tao frowned and opened his mouth.

“Because you two have only had one chance, right?” as he expected, nothing had sense there. They had spent the last week being together almost the full days. They had had plenty of chances to have sex, but only one was used. The rest of them were lost because of their feelings.

“No… Actually, we have even slept together without doing anything…” he confessed, adding more reasons to show how weird and unique their relationship was.

“And how dare you to call that sexual?!” he shouted in a whisper, placing himself in front of Xiao Zhan to stop in the middle of the street. Indeed, he didn’t know what to answer, because Tao was breaking any single excuse they both could create not to accept anything else. It was already so hard like that, that was why they didn’t need to be adding more strong feelings to bear and control. No, that was too much.

“I'm married and he's my boss, how can we treat it as something more serious?” Xiao Zhan replied showing finally those broken eyes when he remembered they would never be something deeper, serious. Their fates, their paths were so different in the future. He knew it. That was why, being just _sexual acquaintances_ was better than nothing.

“But Xiao Zhan, what do you feel about him?”


	8. Past & Future

“But Xiao Zhan, what do you feel about him?” Tao asked straight, wanting a clear answer. And somehow if he had that, he would say it to stop having so many doubts and problems regarding his own feelings, but at that moment, his mind was blank. He could say nothing that it was a lie, however, he wasn’t sure if he was feeling something hard towards Yibo. That was why he woke up every day wondering which the right answer was.

“I don't know” that was the most sincere answer he could say now for that question. However, Tao didn’t seem satisfied, so Xiao Zhan continued a bit more. “Indeed, I feel attracted, I like being beside him, but at the same time I don't know anymore what I feel” he sighed looking at the floor, frustrated and tired. It was too much to process, understand and live with lately, his mind was overwhelmed with all Yibo was making him feel. That was why somehow he took that trip his boss had to do to be away from him and realize what was happening. Xiao Zhan craved for knowing how he would feel a month without him and a small part of himself prayed that everything would return to be as normal as always, that Yibo would come back and he would feel nothing. So everything would be easier. However, now the question about the most important thing was present. Would he be happy again? No matter how it might hurt, he wasn’t sure his life would be as happy as before now that he had felt what Yibo could mean. His hugs, his kisses, his soft words. A slight smile appeared on his lips. Why was he missing already all of that? It seemed he would become crazy. Maybe he was just scared that it would have ended as fast as it had started. That nothing was going to be as before after returning from Stockholm. He was horribly scared. And only then he understood that nothing was scarier than love itself.

“Xiao Zhan… Are you okay?” his voice was a soft murmur. Then, the young man looked up to meet Huang's gaze and feel his wet eyes. Was that how it truly hurt? He pouted trying not to cry in the middle of the street, but unsuccessfully his weeping became noticeable when a strong man hugged him tightly. It wasn’t the warmth he needed, but it was somehow comforting his lonely, cold heart. And that was enough to get that his hands grabbed his suit jacket to sob shyly. Slowly, Xiao Zhan embraced Tao tighter until he ended up calming down in his arms.

“Thank you” he was so grateful for having done that even if he hadn’t asked for it. It was truly helping him to overcome that hard loneliness he had now surrounding his soul. Somehow, he felt lucky for having found such a person as Tao. Maybe he was building a so-great opinion regarding that man, he shouldn't have to forgot what he did in the past, but for some reason, Tao seemed sincere when they broke the hug and patted his shoulder.

“Fight for your own happiness. Sometimes we need to be a bit selfish to find it” he spoke seriously, looking straight at Xiao Zhan's eyes. The latter looked down thinking about those words. More selfish than what he was being already? Could he do that? “Well, can you arrive well to your house?” he asked prudently. Xiao Zhan was feeling that the alcohol was hitting him strongly, but he felt bad if that would mean to cause Tao more troubles. He only nodded distracted by the upset mood he started to be suddenly. “I don't know if you try to end in the hospital again” Huang sighed bothered and made him turn around to push him until where his car was parked. Somehow, the employee didn’t mutter even a single word. He was right after all.

The rest of night was blurred in his mind. Sleeping in the car, arriving home and sleeping again in his bed. He remembered his wife only when he entered the house stinking by the alcohol and she was already scolding him. Nothing else was recalled by him in the morning, just a strong headache by drinking that hard. His sigh was heavy when he sat on the bed. His eyes glanced at his side, at that woman who told him everyday that she was in love with him. Perhaps was that a lie? Why did she get married with him then? If she liked men too much, then why didn’t she stay free not to cheat on anyone at least? He couldn’t understand her anymore. He was unable to trust her again. The person he had believed in. It seemed a stupid joke.

Then, after that, he started a monotony of working again everyday without having Yibo near. So somehow he returned to his concentrated work and good reputation as employee. But this time was different. Life didn’t seem as before. Because he was waiting for a person in that office, he was waiting to receive orders or to send documents to have an excuse to talk to that man. But also, in the company, Huang and he started to build a nice friendship during work or the recesses to eat lunch. Xiao Zhan discovered a nice person he thought he would never get along with. Then, when he had to come back to home, he didn’t stay that long working alone, but went to drink with Tao to talk and sometimes sent some messages to Yibo, who was interested in his condition everyday. Unluckily, those chats didn’t last more than 10 messages in total due to the timezone. Xiao Zhan couldn’t refuse he was frustrated by such a thing happening between them, but at the same time, he didn’t freak out too much because everyday that message arrived. He knew that as long as every night he would receive that _how are you?_ , he didn’t have to worry. The problem came after, though. Arriving home to find that shameless woman trying to seem yet as his perfect wife. He didn’t know why he was still there handling such a behaviour. It was disgusting.

His life did seem as changing because he just tried to keep that monotony, but indeed something was missing. Those days that always seemed the same weren’t what he liked anymore. He wasn’t satisfied already. Until one day, finally something enjoyable happened again. That thing that Xiao Zhan needed to be free by that monotony. One day, three weeks after Yibo's trip started, he was in his free day, lazing around home just painting that drawing he was still working on. Suddenly, his phone started to ring. His hand caught it carelessly and picked it up without checking who was because his gaze was fixed in that drawn man.

“Yes?” he answered still mesmerized by such wonderful shape and warm feeling. His body felt nice just by recalling with his mind and observing with his eyes.

“Hi, Zhan-ge” that voice. That voice again. Xiao Zhan felt goosebumps all over his skin. He gulped nervously. What should he answer? He was blank, paralyzed. Excited.

“Y-Yibo…” his lips pronounced his name softly after so much time. He bit his lower one feeling horribly attracted again. His body was crazy just by hearing his voice. Of course, the painting in front of him wasn’t the best to have a cold mind.

“I’m sorry for calling you this suddenly, but I need you to send me some papers I have left in home” Yibo explained professionally. Xiao Zhan breathed in and out slowly, understanding it was a business call. He needed to be an employee. He _had_ to be an employee. But… could he?

“There’s no problem, just indicate me and I can go now” he answered as polite as he could. His heart pounding in his chest didn’t help. His sweaty hands were almost dropping his phone. His heavy breath might be heard by the other side of the call. He was in the verge of panicking.

“Okay. Look I will tell the doorkeeper that you will go so he will open the door of my house. Then, you have to open the drawer which is under the TV. Take the red folder and send it to me as soon as possible” he explained step by step and Xiao Zhan tried to remember everything perfectly not to mess it up.

“Fine. I will tell you when it's sent” the employee answered back. Then, an uncomfortable silence appeared. A silence full of unsaid things. Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip not to speak. Not to confess that he was missing him. Trying to act as just his employee was stealing his breath. Sometimes telling what he felt was hard, but also sometimes not saying it was harder. It was like he needed it to leave his mind. Maybe because of the fear of not being unable to confess after. Was that his chance?

“Thank you. Then…” his boss sounded as wanting to hang up and just realizing it might be his last chance, his mouth moved by itself.

“Yibo” he didn’t think, he didn’t want to think, he hated thinking regarding his boss, because after all, with him, he didn’t need to for being happy. “You will come back soon, right?” he asked as a way to keep him at the other side of the phone. Just his voice wasn’t enough, but at least he felt relieved when Yibo showed he wanted to stay there.

“Yeah, only five days to come back…” his boss replied with a happy tone in his cold voice. “…and see you again…” suddenly, he ended the sentence and Xiao Zhan widened his eyes feeling an imminent heart attack by that strong happiness in his chest, warming finally that soul, what had started to be frozen. His mouth was unable to speak. What could he answer to that? What was he supposed to answer? His hand grabbed the phone stronger, thinking it could be even broken if he continued like that. Slowly, his free one was raised to touch the dry paint on the canvas. To touch that hair that was softly drawn falling over those closed eyes. Something was squeezed inside of his stomach.

“I miss you…” those forbidden words were finally said. He found his courage to show that the last month hadn’t been heaven for him. Xiao Zhan didn’t know he could miss someone that much. It seemed a nightmare, especially when his body needed a touch and it was impossible to get. When his lips wanted a kiss and he didn’t find those thick ones. When his hands wanted that pale, tender skin to touch and they became two fists. He didn’t know how he was still sane after three weeks already just by messages. He wondered if it was reciprocal. If Yibo felt the same.

“Promise me you will spend the very first night with me” his beg sounded needful, ended with a sigh. Maybe indeed, they both couldn’t handle any second more being apart.

“I will. The whole night…” he assured with a shy smile on his lips.

“Until the morning” Yibo continued, probably enjoying it as Xiao Zhan was doing too. He would love to make it real at that exactly moment. His eyes were closed slowly to recall just a single kiss. “C’mon Zhan-ge, go for that folder” his voice was sweet. The young man nodded silently.

“Right now, leave it to me” he said with a confident tone and the man at the other side giggled.

“Sure” both ended up laughing, but at least Xiao Zhan stopped when that last word meant the farewell. He looked at the screen of the phone and after two seconds, the call was hung up. His hands rubbed his face, victim of the frustration by not being able to change that. He just had to wait. And wait… But soon it would end, and then they would spend a whole night recovering all the lost time in that warm bed. He was craving for it already. Just five days more. He could…

*****

Finally, he was in Yibo's apartment. The doorkeeper was so nice to let him go inside, maybe he was close to his boss, the latter seemed as the typical man who got along with everyone even if he seemed rude and cold. Indeed he was nice and warm when he wanted. He wouldn’t be surprised if he was loved by everyone around him. Xiao Zhan wondered how many friends he had. Had he been popular in school? Had he been just a normal guy with a group? It could be any answer. After all, Xiao Zhan realized once again he didn’t know him at all. His gaze was lowered when he left his suitcase on the floor, that hurt. Somehow knowing nothing about the man who was fucking him was kind of bothersome. And not because the fact of continuing being two strangers, but because of the fact of continuing being two strangers who felt too much for each other. Or at least in Xiao Zhan's case. So he wondered how it was possible. Needing an unknown so much. Somehow, he felt so stupid due to that reason. At least if they knew each other…

Xiao Zhan sighed, being in a sad mood already for such thoughts, that was why he opted for stopping them and did what Yibo had asked him to. He approached the TV and kneeled on the floor to open the drawer, as he was said. His hands moved different folders with tons of papers and suddenly, a red one appeared. However, when he caught it, a photo appeared under it. It was about three men. One of them was Yibo himself, but the other two were unknowns. Slowly, when Xiao Zhan stared more at them, he recognized one man. He was the one in the hospital. Possibly he could remember his face because his image on that bed shocked him more than he had thought. Unluckily, the remaining man was still unrecognized; he had short, black hair with undercut at both sides, as tall as Yibo with round eyes and thin lips, but even like that he didn’t know who he could be. The three of them were laughing, grabbing each other's shoulders with their arms. So they should be friends by how close they seemed. Xiao Zhan grabbed it to look the back part. Surprisingly, there was something written.

_August 5th, 2019. I'm sorry for what I did that day._

It was almost one year ago. He wondered what that meant. What did he do? Who to? What was that day? Xiao Zhan kept on looking at the photo, what would that mean? Should he ask when Yibo would come back? Should he do that? He bit his lower lip, so indecisive and lost. He wanted to know, but at the same time he wanted Yibo to tell him without him asking. Only like that he would understand they had the confidence necessary to start to open up. But would it happen someday? Pitifully, he doubted it. Mainly, because he distrusted they would have such a treatment someday.

Slowly, he placed the photo on the drawer and closed it to stand up after with the red folder in his hands. He approached the printer Yibo had in his house and turned on the computer. That way he would be quicker and Xiao Zhan didn’t think his boss would be bothered. That was why he sat on the chair and took a lot at the screen, he had tons of programs. But a folder was highlighted. It was called _Chen Fang_. He wondered who that person was. Should he open it? He frowned, it wasn’t his stuff or his computer. The curiosity was killing his sanity, though. Maybe just a glance wasn’t bad…

He clicked on the folder and it was opened. Several photos appeared. Xiao Zhan chose one and Yibo appeared being hugged by a man. Coincidentally, that man was the one of the hospital. They seemed truly close. So he was called Fang. Now, everything started to fix in his mind. Chen was a good friend of Yibo, that was why he was found crying in front of his bed. Could it be that the written phrase on the back part of the photo was related to the reason why Chen Fang ended up in a coma? He wondered that. What had happened between them? Now he truly wanted to know. It didn’t seem as an easy story.

Suddenly, the phone rang and Xiao Zhan closed the window in a hurry by the scare. He looked who was and it seemed Yibo had sent him a message asking about the time left to receive the documents. He sighed starting to work on them finally. After ten minutes, they were already in Yibo's email and Xiao Zhan was being thanked by his work. Then, after ending such a matter, they didn’t talk more and the employee turned off the computer with a big sigh. What should he do? That month had been the hardest by far and his body was noticing it. Also, his mind. He didn’t know Yibo became so important for him. He was his stress reliever. Whichever way they used, just a kiss was nice and enough to forget how difficult his life turned out so suddenly. He realized that after collapsing. How all his suffering inside faded away when Yibo kissed, hugged him…

He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly. Soon. So soon they would spend a night… And he desired it as the water in a hot day. And this time, his consciousness didn’t appear. After what his wife had done in the past, she didn’t deserve a single glimpse of trust already. He wouldn’t renounce to have Yibo already. Not because of such a woman. Then, why did he keep married with her? Maybe fear of what everyone would say. Their families. Their friends. The company. It wasn’t that easy, not when everyone took them as the model couple, when everyone had astronomical expectations of them creating a family. And perhaps, noticing how that situation was more complicated than he thought at first made him doubt about the way he should take from now on. Living two lives because of his own benefit… Xiao Zhan felt himself as an scum. A big scum. And of course, because of what he was making Yibo live. Even if his boss decided to accept it.

The day of the hospital, when he was able to leave it, was perfect beside him and somehow he saw in Yibo's eyes the needed approval of continuing seducing him all he wanted. Slowly, he remembered all what happened there… Each kiss, hug, how they slept together, how Yibo took him to the bedroom again and they held hands. Everything seemed perfect… And suddenly, he recalled the number of the bedroom. Of that bedroom where he found his boss crying. 520. Should he go? He would only find that man sleeping. But somehow he had yet too many questions in his head. Maybe he wasn’t in a coma. After all it was his supposition. He gulped and looked at the hour. Still midday. He stood up and caught his briefcase. He was too crazy lately.

*****

Entering the hospital, he searched for the elevator and tried to remember which floor it was. Unsuccessfully, he couldn’t. So he just tried with the floor above the one he kept those days. At the second try, he found the hallway that contained that room number. Slowly, Xiao Zhan walked searching for it. When the door was in front of him, he gulped and knocked on the door cowardly. His hand grabbed the door handle and opened it slowly.

“Sorry for the intromiss-“ his words were cut off when he found another person there. Both looked at each other, amazed and lost. Xiao Zhan frowned, his face was familiar. Without a doubt, he was the third man in the photo… His mind was blank to find a reason about why he was there. Everything was messed up if the patient wasn’t alone. Then, that man approached him to close the door behind him and after returned to observe his face.

“Hi. May I ask you who you are?” he asked politely and nicely, so much for how rude Xiao Zhan had been by entering an unknown's room. He could lie and run away from him, but his desire to know more about Yibo was still too strong to waste that chance.

“Hi. I'm sorry for being this rude, I'm Xiao Zhan, Yibo's employee” he bowed politely and that man widened his eyes. Weirdly, the unknown turned around and walked near the bed with that man still asleep. The young man kept there, waiting for an answer or at least an order of leaving that room.

“So you are that employee…” he muttered, showing a serious face while looking at his friend.

“ _That_?” Xiao Zhan asked so lost. Did he know him? Had Yibo talked about him? Should he worry about what that man knew?

“I’m Wu Shan. Nice to meet you” Wu opted to say instead of answering. Xiao Zhan decided to make a step forwards and approach both men there. “So you are who's using Yibo because your marriage doesn’t work, right?” that man spat so hastily that the employee stopped every part of his body. Using? He wasn’t using him. Not at all.

“Excuse me?” he sounded bothered and Wu looked at him.

“I would like to ask you to stop meeting him. If you're not happy with your wife, that's not Yibo's problem. That's why-“

“I won't” Xiao Zhan cut him off. No matter how rude he would sound or if he would worsen the situation. Indeed, that man looked at him truly bothered. “I’m not using him. He himself decided to do all of this. I tried to stop him at the beginning and he just continued. So why now am I the mean one here?” his voice wasn’t soft, but it wasn’t loud either. It was an authoritarian tone that surprised Wu more than maybe both expected.

“Then, why are you with both at the same time?” his question was so well made. And somehow Xiao Zhan didn’t find another way to explain the doubts he had in his mind regarding his boss.

“Even I don't know that…” he spoke sadly. There were tons of reasons, but every single one was just an excuse not to overcome his fears. “It started as a game. I never thought it would end up being this deep” that was the only answer he could find that didn’t seem as an excuse. His eyes glanced at Shan, who was observing him constantly. Suddenly, he sighed and sat on a chair, looking defeated after his words.

“This man… So are you serious about him?” that question hit Xiao Zhan harder that he expected. Was he? How deep had Yibo become for him? How should he answer that? He couldn’t say neither yes nor no. Their relationship couldn’t be considered as serious. Because if it were, they would be a couple and the young man wouldn’t be married anymore.

“The only thing I know is that he's not a game for me, he's not my toy, but someone important for me” he pouted trying to handle the tears in his eyes. He was looking at the nowhere, being unable to maintain that strong gaze Wu had.

“You know? Bobo is also important for me, that's why I don't want him to be hurt” the friend confessed before sighing and brushed his eyes. “He's always so carefree and he has already been so hurt because of that. Somehow I still try to protect him as if he were still a kid…” that man kept on the chair silently after those words that were wandering in Xiao Zhan's head. Could it be that Yibo had suffered in love? It was a new face he hadn’t met yet. He wondered how it was. Carefree… Hurt… Yibo, who seemed the most prudent and immature man of that world. At least he had a good friend. The employee was able to say Shan was a good friend. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have acted like that with him. Just when he said his name… Did he know him already?

“I can understand those feelings. But… what did Yibo tell you about us to have such an image of me?” Xiao Zhan asked hesitantly. He didn’t know where he was stepping with this person. He should be careful or his chance to know would be ruined. That was why his words were spoken softly, showing that his intentions were just pure curiosity.

Shan smiled. “He just did” his gaze was raised and slowly, he stood up. “What have you done to him?” his question could seem as something so negative, but when Xiao Zhan stared at his eyes, his pupils were challenging. The employee frowned strongly, what did he mean?

“What have I…?” his mouth didn’t know what to answer yet. Mostly because he didn’t know what he had done to his boss. It was more what Yibo had done to him in any case. “I didn't-“

“You did. I've never seen Bobo talking about someone as how he does with you” he spoke without doubting it a second. Was it okay? Wouldn’t Yibo be angry for uncovering such things? Xiao Zhan gulped, saying each word Shan pronounced in his mind. How did he do it?

“What did he tell you?” the employee dared to ask, being scared of what answer could be. Was Wu someone nice to trust? Well, if Yibo chose him as he had done it with Huang, it was possibly because that man was worth it of his trust.

“ _How is it possible that I'm able to feel like this?_ ” Shan curved his right commissure to show a naughty smile. Xiao Zhan frowned. What did that mean? Did he say what Yibo told him? Did his boss say such a thing? What was more important, how was he feeling? What did he mean with that expression? What was that about being able to? Was his boss unable to feel whatever he meant? Why? Why…?

“What are you trying by telling it to me?” he bit his lower lip, wondering why Shan was doing that at that moment, more when he had started to ask to be far away from his friend at the beginning. It lacked coherence and he wanted to find it to at least understand what was happening around him.

“Just warn you it’s more than you can handle” his amusement disappeared and he walked through the room to be near that man on the bed again. His hand caressed his hair softly. What did that mean?

“His name is Chen Fang, right?” Xiao Zhan changed the subject because somehow he knew the last one was already over and Shan wouldn’t say anything else regarding that.

“Yes, Chen Fang” his answer was brief as if it were a hard subject to talk about. At least he had to try it.

“What happened to him?” his question was so out of place, even Wu turned around to look at him and sigh. Maybe he had crossed the line and Xiao Zhan would understand it, whoever Chen was, he seemed so important for both men. So he waited for his answer, whatever it was, until Wu started to talk.

“He is in a coma by a car accident we suffered almost one year ago” the friend explained enough to have a lot of new information about that person, and not only about Chen, but new details were figured out.

“You?” Xiao Zhan realized the plural in that sentence and he got goosebumps.

“Yes, Fang, Bobo and I” he nodded before sitting on a chair beside the bed to grab his hand. Xiao Zhan widened his eyes. Had Yibo had a car accident in the past? Was he okay about that?

“I'm so sorry to hear that…” he apologized, looking down, wondering why Yibo had to go through such an awful experience. Should he ask his boss about it when he would return? Somehow, by watching Shan's expression, he could say it had been really traumatic.

“It's okay, we are now just waiting for him to wake up as soon as possible, we never lose our hope he will someday” Wu showed a sad smile and Xiao Zhan couldn’t help but feel horribly worried about that. Indeed, Yibo had suffered so much. And he felt so useless for being unable to calm that pain.

“He will, I'm sure really” the employee nodded while smiling and the friend smiled at him back with a grateful gaze.

“Thank you” then, after that, he returned to Chen to grab his hand tightly. A silence was created and Xiao Zhan started to feel bad there, like disturbing because after all, he didn’t know anyone there. That was why knowing he had a lot of more new information, he decided to leave that room and let Shan be alone with his friend.

“I think I should go, it's been a pleasure meeting you” Xiao Zhan bowed politely to both men there and when he looked back at Wu, this man had stood up to approach.

“Nice to meet you too. Don’t hurt Bobo, please” his serious voice made Xiao Zhan have goosebumps on his skin. Was he being asked to not hurt his boss? They were nothing, then why would he…? Indeed, he had always been so well treated by Yibo no matter what. He wondered if he was doing it well too or if he was failing horribly. Because he didn’t feel as being taking care of that man. Mostly because Xiao Zhan always ended up being the one cared when they were alone. So he wondered how he could do that. How he could do it properly, what Yibo deserved. The questions didn’t stop inside his mind.

Then, slowly he left the room and wandered around until finding the exit of the hospital. The blue sky was starting to be covered by some clouds and the city, what seemed brilliant and full of colour, started to be grey and dark. Xiao Zhan doubted if it could end up raining, he didn’t take an umbrella, luckily he had his car. So he walked absorbed in his thoughts to get in it and sigh, resting his head of the seat. He was tired, deadly tired that day. His brain couldn’t accept all he started to know finally and he was scared of how much he could discover. Then, he looked behind and there it was yet. That jacket of Yibo he took the first day of his trip. Every time he needed to remember his boss somehow, he caught it and smelled it softly, his scent coming back for a few seconds. Slowly, his eyes turned out watery. How was it possible to miss him that much? When the most probable thing was that Yibo was completely okay without him. That his body wasn’t suffering as his every time it felt hot. That his mind was okay without his presence. That he didn’t mind not having his kisses or hugs. That he could smile without having the employee near. When meanwhile, Xiao Zhan was unable to…

Full of frustration, he left the jacket behind again to drive to home, trying not to think about anything, but it was impossible. How could he? How could he need someone that badly? Maybe it wasn’t only that necessity, but also the fear of what would happen when he would return, when his boss would be in front of him once again. They had planned a night together, but even like that Xiao Zhan was so scared of what they would do again. Because no matter if he knew that his wife deserved such a thing, his consciousness didn’t let him sleep in the nights. And of course everything would be easier if both of them were single, so if Xiao Zhan fell in love, he wouldn’t mind trying it. Confessing. But at his current situation, it was the last thing he would do. That would only be the hardest thing to overcome. So it was better like this. Not realizing anything inside his heart and continue their thing called _sexual acquaintances._

He didn’t have the right to fall in love again.

*****

That night was being hot. He didn’t know what else he should do to be able to sleep. His insomnia was being pretty hard and he knew the reason. The next day, Yibo would come back and he was so nervous to meet him again after the whole month. Would he seem different or changed? Would he be as always with him, warm and affectionate? Or would he be cold again? No, they still had that night. That awaited night. He needed it to arrive already, his body felt already it was going to burst. He sighed and turned around his head to try another attempt, but he found his wife sleeping next to him and the uncomfortableness grew up inside of him. He was thinking about other man while having his wife by his side. Since when was he that deplorable? It seemed he had already forgotten his values and what was correct in life because it was impossible he would behave like that if he remembered what being a nice person was.

Now, knowing that sleeping would be completely impossible, he stood up slowly not to wake her up and caught his phone to go to the kitchen. There he prepared a glass of milk to see if that worked, tomorrow he had to work early in the morning, he would seem a zombie at this pace. While he was drinking it, he checked his phone and suddenly, he found one message in the notification panel. He gulped, his eyes reading the name over and over again. His finger tapped on it and it was opened.

**From::** Wang Yibo

_Hi, this was only to tell you that tomorrow I will arrive around the afternoon, but I will go later to the office. Stay there until I go._

His heart was pounding. They were going to be together again. It was like he couldn’t believe it yet. It seemed a dream after wishing for it so much time. Slowly, he wrote an answer and, after rereading it several times, he sent it finally.

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_Okay._

Only in the moment he did it, he regretted such an awful message. He was tired and nervous, but that wasn’t an excuse to be that brief and rude. He sighed, it was done and it was impossible it would be replied back so he left his phone and continued drinking his hot milk. Xiao Zhan was lost in his thoughts when the phone vibrated and he almost spat the liquid in his mouth by the scare. His hand caught it to see what that was and indeed, Yibo had answered that horrible reply.

**From::** Wang Yibo

_Are you okay?_

It was as brief as his, but it was completely the opposite type of message. There he was again caring about him in any single way. The young man smiled slightly, that question made him happy. Usually, there was no one asking it to him. So when Yibo did it, his stomach hurt by the happiness.

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_Yes, I'm just tired because I can't sleep._

_And you?_

He asked back, not in a polite way to make the subject work out, but because he was interested in his condition, after all it had been a lot of time outside and just to only work the whole day. He truly hoped he had taken care of himself properly, otherwise Xiao Zhan would scold him. And after a few seconds, the reply came.

**From::** Wang Yibo

_Nervous?_

_I'm desiring to come back. I still need your hug._

The whole message made his heart be upside down. His boss knew him so well he could feel his nervousness was because of the next day even while being so far away. Instead, Xiao Zhan wasn’t right regarding him and his feelings. He was sure he wasn’t missing him at all, but suddenly he wrote that. Needing his hugs… How true was that?

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_Well…_

_You will have all the hugs you want._

He avoided completely the first question and just tried to focus on the second part to see what he could answer after. Also, he didn’t care sending that type of sentences. Not to Yibo. Quickly once more, the reply came.

**From::** Wang Yibo

_Don't be nervous, I will treat you gently this time._

_Let's see tomorrow. Now go to sleep, it's already late._

Xiao Zhan gulped when he read the first part. He was going to be gentle... His stomach hurt just by thinking about it. He just needed to sleep that night to see him again at the next. The employee was overwhelmed by such a thing after one month only sending two messages everyday. But thanks to that, thanks to one month far away, thanks to be able to talk with him only like that, thanks to have known more of him and his surrounding, thanks to have found his wife's lies, Xiao Zhan now had his mind clearer. What he wanted. What he didn’t want. What was hurting him. What made him happy. Everything was so clear now in his heart thanks to that trip that he wouldn’t hide how he felt anymore. At least not with one person. He couldn’t. Because those feelings were already too strong to be hidden or forgotten.

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_I will wait for it._

_I'm not the only one who should be sleeping. Good night._

His fingers stopped writing to send it and left the phone on the table. He would have to wait for tomorrow to continue talking with him. Now, it was time to leave the glass on the sink and go to sleep. But when the phone was in his hand, it vibrated once more. Xiao Zhan's heart beat stronger, how much did that man want to talk?

**From::** Wang Yibo

_Good night, Zhan-ge._

Indeed, his boss would always take advantage of any attempt to make him go crazy. Because he loved that, he loved to see Xiao Zhan disturbed and weak if he was who caused it and the employee knew it. That was why he had done so many things. Just to see his flushed face. The young man could say he hated those moments. However, it was impossible. He would be lying. Truly lying regarding how he felt when his boss did all those dirty things to his body. No one had ever touched him like Yibo did with his big hands. No one had ever kissed him like Yibo did, biting his mole under his lower lip when he was on the verge of his patience. No one had ever driven him as crazy as Yibo did when they were alone and their bodies were like opposite magnets being attracted.

Xiao Zhan gulped by his thoughts. It was better to go to sleep. It was better to get in the bed, stay on the edge of it not to touch the other person and close his eyes, just in case his mind would be nice and would let him sleep at the first attempt. Of course, it didn’t. Nevertheless, images of Yibo came to his mind. Soon he would meet him again. Soon he would be able to hug and kiss him again. Because Xiao Zhan would without a doubt. Catching his cheeks and searching for his lips once again. How much did he crave for it? It was impossible that would be sane. He was indeed crazy. Crazy for that man in that short time since they had met. But Xiao Zhan was okay like that, he was okay with his feelings, he was okay with starting to fall in love with a man. With his man.


	9. Come Back

No matter how he tried to convince himself there was no way to still meet him because it was early in the morning, his heart fastened when he arrived at the company. That morning he had taken a shower to somehow prepare himself for that night. He seemed kind of stupid indeed, Xiao Zhan felt in that way for behaving like that in order to be handsome for his boss. Instead, he reminded himself when he was a teenager and had to get ready for a party so he did anything to get a girl unsuccessfully. Possibly he had never had so much confidence in himself. That was why, when he got nervous, he needed to look in the mirror and think he was cool enough for such a person, otherwise he wouldn’t be brave enough to go for a date.

And the best was that after a few hours working, he wondered for what he did all of that if with the heat, with the movement of going here and there, with the tiredness of not having slept well, his appearance worsened a lot. That was why he was a dumbass. Luckily, Huang appeared behind him to touch his back and lower his torso until having his face beside his. At first, he only watched how he was working, but Xiao Zhan was starting to be disturbed by having such a kid over him.

“Will you say what you want or you will keep there all day?” he muttered in a husky tone and his friend laughed. Of course, he would laugh. After all, they knew each other already enough to know how to act.

“I’m hungry and it's lunch time” his friend pouted, showing that cool face to convince him to go to eat, but he still had to work on that document.

“Go yourself, I need to finish this on time” his fingers continued tapping on the keyboard fast to be able to progress at the needed speed. But of course, that wasn’t an excuse for Tao. Simply because he always ended the work in the last moment. So without a doubt, he wasn’t able to be like his friend and procrastinate with something as serious as his own job. However, hastily a hand appeared in front of his face to turn off the monitor and his chair was moved to the left.

“Just fifteen minutes to eat something won't kill you. Also, you don't have good aspect. Are you taking care of yourself properly?” he asked while his hands were pulling by his forearm to make him stand up and follow him to the rooftop. Xiao Zhan sighed, did he have such bad aspect? He was worried about that and probably that concern was making him look even worse. He wondered if Yibo would feel attracted to him... After that month, after such a horrible appearance... The employee was truly anxious regarding what he would think this evening.

Suddenly, he realized he had left his food on his desk because Tao had pushed him out of the office too quickly. Now he had to come back and return so he would lose more time. His friend only scolded him, as if it weren’t his fault... Slowly, Xiao Zhan went downstairs to walk alone through that empty hallway and enter the office. His legs moved by themselves to his desk, but abruptly, his ears heard noises behind him so he turned around to see what that was with the surprise of finding someone in the boss's office. His heart pounded hard. It was impossible. He didn’t tell him yet. He approached slowly, gulping the small amount of saliva his mouth had, and his breath was cut when indeed that man was there. Yibo stared at him for long seconds, but he didn’t move. Who did the first step was Xiao Zhan that without a doubt, he closed the door behind him and he leaned his back on it needing to be near him but at the same time being so lost about what he should do. Probably waiting for it, Yibo surrounded the desk and approached to him with firm steps. Just when his boss only had to make another step to be right in front of him, Xiao Zhan raised his arm to catch his nape, so at the same moment they couldn’t be closer, their lips searched for each other. Over and over again. Once, twice, three times. There wasn’t an end for that. No one wanted an end for that kiss. Just an eternity. An eternity to kiss and be kissed. Only with that man.

As his body had shouted for it, two hands were placed on his hips to be completely fixed. His own fingers caught his hair to tilt his head even more to introduce his tongue deeper. His lower lip was tortured meanwhile with small bites and sucks. Finally, he was able to smell that sweet scent again, he was able to touch that soft skin once more, to breathe the same air as him when their mouths stopped two seconds and their eyes collided in that lustful ambient. Xiao Zhan caressed his check, noticing the beginning of his beard and instinctively he tended to devour his jaw with kisses and bites all over it. Just when those two hands left his hips to become a tight hug around his waist, his face was hidden on his neck and he closed his eyes strongly to stop the tears. How much had he missed him? How had that been possible? Only at that instant, he realized that month had been horrible without him.

“I’m sorry for not having told you, I thought a surprise was better” his tone sounded funny at the end, so Xiao Zhan could know he was smiling. That was why he raised his gaze, to admire and kiss it tenderly for a few seconds.

“Congratulations, then. You truly surprised me” his nose rubbed Yibo's softly and the latter pecked it before hugging him again. That feeling of being protected was back, that warmth surrounding his soul was melting the ice which had been created these last weeks due to several reasons. He had truly missed him. “Fuck...” he thought out loud suddenly against his shoulder and his boss broke the embrace at the next second.

“What’s wrong?” those worried eyes were back. Xiao Zhan could only shake his head to try to hide his true feelings. However, his boss was cleverer. “Don't make me know it through other ways” he muttered beside his ear and once more those hard shivers crossing his spine were back. The employee remained in silence, forbidding his mouth to talk. Hastily, Yibo did a step backwards, his hand catching his wrist to pull him against the desk, his back to the door. His butt was pressed against the edge of the wood while that hungry man kissed him. Noticing it late, two hands were opening the zipper of his trousers. Xiao Zhan panicked, trying to stop him and look behind him at the same time unsuccessfully.

“You're crazy, don't even think about it!” he scolded his boss with a serious expression, but of course the latter was only amused by that reaction and he kneeled on the floor. The employee widened his eyes and pushed his head as far as his arms could take him. But no matter how much he refused that, a part of him was desiring it, so when Yibo did more strength, Xiao Zhan's disappeared and a hot mouth surrounded his fluffy member completely. The gasp was so loud he was sure it had been heard outside. Luckily, there was no one. Neither a single person, and there wouldn’t be for the next fifteen minutes so the palm of his hand brushed his hair sweetly, feeling for first time how that drove him crazy, how he was in glory and nothing else mattered. Then, his boss left it to lick his lips and bite his lower one. His eyes were raised to look at him when he sucked it again. Xiao Zhan could only brush his hair meanwhile. His senses were overwhelmed. Such a man sucking him off in the middle of the office after so much time apart. Was that a dream? He needed to know what was real. However, that truly seemed as the realest thing ever.

Without a stop, Yibo moved his head backwards and forwards to go deeper and made his tip touch his throat several times. What was a fluffy, small member became big and hot and his boss looked as truly enjoying that. His tongue licked the whole length slowly before kissing the tip and staining his lips with precum. “My boy is so fast…” he muttered beside it. Xiao Zhan felt as dying inside with those words, why did they sound so dirty being spoken by him? His boy… He would lie if he said that didn’t turn him on even more. After, his boss started to play with it doing circles and sucking only the first part of it. His hand caught it to pump it fast while his mouth was paying attention to the lowest part. Xiao Zhan began to have his throat dry by gasping so much and he tried to gulp painfully. That man could drive him crazy in seconds as he was showing.

Feeling his body already too hot like to handle it two minutes more, Yibo continued with his hand and raised his body to kiss him to cover his moans, what started to be loud. His neck became his next victim to be attacked with his sucks. Being lost and absorbed by that man, the employee just tried to keep on his feet by grabbing his shoulders tightly. He was at his mercy completely, no matter what. And somehow, he loved it. “C’mon, now tell me what's wrong… I want to hear it, Zhan-ge” he bit his lobe after saying it so lowly. Why did he like torturing him so much? He wondered why Yibo was always getting his dirtiest face anywhere, anytime he wanted. Just a kiss, a touch, a naughty phrase were enough to give up and follow him. The best was that he didn’t mind even if he was realizing how far they were going sometimes. Probably, because Xiao Zhan preferred following his boss until the end of the world instead of staying beside his wife. So there wasn’t anything stronger inside of him than his desire to show Yibo how hooked up he was with him. “Answer me or I won't end that job” he giggled playfully when Xiao Zhan showed an anguished expression. He couldn’t be left like that. But he couldn’t say such a thing. Could he lie? No, Yibo was cleverer once again… Then, what should he do?

Breaking his thoughts, even his sanity and nerves, someone opened the door behind him. The couple was paralyzed and frozen, he could feel his boss cold abruptly. Then, his eyes were raised to observe how Yibo looked behind and how his face became rude. “Ah, I see you chose another type of _lunch_ … I'm sorry” that voice… That voice was Huang's. Xiao Zhan felt the urge to turn around and explain him, but when he did, the door was closed and they were left alone again. His mouth was half-opened, his anxiety growing up. He knew everything regarding them, but that was another subject. What would have happened if it hadn’t been Tao? Luckily both times were him, even the three ones. The bathroom, the office, this one… Luckily, Huang was the one figuring them out. But what would happen if another person discovered them the next time? And that reflected what that relationship meant. Secrets hidden from the world. It was disappointing… So much he returned to Yibo, who was looking at him with angry face, and hugged his neck, needing that protection, needing to forget his current life.

“End it please…” Xiao Zhan asked regarding his erection, but Yibo didn’t do anything. Was he that childish? He raised his face to find a bothered man. Why? Why was he disturbed now? His hand tried to touch his cheek and his lips to kiss him, but his boss didn’t return it, being so cold. As expected a kid. Xiao Zhan wouldn’t wait, he couldn’t anymore and his own hand started to pump it fast. He closed his eyes to moan less shyly and wrapped his arm around his neck, wanting at least his heat near his body when he would come. After a few seconds, he felt how that person in front of him lowered his body again to stop his hand and remove it; his mouth approached his length and began to suck quickly. That was what he needed at that moment.

“Yibo…” his name was the last spoken thing before he grabbed his hair tightly to thrust his mouth and reach the glory violently. His free forearm covered his lips not to shout by the pleasure in him. Even like that, he still felt a mouth licking his length. When his eyes looked down, he found a man cleaning it up and swallowing it after. How could that be as sexy and erotic as Yibo was being at that moment? Softly, his hand brushed his hair, placing it backwards and caressing his face when his boss glanced up. To end it, his big hands left his member inside his boxers and closed his zipper; after he stood up and pecked his lips.

“Won't you tell me?” he still asked and Xiao Zhan sighed. What would happen if he said it?

“I've truly missed you…” he muttered, looking at him shyly, exposing his soul to that man who let his expression soften. For a few seconds, they stayed fixed at each other until the employee set his gaze aside with a smile to hide his true feelings of sadness and concern. “I know you didn’t, but I was constantly-“

“I did” he cut his words off. His blood became frozen inside his body. “As crazy…” he confessed and pressed his lips against Xiao Zhan's, just to kiss them softly. The employee was frowning, thinking something was wrong, why would he miss him? He needed to think about it, that was why he broke the kiss to look at the clock and at his partner. It was time to work until that night.

“How should we meet after work?” he asked changing the subject drastically. Yibo noticed it, but knowing that was how they had to act, he just did a step backwards and broke any type of contact. Xiao Zhan could feel something was wrong again. Something was going on in his mind.

“I have to go to a place before, so what about meeting in my house at 8 pm?” he asked already ordering some papers from his desk beside him. He was okay with that so he nodded accepting it gladly and nervously. Then, as he wasn’t allowed to keep there longer, the employee turned around to his boss to kiss his cheek.

“I will look forward it” he muttered beside his ear and started to walk through the office to approach the door. His head wanted to look behind, he desired it a lot, so when he exited the room, his eyes glanced at him quickly before closing the door. The last image he had of Yibo was a lustful, lost man who was fixed at him. Xiao Zhan smiled, it was so easy that he needed to do it more times. Until he would feel satisfied. What he could never be.

He started to work in his desk, happily and motivated knowing what would happen after. He was so focused he didn’t notice the man approaching behind him until the latter placed his hand on his shoulder. Xiao Zhan jumped on his seat because he was truly into his work and looked at the one who did that. His eyes found Huang hiding his laugh. He got bothered at the next second and punched his arm. He knew what he was going to ask, he was sure of that and his ears didn’t want to listen to him at that moment.

“I’m sorry for finding you kissing and so” he apologized before catching the chair from the next desk and sitting down by his side to chat a while. Xiao Zhan frowned, maybe…

“Didn’t you see anything?” he asked surprised and that was enough hint to tell Tao they had done more than what he thought at first.

“Wait, have you fucked in the office?” he muttered because people started to come already from lunch break. The employee shook his head with widened eyes. How could he do something like that?

“No!” he shouted too loud and everyone stared at him. He looked around embarrassed and approached more to Tao. He was his confidant after all. “He… sucked me off…” he confessed while looking down. Tao just opened his mouth shocked.

“Just by curiosity, who sucks off better? A woman or a man?” he asked suddenly and Xiao Zhan only thought about punching his arm hard. His friend complained, but continued to repeat his question no matter what.

“How can I know?!” his whisper was quite loud, showing how bothered he was by that. How could he know that…?

“Because you've tried both” his friend reasoned, frowning deeply.

“That's not true” he covered his face with his hands. The embarrassment was truly strong in him at that moment.

“What do you mean?” his friend was as lost as never and Xiao Zhan only doubted if he should tell such a thing. He knew he was going to sound ridiculous, but he needed advices.

“Only Yibo has sucked me off…” his voice was the lowest one from the whole chat. Even like that, Tao could listen to him and express his surprise. He understood that was surprising because after all he had been married for a year and going out since university, yet he had never experienced that even once. His wife was totally against using her mouth to do that so he could only accept that and respect her. Hence that Yibo had done that, that Yibo had opened to him such a new world regarding sex and pleasure, just made him lose even more the last guilt left in his brain towards cheating.

“Joking, right?” it was the only answer he got back. That was why he turned around again to work, not wanting to continue that chat at all. But Huang approached even more to lean his chin on his shoulder as if he was a bird. “If you liked it, that's all what matters” he seemed as comprehensive for a second. “Did he move his head or you thrust his mouth?” again, he was asking stupid answers. His patience ran out and his hand slapped again his arm, this time stronger, and Tao jumped away in the middle of the office, of course coworkers looking at them oddly.

“Shut up and work!” he spat angrily. His friend only laughed and placed the chair again on the correspondent desk. However, even like that, a hand was placed on his shoulder. Why was he loving disturbing Xiao Zhan that much? The employee was sometimes so tired about his naughty comments, no matter if he laughed with some of them.

Suddenly, someone gasped loudly. “This office is a place to work, not a kindergarten to play” Yibo scolded them in front of everyone there and without a word Huang bowed as apologizing to return to his desk, but the young man only rolled his eyes and sighed. “Xiao Zhan, is there a problem?” he asked severely. Why was he so cold? Of course he had to act as his boss, nevertheless both knew he wasn’t working, but being just the victim of his own jealousy.

“No, boss. My apologies” he could sound polite, but his eyes were just transmitting anger. He was free of doing what he wanted. Why was he like that? More when they were just sexual acquaintances… Xiao Zhan only lowered his gaze to work. Or at least seeming as pressing buttons and writing on a paper. Again that pressure inside his chest was coming back. When would he realize the reality? When would he open his eyes? When wouldn’t he be afraid of properly seeing what was in front of him? When…?

“Well, I just want to say that I'm back. Everyone did an awesome job this last month so I want to congratulate you all” his coworkers started to applaud him briefly. “I hope this rhythm of work will keep with us and I encourage you all to give your best from now on too” with that he ended his greetings. Slowly, their gazes met again. The boss's one with that man's from a desk who was admiring how elegant he seemed while talking as a boss. Two seconds ago, he was happy, desiring to be with him. The fact he got angry for his jealousy, but then sad because of how everything was developing. And now… Now he was mesmerized once again. He was too into Yibo it was hard not to feel a roller coaster of emotions inside of him when each day was new and he never knew what would happen. That was why Xiao Zhan was so scared. Living with the fear of seeing how the end could approach between them the next day and feeling unable to stop it.

Hastily, one of his coworkers said something interesting for the employee. “Boss! We found out your birthday is tomorrow so we thought about going everyone to drink together and celebrate it with you” everyone tried to persuade him to accept while Xiao Zhan was without oxygen in his lungs. His eyes widened and his mouth bit his lower lip. Why was he the last one who knew about it? What should he do? Should he celebrate it as something private with him? Or should he just not give it importance and act as another employee? Should he prepare a gift? Or was just saying happy birthday enough? But, the most important thing… Why was he so worried about it suddenly?

“Okay, okay. Let's go tomorrow everyone” Yibo accepted with a smile. Xiao Zhan was taken aback by that smile. It was sincere. Even happy. Probably he was happy for having been invited. Every time someone invited him to be with them, Yibo seemed so happy. As a kid. A small, innocent kid who needed someone protecting him. And Xiao Zhan wondered why. There were too many questions regarding him that the employee was still shocked and disoriented. What should he do? Maybe Tao could help him. His eyes searched for him, but unluckily he was talking with another person. It was hard at that moment. Everything was hard actually and his level of frustration increased.

Xiao Zhan only sighed, covering his eyes with his fingers to rub them and relieve the pressure on them. Somehow, he needed to talk with Yibo. Slowly, he looked up to find that man leaving already. Then, it would have to be that night. He hoped that after talking, they could enjoy it together. He felt crazy no matter what if he didn’t have his touches. That was why, because he couldn’t wait anymore and needed those few hours to go by as soon as possible, he focused on his work. His mind only thinking about it without a stop. Neither a single one. He needed not to think anymore.

*****

His hand was doubting if he should press the doorbell. It was shaking slightly because of his nervousness. What would happen when they would meet again? What would happen when they would be alone? What would happen when they would talk? He was so stressed no matter if he tried to calm himself during the path coming there. It would be okay, he repeated. “It will be perfect” he muttered aloud for himself and finally rang the bell shyly. With a knot in his throat, he waited until the door was opened and a man, just with trousers and T-shirt, showed up. Their gazes met, but he could feel nothing was okay between them. Why? His fears increased even ten times worse and he couldn’t move when Yibo allowed him to come inside. How could he?

Xiao Zhan gulped, being as brave as life had taught him, and came inside to wander a bit around. Yibo only walked to the living room, without a single touch between them. The employee frowned deeply. What was wrong? He followed him and sat beside waiting for something to arrive, but the boss was so cold it was surrealistic. He could guess there was something bothering him because when there weren’t questions or concerns, Yibo was the warmest person in that world. That was the reason why he got closer to him to lean his hand on his thigh. “Tell me what you're thinking of, I can listen to you” his voice was softer. A gaze looked at him expressing a mix of emotions that was a mess. Was that what he was feeling? Still having spoken such words, Yibo was cold with him.

“Why did you go there?” he asked disappointed. That feeling was the main one in that gaze. Xiao Zhan frowned, where? Where did he mean? “Why did you go to the hospital?” he clarified and the young man froze there. He knew what he had done. How? Had Wu told him? But, what was more important, why was he caring like that?

“I just wanted to-“

“You don't even have the right to know about my life like that…” he cut him off drastically. Xiao Zhan felt an invisible slap that made him return to his original place and break any type of contact. Why was he saying such things? Why was it hurting so much inside of his chest?

“Then, I'm sorry if I didn’t have to go” he answered still too shocked to even try to explain himself. “But sometimes, there are people who care about you-“

“Why would you care-“

“Watching how you cried in front of someone in a coma was really shocking!” he finally raised his voice at him. He was looking at the floor, but his voice was loud and clear. After that, there was only a silence. Nobody knew what the other should say. What they themselves should say. His desire of hugging or kissing him disappeared. It was hard to be with him while being that cold and bothered. Possibly, he would be right and Xiao Zhan didn’t have to have gone there. But also, they could talk properly instead of arguing like that. He was unable to handle it with him. Anyone but him. “I know I did wrong and I'm sorry, but don't treat me so coldly” he confessed to show him how he was feeling. But as he expected, Yibo got disturbed.

“I have the right to be angry” however, his voice was still warm. Those words were spoken in the right way to express his bother, but while being still close to him, warm. Xiao Zhan decided to make them sort it out finally. That was why he caught both of his hands and the first idea that came to his mind was understanding why he had reacted like that.

“Yibo, I know I didn’t have the right to go there, to talk to Wu Shan or try to know more about you. But… I want to know you better… because it seems that every time I'm with you, I'm with a stranger” he spoke suddenly as if that had been a speech. His eyes were widened to look at his partner who was frowning there. They were face to face so any single expression was caught by the other.

“Then, ask me” his boss blinked a few times. “If you want to know me, just ask what you want to know” his hand was raised to caress his soft cheek. Xiao Zhan melted a bit by that warmth against his skin. Was it that easily?

“I thought you wouldn’t tell me that simple…” the employee confessed shyly. Was he sounding stupid? Or even ridiculous? Probably he was, because Yibo finally smiled and sighed.

“Who do you think I am? I prefer you asking instead of being Sherlock Holmes by your own…” he said trying to seem bothered, but indeed he was just playing. Xiao Zhan hit his thigh.

“Don't call me that!” he complained with a pout and let Yibo approach him. The desire to kiss him increased at the same rhythm the space between them decreased. But of course, his boss just continued talking.

“Then, don't do those things” his expression got serious, but his voice was still soft. “I had to hear how Shan scolded me all the time I was there today” he closed his eyes annoyed to lean on the table defeated. Xiao Zhan frowned and fixed his words.

“So was that what you had to do before coming here?” he talked carefully, the last thing he wanted was Yibo being bothered by him once more. He hated it. On the contrary, he was loving how they both were talking at that moment.

“Yes, even if Shan told me he was okay, I wanted to check it out with my own eyes” his head stayed on the table for a while, just looking tired and somehow upset with the subject. However, his boss was answering easily to his questions, so he tried to go deeper.

“Wu told me you are friends…” his way to start was slowly. Yibo nodded.

“Yeah, Fang and Shan are my best friends” he clarified still looking okay with it.

“Also… he told me how Chen ended up in the coma…” Xiao Zhan took a risk too quickly, without thinking. At that moment, Yibo got tense and moved, sitting properly again by his side.

“That guy can't be shut up…” he muttered too lowly. Somehow, so low that the employee understood he had just thought out loud.

“I just want to know if you are now okay. Just that” Xiao Zhan pointed out. He just needed to know if he was okay after such a tragedy. Slowly, Yibo smiled sweetly and caught his waist to place him between his legs, so he was able to hug his body tightly. He was feeling his torso on his back, his chin on his shoulder, his head against his. Probably he just needed comfort, so his hands rubbed Yibo's tenderly.

“No matter if tomorrow will be one year since it happened… Every day I remember each detail” his voice was sad, it was even reflecting how much he might be suffering since then. However, he had no idea of what to answer. Just one year was still too early to overcome it and also, anything he would say wouldn’t help him to feel better. Probably, there wouldn’t be anything new to hear. That was why he turned around as he could in his arms to catch his cheek with his hand and kiss his lips. His back felt a hand trying to go inside his suit, but it was having some problems to fulfil that desire. So Xiao Zhan helped him by removing his jacket while they were still kissing. His shirt was taken out of his trousers and his skin had a cold hand rubbing it slowly. His body shivered, being surrounded by goosebumps. After a few seconds, Yibo stopped it and rubbed their noses. The young man was waiting that question to say yes. “Are you hungry?” suddenly, that was the question he heard and he was taken aback. Maybe was he playing with words? No, his face was so natural, his eyes only looking at him warmly. There was no hidden game. It was a normal question. Not what he was waiting for, though.

“Yeah, yeah… Quite a bit…” he answered as he could and saw how Yibo pecked his lips before standing up to go to the kitchen. Xiao Zhan was left there, already turned on, wondering why they had to have dinner before. He was truly desiring that man after a month. Why then? Hastily, his phone vibrated and he just prayed it wasn’t his wife scolding him for having said the lie of being unable to return home that night. He had to be so careful. However, maybe asking too much, he just found a message of Tao.

**From::** Huang Tao

_How is it going? Don't worry if you can't answer, I already know what you may be doing~_

As stupid as he himself everyday. The employee sighed.

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_For your information, we are just having dinner. Thanks for asking._

He answered briefly and rudely to see if his friend understood the situation. It wasn’t moment to joke. He was worried why Yibo didn’t do anything yet. Trying his best, he removed his tie to place it with the jacket on the floor beside him, opened the neck of his shirt to show a bit his collarbones and stood up to approach to his boss by behind. Softly, his arms surrounded his waist to hug him while Yibo was just preparing two bowls of noodles. Xiao Zhan could feel how tense he became in his arms so he gave up and placed himself by his side.

“I’m sorry, I only have this to eat” he seemed embarrassed. Indeed, he wondered why his boss didn’t take care of his nutrition better so he only accepted it gladly, just needing something plain to eat and see what would happen after. Finally, Yibo glanced at him and his eyes stared at his whole being, widened and mesmerized. Xiao Zhan tried to hide his smile, knowing it had worked, to just approach more and hug his neck lightly with his hands. His boss embraced his waist back, falling in his claws to kiss his lips tenderly. The employee truly tried not to smile, but it was impossible when he had what he wanted. Two hands were slipped inside his shirt again to rub his skin slowly and provoke that Xiao Zhan shivered in his arms.

However, seeming impossible to go further, Yibo remembered the bowls of noodles and broke any contact to catch them and go to the living room, leaving him alone in the kitchen. Defeated and confused. What was wrong with him? Weren’t they sexual acquaintances? Then, why was he acting like that? Giving up, he followed him to sit by his side and, right at the moment he was going to catch his, his phone vibrated. It couldn’t be Tao again… He sighed before checking it out and finding his friend saying stupid things.

**From::** Huang Tao

_You two seem more like a married couple instead of just sexual acquaintances… Are you sure you're being truly evident regarding what you want?_

And Tao asked what was bothering him since the beginning. Maybe, he himself was the problem. Maybe Yibo wasn’t feeling attracted to him anymore. Maybe he was right after all and the trip showed to the boss he was just another funny affair and nothing else. He was panicking suddenly, his hands so sweaty and his heart beating fast. He couldn’t allow his mind to succumb to his fears that easily. Not without having heard it straight from Yibo. That was why he wrote a reply like lying to Tao and to himself.

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_It's better to eat before. And yes, I'm being pretty evident._

He sighed confused. What's was wrong that night? “Is something bad?” Yibo asked being by his side, eating relaxedly. Xiao Zhan knew it could be worse if he said who was, but after all, he didn’t want to lie. So he started to eat finally while answering so it would seem more natural.

“No, just talking with a friend” the name was omitted, not thinking it was needed and Yibo left his bowl on the table to turn around a bit.

“Talking about friends, aren't Huang Tao and you too close lately?” he had that superb gaze again. Did he have to handle that face once more? He thought it had been forgotten long time ago. Xiao Zhan only nodded without looking at him, not giving it importance to see if Yibo would stop. “Do you talk to him about us?” he asked straight and then, it was when the employee turned around to gaze at him while frowning.

“Well, as you did with Wu so” he pointed out and continued to eat his noodles. Hastily, his phone vibrated again and he proceeded to answer.

**From::** Huang Tao

_Then, I wonder why he doesn’t attack. Well, you can do it too. Fight for what you want, ZhanZhan!_

The employee giggled by such a phrase at the end. Tao sometimes was the best person to encourage him. And in situations like that, the proof was showed several times. Somehow, he didn’t regret having started to be his friend. Not everything had to be bad after all. So he was about to write something back when he felt someone catching his wrists to push him backwards and be trapped between the floor and that bothered man. After recovering himself from the shock, he noticed that the phone had fallen beside his head and when his eyes stared at Yibo's, the latter was reading the full chat.

“Hey! That's not your business! You're hurting me!” he tried to remove the grips, but his boss was truly doing strength. “Yibo! Don't read it!” he complained as hard as he could. He was panicking because he was reading every message that appeared in the screen. And suddenly, his boss sat over his thighs with defeated expression.

Xiao Zhan sat a bit ending too close to him indeed, but he only cared about his phone. He turned it off and placed it on the table before looking at Yibo. He tried to talk, however, the other was quicker. “Just tell me what you want straight…” he said with resignation, his hands already opening his shirt. What did that mean? The employee stopped him. What was wrong with him?

“What are you doing now?!” he asked strongly, but his boss only kissed his neck tenderly. Without a doubt, Xiao Zhan titled his head to impede him from continuing. Yibo sighed and kneeled on the floor finally, but as expected it was only to catch him and made him sit down over his legs, keeping a bit taller than his boss. With a pout, his arms were leaned on his shoulders, his shirt completely opened. He was embarrassed because he had read that, how worried he was regarding that man who was staring at him with almond eyes. How he needed someone to talk with about him because only his mind was unable to process everything. What would happen now?

“I saw you have a tired expression and I thought that maybe you just wanted a relaxing night with me instead of… just sex…” he confessed, probably more embarrassed than Xiao Zhan himself. The employee widened his eyes taken aback. Was that how much Yibo cared about him? “I was truly controlling me” he laughed shyly. “Because you're so sexy with this shirt like this or when you are this cuddly…” he bit his lower lip instead of continuing and Xiao Zhan caught his cheek with his hand to be so close that their noses were breathing the same oxygen between their mouths. So indeed, Yibo was still being attracted by him, but just the fact he could be tired made him control his own desire to just spend a nice time together. His heart was pounding. How could he be so cute? He was melting in his arms at that moment.

“I’m perfect for that…” he assured. “Always with you…” he smiled and finally kissed him happily. His partner only let him suck his lower lip as much as he wanted. When Xiao Zhan decided to look at him again while hugging his shoulders, Yibo pecked his lips as if he needed to steal it. Fact that made him giggle.

“Actually we can do both… So what about ending the noodles first?” he asked with a brilliant smile. The employee felt his heart softened thanks to his sweet behaviour and nodded. Being quite sad about having to sit on the floor instead of keeping that close to him, the employee chose to stay arm against arm. Yibo just turned the television on while eating and they both just focused on their dinners. Sometimes they looked at each other or commented the program, but the silence was also so enjoyable, what was more, Yibo's presence seemed a gift.

And when the last part of the soap was drunk by Xiao Zhan, his hands left the bowl on the table to sigh while grabbing his stomach. He truly ate a lot. Shyly, he glanced at his boss, wanting to know how much was left in his, but only the soap was left too. The moment was arriving and his lust started to be horrible inside of him. That was why he dared to catch his boss's bowl, already finished, to place it beside his and approached until being able to kiss his neck naughtily. Two hands began to touch his body blatantly, without a glimpse of hesitation. Much less when Yibo stood with Xiao Zhan in his arms thanks to his legs, that were surrounding his hips. The employee continued torturing his skin while he was being carried. He would lie if he didn’t admit he would like to be always carried like that by that man. He felt as a prince due to his treatment.

Slowly, Yibo left him on the bed to be over him and smile before starting that game of touches and kisses anywhere. The young man tried not to be the only one who did nothing, but his boss didn’t let him do too much either, grabbing his wrists against the mattress or keeping him lying down. Indeed, he was receiving loads of pleasure, but somehow he wanted to give him too and see how weak Yibo could be under his power. However, he knew that night wouldn’t be his chance to do it because when he realized, Yibo had already removed both's clothes and was between his legs with a bottle of lube in his hands.

“How do you want me to be today, Zhan-ge?” he asked, with a smirk on his face, probably waiting a dirty reply by Xiao Zhan. Nevertheless, the employee could only hug his neck as soon as they were near again, his cheeks being so flushed by excitement and embarrassment. Being quite satisfying, he began to be filled inside and his mouth was opened to talk voicelessly.

“Treat me as gently as you promised me…” his eyes couldn’t be almost opened because they were watery enough to lose a tear anytime. Yibo was taken aback by that sentence, however he reacted with a smile before moving out slowly to thrust him harshly again, hitting his sweet spot inside. Xiao Zhan moaned as low as he was able to control his voice, but that pace was making him go insane. That man was making him go insane once again. He needed to feel how those arms embraced him that tight, how those lips stained his skin several times, how Yibo was making him be his that night. Just a night. But it was enough for both to be happy together. No matter if Xiao Zhan thought and accepted he would have to continue after his life as husband, being crazy a night per week was what he needed after tasting how being with Yibo was. It wasn’t something he could forget already. He didn’t want to forget that sensation. Never. It felt too good to be forgotten. He felt too free, like if he finally had escaped from that jail thanks to Yibo.


	10. Decision

Feeling his throat so dry, he wanted to cough, but just swallowed a bit of saliva instead to see if it stopped because he didn’t want to wake up that man who was completely grabbed to his neck and torso. His eyes gazed at his messy hair falling on the pillow, perfect to brush, or his fleshy, lower lip with that mole under it, perfect to kiss. His face was flawless even while he was asleep, so Yibo couldn’t handle his smile. That man… He had never found such a creature. For the boss, Xiao Zhan was the model employee, always working, standing out, helping everyone, admired by his bosses. However, under that perfect face, there was a moody man, who was usually complaining and scolding him, showing a hidden, rude face and not being afraid of answering if he disliked a comment. And much deeper than all of that, he was lucky to find a warm man. Someone who was able to give anything for the ones he loved, someone who was there every time he needed help, someone who needed to love because he was cuddly and affectionate. What Yibo liked the most was how rude he could seem, but after all, when the truth was revealed, Xiao Zhan was just shy. How his cute ears started to be reddish and the sweat fell through his temples.

The boss sighed while biting his lip not to smile that widely. He truly liked that man beside him. He was truly into him. So much he was crazy even to do that with Xiao Zhan being married. He never thought he would be able to interfere in a marriage like that. But when his employee was near, his body felt so reckless. It moved by itself, always searching for a way to erase every armour and find out the real Xiao Zhan. Just who he was naturally. So when he discovered it once, Yibo became addicted to that face of his, ending up always attempting to get it no matter what, where or how. His whole being yearned for him. And he could realize it in his last trip. Being apart from him had hurt him more than he expected. Yibo thought it was going to be harder because his body would tend to feel hot with Xiao Zhan, but when he noticed it wasn’t that, but that he was missing as crazy his hugs or his kisses, even his complains, pouts or smiles, Yibo knew something was wrong there. That was the reason why he had never had a proper, stable relationship with anyone. Because he was unable to feel something strong in his heart. However, with him, it happened so easily, no matter how he tried to stop his feelings, that somehow he was being a mess of what he could do. Of course, Xiao Zhan had his life done. A wife, a house, a job. He was only his toy. Although he was horribly into his employee, there was no way such a man would choose him in the end. No way he would feel the same. And he was scared of what he would do when that moment would arrive. Would he be again as lonely as before? He had Shan and Fang, but how warm his heart was with Xiao Zhan… Nobody had gotten such a thing before.

Feeling again that burning pain into his chest, he decided to move him slowly to drop that sleepy man on his bed and cover him a bit more. Both were naked and even if it was hot, he didn’t want his employee to fall ill. So not caring about how Xiao Zhan could complain even asleep, his hands raised the blanket until his armpits. One of them brushed his hair softly. He was so naïve and unprotected… Yibo felt a hole inside of him when he thought he wasn’t going to be the person who would take care of him in the future. He wasn’t going to be the one who would love him or who would spend the days with. He wasn’t going to be chosen by Xiao Zhan.

With watery eyes, he stood up in the middle of the night to dress some clothes and went to the kitchen. He caught a glass of water to drink and see if that knot in his throat would disappear. Meanwhile, he checked his phone and Shan had written to him. It was four am, the message was sent at one am. He prayed his reply wouldn’t disturb him.

**From::** Wu Shan

_Hi, bro. I'm sorry if I sounded so bothered today, but really, meeting your mistress wasn't nice. You know I don't support it, he's married, don't you see how troublesome that may be for you? Your life has already had so many scandals so try to think a bit about yourself. I hate doing this, but even if that man seems a nice person, it's impossible, Bobo. Reconsider it, please._

**From::** Wang Yibo

_First, don't call him my mistress, he's more important than that. Second, it's worse for me if I let him go. Third, I don't care about scandals, I just want to finally be happy with someone and you know it. And fourth, I won't reconsider it. I'm sorry, Shan. I won't give up unless he is the one who breaks ties with me. It's already decided._

Yibo wrote that feeling even sicker. All of that was overcoming him. Better said, those feelings. Those feelings regarding Xiao Zhan that were killing him everyday. A really small part of himself was hating it so much, it was hating the fact of possibly falling in love with his employee. There were so many obstacles that his mind was wondering why his heart continued to fall in his claws. It wondered what the employee had that made him be unable to stop following him anywhere constantly. Yibo needed to know why. Why a married man? Or maybe, what fit better his feelings. Why did Xiao Zhan have to be married? Because after all, he didn’t want any other man in his life; the biggest obstacle was that marriage. That corrupt marriage they had. His wife was possibly cheating on him and Xiao Zhan did nothing. Why? If he could get divorced, Yibo would be able to try it, so why did he stay still? Every night sleeping by her side, living with her, sharing the same stuff… Perhaps even kissing every morning… Smiling at her… Making love to her…

Yibo breathed deeply, trying not to sob and throw the glass against the wall. That anger inside of him, that jealousy, that pain. All of that was being a hell for him. Seeing how such a woman was getting the affection of Xiao Zhan made him be sick. She deserved the worst, or at least she didn’t deserve someone as her husband by her side. Xiao Zhan didn’t deserve being treated like that, being cheated, being humiliated by the person who swore eternal love to him. He didn’t and he wouldn’t allow it. Yibo was sure of helping him to open his eyes and forget her. He would give his best to protect him no matter what, against the whole world if it was needed.

Being already so tired and even cold, the boss returned to the bed silently to sit down on his side to try to lie down, finding that Xiao Zhan was in the middle of it and he was unable to. Yibo rolled his eyes and moved him a bit at least to place him over his body. As expected, the employee growled disturbed and hid his face on his neck. “Where did you go?” suddenly, he asked between babblings. The boss brushed his hair to make him relax.

“I was just thirsty. Sleep, Zhan-ge” his voice was tender not to wake him up more. The man over him moved like cuddling up and kissed his neck.

“What time is it?” his lips touched slightly his skin while talking and Yibo felt a hard shiver. Even half asleep, he found different ways to provoke him. The boss sighed wondering why was he asking that.

“Four am, that's why-“

“Happy birthday, Yibo…” he cut off his words to say that, that small phrase what made his heart pound as crazy. If it continued like that, Xiao Zhan would discover it because his hand was over his torso, so near his heart.

“Thank you…” his lips muttered while his eyes were observing the ceiling. His arms hugged him tightly, trying not to lose him. Could he control that? Could he make him stay? What would he do without him? Once he already tasted the flavour happiness had when he was with Xiao Zhan, his whole being refused to lose it. He refused to give up that easily when it was the first time he felt something as pure as that inside of his chest.

_You will be mine someday…_

*****

It was normal for him to wake up before that man, who loved sleeping. So he opted to do breakfast. His hands covered more that naked piece of art and he went to the kitchen. Indeed he had nothing to eat properly, just those typical packets of coffee. How did Xiao Zhan like being with him if he was such a mess? He doubted if he should go out and buy something, possibly his employee would be truly hungry. After all, last night, Yibo had really gotten him so tired. The boss showed a naughty smile; he loved remembering how Xiao Zhan looked up at him and asked for more. How his mouth was half-opened because he wanted a kiss. How his legs were wrapped around his hips to deepen it. How he could feel his desire, the desire of wanting more and more, of wanting Yibo no matter what. Why though?

The boss had never felt handsome or cool. What was more, when he was a kid, he was a geek of games and skateboarding. That changed because that wasn’t proper of the CEO's son. Everything was because he was the son of... He sighed, leaning his hands on the worktop. That was still too recent. He should continue to do their breakfast instead of thinking awful memories again. That was why he started to prepare two coffees in silence. He planned to carry them to the bedroom and wake him up. However surprising him a lot, when he turned around with both cups in his hands, his eyes met Xiao Zhan's, which looked at the coffees with a smile. So that made him happy. Yibo couldn’t help but notice how he was dressed up. Just his underwear and shirt. That was so provocative. So much he gulped not to throw himself to devour that man all the times he wanted and stretched his arm to give him his cup. That sleepy man muttered a thank you and drank a bit of it. They kept on drinking it there, without talking and being completely okay with it. Sometimes, Yibo stared at him too long and when Xiao Zhan noticed him, he laughed cutely. The boss couldn’t assure his face wasn’t red because it was embarrassing, being caught like a teenager observing his partner. Slowly, his employee left the cup in the sink and even if there was still some coffee in his, Yibo couldn’t wait anymore. His hand searched for that waist to approach their bodies and rub their noses.

“Let's take a shower together” he proposed and Xiao Zhan smiled interested in it. He nodded, what made Yibo smile widely. He was truly happy to be able to do that. Then, the boss went to prepare a few towels while seeing he was checking his phone. He wondered if he was answering Huang... Yesterday's messages reflected how good friends they had become and he was wondering if that was a good idea. After all, Tao was the man who threatened Xiao Zhan. However, he wanted to control himself and give him space, that was why he went to the bathroom to get it ready. Shortly after, his employee appeared with a moody expression and Yibo couldn’t help but frown wondering if something bad had happened. Even like that, Xiao Zhan only undressed and placed himself under the water. He watched how affected he was, but he had no idea why. Slowly, he ended up naked and joined the shower. Cuddly, he hugged his waist by behind. However, he felt him so cold. Why? What had happened?

Xiao Zhan turned around with his wet face and not because of the water falling. Yibo got so worried and caught his cheeks. “What's wrong? Tell me, Zhan-ge” he spoke showing his concern the best he could. His employee's answer was his lip being bitten. It seemed like he didn’t want to say it. Should he leave it like that? No, he didn’t think so. That was why he kissed his lips as tender as he could. “Tell me, please” he insisted, possibly forcing Xiao Zhan to do it.

“My wife will spend two days in a trip with a friend” abruptly he smiled. “Do you know how many times I've asked her for a trip and she has always refused it?” his lip was almost bleeding if he didn’t stop. Yibo kissed him to save it and be close to him. He didn’t know who was angrier, if Xiao Zhan himself or Yibo. Just watching how he was suffering ripped his heart out of his chest. That woman was destroying him and even if the boss hated admitting it, he could say this crying man truly loved her or at least he had loved her. Maybe that was what bothered him the most.

_How can you still love her, Zhan-ge?_

Slowly, his hand brushed his wet hair to place it backwards and approached his chin to his shoulder. Without a doubt, two arms hugged his torso tightly. They both were naked under a cascade of hot water, but the only thing he felt was how he was shivering. Could that be... rage? “I can take you on a trip wherever you want. You don't need her” his words were harsh, perhaps he said too much. Perhaps it was too early to treat like that his marriage. He had no right to talk about it, much less deciding what to do. With hesitation, he looked back at Xiao Zhan when the latter raised his head like a puppy.

“It's not that, but thank you” his voice tried to sound as sweet as possible accompanied with a tired smile, but Yibo could see how hurt he was lately regarding his wife. He acted like he didn’t care, however he behaved like this again. What were his true feelings?

“I know it's not the fact of just a trip. But then, what is?” he asked and decided to take the shower meanwhile. His hands were filled with soap to rub Xiao Zhan's skin slowly. His torso and shoulders at a low speed, waiting to hear his answer. Abruptly, his employee took his hands to stop him.

“I can do it” his cheeks were flushed and the boss understood he was just being shy. His heart pounded hard inside of his chest by that soft expression. So because of that, he smiled to kiss his right commissure and continue after.

“Let me take care of you. Just say all that it's bothering you meanwhile” he attempted to be as tender as possible so Xiao Zhan would feel the most cared person of that world. That was how he wanted to treat him the rest of his life. That was how he wanted that man to be treated. And the latter only placed his forehead on his shoulder, allowing him to continue to clean his body.

“Do you remember the first day of your trip when you called me? I met Tao” he started to tell him, but the first part was already disturbing him horribly. So indeed they met to drink after work. He couldn’t avoid being jealous. “He told me that when my wife and I were lovers after college, she cheated on me with him” he spoke lowly, maybe trying not to be heard with the water noise. But unluckily, Yibo caught each word perfectly and his anger grew up in seconds. “The best was that he didn’t know she was with me. So she ended up cheating on both at the same time” he laughed tiredly. The boss stopped his hands to wash them and made him raise his head. Indeed, he was crying. All that woman did was a lie. They already had the proof of it.

“Why are you still with her?” he asked without hesitation. She had already showed how despicable and horrible person she was so why Xiao Zhan was still by her side. It was unthinkable for him. Maybe, indeed he was right. Maybe Xiao Zhan would choose her before him.

“It's not easy. I'm someone who everyone admires, who seems as having the perfect life, who has everything he wants. So losing all of that suddenly it’s... Scary. And so hard” his eyes looked up, looked at him with a fear, with a scare that Yibo hadn’t seen before in the eyes of anyone. Was he that scared? Was his life that scary? How could he help him? How could he make it stop scaring him? How could he set Xiao Zhan free from the claws of that woman? He needed to know to save him. Yibo wanted to save him from that constant unhappiness no matter what. So where could he find the answers? What could he do? Was he that useless? Being there, in front of him, unable to do a single step to comfort him. Finally, the boss only surrounded that thin body with his muscled arms to protect him. To protect that soul he was showing in that shower. Being completely naked, both his body and soul. That was why his grip became tighter.

“I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise” he muttered, maybe undressing his soul shyly too. With Xiao Zhan it was okay. For sure it was okay when his employee only hugged him back even tighter. His warmth was everything he needed to be alright.

*****

Why had he accepted? After all, he was better surrounded by papers and numbers instead of drunk people, who were his employees. It was his birthday, he should be happy his people wanted to celebrate it with him, but somehow he wasn’t the type of person who enjoyed such a thing. That was why after that hard day regarding Xiao Zhan, his feelings and the work, that party was becoming something hard to handle instead of joy and fun. Luckily, in that party, his employee was there, at the other side of the long table though, beside Huang also, but he was there at least and just admiring him from time to time was okay.

His hand was only grabbing a beer, what was half full because it wasn’t like his body accepted too well the alcohol. Anything he drank could affect him the double or triple, so there was no doubt he had to be careful or he would end up being drunk and doing who knew what... The whole party, then, was focused on contemplating his boy. That cute man with red cheeks and sleepy eyes. He spent too much time that it was normal if Xiao Zhan found him several times; the boss only continued without caring while his employee was flushed by embarrassment instead of by alcohol and that made the boss desire him even harder. Why was he suffering that much? He would love to take him home and make love to him as many times as possible, all his body could bear. Because indeed, he was mesmerized by such creature.

Not being taken aback, once of the times he was figured out by Xiao Zhan, the latter stood up to surround all his coworkers difficultly, leaving Tao behind, who looked speechless. Slowly, his employee approached him to lean on his shoulder and sit down beside the boss. Yibo glanced at the rest of people there, who were drunk also, but looking at the young man weirdly. He knew that his employee wouldn’t have taken that risk publicly. “How much have you drunk?” his mouth talked to Xiao Zhan, but he still did like they weren’t. The other man only chuckled effortlessly.

“You should know it after looking at me the whole evening” he spoke slowly, as his tongue couldn’t move properly. Then, Yibo noticed a person glancing at them while frowning. Suddenly, Xiao Zhan leaned his head on his shoulder, producing a small heart attack on the boss. He blinked several times, not knowing what to do; everyone there were widening their eyes without hesitation. Luckily, Huang appeared quickly to remove the almost-asleep man from Yibo's side and apologize just to show that Xiao Zhan was being so out of place without reason. Somehow, the boss thanked him mentally, but in the other hand, he wanted to be like that in public. Having him in his arms. Kissing him in the street. Holding hands as something normal. That was why he looked so disappointed when Xiao Zhan leaned his head on Tao's shoulder. Jealous. Disturbed. It wasn’t because he didn’t trust his friend, but because with Huang, the drunk man could do whatever he wanted, however with him, Xiao Zhan could only act as an employee. And he hated being just a boss for him in public. With all his might.

Being already too moody like to enjoy his own party, he glanced at Tao and moved his head to indicate him to follow the same path. Yibo stood up and went to the toilets; at the next minute, Huang was coming inside. That situation was quite uncomfortable, so he tried to end it as fast as he could. “I will take Xiao Zhan home, just help him to go outside that I will be there waiting for him” his words were authoritarian, possibly still doing as a boss. He didn’t expect an answer back, that was why he was going to exit the toilets when a hand caught his arm.

“What are you trying with him?” Huang voice was deep. Yibo frowned, not knowing such a docile worker could have that face. He turned around and found a serious man. Somehow, his appearance had a respectful aura.

“It’s not your business” he answered, not caring about how intimidating he could seem. Yibo was already used to handle that type of attitude.

“It is, because I care about him” Tao spoke straight after his reply and the boss raised his right commissure to show the attempt of a smirk.

“Then, answer me and I will answer you. Why are you his friend?” he planned at the next instant, knowing that he would fall in his claws if he wanted his thoughts aloud. The worker looked troubled, but opened his mouth ready to talk.

“At first, it was because he asked, better said, obligated me to be his friend while being drunk. But after, I saw he's a wonderful person, who doesn't deserve having such a wife, that's why I ask you what your intentions are” he told the boss not looking too sure, that indecision was reflected into his eyes. Yibo raised one eyebrow. Had Xiao Zhan asked him to be his friend? How odd could it be?

“Don’t take me as someone who likes breaking marriages. He's special” his explanation was brief, not giving details so he wouldn’t know too much, even if he was finding out Xiao Zhan and Huang were closer than he expected.

“I just hope you will make him open his eyes” suddenly, he said such a thing and made Yibo frown. “I will carry him outside, wait for us” without waiting for his answer, Tao continued talking and after leaving the boss trying to understand what he meant, the coworker exited the toilets. What did he mean? What did he want to say in reality? Did he have to read between lines? Did Huang accept their affair? Did Huang want him to stop that marriage? Why? Was Xiao Zhan so unhappy like to have friends who would think cheating on his wife was a correct idea?

Yibo left the toilets to approach his employees, glancing at Xiao Zhan being caught by Tao, and he spoke. “Everyone, thank you so much for this celebration, I had a lot of fun. But unluckily I have to leave because I still have so much work undone. Continue enjoying the night for me” he said goodbye to everyone there and they complained a bit, but said goodbye to him too. Meanwhile, he was taking his jacket and briefcase to leave and his eyes were watching how Huang apologized by Xiao Zhan's behaviour.

“Now that boss Wang will leave, I think Xiao Zhan needs to sleep, see you tomorrow guys” Yibo heard how the friend talked with the rest of people before he left the Remedy's and waited beside the building. He would take Xiao Zhan's car and would go to his house. He needed to rest no matter what, how could he be so stupid like to drink that much? Suddenly, he listened to small complains and mumbles. Then, Huang appeared dragging the drunk man tiredly. He seemed a kid.

Yibo approached to grab him. “C’mon, Zhan-ge, let's go home” his arms embraced his waist and the employee smiled when he could wrap his neck.

“Sleep with me” Xiao Zhan asked with a weak smile, being so cuddly and close to Yibo that the latter was glancing at Huang, who was so out of place there.

“First, let's arrive home” he tried to convince him to start to walk, but unexpectedly, Xiao Zhan kissed him without a doubt. In the middle of the street. In other circumstances, he would have loved that public display of affection, but he was just panicking, stopping him in any way, looking around with a heart attack. Luckily, he only found an amazed Huang observing them.

“Please, I don't want to sleep alone” Xiao Zhan continued like nothing bad had happened, flirting as just a few times Yibo saw him and he decided that that man being drunk was so dangerous to control.

“Tell me where your car is and give me the keys” the boss opted to keep on his attempts to go home instead of scolding him and worsening everything. With a pout, Xiao Zhan looked down to start to touch his pockets. At last, he got the keys, but his hand hid them.

“First, a kiss” he played cuddly. The boss was already losing the hope of not being discovered. His gaze checked the street quickly, watching how Huang had his mouth half-opened and he fulfilled his wish. His lips kissed Xiao Zhan's for two seconds, closing his eyes and embracing him tighter.

“Happier? Now, behave and let me take you home” he reproached him with husky voice and the drunk man gave him the keys to be willing to walk. Before following him, he turned around to thank Huang and the latter bowed at him back.

Figuring out how hard walking with Xiao Zhan was, he just prayed the car was near. Luckily, when they turned the corner of the next building, they found the car and Yibo sighed relieved, soon they would be able to rest. That was why he placed him on the copilot seat and sat beside him. Just when he was inserting the key to turn it on, a sudden image appeared in his mind. How another car crashed against his. He gulped, trying not to panic, but his body was already sweaty and trembling. There was no way he could allow that at that moment, no one else could drive. He had to. Nothing bad would happen, not that again. It was true he had drunk as that night, that he was driving as that night, that he wasn’t alone in the car as that night, that it had happened exactly one year ago, the night of his birthday. However, he knew it would be okay.

“Yibo, why aren't you driving?” he asked half asleep already.

“I was just thinking about where your house was” he lied. He couldn’t know about that, the reason why he stopped driving. Why he couldn’t drive a car again. That was why he breathed deeply and moved the car slowly. It wouldn’t happen. Not again. He wouldn’t let Xiao Zhan end as Fang. It was impossible. He would drive slowly, carefully, looking everything. They would arrive safely. He had to trust himself.

“You know? It's so nice when you drive. You do it so well…” Xiao Zhan commented with a smile while observing him. Yibo smiled at him back and that helped him to relax. He was okay by his side. He could overcome that panic. So when he realized it, they were arriving and he sighed relieved. So much he had his eyes watery. When would he be able to accept what happened that night?

Slowly, he tried to get the drunk man out of the car without hitting him anywhere and he was already so tired of walking that irregular that, knowing there was no one in his house, Yibo grabbed his butt. “Jump” and Xiao Zhan wrapped his legs around his hips to be carried inside the house. Being still so playful, the boss began to feel kisses on his neck.

“Take me to the bed and fuck me” he muttered beside his ear. He wouldn’t do that, he had already too much knowing he was having an affair with a married man like to even do it in the bed where his wife and he slept together. He hated his wife indeed, but his values weren't that despicable and inhumane.

“No, you will sleep” the boss rejected the idea, but Xiao Zhan didn’t like it.

“I need you… Please” the young man bit his lobe and seduced him so badly. Yibo was already feeling a heat inside of him what was fighting against his rational side. He stopped in the middle of the hallway to look at his employee, who caressed his cheek and kissed his lips softly. Why was he handling his desire like that? Why was he caring too much about his marriage? Indeed, he couldn’t be that selfish, because after all he knew he was ruining his life. Xiao Zhan would be the man who cheated on his wife and he would be the man who broke a couple. He wondered why it had to be like that. Why if he was just loving a man.

“Okay” he changed his path to the living room, dropping Xiao Zhan on the sofa, realizing how perfect he was. How his jacket was a mess, how his shirt was half opened, how his tie was untied, how his feet were already removing his shoes. His eyes were showing how the employee was waiting for him to possess him once again. To surround his being and heal it from the pain. So Yibo removed his jacket and shirt to kneel on the sofa and unbutton Xiao Zhan's. His lips searched for his skin to taste, feeling it better than the alcohol itself. He would love to leave a mark on his neck, show his love, his property. But of course he couldn’t, because Xiao Zhan wasn't his.

Suddenly, he heard a loud moan and realized he had bitten one of his nipples too hard when his feelings filled his being. His lips kissed it as an apology and his hands began to work by themselves, removing all the clothes they found, touching any part of his body possibly, while he was kissing and licking his skin as if he had the best flavour of that world. When Yibo was in front of the drunk man, his mind was null and the beast inside of him got out to admire who he was able to. That man who was able to drive him crazy just with a smile. Who was able to make his heart soften with just a caress. Who was able to cheer him up with his pouts. He wondered what he was feeling inside him. That pressure, what became pain, what squeezed his stomach, what provoked his throat had a knot in the middle, what ended up being horrible when he was alone and his mind couldn’t stop thinking about him. Why was that provoked thanks to Xiao Zhan's presence?

_Everything is your fault…_

He thought while smelling his neck, feeling two arms around his neck and a weak creature gasping powerlessly. Why was he so mesmerized by the employee? Why could he affect the boss like that? Why was his heart falling in his trap so carelessly? As if it didn’t mind the fact he was married and that was just an affair that would last a few months, if he was able to believe he was important for Xiao Zhan for only those few months, he would keep on accepting it. No mattering his feelings, no mattering how his chest ached. Yibo would love to whisper beside his ear if it was okay to fall in love with him, and actually he could because Xiao Zhan was truly drunk and excited like to understand and remember it. However, the boss was unable to say such a sentence. Mostly because he already knew the answer.

“Yibo… You're taking so long…” the drunk man complained with that cute pout of his and his eyes half-opened and teary. His hand brushed his hair to uncover his forehead so that his lips were able to leave a soft kiss on it.

“Zhan-ge is truly impatient…” he muttered with a smile. When he gazed at his employee after such an action, Xiao Zhan was looking away, totally flushed and tense. What a good reaction… Yibo would pay millions to live that moment over and over again. How it was the perfect timing to bite his lobe and spoke. “Ride me then” his smirk was evident, his teeth catching his lower lip lustily. He wanted to see how Xiao Zhan could move, how he could control him. For first time, Yibo would allow him to take over and possess his body all he wanted and craved for.

That was why, even not having the employee's answer, just an amazed pair of eyes and the obvious excitement fulfilling his body were enough for Yibo to stand up and stretch a hand. Xiao Zhan sat and took it hesitantly. Then, when they both were face to face, the boss noticing how that man was in need of touches, finally his hands opened his zipper and released it as big as just a few times of his life. The trousers and underwear fell alone and his feet finished the job. At that moment, being in the same condition as Xiao Zhan, he only stared at him, waiting to see how much he could handle the desire in him. After a few seconds, indeed he started to look troubled, like wondering why Yibo was still. So slowly, the employee approached, putting his two hands on his waist, to kiss his lips softly. This was his real scent, no matter how hard he could do it, he was sweet, so sweet even sugar couldn’t win him. And probably, Yibo loved it too much that was why he needed to make love to him without stop. Because when he wanted to just fulfil their words and what they had called to themselves, he wasn’t able to treat Xiao Zhan as just someone to fuck and forget after. He would love it, but unluckily his fate wasn’t that.

“Sit down and I will ride you…” suddenly, that shy man spoke in front of him and Yibo showed a serious grimace. He couldn’t pretend to be what he wasn’t. He couldn’t pretend to use the employee for having a good fuck. He couldn’t mostly because when he sat and Xiao Zhan placed himself over his thighs, his eyes just admired how wonderful he was. Because when he was waiting for just the start of it, that man decided to caress his face and kiss his neck. Because when he noticed he yearned for that for the rest of his life, his gaze became watery. Something inside of him was hating the possibility of having such the bad luck of falling in love with a married man, but when his arms hugged his torso tightly and his body felt his warmth, the fear of that being the reality disappeared, his mind only imagining how beautiful that moment was being. And thanks to that, he was able to breathe deeply and focus on only that man, and nothing else than that man.

Slowly, he realized how impossible thinking was when Xiao Zhan went down for first time while leaning on his shoulders. If his brain was working, it was only to understand the gorgeousness of that god over him. And more when he only had to be still and watch how Xiao Zhan moved up and down at a slow speed, moaning breathlessly. Yibo could only open his round buttocks every time he fell on it, massaging them tenderly. Then, his eyes looked up to discover a man who was arching his back harshly, leaving a great chance for the boss to attack his neck. And he did it. His lips sucked his skin mercilessly. He didn’t care. Yibo was so sorry for how selfish he was being, but he needed to prove Xiao Zhan was his in some way. Of course, the employee caught his hair to stop him, however the boss could feel that indeed it was an empty complain. How could Xiao Zhan stop him if even he himself did want that hickey so badly? That was how Yibo felt it, so that he continued, but near his collarbone, like that he would have it, being easier to hide it at the same time.

Hastily, the boss heard a noise somewhere and he looked up, straight at the door thinking that someone was there, but he found no one. Even if his eyebrows were frowning because he heard the sound clearly, there was no way to be figured out if he saw no one. “Don’t worry, sometimes there are noises by the neighbours” Xiao Zhan explained between moans. Yibo raised his gaze, showing a shy smile as reply, and the employee just kissed him softly, making their tongues meet sometimes. He still tasted like alcohol, but it was sweet, so he wanted to keep on relishing it. Slowly. Deeply. Endlessly.

“Are you already?” Yibo questioned when his finger did some circles on the tip and it was stained a bit. The employee seemed troubled and embarrassed as his head nodded. “C’mon, keep your butt up” suddenly, he ordered and even if Xiao Zhan put a curious face, he did it. Without a doubt, Yibo's answer was moving his hips hastily. Faster than how he had done it and deeper. Being taken aback, the drunk man leaned his forearms on his shoulders and on the couch to arch his back and moan loudly. Meanwhile, Yibo could only gulp and close his eyes before placing his head on the soft furniture as his mouth gasped heavily. All he could feel from that moment on was something hot falling on his belly, loud moans accompanied by his shouted name and two arms hugging his neck tightly when his hips still moved at a great speed because his body needed to release that tension as nothing else. After that, it was like all his senses died for a few seconds, losing the track of time and forgetting his relationship with Xiao Zhan to only leave tender kisses on his shoulder.

Possibly a few minutes after, Yibo knew he had fallen asleep on his arms, without moving a single part of his body. “Embrace my neck tightly, Zhan-ge” the boss whispered although he thought he wouldn’t hear him. Surprisingly, Xiao Zhan tightened his grip and cuddled up more in his arms. Following his plan, the boss stood up while catching him strongly and started to wander around the house, attempting to find his bedroom. When he reached it, that man was left on the bed. Before covering him, he decided to clean him up a bit not to stain the sheets too much and dress him up at least with an underwear and a T-shirt. Also, as he was truly drunk, it would be impossible to wake him up until tomorrow. So when he was ready to get in the bed, Yibo kissed his hair and raised a bit more the blanket so he wouldn’t be cold.

“Good night, Zhan-ge” his voice was a mutter not to be noticed, otherwise Xiao Zhan would persuade him to sleep there over and over again. So that right after finishing, Yibo got out of the bedroom. The last thing he did in that house was dressing up and exiting it. He would have to walk for a while due to the lack of trains at that hour, however he didn’t mind. It had been worth it. Besides, it would help him to think about him. About what he wanted and what he didn’t.

At that moment, he was regretting not having stayed in that bed, beside him, hugging that soft body and protecting that scared soul. Then, why hadn't he done it? Maybe that bed wasn’t the indicated one to share between them, maybe his consciousness was too hard to allow that, maybe… Maybe Yibo only wanted to spend time with Xiao Zhan when their minds weren’t disturbing them with regrets and guilt. Perhaps all he desired was a proper relationship with the employee because after all, the feelings inside his heart weren’t unimportant already. He laughed. Had he truly fallen in love with Xiao Zhan? Was he craving for being his boyfriend? For waking up beside him every morning or receiving a kiss every night…

_Everything is your stupid fault, Xiao Zhan…_

If that man hadn’t crashed against him that night… If that man hadn’t answered him so egocentric in his office that morning… If that man hadn’t looked as bothered as a kid that night… If that man hadn’t been that handsome while drawing as that morning… If that man hadn’t… appeared in his life… If Xiao Zhan didn’t exist… If they had never met… What would have happened to him then? What would have he lived instead of that impossible love story? What would have he experienced instead?

_Why am I so afraid of future if you aren't with me?_

Tears started to fall finally after so much time being there, so hidden in his soul. His hands only dried the first ones, because when he realized he wouldn’t stop that easily, he gave up and cried alone in that dark street without control.

_Should I confess my feelings to you, Zhan-ge? What will you answer?_


	11. Farewell

Even during his dreams, his head ached. Only then, he realized how stupid he had been for having drunk so much last night. His mind didn’t remember the half of what happened. How could he still do such things? More having to work the next morning… Wait. What time was it? Xiao Zhan opened his eyes in a hurry to look at the clock and find it was almost 10 am. His heart pounded, already visualizing a ‘you’re fired' paper on his desk. With that in mind, he jumped out of the bed, being unlucky for having to stop at the next second due to a very hard headache. He couldn’t do anything correctly.

“C'mon, at least go the rest of the day” he tried to encourage himself and go to the kitchen so he would take a painkiller. Just when he was swallowing the pill, he remembered. Everything. The bar, the street, the car, the sofa, even the bed. Immediately, he looked around, finding nothing related to Yibo, neither in the living room nor in the bedroom. It was like he hadn't been last night there. Xiao Zhan actually was doubting if what he was remembering had happened in reality. Whatever it was, he needed to take a shower quickly just in case, dress up and go to the office as soon as possible. Otherwise, his feeling of being fired would become true.

That was why, luckily fifteen minutes after, he was already taking his car. During the path, as he couldn’t go faster, he took advantage to think a while about the details of the last night. Somehow, he remembered Tao carried him out of the bar and Yibo took him to his house. After… He flushed when his mind recalled that moment on the sofa and so deep inside of him, he regretted not having been fully conscious meanwhile… Returning to the subject, he was unable to recover more memory, but his detective side understood that Yibo had to dress him up and take him to the bed, because when he finished, Xiao Zhan fell asleep without a doubt. However, he still had questions. Had Yibo slept with him? When did he leave? Why did he leave? It wasn’t like Xiao Zhan didn’t understand the fact that his wife lived in that house and slept in that bed everyday, but the employee truly liked hugging him during nights… Well, maybe that night they could, after all, his wife had said she would come back in two days. They had free way to be together all they wanted. However, although he tried to be happy about it, he knew perfectly he didn’t have the right to be glad because of that.

_If you weren't cheating on anyone…_

Everything would be easier. Xiao Zhan knew it as better as nobody. Then, why didn’t he do anything regarding it? He was too coward to do it… It seemed he preferred all that pain instead of just overcoming his fears and possibly that was the worst of all of that story. If he were strong enough to choose Yibo and forget the woman who was called as his wife… If he were brave enough… Why…? What did he need to be able to do the step? Possibly, he would try to solve it when it wouldn’t have any solution possible. That was how stupid he was.

*****

Half an hour after, he arrived to the building running. Everyone was looking at him, Xiao Zhan didn’t know if they were wondering why he was running or if they thought he was crazy straight. Whatever it was, he didn’t care and took the elevator. Two hours later were already too much like not to be punished, however Xiao Zhan was scared of what Yibo would do. He could choose to torture him in the office or on a bed, and sincerely, he preferred in the office.

Finally arriving to his department, everyone there stared at him surprised, some of them just glanced at him, others greeted him, but a few muttered between them. Xiao Zhan sighed, trying not to care about it anymore and walked straight to his desk, with the bad luck that he was looking at the floor and didn’t see how someone came out of his boss's office. Thanks that he stopped on time, he didn’t crash against Yibo, who was looking at him intensively. It was like he was waiting some type of explanation. Why? He already knew everything. Then, what did he want?

“Good hour to arrive” he raised his eyebrow with sarcasm. Xiao Zhan could only beg him not to do a scene in front of all his coworkers. Otherwise, he would have all the attention he didn’t want. And sincerely, the employee was already so fed up of being the person who to talk about. At least, they could do it on his face instead of behind the corners while murmuring.

“I'm sorry…” he chose just to apologize with a bow and try to escape from his trap, but of course Yibo was smarter than that.

“Don’t drink again like last night. Much less if you have to work the next day” the boss scolded him, his voice wasn’t loud, however everyone was listening. Even Tao, who was observing them with a poker face. Xiao Zhan glanced at his friend and nodded slightly as a signal he needed to talk. At the same moment, Yibo moved his head to see what he was doing and when he found out his answer, the sigh was evident.

“I won't” his reply was brief, maybe just trying to show how uncomfortable he was there or how he didn’t know what to answer. Yibo seemed absent for a few seconds until he came back.

“Follow me, I have work for you in my office” suddenly he said and started to walk. Xiao Zhan couldn’t say no, mostly because his boss was inside of the room already, so he ran a bit to be alone with him and get that work to do. At first he thought it was just an excuse to talk alone, but when he closed the door and saw how Yibo was just catching some papers, his expectations were broken instantly. Perhaps, he was who had to do the step and talk.

“Did you stay last night?” he asked embarrassed. That focused man stopped hastily when he heard the question.

“No. I left you sleeping and went away” he continued after that short explanation. Xiao Zhan was disappointed, however, he didn’t feel with the right of complaining. After all, if the situation had been upside down, the employee wouldn’t have slept in the same bed Ybo's wife was using.

“You could just put the alarm clock…” he diverted the subject to release a bit of tension. Then, Yibo approached to bring him the documents.

“I knew you needed to sleep” as always, his excuses were contradictory.

“Then, why do you scold me in front of everyone?” he pouted deeply. Slowly, the boss touched his nose with his index finger.

“You already gave them enough reasons yesterday to make them think there's something weird between us. I just tried to sort it out somehow” Xiao Zhan didn’t like what he said. Not because of Yibo being a rude boss, but because he didn’t remember what he had done. No wonder now why people only talked about him.

“I don't know if I want to ask what I did…” he looked down, disappointed by himself and his actions. Last night, he just tried to drink a bit to see if he could get some answers, but instead, he got to risk everything that easily.

“Leaning your head on my shoulder was not a good idea” Yibo laughed as if it was okay, however the young man only widened his eyes. How could he…? Suddenly, a hand caressed his face. “Don’t worry” his voice was tender and the palm of his hand truly warm. That was why he couldn’t stop himself when his own one caught Yibo's.

“How can't I?” he showed his concern through his voice. It was too dangerous to take it as easy as that.

“Because I'm with you” that unexpected reply made his heart go as crazy into his chest. Had he just said such a thing? Was that true? His eyes only transmitted sincerity no matter what and Xiao Zhan ended up smiling to release that tension in some way. His gaze looked down by how nervous he was feeling, so abruptly his nose felt a touch, and when he wanted to discover what it was, his boss was kissing his lips tenderly. Once again, that seemed poison, what made him relax and allow him to continue it by sucking his lower lip slightly. Possibly, a few seconds had already gone by, but he wanted more, that was why he started it again titling his head a bit this time. Yibo only answered him with more kisses until he stopped when a noise outside scared them. Xiao Zhan stayed close to him and then he realized there was still free way to go on, his lips left soft pecks on his jaw. He didn’t know why, the desire inside of him was stronger than his consciousness at that moment. The more he handled being with Yibo in that way, the more he wanted to shout how badly he desired that man. It was becoming unstoppable, a feeling that had its own life. Xiao Zhan was unable to control him. And being sincere, he didn’t know if he was even trying to.

“Do you want to meet in my house at 9 pm?” the boss asked him while his game of small kisses was still in process. He was truly glad of hearing such an invitation.

“Of course, I will stop in my house first to change clothes and I'll be there” after his answer, a soft kiss made their lips be together again. But somehow, Xiao Zhan felt him tense without a proper reason.

“I’d like to talk with you about something there” he explained with dubious eyes. The employee was unable not to frown, however he nodded with a light smile. Whatever it was, he wanted to hear it. “Then, go to work, I will see you there” he pecked his lips before doing a step backwards and Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip when he was exiting the office in silence. Now he had to act as someone who had been scolded severely. How could he after so many kisses and secret meetings? The adrenaline through his veins was killing his sanity, just desiring to be in his apartment as soon as possible.

_I wonder what you want to talk about…_

*****

Lunch time had arrived and he was in the rooftop beside his friend while eating a sandwich from a machine. It was delicious and he was happy. He was mumbling a song meanwhile that had stuck in his brain before. He wasn’t bothered by that, it was nice to sing it under the sun that day. “Hey, why are you this happy?” Tao put a disgusting grimace and Xiao Zhan laughed hard.

“What do you mean? I'm normal” he answered with a shining smile on his face. Even like that, he listened to his friend's sigh.

“Since your wife is out and you're only with boss Wang, you seem the happiest man in the Earth” Tao commented while looking away and Xiao Zhan opened his mouth.

“What are you saying!” his voice was louder than what he wanted and that only showed more how right he was. The employee only bit another piece of his sandwich and chewed it not caring about his opinion.

“I saw you two yesterday” suddenly, he confessed and Xiao Zhan frowned. “Boss Wang asked me in the restroom to take you out so he would take you home” he was so serious that the employee had goosebumps, he wondered where he wanted to go with all of that because he didn’t remember almost anything of that. “You hugged and kissed him with a bright in your eyes I've never seen in you before” that opinion destroyed the small wall he had built between his heart and his true feelings. Was he opening his eyes?

“That can't be…” Xiao Zhan shook his head slowly, Yibo was only a person to have fun with, to release his sexual tension. He needed to believe that. Otherwise…

“But the best was how he treated you…” Tao raised his both eyebrows. “He was only caring about not being discovered… For you” his voice reflected how amazed he was. Even like that, Xiao Zhan stood up.

“You don't know anything…” his tone was agitated. He was truly nervous after knowing that. “He wasn’t protecting me, he was protecting himself. How would he-?”

“Why are you so blind?!” suddenly, Huang spat hastily, cutting his words and breath instantly. The two friends looked at each other in a weird atmosphere. Possibly, he was blind. But maybe he needed not to see so he wouldn’t be hurt. “He’s so in love with you, you just need to see how he looks at you!” Huang yelled at him taking advantage no one else was near. Xiao Zhan only bit his lower lip with trembling chin. He didn’t want to know that. Yibo couldn’t love him. It was impossible. Otherwise, he would be so hurt because of his fault and selfishness. Just because he fell in the trap of a few kisses and hugs… If he had thought properly since the first moment…If he had thought about him since the first kiss… Yibo would have never known about him as more as another employee there. No one of them would have started to feel more than attraction inside of their hearts. Because yes, he knew very well his feelings. Every kiss, caress, word spoken to him… Yibo showed how much he meant for him with every act. Even being blind and refusing anything, it was impossible Xiao Zhan wouldn’t notice it. Nevertheless, he didn’t understand its meaning until Tao said it clearly in his face.

“I will return to work” that was his last reply to his friend before throwing the rest of his sandwich to the trash bin and walk away from his side. Right before entering the building again, his friend shouted at him for last time.

“Running away is not the solution!” he knew it. Better than anyone else. There was no need to say it. There had been no need to say him all of that suddenly. How would he be able to overcome his next meeting with Yibo from now on? Only at that moment, his mind had understood what that feeling had been since the first time his boss looked at him. He had never believed in love at first sight, but maybe connection. That connection he felt when they talked for first time in that office and what had never disappeared since that day. It was like their hearts possessed the same red string what connected their souls and made them know more than their professional side to find a more personal face, what he loved in Yibo. Maybe it was fate… Then, if it was fate, why did he have to be married with such a woman?

*****

He was already arriving to his house before going to meet Yibo. He needed to be alone for a while and think how to overcome this night with him. Also, he wanted to talk about something. Nothing seemed as nice… And he was a scared mess at that moment. The day hadn’t been easy because of all his thoughts. Besides, Tao didn’t talk to him again since the lunch, probably he was just giving him space and time to think about his comments, but even like that, he was the only one who helped him when his mind was so confused about Yibo. Now he didn’t have anyone. And he would have to face him alone.

Sighing deeply, he put the key inside the door lock and opened it to come in his house. The first thing he thought was why there was a light on. Maybe he had left it that morning because he had to run so much, but it was so weird in him. Then, he understood it when he discovered his wife's shoes there. Had she returned? His eyes were so widened and his brain could only think of doing one thing.

“Baozhai?” he called her dubiously. Right after saying his name, the door of the kitchen was opened and a woman appeared. Indeed, his wife was there, in front of him. Why? Didn’t she say she would come back in two days? Why was she back?

“Hi, darling. The trip ended before it was expected” she smiled at him with soft expression, but when Xiao Zhan approached her, he could see something weird in her eyes. What happened?

“Is something wrong?” he asked her while entering the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Now he needed an excuse to go out. What was a good idea?

“I found something out while I was there… You should sit down” her voice was calm, but even like that, Xiao Zhan could assure it wasn’t normal in her. For some reason, he sat down on a chair just in case. Was it that bad? “You know…? I'm pregnant” she tried to smile, but perhaps it was her husband's face what made her stay serious. He became pale. Like a ghost. Like if he was dead. Actually, he felt like not living at that exact second right after hearing and understanding what she meant.

“When…? How…?” his voice was a mutter. His throat was truly dry even after drinking the whole glass. His wife caught his hand, but it was cold as the ice.

“It’s just like six weeks. I bet it was that night when your boss stayed here and we did it” she explained when. Xiao Zhan regretted his whole existence. If Yibo hadn’t jerked off in front of his face, he wouldn’t have felt that way and they wouldn’t have made love. Even that day Xiao Zhan wasn’t thinking about her, why should he carry with such a guilt?

“But weren't you taking the pills?” he wondered that. How was that possible?

“Well, I thought that after a year being married, it was time already for creating a family and… I stopped taking them. I wanted it to be a surprise for you” she explained with a shy smile, however the employee frowned deeply hurt by that. Was a child like a Christmas present for her?

“Why didn’t you ask me first?!” he spat angrily. The vein of his neck was truly marked and almost exploding. His wife just looked at him scared and sad.

“You're always working and so stressed that-“

“You don't have the right to decide such a thing for me!” Xiao Zhan yelled at her like just a few times not to say like never and stood up. His mind was full of questions and fears. More than before, he was lost and afraid of what would happen. Was he going to be father?

“Darling, please. You should be happy for our child” she was almost crying, pain reflected in her eyes. However, Xiao Zhan was truly affected by that. How could she decide that by herself? What type of parents would that child have? They were destined to fail as a marriage. Then, what would happen to that poor, innocent creature from now on? That boy or girl didn’t deserve a bad life just because their parents didn’t know how to do the things properly. How was she unable to see that? How much would that naïve soul suffer because of their fault?

Suddenly, he exited the kitchen and took his shoes. Li ran after him. “Where are you going?!” her voice was anguished. Not more than he himself.

“I need to take fresh air” that brief explanation was too short for her. But he didn’t care. No matter how many times his name was spoken behind him. No matter how her voice sounded as if she was crying. Nothing else mattered at that night. Now, he was really ruined. He had no escape already. There was no way he was able to break ties with her after knowing they were going to be parents. What he was going to do that night, the plan he had with Yibo ended up in the trash bin. Everything he had planned for them. Finally, when he was already choosing. It was impossible he would leave that creature alone in this world without a protection. He had to pay for all the pain he had caused because of his selfishness, so for first time in a few months, he was going to choose his path because of that child's sake instead of his. It was what he had to do. Xiao Zhan was old enough to protect himself. He was going to be okay. Now, there would be another person who would need him more than anything. And refusing that fact would be the most horrible thing he could do in his life.

Then, after having his ideas clear, his mind focused and his expression as cold as never, his finger rang the bell. His heart pounded those ten seconds Yibo took to open the door and greet him with a tender smile. It changed when the employee continued with his poker face even when he was inside and both sat down around the table, shoulder against shoulder as always. He couldn’t talk, at least not to break the ice. What he was going to do was already too difficult like to add more hard things to fulfil. Slowly, Yibo touched his leg and rubbed it with his thumb. Even that small show of affection tried to break his strength. No matter what he needed to keep going on. He was able to.

“I want to tell you something” Yibo spoken abruptly in the middle of the silence. However, Xiao Zhan needed to say it as soon as possible, before he would break and end up crying as a fool.

“Let me talk first please. I have to tell you something important too” he didn’t know how his mouth finally talked that coldly. After that, his hand disappeared from his leg and he felt hopelessly hurt.

“Go on” his boss became cold too after having understood his behaviour.

_I'm sorry…_

“I won't be able to stay this night with you” he started in that part without knowing too well how to continue after. “Neither today nor any night more in the future” he confessed with his heart in his hand. Why was it aching as strong as nothing else? How was he able to be doing such a betrayal towards Yibo?

“What do you mean?” even though, he asked with calm voice, his eyes did blink a lot, exposing how nervous he was. It was now or never.

“I’m going to be father” he announced straight, carelessly. As a rock falling from the sky over him. But it was better like that. At least for once in their lives they were going to say it clearly instead of finding excuses. Xiao Zhan needed to be frank with Yibo. However, the man beside him kept silent. Then, the employee turned his head to watch how his boss didn’t move a single muscle of his body. Why was he having the feeling of being hurting him as no one else? Without thinking, his hand was placed over his shoulder to get some type of reaction. Not thinking it could be that cold, Yibo moved his arm hastily and stood up to walk to the veranda. Was he okay? Xiao Zhan felt horrible. It was all his fault.

“Congratulations” suddenly that was spoken and the young man had to control his chin because it was trembling by how much rage he had inside of him. That was why he stood up and stayed beside him, looking at the night together. Slowly, he dared to glance at him. Yibo had an absent expression, as if he was lost in a far away place and not there with him.

“I wasn't searching for that child. I promise it was all her plan” he explained himself with anguished voice as if he needed him to believe in his words, as if he had cheated on him instead of on his wife.

“But for that you had to have sex with her” he spoke with a husky tone, as if talking was hard for him. Xiao Zhan looked down, feeling ashamed of it. “At least tell me a thing. Did you do it with both at the same time?” his gaze was stuck in the cloudy sky.

He panicked for some reason. “No…” his answer at the next second. At last, Yibo looked at him after so much time without meeting those hazel eyes. “The last time we did it was when you stayed in my house, after that… I only did it with you…” his eyes tried to maintain that strength in Yibo's until getting his answer, but Xiao Zhan was unable if he noticed how much pain was inside of them.

“Why that day?” he asked fast. His eyes burning the employee despicably. Was it time to say the truth?

“You were so drunk that when I took you to the bedroom and removed your clothes… You started to jerk off in front of me…” he confessed with his head down. He bit his lower lip, knowing if that wouldn’t have happened…

“Why didn’t you tell me the next morning?!” suddenly, he shouted at him, possibly being unable to control his anger anymore already.

“I don't know!” he yelled back, his nerves in their limit. Yibo sighed deeply and did a step closer to him. Xiao Zhan looked up taken aback. What did he want?

“You haven’t answered me, though. Why that day?” he tried to know everything and the employee knew he was truly screwed. If he didn’t answer, he would seem as hiding something. If he answered, he would tell the truth. If he lied, he wouldn’t seem convincing as long as he was so nervous. What should he do then? If he answered what he felt…

“I just wanted to show myself I didn’t like men…” maybe in this way, Yibo wouldn’t understand it. But how naïve he was yet with him. As if they didn’t know each other too well. He had fallen in his trap completely.

“Why did you have to show it to yourself?” his boss approached until the point of rubbing their noises. His hands were pressed against his torso to make him go away, but they became two fists that were grabbing his white shirt. Why was he that weak? Even in such circumstances, if Yibo was near him, he had no control. How horrible could he be?

“Because after watching you, I felt so hot…” he confessed almost against his lips, probably not caring anymore about what he was saying and only staring at those thick lips that were inviting him to taste them all the times he wanted. That was the type of human he was. Even expecting a child, he was unable to set his desires aside. To forget that man that easily.

“Tell me. Did you think of me meanwhile?” one of his boss's hands caressed his neck, his thumb rubbing his cheek. Then, his nose made a path across his cheek. All those touches were driving him crazy, he couldn’t think clearly anymore.

“Yes… The whole time…” suddenly, when he noticed what he had done, a hard guilt fulfilled his heart. Everything was wrong, his life was wrong. There wasn’t a single good thing done by him. He cheated on his wife, he used Yibo, he left his wife pregnant while thinking about another man, and when he knew he was going to have a child, he dared to be flirting with his boss. He was the worst. The worst scum of that world.

Suddenly, a hard sob was created by his throat and without a doubt, he hid his head on his shoulder. His weeping became harder and harder wondering why he had done everything as pathetic as his life. At the end, he would lose all he had at that moment. For being such a despicable man. All he tried so hard by being that selfish would disappear in front of his eyes as punishment. The worst was that he knew he deserved it. “I’m so sorry…” he sobbed against his clothes, staining the shirt with his tears. He only felt how Yibo hugged him strongly. Again those arms protecting him of himself. Because after all, his most horrible enemy was himself.

“I don't have to forgive anything…” abruptly, he said that, soft beside his ear. Xiao Zhan closed his eyes harshly because of the pain in his chest. How could he be such a good man? How could he waste his time with him? He deserved much better. He deserved all the best of that word. Just for caring about him after all he did to him. “C’mon, wipe your tears and go home. You have to take care of your wife” Yibo spoke with a forced smile when Xiao Zhan raised his head. Slowly, both hands of his boss dried his cheeks with his thumbs. “We both knew this had to end someday when we started it” his wise words reached Xiao Zhan's heart and he realized how he didn’t want it to have an end. Not with Yibo. He wanted it to last forever. Why couldn’t it be like that?

Xiao Zhan dried his both eyes, stopped his weeping while breathing deeply and put his most serious face. “I hope we can work properly from now on, boss” he bowed as much as he could and contained his tears when he wasn’t looking at him, but at the floor. After a few seconds, he raised his body again to see how Yibo nodded even after saying such a meaningful sentence. Coming back to be just boss and employee. No more kisses, no more hugs, no more meetings, no more nights together, no more smiles between them, no more secrets in the office, no more love to give or to receive. It was over.

“I'll see you tomorrow in the office, Xiao Zhan” he said with a polite voice. That warmth had disappeared. That confidence wasn’t existing between them anymore. What they were used to do now was just so out of place. Both of them had to learn how to treat each other as just another worker in that company. To learn how to work together without feeling that pain or those feelings inside their hearts. To learn how to forget what they had lived; what they had done; what they had said; and if it was possible, how to forget what they felt for each other. So a big part of all of that would be easier.

That was why Xiao Zhan looked down and turned around to walk to the door. He waited two seconds while grabbing the handle, maybe wishing it to be a dream, to wake up beside him or maybe just wanting Yibo to stop him. But when he looked behind, his boss was just observing the sky still in the veranda without turning back. “Goodbye, Yibo…” he muttered with a sad smile and exited that apartment. His legs refused to walk properly, they were shivering hard as his whole body. He was so cold since Yibo stopped hugging him for last time. If he could have another chance, he would do it differently. Just to be able to hug him back and feel okay. To be able to be with him and not feel guilty about it. However now, every time he would look at his wife, he would feel as the worst man in the world. Because the memories would always keep with him. What he did. It was impossible to forget. He was impossible to forget.

*****

Slowly, he opened the door of his house and entered doubting what would happen between his wife and him. By the moment, he removed his shoes and place them in a side. When he looked up, there she was staring at him with soft eyes. Gulping all his past in a second, he approached her and hugged her waist tenderly while placing a hand on her belly. So inside it, their child was growing up slowly. He rubbed it with a thumb, as trying to protect it. At least he wanted to do something correctly. And life had given him another chance to try it.

“I'm sorry about before. I was too surprised” he apologized with sweet voice while Li was smiling to him. Her hand touched his face and kissed his cheek.

“It's okay, I'm sorry too, you're right, I should have talked with you…” she regretted while leaning her head on his shoulder and Xiao Zhan rubbed her back with a hand.

“Don't worry. Now it's time to be a family, okay?” he spoke and she smiled happily before nodding. Then, when they were looking at each other, his wife moved her nose weirdly.

“Do I stink too much? I worked a lot today, let me take a bath” he sighed. He desired a hot bath to relax and remove any of his caresses so at least he would be clean outside. Just before he went inside the bathroom, his wife talked to him.

“Weren’t you with another person?” her question made his blood stop running through his veins. Did she know? How? When? Maybe, she was just asking to know what he had done outside as always. Yes, possibly it was that. There was no reason to panic. He only needed to lie for last time and take that bath.

“No, I just walked around” his voice was supposed to be normal, but it trembled slightly. He glanced at his wife to see what she was thinking.

“I just wondered because it was late” she smiled as if it had been a naïve question and Xiao Zhan sighed relieved. Everything was okay. He nodded and entered the bathroom. The water was already prepared so he only had to remove his clothes. Before coming inside, he caught his phone. Once inside it, he closed his eyes for five seconds to order his mind. That day had been crazy. Everything he knew yesterday was messed up in a few hours. Only being under the water, finally a warmth surrounding his body again, he realized what he had done. At last, his mind could understand what all of that meant.

He had lost Yibo.

There was no turning back. He had already said goodbye to his boss. At first he thought it was a proper idea for his future and the ones around him. But of course, now that his loneliness was coming back, he was feeling all the rage he didn’t when he talked with him in his house. His dead eyes, his tired body, his weak caresses, his dry lips. Yibo had seemed as defeated when they were in the veranda and only now he could realize it. He remembered his image. And how Yibo never told him what he had planned to since the morning. Indeed, he was so selfish with him. Just going there to break ties with him in that way and not noticing how broken and alone his boss had been left. Maybe it was better like that, after all, Xiao Zhan was just an egoist human. Not enough for someone as precious as Yibo. Perhaps he could be happier with someone else. Even if the idea of letting another person touch him was destroying him…

_We can't be jealous of each other…_

He remembered that chat after their first time. They had always been so blind. As Tao said, he didn’t want to see what was in front of him. He was too scared of accepting it and more now that it would be only painful as long as it was over with him. Nothing remained between them but a professional relationship. He wouldn’t talk with him again, he wouldn’t meet him alone again, he wouldn’t hug or kiss him again. All of that was over. And why was he crying like that after an hour since they talked? Why did all that pain was hunting him that savagely? His hands tried to erase the tears, however it was impossible as long as they were falling so fast without a stop. Xiao Zhan felt so powerless that his fist hit the water hard, staining everything with water around. He sobbed wondering why his warmth wasn’t surrounding him anymore, why his sweet words weren’t echoing in his ears anymore, why his lips weren’t kissing him anymore, why Yibo had let him go. He was missing everything. Any part of him. He only wished for a last kiss… where he could show all his love… How he needed him. How happy he was beside him. What he made him feel inside without control. Yibo should know at least what that had meant for him. Then, why had he only said the worst part and run away as a coward? No matter what, he was a coward in front of his boss because his heart beat so fast he felt weak. Because his body was shaken if he was close. Because his mind was lost if his skin felt his touch. And that scared him more than anything. What would happen if he fell again? It seemed so easy…

_I can't allow it…_

Suddenly, he grabbed his phone and opened their chat. He gulped when he read their last messages once again, but at the next second his fingers were erasing the whole chat. Probably, it would never be filled with tender sentences again. Then, he went to the calls register and erased all from Yibo. For sure his boss would never call him again. At the end, he opened the agenda and searched for his contact. With a lot of regrets and pain, he tapped the erasing button and it disappeared. He wouldn’t need it again. It was better like that. He just had to get used. No matter how he disliked it. He had to pay for what he had done and be a man from that moment on.

So decided to fulfil that, he stood up from the bath and dried his body, especially his face. Then, forgetting what his mind was desiring to see when he would open that door, he just went out to appear in the kitchen and find his dinner there made by his wife, who was sat already with a smile. Xiao Zhan smiled at her back and sat down beside her to enjoy her food. He wasn’t hungry, though.

Slowly, the image of his life before Yibo appeared started to come again. Maybe that was what had to have happened since the first day. Perhaps that was his destiny. And he only had to accept it without complains or excuses. There was no space for Yibo in his life. Not anymore. It was already late for it. And he only had to accept it no matter how it hurt him.

“Isn’t it good? I can prepare another thing if you want”

“No, no” he answered her fast. It was so good, but his stomach was a closed ball. “It’s just that I'm not too hungry. I can eat the leftovers as lunch tomorrow” he proposed not to waste all that food and his wife smiled.

“That's a good idea, I will do it now. Search for it in the fridge tomorrow” she stood up to prepare it willingly. Slowly, that nice feeling was returning to him. Maybe he could be even happy with her after all. That was why he stood up and hugged her. His whole body was tense by the pain it wasn’t the person he wanted, but even like that, he kissed her cheek.

“Thank you” he muttered beside her ear and Li giggled. Slowly, she turned her head around and without thinking about it too much, Xiao Zhan kissed her lips. They were so different. His heart didn’t feel the same. It was empty already. No matter how hard he tried. The love he felt for her had gone.

“Go to sleep, you seem so tired” she spoke softly and Xiao Zhan nodded before breaking the hug and walking to the bedroom. He was empty. His eyes only looked at the ceiling. Was that living? Would all that pain become happiness someday?

_It's all your fault Yibo… You were who made me fall in love with you…_


	12. Regrets

Slowly, he grabbed his jacket and dressed it while feeling his body so heavy and weak. What had he done? He wondered that non-stop that morning. He was just overwhelmed last night, why had he done such a thing? He only thought about bringing to the child a warm family, but how could he be that with his wife after what he did with his boss? It was impossible he could lie the rest of his life. He was unable to love his wife again and without that love, that child would only suffer for having two parents who only pretended instead of living their lives. What would they teach with that behaviour? Once again he had chosen wrongly. Or maybe he just needed time to get used to it. Perhaps when the kid would be born, he would focus on his task as father, forgetting all the bad things and his life would shine more. He only needed to wait and be patient. The kid would be their salvation for sure.

“Darling, what's wrong?” she came in the room with the lunch in her hands. He took it and smiled softly.

“Nothing. I just slept a bit bad” he lied as always and kissed her cheek. “I’m leaving” he could seem cold, even bothered and annoyed, but his mood was truly horrible that day. So having his wife near wasn’t a good idea. That was why he took his shoes and came out of that house. Only at that moment, when he was starting to drive, Xiao Zhan remembered he would have to face Yibo in the company. What would happen? How would he look like after last night? Was he okay? Xiao Zhan could recall how bad his expression was. His red eyes or tired complexion. How much had he hurt him? Enough not to forgive himself for sure. That was why he would go and just work. Forgetting he was there. Forgetting who he was. Forgetting all they had lived.

And he truly tried as hard as his strength could resist. But in the moment he met his boss in the office, face to face, his eyes stared at him as if he was a god, feeling how his world was tearing apart and the only salvation was to ask for forgiveness and confess how much he meant for him. But it wasn’t possible. Because that wasn’t what he chose to do. So he reacted even before Yibo could, who kept on admiring him back with very tired, red eyes. Had he slept properly? He doubted it. The first night was always the worst, both would be okay without each other. Xiao Zhan was sure. That was why he bowed politely and surrounded him to walk to his desk and begin to work without looking at any other side. He was there to gain his paysheet every month by doing his duties, not to flirt with bosses. And he would limit him to do that in that building. It was easy.

*****

It was lunch time and he took his food with him. Just when he was walking through the desks, one of his coworkers stopped him. “Did your wife do it?” she asked naïvely and Xiao Zhan nodded not wanting to give details or continuing that chat.

“I'm jealous! I want a pretty wife to do mine too!” another coworker approached to comment about it. The employee only laughed to fit it and follow their conversation, but he escaped as soon as possible, with the bad luck that when he turned around, Yibo was there looking at him. Xiao Zhan could only gulp and bow to him again before walking away as fast as possible to reach the rooftop. Had he heard them? What did he think about it? His eyes seemed so dark and sad… the employee couldn’t feel not worried about him. After all it was his fault and that type of situations only worsened everything even more. He was deeply sorry for him. Because after all Yibo didn’t deserve it.

Then, after sighing, he tried to stop thinking about him or he wouldn’t stop in the whole day and wondered if Tao would be there today. Yesterday they truly argued badly. He wasn’t used to that with his friend and at least he wanted to apologize. When he finished going upstairs, he saw how Huang was there, in the usual bench eating a sandwich. Xiao Zhan approached it to sit without hesitation and opened his lunch to start to eat the leftovers. He sighed. It was good, but it lacked something. Possibly sincerity between them and that was something nobody could change. “Who did that?” suddenly, the voice of his friend scared him and Xiao Zhan glanced at him. How would he react?

“My wife” his answer was brief and low, maybe trying not to be hear on purpose. However, he did listen perfectly.

“What? Wasn't she-?”

“She came back earlier” he cut his question rudely. He truly didn’t want to talk about it.

“And why are you eating her food?” Tao seemed pretty lost, mostly because Xiao Zhan had always rejected taking her food to work since he started to flirt with Yibo. The employee only answered while looking at the sky.

“Is that odd?” he attempted to pretend to be a husband. But even that wasn’t made for him.

“Considering you're cheating on her with the boss, yes” Huang commented carelessly. This was the chance.

“I _was_ cheating on her” he corrected that knowing he would understand it at the same second.

“What do you mean?” his voice sounded surprised. It was clear what he meant, but perhaps it seemed so impossible Tao needed to hear straight from his mouth.

“I broke up with him last night” he supposed that saying it would be easier, that it wouldn’t hurt that much, however he was so wrong. Another hole in his heart began to appear when he found the courage to say it.

“What?! Why?” he yelled by the surprise and the two friends looked at each other. Amazed gaze against defeated one. If Tao could read him, he would see how destroyed he was since the last night.

“I’m going to be father” he confessed and once again, the meaning of that word, the duty it implied was still too big for him. What would happen to that child? It seemed too much responsibility for only him.

“It’s a joke” that was the first comment he could say. “Are you really going to have a kid and you're this happy?!” Tao pointed out with sarcasm and Xiao Zhan could only sigh. He didn’t reply to him. His friend didn’t say anything that needed to be replied. It was evident between them. “So you broke up with boss Wang to focus on being a father. You chose her after all” he connected the pieces with amazed voice, as if he was more than surprised. Possibly he was thinking Xiao Zhan was stupid for having given a second chance to his wife, but after all it wasn’t because of her.

“I chose the child. A father is always needed” he excused himself. However, he could see how Tao shook his head and clicked his tongue. Even though he didn’t talk after. And that bothered Xiao Zhan. Why didn’t he say it? “What?” he insisted to know. Huang just stood up.

“They are only needed if they will do their kid's life easier. Do you think that child will be able to be happy after all your marriage has suffered?” he asked while frowning. Xiao Zhan had thought of that, he was still wondering it. What was the right path to take for that kid's sake?

“I still have eight months to build again what I broke” he assured while eating a bit of meat. Huang only giggled disappointed.

“You? What did you break?”

“My marriage” he answered at the next second. Why was he caring that much?

“Ah, no. She was the one who has always messed up everything” he blamed his wife carelessly.

“I did it too by flirting with Yibo” Xiao Zhan tried to get the guilt too, because after all he had it too. He wasn’t an angel. His acts had been horrible.

“But that was because she was a bad wife and didn’t take care of you-”

“Even if she had been the best wife of this world, I would have done the same with Yibo!” Xiao Zhan confessed with all his might. His gaze was down, not daring to raise it and find Tao there. “The problem is not her. It's me…” he muttered before a tear fell on the food. Having realized that the only person he wanted beside him was his boss was the last thing he needed to regret completely what he did last night.

Slowly, Tao kneeled in front of him. “That’s how you love him, right?” his gaze was worried. So Xiao Zhan chose to nod while looking at the nowhere. His friend only removed his lunch from his legs to place it on the bench and hugged him as tight as he could. The employee widened his eyes at first, but at the next second he returned it to sob lowly against his shoulder. It hurt so badly. His whole being was suffering as nothing in that world. And he only wanted to cry it out and feel better, but even after sobbing for almost the whole lunch, his chest still felt that pressure inside. How would he be able to overcome such a pain? No matter how much he lied to himself, there was no possibility to learn how to live with it. It hurt too much to be real.

“Yesterday, I was going to confess, Tao” he cried out with his eyes closed by so many tears falling. “I was going to tell him I was ready to forget her if he loved me” his breath was truly irregular and that made his words to be spoken vaguely. “Why then? Why did I break up with him?” he regretted aloud, feeling how that was the worst thing he had ever done. How much he was suffering could be compared to nothing. There was no existent pain that could be even closer to what he was feeling since last night. It was like someone had ripped his heart out. How was he able to stop it?

“Because you're a good father, ZhanZhan. That's why you chose the kid before yourself” Huang spoke tenderly. Somehow he was helping him to remember the main reason why he chose his family. And once he had it clear in his mind again, he was able to stop his weeping slowly and calm down. Usually nobody watched him like that, nevertheless he was really destroyed by that situation.

“Will I forget him someday?” he asked with husky voice. His friend looked down.

“I wish I could say yes”

*****

That day was raining so hard. No umbrella. Just a briefcase to cover his suit and not be wet the whole day in the office. He ran the small path between the parking and the building. It was enough to get his jacket quite useless, but it was hot so he would be okay without it. Then, he started to greet all the usual people in the hall with a fake smile. He wasn’t able to be sincere yet. Even if two weeks had gone by already, the pain was still too strong every time he had to go to work and bow to him without being able to look at his eyes. He wondered how much it would last. His mind started to be confused and tired by handling such stress everyday. If he could forget… He remembered Tao's words.

_I wish I could say yes…_

What did he mean? He could read between lines and get a lot of meanings, but knowing well his friend, he knew no one of them was the correct. Would he never be able then? He needed to ask him. Because even after two weeks, he was still wondering its meaning as crazy and somehow that made him do constant circles around the same subject. He was stuck in it no matter how many days would go by. Stuck in Yibo every time he met his boss in the office, every time they had to work together, every time they had to talk. Xiao Zhan felt he was going to become crazy if that situation continued. His desire of throwing himself to his arms was so complicated to calm down. More when Yibo looked at him or when they found each other alone. He didn’t know how he could handle it successfully. His heart still craved for his love.

But now, the only thing he could do was sitting down and working non-stop, his old habit came back. Working not to think. Even if it seemed okay at first, it wasn’t effective anymore. Maybe because Yibo was ten meters away from him or because it was still too recent, but this time, working wasn’t the solution. And he wondered what he could do to at least focus for thirty minutes straight. Otherwise, he would give up on working correctly. His mind was already suffering too much that he felt powerless, defeated. The tiredness reflected in his eyes. And possibly that was noticed by his boss every time they looked at each other as Xiao Zhan did. He had never seen such a sad gaze in his life. And unconsciously, he muttered an apology each time he dared to look into his almond eyes.

He wondered how long it would be, when it would end… That pain inside of his chest, how much time it would keep there making breathing harder than under the water. Sometimes he needed to even stop because of it, exactly like this moment after having thought too much. Xiao Zhan had just stood up to catch a glass of water and all his mind was wondering made it come back, that was why he stayed two seconds more in front of the water machine. When he believed he was okay, his body was turned around and he found someone rushing to his direction. At that time, as both tried to move to different sides, Xiao Zhan raised his eyes and found Yibo. The time stopped at the same exact second the employee realized that strange bright into his gaze. Was he… happy? Indeed, he was carrying his jacket with him, where was he going? He only saw how his boss turned the corner and disappeared without looking back. He couldn’t understand it. How could he have that brightness? Wasn’t he suffering anymore? Everything seemed as falling over him. Was he the only stupid one there?

Slowly, he returned to his desk and sat, he should work, but his eyes kept looking at the screen while his hands were doing nothing. How could Yibo? He was completely unable. Unable to smile without faking it.

*****

A big noise woke him up suddenly. His face hurt too much when he attempted to raise his head. Xiao Zhan only noticed why when he looked down to find a notebook and pens around. Had he fallen asleep? When? How? What time was it? His wrist was showed to search for his watch and see how late it was. Then, he glanced at the rest of the office and no one was there. Why did nobody call him? Xiao Zhan decided to tidy his desk, put his things into his briefcase and turn off his computer to stand up and place his chair correctly. Only when he headed to the exit, his eyes noticed how there was still one light on. It was his boss's. Had he returned? When? Was he still working at that hour?

He was so curious and somehow worried that he approached hesitantly to peek inside and see what he was doing. However, what he found broke his heart a bit more. Yibo was sitting on his chair, one of his hands on his knee and the other covering his eyes. His ears could hear how he was sobbing slightly while his fingers dried all the tears that fell uncontrollably. Then, Xiao Zhan looked down to find a folder on the floor. Had that been the noise which woke him up? Had he thrown it against the wall? Why? What was wrong? “Boss Wang” he spoke his name with trembling voice from the threshold. At the next second, his boss raised his head, panicking for some reason and turned around.

“What do you want?” Yibo replied rudely, his voice being a bit drowned. How much had he been crying? Xiao Zhan was feeling a hole inside of him. He didn’t know why, but he preferred to see how he was happy as that morning instead of that sad. That was why he entered the office and approached the desk.

“Why are you crying?” he asked showing his concern. How much he worried about him yet.

“Not your business” his answer was fast and harsh. Possibly wanting to make it clear how he desired to be alone. However, Xiao Zhan wouldn’t go that easily. He had to break that distance between them and their hearts to be told what happened. That was why he surrounded the desk and placed himself right in front of Yibo by kneeling on the floor. He knew his acts were so out of place, that he would regret it, breaking their limit as employee and boss. But if that was in exchange of helping him, it was worth it.

“I’ve only seen you crying once. Is he okay?” he remembered his friend. He knew how hard it was for him and how he regretted it. If something bad had happened to Chen Fang, Yibo would be destroyed for sure. The boss only frowned and set his own gaze aside. Did that mean he was right? Xiao Zhan's stomach turned upside down suddenly. “Hey” he tried to catch his attention by caressing his cheek, but hastily it was grabbed strongly to refuse his touch.

“He has just woken up. Now, go away” his rude way to talk to him was too painful indeed, so Xiao Zhan didn’t know why he kept there, without moving a single part of his muscles until he was brave enough to approach and hug him by his neck. His breath was stopped for the first seconds, feeling how his heart was pounding so hard. Possibly, instead of helping him, Xiao Zhan was just hurting his boss more and more. He was so selfish, but what could he do? Going away without even asking? Wouldn’t it be worse? He needed to be sure he would be okay without him.

“Then, why are you crying? It's fantastic he-“

“It's not!” suddenly, he yelled and Xiao Zhan broke the hug to look at him.

“Why?” the employee tried to know; he was sure something was wrong. Otherwise Yibo wouldn’t have reached the limit of crying.

“Why should I tell you?” his boss spat carelessly and Xiao Zhan smiled bitterly.

“Because I will always be here for you… Even if it's not in the way we both want” his words were so sincere that even he himself was surprised and overwhelmed by them. He knew he was just mixing everything more and more, but leaving was impossible, if Yibo was this broken, it wasn’t possible at all. Slowly, his boss caressed his cheek and approached. A second after, their noses were touching, smelling each other's breaths. Xiao Zhan could feel how he was going to kiss him and he wondered how he could stop that. He was unable to move backwards, however at the same time he knew that kiss would break the wall he built between them. “Don’t do it, please…” he begged with weak voice. Then, Yibo bit his lower lip before moving forward to kiss his cheek. Xiao Zhan closed his eyes, yearning for those lips as a crazy. How thick but tender they were… He desired to taste them endlessly. And the temptation of turning his head and kissed him was there, however, he just felt how Yibo leaned his forehead on his shoulder.

“He’s not okay at all…” finally, he spoke regarding his friend. Xiao Zhan rubbed his hair to support him meanwhile. “After a year in a coma, now he can't move at all, he can't eat or speak, almost even breathe by himself… I've ruined his life…” he sobbed hard at the end and it was like a knife cut the employee's stomach and was moved inside. How much was he suffering? Without a doubt, Xiao Zhan's arms were wrapped around his back to hug him as tight as possible.

“You haven't, he's strong, he will-“

“I did!” what shocked him wasn’t the shout, but how strong Yibo grabbed his clothes during the embrace. “I was driving that day, I couldn’t notice the car because I was drunk. I tried to dodge it when it was so late and the car hit the back part of ours, exactly where Fang was” he told the story straight as if he needed to tell it. Xiao Zhan stayed there completely shocked by it. Had he been the one who caused the accident because he was drunk? How could he take the car if he had drunk?

“What's done, it's done” he spoke suddenly, probably talking to his boss and himself at the same time. It wasn’t time to scold him because it was pretty evident he had learned from it. “The important thing is that he has woken up and even if now he is like this, he can recover and be 100% okay someday” his voice was tender, spoken beside his ear while his hands rubbed his back slowly. After a few seconds since he talked, Xiao Zhan could feel a nose rubbing his neck when Yibo cuddled up in his arms. He was being really affectionate at that moment and somehow the employee was falling in his claws. Possibly he would never be safe if he was close because Yibo could affect him more than anyone else could and that was his worst enemy there.

Moving backwards, his boss broke the hug to look at his with red eyes and caress his cheek softly while his thumb was rubbing his lower lip. “Can’t I really kiss you?” he asked with the beg reflected in his pupils. Xiao Zhan gulped, being tempted again by that god in front of him, a few inches separating them. However, he knew that if they kissed at that moment, all that pain and suffering would have been useless, that was why he shook his head with a bittersweet smile.

“No, it's better like this” he dried a tear across his cheek with his index finger and stood up. Yibo kept sat on his chair, leaned on the back of it with his gaze lost in the nowhere. Xiao Zhan brushed his hair a bit. “Are you better?” his question was totally naïve provoked by his concern. His boss nodded with that unsure aura untypical of him.

“Yes, thank you” his voice seemed huskier than before. Was he truly better? Somehow, he was doubting it. Something inside of him was telling him that Yibo was as broken as never before. And frustration filled his body when he noticed he could do nothing. “Go home, it's so late” his boss recommended him and the employee nodded, feeling so embarrassed there at that point of the conversation. As he thought he would regret it. How was he able to look at his face from that moment on? It was so uncomfortable. Mainly because his eyes pierced his soul every time their gazes crashed. And it hurt. How he was able to look at him like that hurt him way too much and sometimes Xiao Zhan was so lost about what he should do in front of him. He felt so vulnerable his whole being was exposed and powerless. That was why he muttered a farewell and left the office as fast as he could.

_I can't bear this feeling near you… I think I die at any moment if I stay by your side without showing how much I love you…_

*****

The weeks went by slowly, so slowly Xiao Zhan hated it. Somehow he wanted the child to be born as soon as possible to finally be able to focus on taking care of the baby and forget all his problems. Because if he was like until now, his mind could only think of just one person and it was being harder. The more days he handled near him, the weaker he became. And that was the last thing he had to allow. He couldn’t lose his composure now that he was getting to be just boss and employee with him. Less that night in his office, they had just behaved like how they had to in that building. And even if that was a big achievement, he was sad because that meant how nothing was going to happen between them again and his body craved for his closeness at least five seconds more. If he could have just one last time, one last night with him to show him his true feelings and how pure his actions were, maybe that heaviness in his heart would disappear a bit. Those regrets of not having told him would go away. However now he had to keep in silence because saying them would only cause more pain to suffer for both. Once again.

That was why he tried to keep working in that building no matter if the person he desired to be with was there, in front of him talking with his coworker. His eyes stared at him for some seconds, taking the risk of being discovered by Yibo or some employee else. For that reason, he kept on glancing at him to admire that complexion he liked to feel under his hands, that jaw he loved kissing, those eyes that mesmerized his whole being, that soft hair that was so nice to grab when he was in the climax… Because of thinking those things, he started to breathe irregularly and feel hot so he had no other choice rather than standing up to go to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water.

When he opened the door, he found Tao there and they greeted each other. Then, Xiao Zhan opened the tap and cleaned his face of sweat. His hands grabbed the sink to close his eyes and breathe deeply. Suddenly a hand caught his shoulder and the employee jumped by the scare. “Hey, what's wrong?” his friend asked, both looking at each other across the mirror in front of them. Xiao Zhan took a look around them, assuring the restroom was empty and decided to talk.

“When you said that you wished you could say I'll forget him someday, you were right, it's impossible, I think I will become crazy…” he turned around to lean his butt on the sink and brushed his both eyes desperately. They hadn’t talked about him since that day and Tao didn’t know how Xiao Zhan was regarding it until that moment so he kept thoughtful for a few seconds. After it, one of his hands was placed on his shoulder.

“But did you understand what I wanted to say?” he asked while frowning. The young man shook his head remembering how much he tried to decipher that sentence for days up to he gave up. “You can't forget him if firstly you don't _want_ to, or am I wrong?” suddenly he asked with serious expression, but being warm and close at the same time. Xiao Zhan opened a bit his mouth and stayed in shock. Did he want to forget him? Did he want Yibo to remain in the past? Did he want to reach a day where Yibo was just a mere fact of the past?

“No…” he answered aloud with tears in his eyes. “I don't want it… Not at all… How can I want such a thing?” he spoke while looking down full of new feelings inside of him, tons of new ones to bear them again. Would that stop someday? Would there be an ending for all of that? Days continued passing and he was worse and worse. There was no day Yibo wasn’t in his mind. There was no day he was able to have a small hope to return with him in the future. There was no day he didn’t realize how deep his love for him was. And that was destroying him harsher than what he expected at the beginning. He had never thought he would feel like that for someone and much less he would have to suffer like that because he was unable to be with that person. That was why he got a girlfriend and married her thinking that was all his heart could feel inside. Thinking that love was just that nice sensation inside. Thinking that he knew already what being in love was when he had just reached the limit of liking someone. Only love appeared when his path met Yibo's and all he knew became upside down.

“Are you sure about this?” Tao asked with poker face. He had never known what his friend was thinking about him, about his relationship, his marriage or even about Yibo himself. He had always helped him but without saying his opinion and Xiao Zhan wondered how he could have done it.

“I’m not sure about anything already” he confessed with a knot in his throat. Everything was so complicated to choose and be sure about it without a single doubt. Also his trust didn’t allow him to choose without hesitation even once in his life. So when this type of situations occurred to him, it was like he had lost himself in the middle of the forest. Which way was the correct?

“I’ve never liked too much how boss Wang treated you at first. But after, he changed… I don't know what happened in the hospital really, but he looked like another person” he commented, a strange comment Xiao Zhan wasn’t used to. However, he had his answer.

“It happened that he met the real face of my wife. Probably, he just decided to take care of me because he felt sorry after watching how she behaved…” he explained remembering that clearly in his mind yet. How she just seemed as caring zero and how Yibo even slept beside him. He could choose so wrongly, but he was clever enough to see who was worth it.

“No… Probably he thought how a person as awesome as you could have such a wife” Huang clarified while his eyes were on Xiao Zhan constantly. The latter chuckled tiredly and shook his head.

“What are you saying…” his amazement was too high to believe that. Tao didn’t know Yibo as well as him.

“Who knows your wife, knows also you're stupid for staying with her” he confessed straight as always and Xiao Zhan opened his mouth to reply. Nevertheless, he closed it realizing he was really stupid for giving her another chance now they were going to be parents. “You can be the same father beside her or beside him. The child will always be yours no matter who your lover is” his friend continued his speech of reasons and Xiao Zhan had clear Tao disliked Li pretty much. After he was cheated by her too, so no wonder in reality.

“You know she wouldn’t let me see the baby if we got divorced and much less if I start a relationship with my boss” the employee pointed out knowing how mean she could be when things didn’t go as she wanted and Huang nodded with a sigh.

“Probably. But then, will you live with her whilst your heart belongs to him?” he asked after leaning his butt on the next sink to cross his arms and stare at his lost friend, who was starting to think too much regarding all of that.

“Yes, that's the plan, so stop confusing me, please” Xiao Zhan closed his eyes by the tiredness and walked to the door for returning to his desk. Before he exited the toilets, Tao said a last thing.

“I just want you to be happy”

*****

After his talk with Huang, somehow he could focus more on what he was doing. It was like if after all that chat, he had decided more than never to stay with his wife and let him go finally. And since then, he was starting to progress nicely in his work and in his life in general. Indeed, meeting Yibo everyday was still hard, but somehow he was able to not feel that pain inside of him and control his own mind. That was how a month went by and Xiao Zhan felt the idea of being father better and better. He started to be even excited about the fact of being able to hug a baby and see how that small human grew up. He was discovering that not everything was as bad as he thought it was at first. And that somehow was giving him new hopes and good vibes to overcome that bad period of his life.

For that reason, he was becoming better in his job and he could do a normal life already. Going to work, returning home, taking care of his wife. He didn’t dislike it. That was how he ended up finally recovering from that harsh hit he had had regarding his boss. He had to say too that since Chen woke up, Yibo didn’t stay the whole day and lost a few hours some days to go to the hospital. He knew that because once Xiao Zhan dared to ask him for his condition and his boss told him. But since then, they didn’t talk anymore and the employee was grateful with that.

So, as any other day, he was doing his work, focused on it and deeply desiring to reach the lunch time and eat his food, he was truly starving. Then, in the middle of the morning, Yibo got out of his office to call them all. “Listen to me. The next weekend I will have a business trip and I need someone to help me” after this, some people were already offering themselves, but Yibo didn’t even glance at them. “As he has worked already with this company, Xiao Zhan, I want you to come with me. I will give you the information in my office” he announced in front of everyone and the mentioned man opened his mouth totally speechless. Why he?

“But-“ that was all he could say. He didn’t want to go, of course he didn’t want to. Not with him. Not a whole weekend. Why did he have to choose him? Was he trying to get a chance? That was impossible. The employee decided to approach the office and knocked on the door to come in. Only when it was closed again, he dared to speak. “Why me? You have 35 employees more and you have-“

“No one else has worked with this company but you. You know how it works plus you're so fast in it. Don't think I choose you because of personal matters” Yibo explained to him straight and without taboos. Xiao Zhan stayed there feeling embarrassed. Even like that, he didn’t want. Of course because a weekend beside him would be hell and now that he was beginning to be okay, he didn’t want all his efforts to be in vain.

“Can I still refuse?” he dared to ask and Yibo looked straight at him.

“You can. But do you think you will be able to continue working here if you don't stop mixing your personal life with your job?” his boss asked him with a severe voice and the employee looked away truly out of place. He was right, he was just mixing everything and maybe that was why he was unable to work completely okay there. In the other hand, Yibo was so professional that he thought as a boss and even chose him to go with him because he trusted his work and capacities. Then, how could he say no if his boss was giving his best to be as normal as possible?

“Okay… Tell where and when…” he accepted with his heart pounding.

“We will take a plane in PEK to go to Shanghai on Friday’s morning, we will prepare the contracts on that evening and meet the president on Saturday's afternoon. We will come back on Sunday's morning. Don't worry about the hotel, I will book two different rooms” Yibo explained with details. “I will give you the tickets tomorrow” while talking he seemed so professional, as his real boss, that Xiao Zhan just smiled bitterly and turned around to exit that office as soon as possible. At the next second, he was wondering if he was going to be okay.


	13. Lies

Before he could realize it, he was taking his luggage to get it inside the taxi to go to the airport and go to Shanghai with his boss. He turned around to face his wife and kiss her lips softly. He still felt nothing, but it was just to calm her down a bit. She was truly against going to that business trip for some reason and he could only reassure her before leaving so she would spend a good weekend alone. “I will be okay, I will be back with you on Sunday's evening, so don't put that face” he smiled to her while his hand was touching her belly slowly. Even if only three months had gone by, it hadn’t changed almost anything, he couldn’t believe there was a baby inside. Then, she put her hand over his and smiled at him back.

“Okay, I will call you tomorrow to see how you are” she pecked his lips for last time before he entered the taxi and told the man to go to the airport. It wasn’t like he was worried, after all it was only a weekend, but somehow he had a bad feeling. Maybe it was just the fact he was going to travel with Yibo, after all he wasn’t looking forward to it at all, but no matter if he wanted or not, he had to go because it was his job. So that was what he was doing.

After paying the man, he got out with his luggage and searched for his boss around. Yibo had told him he would wait for him in front of the main door thirty minutes before the plane would lift off. Then, he didn’t know how he could notice him behind a tree, under its shadow. He sighed bothered and approached him. “How do you want me to see you if you are behind a tree?” Xiao Zhan scolded him and Yibo caught his bag.

“And what do you want me to do with this heat?” he replied back and both sighed deeply. The trip started well… After all, his boss could have a point, that heat was horrible considering they were in September already. Luckily, inside the airport it was colder and the waiting wasn't tortuous, but uncomfortable. He could feel how both were in tension and only fifteen minutes had gone by. He was truly upset when he realized another two days beside him were left. What could he do though? Being in a plane with someone who didn’t dare to speak a single word no matter if their seats were beside each other. They spent the whole journey without speaking at all, better said, Yibo spent it sleeping. Had he been unable to last night? Well, he remembered that when he stayed in his house, he truly slept late in the night because he could feel when Yibo hugged him.

Then, remembering those moments beside him, he looked down with a nostalgic face and lost eyes. He missed that with all his might. He missed him as no one. Slowly, he glanced at him and stared at that brown, messy hair, those closed eyes with long eyelashes, those thick lips or that Adam's apple that was protruding from his throat. He desired to lick it. All those yearnings were still inside him. So deep inside, but still with him and that weekend they would attempt to go out constantly, he had to resist and be strong because his pregnant wife was waiting for him in his house. That was why he tried to sleep as him until the plane arrived to Shanghai and stop thinking a while.

*****

The trip had been nice, but tiring at the same time so both decided to go to the hotel straight, leave the luggage and bag there and have lunch. They only talked to decide it in the taxi and returned to the silence again. It was truly hard to speak because the tension was still between them as hard as never. He didn’t know how to break the ice, even if he should do it. Maybe it was better to leave it like that so his feelings wouldn’t attempt to screw him. For that reason, he stayed silent in the taxi to the hotel too. Then, Yibo paid the man when they both arrived. Xiao Zhan saw it was luxurious and beautiful. Luckily all of that was paid by the company, so it was like having free holidays. He was amazed by such a building when he came inside. There was a big hall full of people, luggage and workers. In the middle of it, there was a fountain and the water fell from the ceiling to the very floor with lights. He was mesmerized, but when he glanced at Yibo, he seemed the most used person of that world. Well, being the CEO's son meant he could afford to pay this hotel when he wanted.

“Hi, I reserved two rooms. Name, Wang Yibo” he talked with the receptionist while Xiao Zhan continued observing everything. His attention only returned when her words were a problem for them.

“I'm sorry, sir, but for some reason you're not in the reservation list” she explained with troubled face. Yibo moved in his place, like feeling really nervous. The employee placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

“That has to be a mistake, I booked our rooms several days ago” his boss said with angry voice.

“It’s because we're having an overbooking. My deeply apologies, sir. If you want, I still have a free suite” she apologized and offered it to Yibo, who sighed deeply.

“Does that suite have two beds?” he asked and that surprised Xiao Zhan. Was he angry because of that?

“No, but it has a king-size bed, plus-“

“Then, I don't want it. Don't you have a room with two beds?” he cut her off rudely and asked expressing what he wanted clearly.

“No, sir. Only that suite free” she clarified. Xiao Zhan was watching all of that without saying a word and after watching how troubled that woman looked and how angry Yibo was, he decided to speak.

“Does that suite have a sofa?” he asked suddenly and the receptionist nodded. “Then, fixed. We will stay in the suite” Xiao Zhan sorted the problem out quickly. Hastily, he felt a hand on his shoulder so he looked at his side to find his boss frowning.

“Are you sure?” he asked, concern fulfilling his eyes. The young man nodded willingly to sleep in the same room and Yibo accepted the idea while grabbing the keycard. After it, they approached the elevator and waited. “I’m sorry for this, I booked-“

“I know, don't worry. It may happen anytime” he giggled trying to relax a bit the ambient until he noticed how Yibo was looking at him, he was mesmerized and it was embarrassing. When his boss noticed it, he coughed a bit and looked down. Then, they took the elevator and went up to the floor of their suite. Before opening the door, his boss grabbed another keycard.

“This is yours, don't lose it” he warned him and Xiao Zhan caught his.

“Why would I?” the employee answered bothered.

“Because I know you” Yibo smiled amused and this time, the mesmerized one was Xiao Zhan who kept looking at that smile until Yibo started to talk again. “You know… Eh, the keycard works like this-“

“I'm not stupid” he spat him with disdain and the boss opened the door at the next second while raising his both eyebrows.

“Okay, but don't call me after saying you can't open” his boss commented before entering and Xiao Zhan only pushed him inside not to hear more stupid comments from him. Then, he closed the door behind him and when his gaze realized the bedroom, his mouth was widely opened. That was too amazing to be real. That bed was three times his, with almost a whole living room in front of it composed by two sofas, a coffee table with a big TV and a big window illuminating the whole room without the need of lights. The furniture was beige and white combining too well with the floor covered by dark wood and white walls. Was he going to be there two days? That was incredible.

In the other hand, Yibo only threw the bag on the floor beside the bed and walked beside him to enter the bathroom and closed the door. Xiao Zhan stayed there, not knowing too well what to do in such a room. He was truly amazed by everything there and he kept observing each detail admiring how well designed it was. Then, he heard the water of the WC and watched how Yibo came out of it. “What are you doing here? Is there a bug threatening you not to come in?” he laughed despicably and Xiao Zhan sighed. Why was he so fucking funny sometimes? He just threw him the cap he was wearing and Yibo caught it after it hit his arm. “No violence, please” he commented before throwing him the cap back softly. The employee took it and walked in to leave the luggage and cap beside the bed.

“Why are you so playful today?” he answered with tired face, he was like a five-years-old kid. Yibo only approached him way too much with a smirk.

“No special reason” he muttered right in front of him and Xiao Zhan gulped nervous. What was he doing? He was going to set him aside, but Yibo did a step backwards before. “We are a bit late already, do you mind to work while having lunch?” his question was done in a normal tone, like his boss again and Xiao Zhan frowned. Why was his behaviour changing that much? It was so tiring.

“No, at all” he answered. The employee decided to take a seat on the couch and feel how fresh it was. That was so nice after handling so much heat outside. He closed his eyes and let his mind rest five minutes while his ears were listening to Yibo calling for the lunch.

“Xiao Zhan, what do you want to eat?” his boss asked, but the employee only heard the first word. Had he just called him by his name? The last time had been in his apartment that night so his heart was racing, his mind being blank. “Answer me” he insisted and Xiao Zhan came back to Earth.

“The same as you” he opted for an easy answer and tried to breathe in and out to calm his heartbeat down. He was really nervous after hearing his name by his mouth again. He had truly missed it.

“Okay, then two bowls of chow mien. Yes, to the room, thanks” he hung up and realized how his employee was looking at him. “What?”

“Chow mien, really?” Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow.

“I like it. Also, I've asked you!” he complained while sitting beside him. The employee was going to reply when he turned his head and found him closer than he thought. His eyes could only watch him without any other option and his throat gulped nervously. Yibo tensed his expression and kept on looking at him. One of his arms was leaned on the top of the back of the sofa so when he felt the other one catching his chin, Yibo's move was fast. He had his boss almost kissing his lips in less than a second. However, he just stayed that close, as if he was waiting for his approval. Luckily, he did that and Xiao Zhan could lower his head as rejecting it.

“You said this was for work…” he reminded him and Yibo sat as far as he could.

“Yes… I'm sorry…” he looked out of place and stood up. “Do you want to start with the contract?” he asked while gazing at the opposite side of the room. Xiao Zhan nodded, wanting the ground to open and hide inside. He knew that was going to be a bad idea and this had just proved he was right. And now, he had no turning back so he had to handle those moments as he could for two days more. Something inside of him said it would be impossible and that they would end up on that bed making out or just on that couch if they were too hot. What was more, he wasn’t hating the idea, he was loving it with all his might. His touches… His kisses… His caresses… He was missing everything and being alone with him at just two meters made it more complicated.

Luckily, Yibo put the laptop and documents on the table to work and stop thinking. So at the next instant, he was turning the laptop on and already reading the first document. Firstly, he needed to read everything if he wanted to know what type of contract he had to do and then, he would write it down. As if he were a machine, once he began, he couldn’t stop. When he wanted to realize it, someone was knocking on the door and Yibo could bring a bowl to him to eat as lunch. He was truly starving and decided to set it aside for five minutes as he was enjoying how good it was. During all that time, they only discussed the contract clauses and decided how to gain the biggest benefit for the company. In no time, his bowl was empty and he caught the laptop to go writing what Yibo was reading from the papers. It was like a teamwork. And he didn’t dislike it completely.

Finally, when he wrote the last dot, he sighed tired and stretched his body while yawning. Then, his eyes noticed it was already eight. How much time had they spent doing it? It seemed even a joke. He left the laptop on the table and lay down on the couch while Yibo was dead on the floor. “I need a glass, do you want one?” he asked and Xiao Zhan nodded. After such a hard work, his body desired something strong inside. “There are vodka and whiskey” he proposed.

“Vodka, please” the employee chose and his boss left his glass on the table before he sat on the floor again with his of what it seemed whiskey.

“Thanks” he drank a bit of his. “Isn’t yours too much?” he asked knowing Yibo got drunk so easily.

“It’s okay, I can't hurt anyone here” his face was darkened as his aura. Xiao Zhan only drank more and lay down again.

“You're too hard on yourself” he commented, pointing out that fact that was already known by his boss by how he replied.

“As hard as everyone treats me” he drank a long swallow and left the glass on the table with a hit. Xiao Zhan frowned wanting to know what he meant.

“Who treats you badly?” his question was insisting in a subject that didn’t seem nice for his boss.

“No one…” he tried to stop it, but Xiao Zhan sat beside him on the floor and leaned his head on his shoulder. They would end up drunk so his actions wouldn’t mind too much from now on.

“C'mon, tell me about yourself” that was going to be his last attempt to persuade him. After, he would stop.

“My father…” suddenly, he confessed. “He has always hated me…” he drank once more and this time he kept the glass in his hand to move the ices slowly. Xiao Zhan just kept listening to all he wanted to share that night. “Now I think about it and I hate his way of spoiling me when I was a child. Always giving me all the toys and whims I wanted. He even gave me my own maids…” he giggled bitterly and Xiao Zhan frowned deeply.

“What would you want maids for?” he asked naïvely.

“For fucking” his answer left the employee frozen, he raised his head to look straight at his boss and ask with his gaze. “When I was nineteen years old, I liked one of them and we fucked. It happened that she ended up pregnant” Yibo touched his eyes with resignation regretfully. Xiao Zhan opened his mouth widely not believing such a thing.

“So do you have a child?” he dared to ask.

His boss only shook his head. “When I told my father, he went crazy and made her lose the baby… Then, he kicked me out of that house without money or a place to go” his voice still sounded really painful. Xiao Zhan couldn’t believe he had lived such hell with his father. In the company, the CEO had always seemed a nice man, why would he treat his own son like that?

“And what did you do?” the employee wanted to know more, Yibo didn’t seem as being forced or disliking it.

“I went to Shan's house” he laughed. “Since then I worked anywhere to be able to continue paying the university and get the career. After, Shan's father loves me like his own son so he hired me in his company where I learned all I know today” he told that story with a painful smile. He didn’t know what he was thinking regarding it, but Xiao Zhan didn’t like it. Mainly because he seemed still so affected by it. After all, his own father had treated him like scum. That was why he had a doubt.

“Then, why are you now in your father's company?” that question was truly disturbing him with all his might and only then Yibo turned around and faced him.

“He fell so ill and can barely work already. So someone has to take over. Obviously, nobody knew he had kicked me out so everyone asked for me. He had no other option but hiring me if he wanted to keep his good reputation” he shook his head as if he was the first one who couldn’t believe it and ended his first glass. Yibo was going to stand up to get another, however, Xiao Zhan grabbed his wrist and didn’t allow him to continue drinking. Without a complain, his boss remained sitting by his side.

“I'm sorry” suddenly, Xiao Zhan apologized with husky voice. He was feeling truly bad after hearing his story; and Yibo asked why that. “Because at first, I thought you were useless as long as you came from a rich family…” he confessed with regretful face. The boss chuckled and looked at him to touch his hair sweetly. “And it turns out that you're amazing” he muttered while staring into his eyes. Yibo approached until rubbing their noses and Xiao Zhan could smell the scent of whiskey from his mouth. It was somehow erotic.

“Can I?” he asked as a well-trained dog, begging it with his eyes. Why was he containing himself? Why was he asking instead of just kissing him straight? He would win if he did that. Then, why?

“Why do you want to kiss me so badly?” Xiao Zhan did that question before sighing and moving backwards to drink a bit more of alcohol. Yibo continued staring at him.

“Because I've drunk, I've not fucked even once since our last time” he stopped to gulp while staring at his neck. Xiao Zhan was just seeing a beast instead of his boss. “And because I desire you as no one else” he confessed before biting his lower lip and the employee widened his eyes. Just when he was getting to stop his own feelings, this trip was messing everything more and more. So he decided to finish his glass and stand up.

“I knew this was a trap of yours” he cried out a bit while showing how he was regretting it. The employee approached his luggage to take clean clothes to be able to take a shower after sweating so much the whole day.

“It wasn't! But controlling me is being harder than I expected” he confessed already with that voice of being too happy after just a glass. He just hoped he wouldn’t drink anymore during the time inside of the bathroom.

“Okay, then, try not to rape me while I'm in the shower” he joked before closing the door, but then, he could hear the answer.

“Lock the door just in case!” his voice was amused for some reason, and even Xiao Zhan himself was amused and smiling a bit. He thought the whole trip was going to be tense and horrible, but that way of showing what they felt and wanted without being ashamed was truly captivating him. He wondered if their relationship would always be like that Friday if they had started something. Their connection was there, between them, as hard as never and Xiao Zhan was just loving it in a way which was difficult to handle. Because he had had more fun with Yibo in a day than with his wife in a month. His boss was able to get the best of him anytime, anywhere. And the employee would lie if he said he disliked it.

Then, after a quick shower, he dried his body and dressed a T-shirt and shorts. It was truly hot that night. Finally, he opened the door, what he hadn’t left locked, and returned to his luggage to put the dirty clothes beside. When his gaze took a look at the room, he found a man on the floor, resting his head on the sofa while being completely asleep. Xiao Zhan sighed, thinking why he had let him fall asleep on the floor. That was why he approached to grab him, but he stopped his own hands when his eyes admired how beautiful he was. Indeed, the pain was still there. “C’mon, let's go to the bed” he said to wake him up. Yibo recovered a bit and opened his eyes.

“No, let me sleep on the couch, so the bed is for you” his boss spoke tiredly. The young man titled his head a bit, noticing why he wanted to know that and his consciousness was unable to accept that.

“Don’t be stupid, that bed is immense, we can sleep there without touching at all” Xiao Zhan persuaded him. At last, the boss stood up by himself and they walked to the bed. He kept beside him as Yibo changed his clothes. Sometimes his eyes glanced at his naked body, however he closed them at the next instant, knowing he had to be strong.

“Put some pillows between us if-“

“I’m not that childish, just get in the bed” he ordered with a severe voice and Yibo did what he said. Then, Xiao Zhan lay down in the other side and both turned around so their backs were looking at each other. Indeed, there was a big space in the middle, so Xiao Zhan knew it wouldn’t be a big deal to bear.

“Xiao Zhan” suddenly Yibo spoke.

“What?” what was he? A kid?

“Can you give me a good-night kiss?” he giggled at the end, uncovering he was just kidding him and the employee moved his foot under the sheets to hit his legs strongly. His boss only complained between giggles.

“I’m already regretting this...” that was his last sentence for that night, what he tried to speak it with tired voice, but at the end, his smile was so wild on his face. Why was he able to do it that easily?

*****

He woke up beside him, face to face, but even like that, they weren’t touching at all. He wanted to caress his face and kiss those soft lips once again like those wonderful mornings they had spent together. However, he turned his head around to stop that feeling inside of him, he had to be strong and loyal to his wife no matter what. Then, when he was looking around half asleep, he checked the hour and found out it was 8:26 am. He panicked at the next second. They would have to meet the president at 10 am and they were still in the hotel. He sat immediately to grab the sheets and remove them. Yibo complained while moving around.

“You, stupid! We forgot to put the alarm clock” he shook his boss with both hands until his boss opened his eyes. Possibly, full of panic also.

“What?! What time is it?” he sat quickly too to check the clock. “Why didn't you remember it?!” he asked as blaming him while standing up to get clothes from his bag.

“What?! Who ended up drunk and sleeping on the floor?!” Xiao Zhan blamed him back while undressing himself and stared at how Yibo was going to dress his suit. “Don’t dare to go sticking like that! Go grab a shower now!” he yelled at him and his boss threw the suit on the bed angrily to remove his underwear, be like when he was born and walk through the room carelessly.

“It's all your fault!” he shouted from the bathroom. Xiao Zhan was just there still, wondering why that puncture of excitation inside his stomach. Indeed, he hadn’t done anything since the last time with Yibo and his body was starting to complain. More if he had him near like that. Suddenly, his phone started to ring and he died by the heart attack. He ran to pick it up and discover it was his wife. After all, she said she was going to call him.

“Hi, how are you?” Xiao Zhan answered while trying to dress his trousers. Suddenly, he heard a sob and his face changed drastically. “Hey, Baozhai, what's wrong?” he asked nervously. Why was she crying?

“I'm so sorry, dear…” she spoke between sobs and Xiao Zhan frowned deeply, his heart pounding as never. What did she mean?

“Why are you sorry?” he insisted to see if she explained it to him. At that moment, Yibo got out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He stopped at the same instant he noticed his pale face.

“I’ve lost our child…” she confessed and started to cry harder. Right after hearing her words, Xiao Zhan's world was destroyed, as if a bomb had ruined everything in a second. He was shocked, no word or move could be done by him. Even his hand with the phone was lowered to be placed on his thighs while the sound of his wife crying was still being heard by him. Then, Yibo kneeled in front of him with worried eyes.

“What happened?” he asked trying to make him react, but Xiao Zhan only heard how his wife started to call him. Then, his hand returned to place his phone beside his ear.

“Wait me there, I will be back home as soon as possible” he spoke without even asking his boss first. It wasn’t like he would be angry at him after all. His wife only nodded and they hung up. Xiao Zhan left the phone on the bed and sighed. Still expressing nothing. Then, Yibo patted his shoulder, trying to get an explanation. Only at that moment, he looked at him back and could speak. “She has lost the baby” right after speaking it, it was like his brain understood its meaning. All his hopes, his desires, his excitement regarding being father. All had crashed instantly against the floor, being broken into infinite pieces. And then he was there, trying to stop his chin from trembling. “Can I go back with her? I'm sorry but-“

“Go now, if you're lucky, you will be back for this evening” Yibo didn’t doubt his words and Xiao Zhan frowned deeply to handle the tears in his eyes.

“Thank you” he muttered as he could and stood up, almost not feeling his legs, to walk to his luggage and get everything inside. He caught his jacket and phone and turned around to look at Yibo for last time. His boss, already dressed up, approached him and hugged his body tightly. Xiao Zhan closed his eyes strongly, resisting his desire to cry his life out and embraced him back.

“Anything you need, just call me” his boss offered him and he nodded when they broke the hug. After that, he left his keycard on the table and exited that room.

The whole path to the airport he was inexpressive, his face being as shocked as his mind. He even had to wait two hours for the next plane to Beijing and he just sat on a bench and waited. Why? Why did he have to lose his last chance to be happy? Why did he have to lose what would give happiness to him? Did he deserve it? Did he have to pay what he had done like that? He knew he had been so wrong and so mean, but his child was the only person he had loved even without having met yet. That love only a father can have for his kids. He had promised to himself to take care of that baby as no one else in that world. Then, how could this happen? Why?

_Now, I have nothing…_

*****

The trip back was hell, his mind didn’t stop thinking for a second, regretting, blaming, suffering. But his face still showed nothing. And like that, he arrived to his house in a taxi. When he got the luggage, he walked normally to the door and opened it. First thing he did was removing his shoes and after he crossed the hallway to take a look in the living room where his wife was, sitting on the sofa with a blanket over her belly. Only then, maybe noticing with his own eyes that it was true, the first tear fell finally. He didn’t doubt to approach and sit beside her, so right after, a woman was hugging his neck tightly. At that point of the day, he felt free to cry all he couldn’t in all the trip back. Hard tears fell uncontrollably while his heart was aching as if it were being burned. One of his hands was placed on his belly, already missing the idea of having that baby into his arms.

“I’m so sorry, dear… I'm a fail as a mother” she regretted and cried on his shoulder without stop. Xiao Zhan only brushed her hair.

“You aren't, you gave your best” he tried to comfort her, even if he knew better than anyone that simple words wouldn’t solve anything. His wife looked at him with red eyes. He could see how bad she was. “And why are you alone in home?” he asked, wondering why there was no one to take care of her. She looked away, trying to sit better on that couch.

“Yesterday I started to bleed hard and the pain was pretty harsh, then my friend took me to the hospital, but when we arrived it was too late… Doctors did some tests and I spent the night there. This morning I was okay and returned home. Then, I decided to call you” she explained. Xiao Zhan was so angry for having gone to such a stupid trip while she was here suffering alone. If he had been here, maybe that baby would…

“Which hospital did you stay in?” he asked to know how she had been treated and his wife opened his mouth like if she was thinking.

“I don't remember the name, it's… the one where you went last time” she replied while not looking at him. Xiao Zhan was sure she had been in good hands and hugged her back.

“It’s okay… Come here” they kept hugging a while until his wife was completely calm down and he stood up. If he was busy, he wouldn’t think. “What do you want for dinner?” he asked while rolling up his sleeves.

“No, dear. I'm okay, let me-“

“Don’t be stupid and rest. I have to take care of you” Xiao Zhan refused her idea at all and his wife smiled at him sweetly.

*****

Sleeping that night was being truly hard, maybe he was just so worried about his wife or perhaps it was that plus his loss and having let Yibo alone in Shanghai. That day had been shitty by far and he just desired to close his eyes and sleep. Nice of his mind that it didn’t want to fall asleep. Checking the clock by his side and noticing it was four am, he decided to stand up slowly and do something around. He went to the kitchen to drink a bit of water and when he sat on the table because he was really tired, his eyes found the small notebook where they wrote down all the expenses they did each month. Was she doing it? He could end it so it would be done already. His hands opened it and saw the last thing written, it was pretty updated. Only her hospital expense was left.

Then, he opened his phone to check their bank account to know how much money it was. However, when he started to search for it, it didn’t appear. He frowned, it was weird to pay in a hospital with cash, and more her that Li was always using the credit card anywhere. Tomorrow he would ask her about it. Mostly because that hospital was expensive and that month was being tight. That was why he left the notebook there and drank the water. After, he returned to the room and lay down beside her. Why was he having a weird feeling?

*****

In the morning, he went to the kitchen decided to ask her. She could have done it with cash after all. Xiao Zhan was just trying to know the truth before getting his own conclusions. Then, he sat on his chair and drank a bit of coffee in front of his wife. “Baozhai, I want to know how much the hospital expense was, this month we are really tight” he started the chat as something casual, but his wife raised his widened eyes taken aback.

“How much? I don't remember exactly now…” she smiled like if she was wondering that question and Xiao Zhan titled his head a bit.

“Did you pay it with cash?” he asked, maybe thinking it could have been a possibility for such an emergency. Li only raised his eyebrows.

“I never pay with cash, dear. That's so vulgar” she laughed with an aura of superiority. After her comment, he wondered how the hospital could have been paid. Because if it were through credit card, it should appear instantly, but then, there wasn’t anything like that in the movements. Then what was wrong?

Xiao Zhan stood up lost in his thoughts and went out of that house even without saying goodbye. He knew something was stinking there. And he would know what it was. That was why he drove until the hospital where she had been treated and entered it to approach a receptionist. “Good morning. I would like to ask about the room of my wife” he tried to know if that was possible so he would know if she had been there or not.

“Tell me your wife’s name” the receptionist accepted and Xiao Zhan celebrated it inwardly.

“Li Baozhai” he said and the woman started to write on the keyboard fast. She kept checking and checking, Xiao Zhan already eating his nails. Then, the woman raised his head.

“I'm sorry, but I don't find anyone here with that name” the woman seemed troubled and he insisted.

“And if she's not here anymore?”

“It should appear on the screen even like that” she explained. Xiao Zhan thanked the woman and walked away slowly. What did that mean? Had she never gone to the hospital? Was that a lie? Why would she lie to him? He needed answers because his mind would explode suddenly by so many incoherencies. That was why he stopped in a family restaurant to have lunch there even though his stomach was closed like a raw clam and the employee tried to end a bowl of noodles. It was really delicious, but when he had eaten the half of it, his stomach refused the rest. All he was suffering was truly being a hard burden for his health. And he didn’t know how to fix it. That was why he drove the hour until his house and encouraging himself as much as he could, his hand opened the door and his feet walked inside.

“Dear, where have you been the whole day?” she asked bothered in the hallway. Xiao Zhan only approached her.

“We have to talk” his deep voice and cold eyes made her do a step backwards. Li nodded and they both sat on the couch to start that chat.

“Are you sure you paid the hospital? Because there's nothing like that in the bank account” he asked really calm for now. At the next second, she went pale and began to laugh nervously.

“Ah, but that's because my friend paid it as long as I didn’t take my credit card with me! I forgot it this morning” Li explained looking truly used to lie. Xiao Zhan handled his anger as better as he could. His vein was being pretty evident in his neck.

“Then, why don't you even appear in the hospital list?” his voice became huskier, feeling as betrayed as never. Then, when his wife wasn’t answering, his gaze stared at her piercing her soul.

“Maybe it was a mistake of-“

“Why can't you say a fucking single truth for once in your life?!” he yelled at her as loud as never before while standing up because his whole body was burning. He was breathing really irregular, watching how she was scared on the sofa. “You weren't pregnant, right?” Xiao Zhan spoke what his conclusion was and his wife looked down. Why? Why was she such a horrible human? Why was she able to do that to him? “Why did you do it?” he asked, taking her silence as an affirmation. “Answer me with the truth now!” he shouted again flying off the handle easily.

“I had no other choice!” finally, she spoke to him back.

“What do you mean?” Xiao Zhan approached to her with a frown. Why was he knowing he wouldn’t like her answer?

“You were cheating on me with your boss… I didn’t want to lose you and…” she pretended to cry at the end. He widened his eyes. Did she know it? How? Since when? That was impossible.

“When did you discover us?” he asked, already caring nothing. She stood up with a sigh.

“When you were fucking on that disgusting sofa” she answered with a bothered face. “At least tell me you didn't in our bed” Li said with an ugly grimace.

“I didn’t, but maybe you did” he found the perfect moment to reproach her her own infidelity.

“What do you say? I've never-“

“Oh, c'mon, can you stop lying?! What about Huang Tao after college? Or that guy who was touching your butt in my kitchen?” he spat without hesitation. Not anymore. He was truly fed up with her and her lies.

“No, dear, I swear it was because I felt alone… You were always working and I was just alone here… I only love you, that's why I married you-“

“Can you shut up?!” Xiao Zhan stopped her before continuing hearing all of that bullshit. How sick was she? He had married a sick woman. But what hurt him the most was how many people had tried to warn him about her and he didn’t want to listen to anyone of them. Because of that. “I want the divorce” finally he asked it clearly, aloud, in front of her. That was his decision. There was no turning back.

“No! Zhan, please, listen to me, I will never do it again, believe me” she begged him while grabbing his arm, tears falling from his eyes. Xiao Zhan set her aside rudely.

“Don’t ever dare to touch me again” those were his last words spoken to her, because after he walked to the door, changed his shoes and exited that house. He was feeling free. As if the big weight over his back had disappeared after breaking ties with her. He felt good finally, but at the same time as betrayed and stupid as no one else. She had lied to him over and over again, about unforgettable things and he had always kept there taking care of her health until the last moment as a fool. He had been used like a cloth without stop. It was impossible she had ever loved him. And that was what hurt him the most. That Xiao Zhan could have lost the person he loved because of her. Yibo… What would happen now? He wanted to call him, but then he remembered he had erased his phone number. He thought about driving, but the keys were inside. He only had an option and it was walking to his home.

The path was long and his mind had time to think about several things. Tao had always warned him about her. Yibo never warned him straight, but somehow thanks to him, he could finally discover her true self. Then, why had he wanted to remain so blind? Why did she have to reach such an extreme situation so he would realize he didn’t want that crazy woman in his life anymore? Why had he taken so much time? When he had Yibo beside him. He didn’t need anyone else in his life. Then, why had he been so stubborn about losing Yibo no matter what? How crazy was he? How could he? Only when the dark clouds started to cry over him, he cried too. Tears fell as if they were two rivers. He wondered why at that moment in the middle of the street, under that heavy rain. But indeed, he was just praying Yibo would at least let him stay in his apartment that night. Otherwise, he had no place to go. Better said, he hadn’t another place where he wanted to go. That was why he went upstairs in that building and pressed the bell without thinking. He tried to stop crying, but when finally his boss opened the door and their gazes met once again, he realized whom he wanted to spend his life with.

“Xiao Zhan”


	14. Doubts Disappear

“Xiao Zhan” his face was surprised, but not more than his own voice saying his name. The employee couldn’t handle that loneliness around his heart and without thinking, he did a step forwards to hug his neck and feel secure once again. “You’re all wet, have you walked all the path here?” Yibo asked while rubbing his back, he was truly cold even if it was September and the 30°C were still hot in that evening. Xiao Zhan only nodded before hiding his face in his neck and smelling that sweet scent he loved that much.

“Tao was right… I should have gone away from her when I had the chance…” he muttered beside his ear while sobbing regretfully. Yibo only moved more inside to be able to close the door.

“Shan, please, give me a towel” he spoke aloud and unconsciously, he raised his head, panicking if there was someone else there. His boss only caressed his face softly.

“If I disturb, I should-“

“No, you will stay here” he truly seemed serious about it and his thumb dried his cheek when a tear fell abruptly. Then, a man appeared by their side and gave him a towel. Xiao Zhan turned around not to let him observe his appearance and without warning, Yibo placed the towel over his head to dry his hair manually. He looked like a small kid being cared by his mother. “Shan, could you make some tea?” he asked, being focused on his employee. Suddenly, Xiao Zhan caught his wrists to stop him.

“It’s not needed” he muttered with a husky tone. Yibo only raised an eyebrow and curved his lips into a sarcastic smile.

“Kidding, right? Shan, please” the boss didn’t give up and after ending with his hair, he grabbed his hand and made Xiao Zhan follow him to the bedroom. His hands began to undress his shirt, however the employee grabbed them tightly.

“Just give me clothes that I can do it alone” he explained. His boss nodded, understanding why he said that. They needed to talk too many things and some actions were still too much between them. That was why he took clean clothes from his closet and left them on the bed; after, he just exited the bedroom. Just then, Xiao Zhan took his wet clothes off to dress the others, what smelt too much like Yibo, and only his scent made him be tired and sleepy. When he finished, the dirty clothes remained on the floor and he went outside to find the two friends around the table without talking, only drinking two beers. At the same moment Xiao Zhan appeared, Yibo was already looking up.

“Come here and explain what happened” he didn’t doubt it even if Shan was in front of them. After all, they were best friends, right? Xiao Zhan was sure he could be himself no matter if Wu was there. That was why he approached Yibo and sat beside him. Lacking hesitation, his boss moved behind him to hug his back tightly while placing his chin in his shoulder.

“Don't do this…” he complained flushed because of how Shan was looking at both of them, as if he was enjoying a show.

“Shut up and drink the tea, you need some warmth now” Yibo scolded him and Xiao Zhan only did what he said. His trembling hand caught the glass and drank a sip of it. It was truly delicious and hot, so his body felt completely comforted thanks to it and to his boss behind. “Then, what happened this time?” the question was made with resignation. He didn’t expect less.

“There was no baby…” he muttered embarrassed and hurt. It was still too much to handle. Suddenly, he didn’t feel that chin over him anymore.

“What?” the voice came from behind and when his eyes looked at Shan, he was looking at the person hugging him. Indeed, it was too shocking for anyone.

“She invented her pregnancy to obligate me to stay with her” Xiao Zhan explained slowly so Yibo wouldn’t feel the desire to stand up and commit a murder. “She knows we… Well, that I was cheating on her…” he commented completely flushed, looking down at his tea constantly.

“How could she?” Yibo seemed amazed for some reason.

“The day we did it in my house… The noise you heard was her” Xiao Zhan explained as brief as possible, not forgetting Shan was there, listening to everything. Yibo only leaned against the sofa and attracted his body to lean his back on his torso. Xiao Zhan drank a bit more of tea to let it on the table and find a better position.

“Am I the only one who thinks she's a bit sick?” finally, Wu commented for first time before ending his can of beer. Why did he seem different from the time in the hospital? Xiao Zhan couldn’t stop observing him to find out what he was lacking.

“Yibo” hastily, he spoke his name and that man only growled as answer. “I told her I want the divorce” Xiao Zhan confessed without anesthesia and waited for his reaction a few seconds. However, there was no reaction at all and he decided to turn around and look at him. He found a truly-shocked face and he couldn’t help but smile as his hand was caressing his cheek softly. “I mean it” possibly, he wasn’t believing that after several months that was already happening.

“We still have to talk a lot” he spoke with a weird expression and Xiao Zhan nodded even if that wasn’t the answer he was awaiting. He would like to say he wasn’t disappointed, but that would be a lie. Suddenly, he felt the urge to yawn and tried to hide it, but it was pretty evident. After crying so much, he was mentally and physically dead. “Go to my bed and sleep, I will go in a while” Yibo kissed his cheek and the employee bit his lower lip, desiring to kiss him at least. However, he turned around to catch the tea and end it.

“Thank you” he said to Shan before standing up and walked into the bedroom. Slowly, he sat on the mattress he knew too well already and let himself fall on it. Everything was smelling like him and he thought he was going to die there. How much had he missed him? He cuddled up over the sheets to hug the pillow and close his eyes. Even if he was really comfortable there, he was craving for him embracing his whole body. Then, because he was totally in silence, he could hear their chat easily.

“Now because he comes saying that he’ll divorce, will you forget everything and chase him as always?” Shan's voice seemed like bothered.

“I know, because of that, I want to talk about it” Yibo sounded as truly caring about him and what could be built between them.

“The only thing you want to do right now is going to that bed and not precisely to sleep” Shan chuckled between disturbed and disappointed.

“I won't do anything” the boss rejected any type of sexual idea of his friend.

“I know. You only want to go there and cuddle him the whole night as nothing had happened” his friend was truly disturbing him on purpose. They seemed more like brothers instead of two friends.

“Says it who would die to do it with Fangfang” Yibo returned the poisoned comment and Xiao Zhan widened his eyes. Were Shan and Chen a couple? He didn’t know it.

“True, but I can't in a hospital” he sighed following the game imposed by Yibo. Xiao Zhan didn’t know if he should continue hearing them, after all it was private and he wasn’t involved anymore.

“Will you go tomorrow too?” Yibo asked while doing noises, maybe he was tidying the table already.

“Yes, the whole day as always, he's truly giving his best to move” Shan explained with a sweet tone in his voice.

“As impatient as always… Well, tell him that I'm sorry for not going, but I will soon” Yibo sounded further than before, for sure he was moving across the living room.

“I’ll explain him all, don't worry” Wu answered with a amused voice. How much did they like to bother each other?

“Shan” Yibo only had to say that. “Now, go to sleep to your house, I have to work tomorrow” suddenly, he said that and Xiao Zhan became tense. Soon he would be behind him. What would he do? He was truly nervous about being alone with him again. Now, he was separated from his wife, everything was valid between them. So when he heard the main door was closed, Xiao Zhan sighed and pretended to be asleep. Maybe like that he would only lie down and sleep. But how naïve he was. When Yibo came in the room, he felt how the bed sank behind him. The employee truly tried his best, however his gasp was evident when one of his warm hands touched his waist.

“Can’t you sleep?” he asked beside his ear. Xiao Zhan thought he would die on that bed if he continued going that strong. After a few seconds in silence, he decided to turn around, his back against the mattress, so he was able to look at Yibo and how serious he was.

“What do you want to talk about?” he needed to know as soon as possible or his heart would explode by his nervousness. Yibo smiled and leaned his head on the pillow. The young man moved to be face to face.

“The day you broke ties with me… I couldn’t say what I wanted” he began. The employee remembered such a thing happened. Since then wasn't he saying it? “The main thing is that… I haven’t felt before what I do for you and…” he seemed truly nervous. Xiao Zhan just remained listening to what he had to say. Indeed, it was priceless for him. “What I want to say is…” he tried again. The employee hid his smile until it became unstoppable. “What is so funny?” he asked disturbed and amused at the same time.

“You” Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip playfully. He had missed him too much. It was impossible not to. Yibo was the most important person of his life.

“And you admit it that easily” the boss looked at the ceiling as defeated. Then, Xiao Zhan approached to intertwine their legs, place his head on his shoulder and his hand on his torso. He could feel his heart going crazy after it and his smile was brilliant.

“It's sometimes better to admit what's inside this...” he rubbed his left side of his torso. “…when you have the chance” Xiao Zhan confessed while cuddling up into his arms. Yibo just hugged his back.

“I like you” abruptly he spoke. His heart didn’t beat for a second. “I’ve liked you since the first day” his voice sounded as truly shaking. “How I could make you fall in my game was the beginning, but how forbidden you were for me was what made me go crazy with you” he confessed straight, without stops even to breathe. He was really nervous and Xiao Zhan loved it more than anything else. That was why the employee raised his head and kept looking at him.

“Then… If I become easy to get, will you stop liking me?” he asked, probably with his face being funny, but his insides were truly being squeezed by that fear. However, Yibo smirked. Was their game returning?

“Kiss me and you will get the answer” he proposed naughtily, he could feel how his body was getting tense and excited. Then, as accepting that challenge, Xiao Zhan approached his lips slowly. He had missed them so much that now he didn’t dare to kiss them again. He closed his eyes and just felt how that sensation filled his being again. It was more than two pairs of lips crashing in a kiss. It seemed like the heaven itself. Without noticing it, Yibo caught his lower lip and his mole with his teeth and Xiao Zhan muffled a complain. “Do you know it already?” he asked with a deep voice.

“I’m not too sure… Let me try again…” he continued that exciting game with another kiss that became deeper and meaningful. The employee couldn’t find an end for it and he didn’t want to either, he had truly missed him, completely. That last month without him had been hell now that he knew what living with him was, what hugging him was, what loving him was. It was so hard to pretend to forget all of that in a second. So all he hid that night in the veranda was coming out on that bed when Yibo rolled to place himself over him. The kisses weren’t on his lips anymore, but on his jaw and neck also. His hands tried to rub his whole back, but the temptation to go down and grab that fluffy butt was too harsh in him to be controlled. “Leave a mark… All you want” he spoke with a knot in his throat. He wanted him to possess him as no one else and what Yibo had always desired was small marks that showed not only who had him or what they did, but how much he meant for him. Because he knew that after fighting so much against a marriage, the best thing to show that it had already ended was being able to leave that mark, what was their love symbol.

That was why, after saying it, Yibo truly started to suck his skin strongly, and Xiao Zhan could just grab his hair while gasping lowly. He was lost on that bed already, his mind being just a heap of feelings and emotions. For that reason, a small tear dared to fall crossing his temple and wetting his hair. Yibo didn’t realize it and he smiled, it was impossible to show him how happy he was at that moment, neither with a smile nor with a tear. Everything was more meaningful and deeper than that. So going at a low speed, Yibo began to remove their clothes, one by one, letting his fingers touch his skin fleetingly meanwhile to produce goosebumps in him. After all, what had been uncovered before was tasted by that mouth what was so hungry of him. Xiao Zhan couldn’t do more than moaning when his lips bit his nipple too hard or when his skin was already in its limit of seduction. He was meeting a new Yibo, who was soft, calm and lovely. So lovely. He had never felt as cared as that night under his hands. That was why his own initiative was shut down without possibility of recovering it.

“I want this today…” suddenly, Yibo spoke while catching Xiao Zhan's hard length and kissed the tip. The employee trembled by the pleasure, how much was he going to play that night? Without hesitation, a mouth began to suck it off lasciviously. His hands were catching his thighs and rubbing them slowly to calm him down a bit, but Xiao Zhan was only gasping truly breathlessly. Perhaps, what showed how much he was liking that was his hand on his hair, sometimes on his forehead to stop a single second and recover. But of course that was impossible if it was Yibo. That was why he gave up and grabbed the pillow below his head to breathe fast and continue being tortured by that slow touch that was trying to drive him crazy as much time as possible that night.

“Yibo…” he moaned flushed, his cheeks being really flushed and his chest going up and down truly heavily. Then, his boss stopped a single second to gulp and smirk. “What’s that-“ hastily, his speed became as fast as he had never lived and it took him less than ten seconds to lose his mind and release all that tension he had handled for that month without him. His eyes were crying. By the pleasure, the intensity, but the most by how he had missed him. When he thought he was going to lose him, that nothing like that would happen again…

“Zhan-ge, don't cry anymore” Yibo spoke with a sweet smile while returning to be face to face. Xiao Zhan hugged his neck to brush his hair softly and the other hand dried his eyes. “This is meant to enjoy, then, why do you cry?” he asked before starting sweet touches and kisses on his shoulder and collarbone. It was okay to say it already, right?

“I've missed you, stupid” Xiao Zhan confessed. He waited for Yibo's reaction and he only raised his head with a happy smile to kiss his lips. It was so tender his heart wanted to melt for some instants.

“I will show you how much I did too” his boss's smile became a smirk and he approached the nightstand to open it and grab that bottle of lube he knew too well. After, he removed all his lower clothes to be as naked as him and sat over his belly. Their gazes found each other maybe asking the other all the questions their mouths couldn’t speak aloud. There was still a long way between them to form something serious, but that couldn’t be a better start. Being sincere and transparent between their hearts and souls. That was why Yibo caught his hand to put lube on them. “You know what you have to do” for first time, he said shyly and Xiao Zhan widened his eyes. Was he really asking for _that_?

The employee played with his fingers to be very slippery and touched his hole slowly while his gaze was looking up not to lose any reaction. Now knowing how it was, he introduced the first and abruptly Yibo gasped as his body trembled a bit. Was he that sensitive? Then, Xiao Zhan put the second and moved them, his lust searching for more because Yibo was being really weak on his arms. His gaze tried to get his boss's one, but it was impossible, he was looking away constantly, his cheeks totally flushed. Was that why he never let others did unless…? Unless he truly liked that person… That was the meaning he wanted to give him. Possibly because of that, Xiao Zhan raised his head to add more pleasure to those three fingers going in and out slowly by licking one of his nipples and then, sucking it too. His ears heard a hard moan while a hand was grabbing his hair tightly.

“Stop it… I'm ready…” Yibo gasped. His hands caught his face to look at him and pecked those lips. “Let me do it…” he caressed his face softly and Xiao Zhan nodded while biting his lower lip to end that kiss. Dubiously, Yibo put lube on his member and rubbed it a bit again to make it be as big as he loved. The employee only remained looking and awaiting without a single word. He was mesmerized by him. He had never felt that excitation or that sense of protecting someone as much as that night with Yibo. So before he could understand everything, his boss started to sit over his length with loud moans. Feeling his head as exploding, he offered his hands to Yibo, who caught them to intertwine their fingers and be able to move better up and down. Not expecting such a reaction, the boss started to whine with a weak expression. He was wonderful, so wonderful Xiao Zhan thought he had a god in front of him.

“I hate this!” he complained while moving and covering his red face with an arm. Only then, Xiao Zhan understood how shy he was in reality, how human Yibo was too. That was why his hand attracted him to be lying down over his torso. At the next second, a weak man hugged his neck as a small kid as his hips were still riding him and his mouth was still moaning. Xiao Zhan didn’t have more option than smiling and embracing that thin torso.

“You're perfect… So perfect I want to die” his words were spoken beside his ear and Yibo whined loudly. Not losing the chance, Xiao Zhan kissed his shoulder tenderly. After each kiss, his body always trembled and had goosebumps all over his skin. He was so sensitive that was driving him crazy. Thanks to this, the employee searched for a further step and moved his hips up once Yibo was going down and the moan he could hear was so erotic his whole being was shaken.

“Don’t dare to do that or-“

“Or what?” Xiao Zhan smirked while doing it again, making him shout for second time.

“I told you to let me do it…” he cried out in his limit. That wasn’t a proper reason to stop Xiao Zhan after having woken the beast inside of him. Not thinking too well, he made them roll on the bed, ending up being over his boss and watching how embarrassed he was. Xiao Zhan could see even fear in his eyes.

“Why don't you want this?” the employee asked before moving his hips for first time. Yibo arched his back unconsciously and placed his hand on his belly like a vague attempt to stop him.

“I hate being this weak in front of someone…” he confessed with a frown by how insecure he was there. Xiao Zhan lay down over him to move his hips slowly and be able to kiss him.

“Then, why did you start this with me?” his question was the main of all. Why then? Xiao Zhan was lost or pretended to be lost to hear what he wanted and be happier if that was possible.

“Because I want you to make love to me so badly…” his voice was truly sexy for him, who smiled naughtily. Only then, his movements became strong but slow. Making the bed crack every time he moved inside. Making Yibo shout every time he did it while looking at his eyes. Making his nails go deeper on his back because there was no way he wasn’t loving it despite how shameful it was for him.

“Show me everything… Only like that, I can love you as no one else…” Xiao Zhan whispered beside his ear. It could be so simple, so brief. But when his eyes returned to Yibo, he was closing his strongly, because once he opened them, two tears fell leaving a wet path across his temples. He couldn’t hide his smile and kissed his left temple to taste a tear. The one what was produced by all the pain he had to suffer inside of him. If that was how he was relieving that ache, Xiao Zhan couldn’t be more satisfied with his choice. For once, he felt he had chosen the right decision for his life. Because he had made the most important person of his life that happy.

“Never leave me alone again…” not expecting it, Yibo spoke that softly while looking at his eyes. His tears didn’t stop and possibly Xiao Zhan's didn’t want to stay inside of him because one of them rolled down his left cheek.

“I won't, I promise…” he hugged him tightly, protecting him from all the dark past of both. It was over. Everything had ended and they were free to love each other without limits. Because the only thing what was endless was the pure love.

Smiling as happy as a kid, he kissed him, spreading that happiness to Yibo who smiled widely too. So while they were playing with their lips, Xiao Zhan moved deeply and lovely, feeling how his inward got tense and his boss hurt more his back with his fingers. The smiles disappeared by the harsh lust inside of them and only whines and gasps were produced by their mouths. Xiao Zhan tried to control himself, but one of his hands went down to only rub his fingertip on his member slowly. After that, his gaze could admire how that man moaned loudly as his belly was being stained violently. His butt became tighter so it wasn’t difficult to release himself inside while his lips were dried by breathing so much against his neck. He felt as fainting after such a moment so impeding himself to do it, he moved away from over Yibo to recover his breath beside him, his gaze looking at the ceiling.

Then, he stood up because he needed to clean himself otherwise he was unable to sleep properly, but he couldn’t go without glancing at him first. Yibo was probably asleep already by how calm he looked. Because of that, he went to the toilet and after cleaning up his own mess as he could, his hand brought back to the room some wipes. He sat carefully and started to clean his skin as much as he could, so slowly not to wake him up. However, his dream was so weak because even if he had his eyes closed, his smile was evident.

“If you're awake, show me your butt” he spoke very lowly to be able to clean the mess he had left in him. “Remember to take a shower right after getting up” Xiao Zhan told him while throwing the wipes to the trash bin and returning to the bed. Yibo was sleeping on his back so he found a perfect chance to lie down over him, hugging his waist and kissing his jaw.

Yibo didn’t answer or say a word. He just left a soft peck on his hair.

*****

He was truly cold that morning without a reason and his hands grabbed the sheets to cover himself more. Then, he remembered why maybe it was that cold, he was naked. And of course, Yibo wasn’t on that bed anymore. Then, he listened better to figure out the shower working. He had heeded him. Xiao Zhan found that like if that was a miracle. Slightly, he attempted to smile, but stopped it when he realized nothing was settled between them. Even if he could recall all those sweet words they exchanged last night, he needed to talk with him. Say straight what they wanted to be and not have doubts anymore. It was still difficult, though. No matter what, he was his boss and they had lived an embarrassing story of sexual meetings. So now having such strong feelings felt so out of place. Or at least, that was how Xiao Zhan felt in that bed, looking at the ceiling while his ears heard how the water stopped falling. That meant Yibo wouldn’t take longer to appear in the bedroom and take new clothes. Once again, his heart was at unease and his breath became heavier. He was truly nervous when his boss was around. That was the effect that man had on him.

Lowly, the steps of soft feet walking on the floor echoed in the room. Then, Xiao Zhan decided to sit on the bed and stretch his back a bit as Yibo came only with a towel around his waist. Both looked at each other for a second, the tension being palpable in that ambient. However, Yibo spoke as his hands opened the wardrobe. “Good morning” his voice tried to sound normal, but somehow Xiao Zhan could notice he was nervous too. And that made a strange happiness and amusement grow up inside of him.

“Good morning” he answered lowly. His eyes were looking for his underwear or his clothes to dress up, however he didn’t find anything. He wondered why if he was sure the clothes ended up on the floor last night.

“Don't search for them anymore. Dress this instead” Yibo spoke while catching a white shirt and trousers from his own wardrobe and approached them to him. “Take a shower before, though” he smiled slightly and Xiao Zhan muttered a thank you. Then, he stood up, covering his crotch with the clean clothes and went to the bathroom to take a hot shower. Even if he didn’t want, because his skin was still smelling like him, he could truly relax there, under the water that surrounded his body. It felt so good he lost the track of time. Maybe he was going to be late to work, how could he have forgotten it? His mind wasn’t focusing at all. It was only thinking about what Yibo did, where he was, what they should take. And there was no other thoughts. Only him.

However, he had to run now, dressing up in a fast speed and going to the kitchen to see if Yibo still had those fabulous coffees that were done in a minute. By his surprise, he found Yibo already taking his briefcase to go to the company. “Don’t worry about work. Go to your house and do all the things you need. Take only the morning or the whole day, as you want” Yibo explained when he saw how taken aback he was after the shower. Indeed, Xiao Zhan was wondering why he didn’t wait for him or why he was pursuing him to go back to his house. What was he trying?

“I only need ten minutes to take my stuff from there” he answered a bit rudely, showing how wrong he was. And for some reason, Yibo nodded while pouting way too cutely, but he didn’t say anything and turned around to head to the main door. Why was he like that? “Wait!” Xiao Zhan grabbed his hand to make him listen to his wish. “I'd like to talk with you” he confessed with a knot in his throat; both knew what that meant.

“Let’s talk after working. Now I may lose the train if I stay here” his boss explained with soft voice, being warm and close, but still putting a glass between their hearts. Why? He might observe his disappointed grimace because he approached to kiss his temple under his hair and smiled tenderly. “Stay here” suddenly he spoke. As if he was begging it. “Take your things and stay here” he repeated, still sounding as a beg. Why was he using such sad voice? Of course he was going to stay there, no matter what, he was going to stay beside him.

“That was my original plan” finally, Xiao Zhan understood. Was he afraid? After all, he couldn’t blame his boss. It was natural in the end. He had chosen his wife once back then, it was normal if now he was scared while thinking that Xiao Zhan could do it again. Then, to reassure him from those thoughts, he tightened his hand around his to do a step forwards and kissed his lips softly. His free hand caressed his cheek as his lips returned it as sweet as it started. Not wanting to make him be late, Xiao Zhan set aside slowly and flushed to see how Yibo was smiling as a kid. He had never seen him as happy as that moment. And that made him be truly at ease. Maybe all that sacrifice and lost time hadn’t been wasted in the end. Perhaps that was how it had to be to reach that point. So for some reason, even the mistakes, he had thought he would never forgive, began to be okay. Because thanks to every step, good or bad, he was able to be here that morning, admiring that smile he thought he would never contemplate.

“I have to go” Yibo said with shining eyes. Xiao Zhan just nodded and watched how he closed the door to go to work. The apartment already felt empty without him. That was how much he wanted to be near him now. No, it hadn’t started now, it started long time ago. That desire of being with him, staying by his side, appeared months ago when that attraction became deeper until reaching his warm heart. Only now it felt different because finally he was understanding what it was.

Scaring him a bit, his phone vibrated hastily and Xiao Zhan had to breathe deeply, before unblocking the screen and opening the message.

**From::** Huang Tao

_Hi, bro. I forgot to ask yesterday, but how was the trip with him? Do you want to meet and talk?_

He read finding it amusing. He didn’t know anything. Of course, it had happened so quickly he couldn’t almost even react. He should talk with him too as soon as possible. Probably, he was going to be happy for him.

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_Hi, Tao! It's better if we meet and talk. I won't go this morning to work, but I think I will be there for lunch, so if you want._

**From::** Huang Tao

_Eh? Are you just lazy or something bad happened? I'm free during lunch, but now I'm so intrigued…_

**From::** Xiao Zhan

_It's so long to write it in a message. Be a bit patient._

He didn’t explain anything else because he knew it would get messy if he told it in parts. After all, lunch would be in a few hours, it couldn’t be considered as torture. So, decided to be there for lunch and talk with him, because he needed it mainly, Xiao Zhan went to the kitchen to take a cup of coffee as if that was already a normal thing in that house. He moved there as if he knew where everything was or how he should do it. So somehow he didn’t find himself weird there, but like at home. He wondered and imagined too how living with Yibo would be… Waking up beside him every morning, sharing showers, preparing breakfast for each other, going and coming back from work in his car, having dinner and just going to sleep again, cuddling under the sheets… It seemed a dream. Totally his perfect dream to live. So maybe since that Monday he would be able to experience how it felt. He didn’t want to have hopes until talking with Yibo, however his desire was so big that the possibility of ending up in different paths was impossible for him. Rather than impossible, unthinkable. His only place in that world was beside him.

*****

His legs stopped walking through that street he knew so well and his eyes glanced at the house what had been his home for the last year. He gulped, gathering all the courage possible, and adopted a defensive behaviour to bear with that uncomfortable moment. Then, his hands caught the keys from his pocket and he noticed he was shaking. Even if he knew it was useless, his heart was still aching because of the betrayal. His other hand caught it to calm down and put the key into the door lock, then he opened it. Of course, it made a sound and at the next second, when he was doing the first step inside the house, his gaze found a woman in the middle of the hallway, looking at him with red eyes.

Trying to be as cold as the ice not to break there, he came inside and closed the door behind him. After, his hands removed his shoes so meanwhile, she took advantage of that silence. “I knew you were going to return” her voice sounded relieved, how wrong was she? Also, how sick was she if she was able to think he was coming back because of her after all she did? That was why, when Xiao Zhan stood up to walk to his bedroom, she approached to hug him, truly thinking he had come back because of her, and the only move he did was putting his forearm between their bodies, stopping her to be closer.

“I just want my stuff” he clarified. The face of his wife became pale and her eyes, teary.

“Dear, please, think twice about this. I made everything wrong, I know, but give me a second chance and I promise I won't fail you” she cried in front of him disconsolately while talking. Xiao Zhan frowned, wondering how she could think there was something between them yet. He was unable to believe he had married such a woman.

“Do you know the best?” he asked as his hands caught a bag from inside the closet and opened its zipper to start to put in all he could find and was his. “That I thought about this more than once, twice… Better said, I have been thinking about this marriage non-stop since I met him. So it's not like I have something left to think about now” he answered with deep voice. His eyes only looked at the bag and at his clothes, not caring about her expression at all. After all, she had the gift of making everything be a lie.

“There is! What will everyone think about us if we divorce? Think about our families, how hurt will they be? Xiao Zhan, you're being so selfish!” she spat, not noticing how she was ruining everything more and more, just uncovering her corrupted soul in front of him, who wasn’t blind anymore. That was why the employee turned around and looked at her with hateful eyes.

“Am I the selfish one?” he asked with deep voice, controlling his anger and desire to cry as he could. It ended up being impossible, though. “Who was the one cheating on me since the beginning?! Who was the one lying about pregnancies?! Who was the one putting excuses after being figured out?! At least, I say aloud that I cheated on you with my boss, that I feel for him what I've never felt for you, that I want you to disappear from my life as soon as possible because you have been the worst thing in it! But at least I say it, not like you who can't even accept you're wrong! That's how egocentric and egoist you are!” he yelled at her at last. Nothing was controlling his words anymore because he didn’t care about her any second more. All those years beside her, being her friend, boyfriend, even husband were in vain. Those years, what had seemed nice and happy, had been a waste of time, just another way to be hurt and used by the person he believed as his soulmate. How wrong had he been…? How blind and stupid. Only guilt was spread inside of him, wondering why he couldn’t see all of that before marrying her, even before accepting to be her boyfriend. He lost part of his life because of her, he lost his young adulthood because of her; Xiao Zhan realized he didn’t live if she was near. Then, why did he take so much time to open his eyes and see how toxic she was?

“Have you ever loved me?” she said lowly, powerlessly. Her eyes dropped tears while looking at him with those eyes that pretended to seem hurt, he couldn’t be sure that was even true anymore. Xiao Zhan had learned too much.

“I’ve loved you like you will never love anyone” he replied with low voice, his gaze reflecting how sorry he was for having discovered her real face. Somehow he was upset that a person like her, who could have everything, decided to ruin her life by choosing egoistically. It was an enigma for him. That was why… “Just tell me why” his mouth talked by itself. “Tell me the real reasons why you felt with the need of doing all of this” he tried to know, even if he knew he would only listen to more excuses or lies. Xiao Zhan didn’t know why he attempted, though.

His still-wife looked down and sighed deeply, looking affected sincerely for first time. “I just wanted your attention…” she confessed suddenly. “Since I met you, I did anything to be noticed by you… When we became friends, it was like a dream for me” she smiled bitterly. Xiao Zhan frowned deeply. What did she mean? “However, I saw you with your friends and more girls and I felt like you would forget me anytime” she just stayed in front of him, her gaze down and her jaw trembling. He could feel how nervous she was. “Then, I decided to confess and when you accepted my feelings, I thought I was going to die by happiness…” she tried to smile again, but only two tears fell on the floor. “But even if you were my boyfriend, you weren't constantly paying me attention and I felt so scared I'd lose you… So I decided to try to cause you jealousy by staying with another man” she confessed with shaken voice. Somehow, everything was fixing its place in his mind. “However, you never cared if I was near men and just loved me in your way. So I thought if you were my boyfriend was because you only loved me. I can promise that these five years have been the best ones of my life” she raised her gaze for first time and Xiao Zhan could see again those eyes from when they were simply friends. That pure gaze he had fallen in love with.

“Baozhai…” his voice was huskier because of the sob he kept inside. His wife raised her hand and caressed his cheek.

“Marrying you wasn't enough proof for me that you were going to love me until the last day of my life and I started to search for stupid things to be bothered so you'd always come to me... Until the day you didn’t anymore” her hand fell slowly. “I was so scared I did the same with another man. Even the pregnancy… Oh, God, only now I notice how crazy I am…” she frowned deeply and looked down when tears started to fall again. “I regret so many things I've done to you… That only now I understand why you hate me this much…” she sobbed at the end, sounding as the most painful crying Xiao Zhan had ever listened to. Slowly, that warm feeling, he only felt with her the day she proposed to him, returned to his heart.

“Baozhai, I…”


	15. Free Hearts

“Baozhai, I…” his words were a mutter, not knowing what to do to calm down that broken woman.

“I've never been myself with you, and probably that's what ruined everything between you and me. That's why I want to tell you all that I think so maybe you'll be able to forgive me one day” her head was raised once again, with a weak smile that disappeared at the next second. “You're an amazing person. Nobody has taken care of me as you did. You've always given your best in studies or job to be able to give me all I wanted. Being with you is a gift. Your silence makes me feel in peace, especially when you hugged me in the bed and brushed my hair” she closed her eyes for a second and Xiao Zhan felt with the need of raising his hand to place her hair behind her ear. Then, she looked at him shocked. “It’s a pity I will never have it again” a pure tear fell across her cheek. “I’m so sorry for all I did, Zhan. You deserve the best and I'm the worst. Always trying to have you, forgetting that the only thing you needed to stay was my love. That only shows how I don't deserve you” this time even if she cried, her head stayed up, not setting her eyes away from Xiao Zhan's.

“Indeed, it's a pity how blind we both were” suddenly he spoke and his wife frowned lost. “Maybe you understood love as possession instead of feelings, but I never noticed all the sorrows inside of you, so I couldn’t help you. After all, I didn’t take care of you as well as I thought” he talked coldly, but not because of her, but because maybe she wasn’t that mean and he wasn’t that innocent.

“Don’t say that, it's not like you can guess” she tried to refute his words with a reasoning proper of when she was younger.

“Taking care of you doesn't only mean to look after you if you're ill or help and support you in hard times, but also know how to read you and act regarding that. I never did that. And I let this happen” he assumed part of the responsibility, understanding so many questions finally. Understanding why she felt like that.

“You were the best thing of my life, you already did too much by handling my selfishness, don't blame yourself like that” she spoke sweetly, feeling that support that only existed at the beginning of their relationship. She had opened her eyes too.

“I never wanted this ending for us” he spoke, revealing his deep feelings that were still inside of him. And more now he could know the truth.

“Me neither…” her smile was accompanied by a caress on his cheek. “But it was unavoidable, dear. Now, I only hope you'll be able to forgive me one day” her words truly touched him, but not like her next sentence would do it. “And I truly wish you all the happiness with him. May he will treat you as you deserve and as I never did” her strength appeared at that moment when she approached and kissed his cheek softly as her last signal of love between them. Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip tightly. So that was how it ended up being. He was hating that. A part of him was missing and wondering how it would have been if he had realized her pain. Would he have fallen in love with Yibo? Would he have stayed so much in the company like to crash with his boss and get his phone? Would he have gone earlier to home to be with her and Yibo would have kept as only his boss? Would it have been okay? Better?

After feeling her kiss, Xiao Zhan touched slightly her waist before taking his bag and walking out of the bedroom, cutting that painful moment as soon as possible so both would be able to overcome it and go on with their lives; now in different paths. However, he could hear loud sobs when he opened the door. Only then, Xiao Zhan understood she had said the truth because that weeping was the most heartrending one he had ever heard. Even like that, he couldn’t go back so that the door was closed behind him. The book of his marriage was closed because there weren’t more empty pages to be written. A new phase of his life was awaiting for him, however he had never felt that scared as that second when he understood all that happened in those last months was true, that it had been the reality instead of a dream.

“Am I free?”

*****

After having left his bag on Yibo's apartment, he decided to go to the company and fulfil his word with Huang of having lunch together. However, when he was going to get out of the elevator, he almost crashed with him again, the man who put his life upside down. His eyes only stared at him, showing how destroyed he had gotten after his conversation with his wife. That was why Yibo took his hand and walked until the restroom, finding no one inside. Then, he used that capacity of asking with his eyes, what Xiao Zhan understood it perfectly without any words.

“We talked as I was doing the luggage” he started somehow because the employee was still affected by all what was happening in his life. In that moment, he saw how Yibo's face got tense and Xiao Zhan didn’t doubt to smile tenderly. “We finally broke ties properly. It's really over” he assured approaching Yibo and embracing that shocked man tightly. He yearned for his warmth as crazy. And he yearned to finally show him how deep his love was. Slowly, two arms wrapped his soul warmly, warmer than this morning, even warmer than last night. It was as if Yibo was already accepting the fact he was doing that step.

“Are you okay?” still, he received such a question from him, understanding that even if they were willing to start again, he had the right to feel bad. Only then Xiao Zhan realized how lucky he was and how stupid he would have been if he had indeed let him go.

“I don't know anymore how I feel…” he answered with a lump in his throat and they separated a bit to look at each other. “I just need to talk with you at last and end all of this” his voice became sweeter for some reason. Yibo, then, showed calm eyes and nodded while rubbing their noses.

“I promise to talk about it as soon as we return home” Yibo spoke sweetly approaching to kiss him, feeling his lips as if they were made by silk. His hand tended to caress his cheek as he sucked a bit longer the lower one. That seemed as the drug he needed to calm down and be able to handle until that evening to get the answer which would make all his questions disappear.

“Can we go home earlier?” Xiao Zhan asked when the kiss was interrupted and it provoked a wild smile on Yibo.

“I never thought you would want to go home early someday” he joked and undoubtedly, Xiao Zhan smiled embarrassed. Slowly, his arms hugged his neck and he felt with the right of kissing his neck. Yibo would never know how grateful he was for having brought him the chance of knowing what true love was. Then, as warm as his feelings in his heart, two arms wrapped again his waist to spoil him a while more, not mattering where they were. Somehow, being hidden had lost the meaning. Now, if they hid was because they were in the company and they had to be respectful, but not because he was cheating on anyone. So it didn’t feel as wrong as it usually did.

After having been calmed down by the most precious person of his life, Yibo and Xiao Zhan decided to continue different paths in the building until meeting at the ending hour. The employee went to the office to search for Huang, who was tapping the keyboard frenetically. Then, he approached, being invisible for his friend, and placed his hand over his shoulder, making him jump by the scare. “Oh my God, don't do that again!” he complained with a big sigh and kept on finishing the document. Xiao Zhan didn’t care and sat beside him on a chair which was near.

“You have to deliver it before lunch, right?” his comment made Huang be more nervous and mistake the letters.

“Can you remain in silence for five seconds?” he asked with tired voice. Xiao Zhan only nodded with an amused smile. Tao was truly funny while being bothered, but because he wanted to talk as soon as possible with him, his mouth kept closed while waiting for having finished it. His friend didn’t take more than five minutes when he was tapping the last dot and sent it to the printer immediately. “Okay, you can start to speak right now” he showed his impatience pretty obviously and Xiao Zhan only chuckled while catching the documents to help him.

“I need you completely focus” the employee continued disturbing him.

“Have friends, they said. It will be funny, they said” Tao spoke jokingly while walking to their boss's office. Xiao Zhan followed him, laughing loudly by such a comment, and waited on the threshold of the door, observing how Yibo was sat on his chair, having that boss aura again, what was so different from the restroom, and checking quickly Tao's work.

“At least you did an amazing work” the boss commented absorbed by the information written on those papers. Then, he looked up and nodded at his friend. Tao bowed with a satisfied smile and turned around. However, Xiao Zhan, who was admiring Yibo evidently, was found by the admired man, who raised an eyebrow and was having a hard time controlling his smile being amused by his attitude. Xiao Zhan looked down while handling his too because they weren’t alone and because Tao didn’t know anything yet and started to walk through the hallway, hearing how Huang was expressing his surprise by far.

“What? What was that?! Don't tell me!”

“It's long. First, let's go up”

*****

When they arrived to the rooftop, Xiao Zhan started to tell the whole weekend with any type of detail. He needed to say all he felt on Friday regarding all the chances they had to fall again, but Yibo respected his decision. Somehow even if it was three days ago, Xiao Zhan felt it as if three months would have gone by. Maybe too much had happened and his brain was still trying to process it all. So when he was telling Tao, at the same time his mind was assuming that it happened, that he had lived such things. It was like ordering all the information to understand it. That was why sometimes his voice was stopped or he mixed some details, because indeed, he was wondering how all of that could happen in just a weekend.

Having talked too much about their behaviour the first day, he opted to continue with the Saturday and that call that still made him have goosebumps. No matter if it happened to be fake, he could still recall all the mess inside of him. Also, when he was telling it, Tao's face was totally pale. For sure it was shocking facts. But that reaction seemed a joke when Xiao Zhan told him what he found after. The bank account and hospital list. Huang was shaking his head slowly, expressing the impossible option of the reality. At the same moment he told his friend about the fake pregnancy, Tao covered his face with his hands, sighing deeply. He was truly taken aback by all of that.

After reaching that part, he continued with his path until Yibo's house. That story became summarized, he felt embarrassed to say how they did it that night; it was like their secret. So he opted to say they had to talk that evening, because after all it wasn’t a lie. And at last, what had happened in his house with his wife. That was new, even Yibo didn’t know the details, so Xiao Zhan didn’t have a single idea of how shocking that could be or how Tao would react. That was why he decided to stay in silence after speaking the last word and just hear his answer, not looking at him but at the floor.

Just a few seconds were wasted before listening to his comment. “Are you sure you haven't dreamed it?” he laughed as a joke to relax the ambient. Indeed, they both needed to relax if they had to continue talking about that matter, otherwise they would feel too tense to release their raw thoughts through their mouths.

“I wish I had…” Xiao Zhan's answer followed his joke, but at the same time it showed how he was overwhelmed by his life in general.

“I don't know how you could be so nice with her at the end. There's no excuse for all the pain she has made you come through” he shared his opinion as sharp as always and Xiao Zhan thanked him mentally. Only like that he could help his weak idea to get shape and more information to be developed.

“I don't know if it's a gift or my worst weakness, but I usually tend to care only about the present, so when I looked into those eyes… I saw the woman I fell in love with finally” he confessed while looking up at the grey sky, it might rain later.

“Well, considering that you two got to fix it and follow your own path… I think you did well” Tao continued eating his sandwich doing the same as him, looking at the sad clouds. Xiao Zhan kept on thinking about that, he did well… “And how do you feel now?” he asked when he noticed Xiao Zhan wouldn’t answer. The employee drew a weak smile on his face.

“Scared” just one word described the mix of feelings inside of his chest. A second after that, his friend was gazing at him with curious eyes.

“Why?” even if it was replied with his gaze, he needed to speak it also.

“I’m afraid that in the end, it doesn’t work with him” finally he exposed clearly. His heart was racing as crazy. “After all, it was just an affair and he’s not used to serious relationships. It’s hard to tell if we’re gonna make it work” his brain concluded, remembering how he told him he had never had a long relationship, how he had liked him because he was forbidden as being married. Now, Xiao Zhan was unable to think if their love would work in a normal life. If they would still feel the same even if everything became easy around them. He had got so many doubts yet.

“You two really need to talk” Huang sighed amused and stood up without having even tried to calm his sorrows or say an encouraging sentence.

“Hey!” the employee exclaimed. “What do you mean?” even like this, Tao only walked until the door to look back with a smirk. What did he try? “Tao!”

*****

Working had been tough that day, especially with a document and a graphic, he was kind of lost that time, so he would desire a miraculous help or something alike to be able to finalize soon. Or at least correctly. He had worked on it so much unsuccessfully that now he was really tired. That was why he was leaned on the wall with his eyes closed, waiting for his partner to arrive and finally go home together. Luckily, as on time as always, Yibo appeared walking elegantly through the hall, looking as fresh as that morning. Didn’t he get tired at all? Xiao Zhan did a step forward and when they were beside each other, both started to walk without a word in the same direction. And because it was the exactly hour to finish, a lot of employees around were murmuring about them going out together.

Xiao Zhan didn’t care at all sincerely, they could talk all they wanted that it was okay. There was nothing else to hide at last, so that moment felt even good. He sighed when the path was too short and they arrived at the car at the next instant. Without a doubt, he entered it followed by Yibo at the other side and his hands started to drive carefully. Sometimes, it was unavoidable to gaze at him and at how handsome he was. It wasn’t new, that scene had been repeated before in the past, when they were just sexual acquaintances and nothing could mean more than sex. Now, that was impossible between them, all what their hearts were holding back was shown easily. There weren’t rules or restrictions, their love was free.

“Xiao Zhan” suddenly, bouncing into his thoughts, his boss called him. “Why are you struggling so much with the graphic I asked you to do?” his question was clear, aloud; his eyes being curious and penetrating. Luckily, the car was stopped, otherwise they would have had an accident by how Xiao Zhan stayed mesmerized by them.

“It’s hard to do if I only have that brief information” he confessed with a troublesome grimace.

“Don't you know the new system?” his boss asked with a normal tone, as if he was talking with another employee, as if they didn’t do those dirty things on the bed, as if they didn’t feel anything for each other.

“The one released last year?” then, he would follow the line of just being professional too. Yibo nodded. “Our company didn’t introduce it so we continue to work with the old one” he replied briefly while arriving to the apartment.

“That's why you can't… C'mon, I will show you in home” Yibo spoke before getting out of the car and leaving Xiao Zhan inside with his heart racing as crazy. He had said _in home_ instead of _his apartment_ or alike. That seemed a dream yet…

Not wanting to look weird, the employee got out too to go upstairs and see how Yibo was opening the door with his keys. Once again, they were back, alone, with so many things to talk and do. But his boss only kept removing the tie and jacket to grab a glass of water. So Xiao Zhan felt it was the right timing to tell him a thing.

“The bag with my stuff is beside the bed because I don't know where to put-“ his words were stopped when his boss approached until embracing his waist with a hand.

“Anywhere you want, make my house a mess…” he whispered beside is ear. “Just like you did with me…” he completed the sentence and bit his lobe, being as hot as an animal in heat. Xiao Zhan opened his mouth slightly to breathe deeper and calm his body as he could. When Yibo did a step backwards, he had a smirk on his face, showing how satisfying that was for him. So he decided not to be behind. Slowly, his fingertips touched his jaw and Xiao Zhan approached to kiss his lips sweetly. Indeed, that was the stamina he needed. There was nothing better.

“C’mon, show me that graphic” he muttered against his lips after kissing. His boss smiled even wilder and pecked his fleetingly. At the next second of that show of their necessities, they both walked to the living room and his boss left the glass of water on the table to grab his laptop and open it. Xiao Zhan sat beside him on the floor and got his version. Better said, his paper full of unreadable calculations and numbers. Right after placing it on the table, Yibo grabbed it and frowned.

“Have you lost all the evening on this?” his voice sounded high-pitched, showing how surprised he was and the employee nodded, knowing what he was thinking. “What a good way to waste time during job” he muttered his opinion while opening the file with the tactile panel.

“I gave my best at least” Xiao Zhan replied with bothered voice, leaning his back on the sofa. Then, Yibo turned his head around and relaxed his expression.

“I don't doubt that” his words were accompanied by a soft kiss that lasted less than three seconds, but reassured him until becoming a fluffy puppy who wanted cuddles. However, he controlled it because at that moment, they were working. “Look, what you tried to do with your method can be done with mine as simple as this” Yibo explained step by step how it worked, showing it graphically on the screen, plus answering every question Xiao Zhan had. They kept discussing any detail, which could appear in their minds, and in just half an hour, they had almost completed it.

“And why didn’t you tell me before?” he complained while leaning his forehead on the table. He had wasted hours in something as stupid as that. And was he such a good employee? He doubted it… “I’ve been fooled by the graphic” Xiao Zhan tried to laugh about it, but he was so tired to even do that. However, just after, he heard how Yibo moved beside him and rubbed his hair.

“Then, end it now while I'm doing a bit of dinner” he proposed and walked away, leaving Xiao Zhan flushed and thinking he was going to die if Yibo continued playing that hard with him. Indeed, it wasn’t hard, but he was so weak and not used to it that his mind wanted just to forget that graphic and be on top of his partner as soon as possible. However, he was an adult and knew how to manage that situation to do what he was told. He breathed deeply and started to press the keyboard fulfilling the last white spaces. In fact, that was so easy and simple, he didn’t know why his company kept on doing the old method.

Before he could realize it, Yibo was back with two bowls. He wondered what they were this time. Then, when he had his food in front of his eyes, he smiled. “Finally, another type of flavour!” he joked while catching first the noodles from that hot bowl. He was in need of food.

“Have you ended it?” Yibo asked with his full mouth and Xiao Zhan nodded. “Perfect” then, he saved the file and closed the laptop. After, a silence filled the room and the employee began to be at unease there. The tension was raising and not because they felt uncomfortable by being together, but because they both could feel what the other needed instead of food. Of course, thanks to it, they were handling it so Xiao Zhan took the decision of talking as much as the food would remain.

“Do you think now is a good timing to answer me?” suddenly, he asked, not doubting a single second, otherwise he would never be brave enough to make the step. Yibo swallowed the food and kept thinking.

“It's incredible” he only spoke, his face being truly serious, his eyes looking at the nowhere. Xiao Zhan frowned, being quite lost because of such answer. “It's incredible how much I need you and you don't see it” he leaned his back on the sofa, placing the bowl over his legs. “Do you really need to hear what I feel to believe in this?” his question made Xiao Zhan wonder tons of new things, but as long as he desired to end that situation after three horrible months, Xiao Zhan answered straight, not thinking about the consequences of his words.

“Yes” he nodded. “If our relationship had been normal, if we had met as just two normal, single men, possibly I wouldn't need it now. But as long as our words have never reflected our feelings, I need to know the truth finally to be able to answer you properly” he explained why he wanted to talk about it so raw, praying Yibo would understand his point of view, but he only obtained a silent man. Being afraid he had messed up the good ambient they were having, he left the bowl over the table and turned around to face him. He just found a troublesome man, though.

“And what should I say now?” he spat suddenly, reflecting his mental battle. “I tried that day on the veranda and you broke ties with me. I tried yesterday on the bed and you laughed. Now-“

“I will listen. Just speak anything to me” Xiao Zhan answered even before letting him end. Yibo left the bowl of his finished noodles on the table and closed his eyes.

“You mean for me what no one else does” he began, seemed forced to do it. Was that okay? “No matter if you had a wife or if I was your boss, I need to have you everyday to be okay” his gaze looked at the floor, reflecting how nervous he was. And that part truly melt his heart. “I tried to lie to myself, thinking you were another good guy to fuck. But it's impossible” at that moment, he raised his head to breathe in and out heavily. “If I lived all that bullshit was because I wanted to remain beside you no matter what. And I still want because I love you, Zhan-ge” finally, he was brave enough to look at him. Xiao Zhan was there, handling the tears in his eyes like a torture, thinking he was the happiest person in that world. That was why he approached and hugged his neck tightly, smelling his neck to calm his heartbeat, otherwise he would die by a heart attack.

“So do you want to be my life partner?” he asked with a soft voice while feeling two arms hugging his body warmly. Hastily, he heard a chuckle.

“What a way to ask for going out” he laughed a while more as Xiao Zhan raised his head to hit his torso slightly.

“Shut up, do you want or not?” he insisted, not allowing him to win. Yibo just smiled and nodded, his eyes shining as never before.

“Now, can we go to the truly important matter?” his boss asked, his aura starting to change. Xiao Zhan felt in danger once again and smirked.

“Right here?” the employee proposed, wanting something new that night. Slowly, Yibo approached his neck to kiss it softly only once. The young man felt a hard shiver that made his hands grab his clothes tighter. His body was truly reacting after such a simple touch and his trousers began to bother him. That was why he moved his legs slightly before approaching his partner a bit more to caress his neck and bit his lobe sweetly as Yibo continued his fleeting kisses. Then, being beside his ear, breathing heavily just by the hard effect of those kisses, he spoke. “I truly love you” the words were mixed with a gasp, his voice so low and husky. He didn’t know why he said that in such a moment, however, he didn’t keep on thinking about it long because it was what he felt and there was no reason to hide it. So his hands caught his both cheeks to bring his face right in front of his. Yibo's eyes were shining as two stars, mesmerized by his teeth biting his lower lip before kissing him as slow as in slow motion.

Xiao Zhan decided to sit over his thighs to be over him and then, they lay down on the floor, Yibo's back feeling its coldness. The employee continued pecking his lips as a game several times until making him laugh and admired him with a satisfied grimace. Then, tenderly one of his hands caught the first button of the shirt to untie it and kiss his neck carefully. When his fingers untied the second, his mouth went down a little bit, almost reaching his collarbone, and when the third was also done, his tongue licked it fully. Meanwhile, Yibo was just enjoying it, using his hands to show how he was liking it. He brushed his hair or touched his back and butt at the same time to give him a soft type of pleasure too.

By then, Xiao Zhan could open his shirt totally and find a hard nipple to play with as his free hand took care of the other one. Finally, he could hear how that was affecting his partner by the hard gasps he did. Indeed, that was driving him crazy. That was why he decided to follow that speed but in the next level. His torso was raised, the palms of his hands rubbed from his stomach to his button belly; he was looking at Yibo like waiting for the beg in his eyes. Of course, he only found that possessive man whose lust was awakening. He wanted to play a bit more, though. So he grabbed his partner’s hands to take them to his belt as signal of opening it. But instead of removing his, they kept on Yibo's forearms while moving. After the belt, his fingers continued with the zipper and after lowering a bit the trousers, Xiao Zhan's length was set free, magnificent as all the times his boss was the one seducing him.

Without a doubt, the employee kneeled to see how Yibo lowered all his clothes and he stood up to take them off completely. After, he returned to his original place, flushed and with a weak gaze. He didn’t know if that was provoked by the situation or just to look a bit sexier for him. However, Yibo caressed it so slowly that a whine left his mouth. Then, he stopped his hand leaving it still there. Xiao Zhan understood what he wanted to mean and moved his hips to rub it against his palm. Being victim of that mad pleasure, he closed his eyes and continued until a tear started to fall from the tip, staining Yibo's belly. He felt extremely embarrassed by that and more when his boss caught it with a finger and licked it. “How can you do such things?” the employee asked with annoyed voice, but Yibo only drew a smile on his face.

“Because the dirtier I am, the wilder you become” his answer left him frozen there. He didn’t know what to do even if they had made love several times already. Suddenly, Yibo sat to be right in front of him and start to unbutton his shirt slowly. Meanwhile, Xiao Zhan kept on looking at him, falling in his trap to be possessed, or maybe he was just falling on purpose, because he loved that, with all his might. That was their first time making love while being an official couple and he was still reticent to believe it. It was like his brain needed time to assimilate it. Because indeed, that was the dream he had had during the last few months and now it was becoming true, the joy inside of him was so intense his breath was sometimes hard to keep regular. After all, his life was that man, the one who kissed him at that moment, starting a waltz between their tongues. His both hands grabbed his nape and hair when two strong arms were wrapped around his waist to make him be closer, what provoked Xiao Zhan to have to arch his back.

His mind was so full of pleasure that he didn’t know what he wanted or what he did too well, he was just on Yibo's hands, waiting for the next step as always. Because only he knew how to give him the pleasure he desired. Or perhaps, Yibo was the pleasure he wanted to enjoy. In both cases, being as impatient as always, he broke the kiss to open his trousers under the attentive gaze of his partner. When it was free and Xiao Zhan could play with it as a kid, his mouth let some saliva fall over it, exactly on the tip, and watched how it dropped through the whole length. Then, his hand spread it while moving slowly, feeling how Yibo was controlling himself, how he was adapting himself to that rhythm. Even like that, his boss licked two of his fingers quickly to put them inside of him mercilessly. Xiao Zhan whined softly, grabbing his nape to have a supporting point. He wasn’t good for giving pleasure when he was receiving it, because his senses were null and his body couldn’t move properly. However, when he looked at Yibo, he didn’t seem as not enjoying that. What was more, his expression reflected he was in his limit.

Then, Xiao Zhan decided to raise his butt and let him lower his clothes so he could place himself over it and while Yibo was holding it, he only needed to lean his hands on his shoulders and go down, feeling the tip first and after, everything was inside of him once again. He thought he could come just by that and indeed, when his eyes looked down, a tear was coming out. Then, he felt two warm hands around his torso, hugging him under the open shirt he was still wearing. Xiao Zhan was feeling goosebumps all over his body and his fingertips were nailed on his skin. Needing to stop all those overwhelming sensations, he embraced his neck to hide his head and kiss his jaw tenderly. That closeness was priceless; he understood it finally, all those times they did it weren’t because of pleasure, they weren’t because of sexual tension, but because they needed to be that close, to have that intimacy. That was why he didn’t move at first, just touched his cheek, his neck or his torso, feeling that heat under the palm of his hand. And Yibo didn’t complain, he only kept tasting his skin from any part he could reach.

Then, when Yibo looked up, meeting the weak gaze of Xiao Zhan, the latter kissed him tenderly and right after it, he began to move so slow the pleasure was minimum. Even like that, he gasped in that inch away from his mouth, their noses in touch, feeling he would die at that moment if it could be more perfect. Showing how he was affected by that slow move, his boss grabbed his buttocks to massage them, provoking more lust inside of the employee. He felt his fingertips so nailed on his skin that the slight pain increased the good sensations. Suddenly, one of the hands disappeared and a hard slap on it made his body tremble. He whined breathlessly and stopped moving for a second to close his eyes tightly. When he could open them again, when the tension of his body disappeared, he looked down, observing how a small amount of precum had already fallen. He bit his lower lip, thinking he would die if he didn’t release his body soon.

“So you like it…” Yibo smirked, his almond eyes looking up with the purest bright in it. Xiao Zhan shook his head being in his limit.

“I don't… I don't- Ah!” another slap came, this time was on the opposite side and Xiao Zhan moaned hard, trying to continue his moves regularly. However, his body and mind didn’t know anymore what was going on around him and when the third hit arrived, the employee hugged his partner, his voice moaning loudly while he was feeling the climax bursting inside of him. Right after, he couldn’t even open his eyes, being lifeless in his arms. The only thing he could understand was that Yibo was rubbing his whole spine over and over again with two fingertips.

“Can we continue on the bed?” he asked with sweet voice beside his ear. Xiao Zhan knew he hadn’t finished so he nodded even if he wasn’t sure he could keep awake. So getting his answer, Yibo managed to stand up, having Xiao Zhan in his arms thanks to his legs being wrapped around his hips, and walked to the bed. His back felt those soft sheets he loved being mixed with. Then, after removing his lower clothes completely, without giving him a single second more to recover, his boss started to thrust him as slow as him before, but adding kisses on his neck. Xiao Zhan was totally lost under his hands, what that man could do to him was inhumane, he was crazy for him. And that was a reason why his nails did red marks on his back when that hard pleasure came again or his legs pushed his butt to make him reach deeper.

“I love you…” Yibo muttered against his lips and Xiao Zhan couldn’t control his desire to kiss him. Their tongues played sweetly and at the end, it was broken because both kept gasping really hard when they got to release at the same time. Xiao Zhan was almost unconscious on that bed after such two orgasms and Yibo only left kisses all around his right cheek and jaw with a smile.

“Let me sleep over you…” he ordered with husky voice and that provoked a hard amusement on his boss, who chuckled loudly.

“Just let me…” he didn’t know what he meant until he felt a wipe on his belly. He smiled tenderly because of that gesture and when Yibo ended and lay down beside of him, the employee didn’t doubt a single second to hug him with an arm and place his head over his shoulder. Slowly, he felt how his partner raised more the sheets, maybe he discovered somehow he was cold so Xiao Zhan thanked him mentally by cuddling up on his torso more. The last thing he could remember was a hand brushing his hair slowly.

*****

1 month after 

The end of October was arriving, and because of that, the weather wanted to change a bit, being a bit colder, offering some rain to the city. It was still so nice to go out, though. It wasn’t too hot or too cold, just in the middle where with a jacket, the change of temperature was solved. That was why Xiao Zhan and Yibo decided to enjoy that free day they both had to go to visit Fang to the hospital, to see how he was going with his recovery. Lately, they had been so busy in the company and Yibo couldn’t go for two weeks straight, so even though he chose to stay in home that free day to relax and rest, Xiao Zhan convinced him to go because he knew his boss only stayed because of him. They became almost inseparable, especially due to Yibo's glue, he was always trying to be near Xiao Zhan no matter what, so when he chose to keep in the apartment, offering his partner to go alone, the latter chose to remain with him. So that day, the employee was tired of it and decided to go with him even if he didn’t know if he would be welcomed there. After all, Fang didn’t know him and Shan only talked with him a few times.

Maybe because of that, he was a bit nervous so that when they were in the elevator, his hand grabbed Yibo's tightly, as a way to show him his state and search for some assurance. His partner looked at him with tender smile and nodded as saying it would be okay. Xiao Zhan felt that happiness once again through his chest and he couldn’t avoid approaching to peck his lips even if there were more people around them. They didn’t care anymore. Independently of their gender, profession or age, it was love and showing they were completely into each other was nothing to be ashamed of.

“Why are you this nervous?” Yibo asked after it, watching how the elevator door was opened. Xiao Zhan walked behind him, being connected by their intertwined hands.

“He doesn't know me at all, I shouldn’t-“

“He does. He's so excited to meet you” Yibo commented with a smirk and opened the door of the room. Before entering, he wondered what he meant. He hadn’t met Fang awake, only those two times when he was still in coma. Then why? “FangFang, look who is coming with me today” he said happily, as if a kid was showing to his mother a new drawing that he did in class. That small detail made Xiao Zhan frown.

Hesitantly, he came inside, meeting first Shan's polite eyes and then, he found him. A handsome man, with brown hair, almond eyes and bright smile was sat on his bed, having a red small ball in his hand. Xiao Zhan could only bow and walk to Yibo's side, almost hiding behind him. That being was truly shining by himself. It was like a glimpse of sunshine became into human. Observing how Yibo glanced at him amused, he also observed how his partner moved from his side, leaving him alone, to approach Fang and kiss his hair as an affectionate greeting. “Is everything going okay?” Yibo's friend asked, his voice was soft and in a way Xiao Zhan didn’t imagine.

“Yes, better than never, don't worry” Yibo's hand caressed his hair slowly, truly smiling at him and only then, Xiao Zhan could understand how hard that year had been for his partner. It seemed like Fang was the brother Yibo never had, that was shown already with only the bright in his eyes. Slowly, Chen returned to him, and opened his mouth.

“Shan, Bobo, could you leave us alone?” suddenly, he asked to his friends, well, to his friend and boyfriend, because after all, it seemed that Wu had asked Chen to go out when he woke up and the latter accepted.

“Don’t say anything unnecessary” Yibo warned him as a joke. He was dragged by Shan because it seemed they didn’t trust what he wanted to say. Meanwhile, Xiao Zhan was panicking because he didn’t know what he should say or do without him. He was truly shy at that moment.

“Look, Shan and Bobo have talked to me a lot about you and that includes the story before your official relationship” he explained, this time more serious and formal. Xiao Zhan only nodded, being as silent as never before. “I know what your wife did to you, but also what you did to her. And even if I understand you a bit, I can't help but wonder if after some time you will end up doing the same to Bobo” his voice was still warm, as if he was trying to expose his opinion without offending Xiao Zhan at all. That was why, he didn’t say a word and continued to listen to his thoughts. “I’ve never seen him as in love as with you. What's more, when I woke up and saw how destroyed he was because you broke up with him… I couldn’t even believe it” Chen was exposing his surprise. Why? Xiao Zhan did nothing regarding Yibo, he never seduced him or alike. Their connection came alone.

“Maybe you mistook it, he was truly bad because of how you woke up, not-“

“Of course he was affected. But when he came to me, he didn’t cry because of me, but because of you” he clarified, revealing something that broke his heart a bit. Had he suffered that much because of his fault? He could still remember that night in the company, why was he crying then? “ _I’ve lost him, Fang. I don't even know what I should do anymore._ He said over and over again” his confession made a hole in Xiao Zhan. Was that the despair he had felt because of his fault? He removed a tear from his right eye and maintained his gaze up. Only now he noticed he hadn’t apologized for having done it. How bad boyfriend was he? “I remember especially how he was wondering what to do in that trip”

_A man with swollen, red eyes was sat on a chair beside the bed with his inert friend. He was grabbing his hand and rubbing it softly while thinking. Somehow he was really lost about what he should do. “Fang, did I do well choosing him to accompany me?” he asked with broken voice. His hand untied more his tie because the knot in his throat didn’t allow him to breathe._

_“You did…” his friend tried to talk as much as possible, but his condition was still so weak to do more effort._

_“I don't know if I will be able to control myself… Anytime I see him, I just want to kiss him, to hug him. I know if I do, he will fall in my trap, but I can't be that selfish with him… Shan warned me and I didn't want to listen, now I'm not able to stop this anymore…” he cried, regretting tons of things deeply, it was like if he had gathered a lot of mistakes and now fixing them was impossible. Suddenly, Chen turned his face around._

_“It’s okay, Bobo… Being in love… is okay… Treasure those feelings… until he will come back…” his friend hardly spoke and received a lost gaze._

_“Until he will come back?” for a second a glimpse of hope was shown into his pupils. That was how he needed something to believe in._

_“If he's meant for you… he will come back…” his words were so reassuring that Yibo nodded and wiped away some tears what reflected his despair._

_“He has to… Because I love him…”_

“When I heard those words, it was like a miracle. He had never said such a thing about anyone. I don't know what you did to him, but he's like another different person” Chen continued exposing his opinion, observing how Xiao Zhan was breaking inside. It was all his fault, there was no turning back to change it, but he couldn’t help but feel horribly sorry and guilty. There was no way he could forgive himself after knowing the hell he had lived alone because of his fault.

“I just loved him as my heart told me” Xiao Zhan answered to his doubt and Fang smiled.

“Bobo, Shan, come inside” he allowed them with strong voice and Xiao Zhan panicked, drying all the tears quickly. But somehow, he failed and when the door was opened and two men came inside, he was discovered by one of them.

“What have you told him?!” Yibo exclaimed, catching his cheeks to make him look up, but Xiao Zhan was unable. That was why he stopped his desire of hiding and just hugged him tightly. That might be out of place, with people in front of them who shouldn’t watch that, but he simply didn’t care. It was like he needed to show not only him, but everyone around them, how deep his feelings were.

“He needed to know something” Fang excused himself; however, it wasn’t the reply Yibo wanted to hear. That was why Xiao Zhan separated a bit to caress his cheek and peck his lips softly.

“I’m so sorry for what I did” he smiled stupidly and leaned his forehead on Yibo's. His partner frowned truly deeply, glanced at his friend and opened his mouth lost about that situation.

“What did you do?” Yibo questioned having no idea of what he was meaning. Probably it was late to apologize, maybe he didn’t even want an apology, but his heart was saying he should do it, he should speak up.

“Breaking ties with you. You suffered a lot because of my fault and I never-“

“Are you truly caring about it?” his partner sighed and smiled sweetly. Xiao Zhan felt so embarrassed he needed to look down. Of course he was, because he had done something that he would never forgive. “It's the past. Now, you're with me, and that's all I care about” his voice was low, soft, warm. Xiao Zhan felt a sudden reassurance that calmed all the fears Fang's story provoked. Then, he remembered the couple was looking at them and he glanced at both, flushed and out of place. Chen was watching with a smile, nevertheless Shan was looking away, he didn’t seem as bothered, but as quite embarrassed. That was why he decided to separate from Yibo even if the latter tried to keep hugging him in any position possible.

“Can you let me go?” he spoke amusedly and his partner chuckled.

“No, you're so cute” his pretext was that simple, so much he found it so lovely. That was the reason why Xiao Zhan let him stay like that even if two people were observing them. His back was feeling his torso completely fixed to him and that was really comfortable, so much his hand rubbed Yibo's softly.

“I’m so happy for you, Bobo” Chen spoke in the middle of their moment and that only made them flush even more. Xiao Zhan looked down, thinking his friend was truly straight and careless. However, he felt how the embrace became tighter.

“Thank you” Yibo replied right after. His voice sounded truly happy he could understand his partner was really excited about what Chen was thinking about Xiao Zhan. It was normal after all. He had broken a marriage in a way a bit harsh to keep with him. He didn’t have any doubt what Fang said before was understandable. As two friends who cared about his small boy, they behaved as excellent supporters. Always trying to see what was the best for him, advising him and offering their shoulders to cry. Yibo was glad his partner had such two people in his life.

“One thing, Xiao Zhan” suddenly, Shan spoke and a weird ambient was formed in that room. “I’ve never trusted you” he confessed simply that reason he had always known. But what did he want with that? “I didn’t think you were suitable for him, much less he could be this happy with you. I even warned him you would go away one day. However, I never felt guiltier in my life when you did. For once, I hated being right because I saw with my own eyes how that man would die for you” Shan talked without any single pause, expressing all he thought and felt in those months living beside Yibo that hell of relationship. However, the last sentence truly impacted him. How that man would die for you… That was how deep and pure his love was. “Now I still have the same doubt as Fang. We don't know if you will repeat with Yibo what you did to your wife” he accused Xiao Zhan like that and the latter only kept speechless, having nothing to say to prove they were wrong.

But suddenly, the man behind him broke the hug and did a step forward. “You both are so stupid. He had enough reasons to do that, reasons that he will never have with me” he defended his boyfriend without a doubt and the employee grabbed his hand slightly to thank him. That truly showed him he was safe beside him.

“Then if you're sure of that, I trust him too” Chen smiled at his friend.

“As simple as that?” Wu asked his partner amazed. Fang only nodded and grabbed his hand.

“Bobo is not that naïve kid to take care of anymore. I could even say that Xiao Zhan is more innocent than him. That's why I think they are such a wonderful couple” his wise words touched Shan deeply because he sighed and looked away, as if he was having a dilemma. Slowly, Yibo approached him and patted his shoulder. Xiao Zhan only kept observing how their bond was the strongest he had ever seen between friends.

“Shan, thank you for having taken care of me since I was a brat. But now… The one I desire the most to take care of me from now on is Xiao Zhan” he explained with his sweet voice, how tender and affectionate he could be with the people he loved. Then, they stayed looking at each other for a few seconds and finally, Wu nodded while sighing.

“Okay. After all, now I have someone else to dedicate myself completely” he smiled a bit, surprising Xiao Zhan, who had never seen him smiling as purely as in that moment. Slowly, Shan caught Chen's hand and the latter flushed deeply. He understood why his friend was so in love with that sunshine. He had never met someone as wonderful as him.

Breaking the moment, Yibo approached his partner and spoke. “I think we should return home” his words were gentle and Xiao Zhan nodded even if he thought it was sooner than what he expected. Was it okay? He frowned an eyebrow a bit, so when Yibo noticed his expression, he looked behind him, as talking without words. At that moment, his mind connected the fact of leaving them alone and bit his lower lip; indeed they needed privacy. So that they said goodbye and went out chuckling a bit. Their hands found each other to be intertwined and they started to walk to the elevator happily.

Both were quiet and Xiao Zhan had some questions, so having so much confidence with Yibo, he dared to ask him. “Why is your friendship with Wu Shan so different from the friendship you have with Chen Fang?” he was wondering that since the room. The way Yibo had to answer or behave with both were so opposite that he couldn’t help but wonder why that difference. That was why he took advantage of that moment to ask and know him a bit more. However, Yibo was taking longer to answer and Xiao Zhan frowned, wondering why he was delaying his reply. By then, they were getting out of the elevator and suddenly, Yibo stopped walking. The employee turned his head to see the reason why and he found his partner fixed on something. Better said on someone because when he searched for the reason, he discovered a woman he truly knew, and that made him forget his question, Shan, Fang and even the floor under his feet.

So because he truly kept on observing her, she noticed him and approached with a smile. That situation became so uncomfortable that Yibo removed his hand to let his be free. Xiao Zhan didn’t like that action, but thinking coldly, it was the best. “Hi, Xiao Zhan. Long time no see you” her voice was sweeter than normal, he could see how she had changed since they were separated, with the divorce starting its process.

“Hi, Li. Long time no see you” he smiled at her back politely, not knowing how to handle that situation too well. Then, she turned a bit and bowed to his partner, who seemed surprised and bowed to her back. Xiao Zhan felt horribly out of place there and tried to get the attention in a subject. “What are you doing here?” he asked. After all, it was a hospital and he was worried she might be ill or had any disease. At the next second, she looked away and opened his mouth speechlessly.

“I came for a revision… Because I'm pregnant” she confessed with a sigh; the concern of his reaction was reflected on her eyes. Xiao Zhan thought he was going to fall at that moment. Was that real? “Don’t worry that it's not yours” she laughed, trying to make the subject go easier. Even like that, he took a few second to understand all the meaning he could get by reading between lines and smiled.

“Wow, that's amazing! Congratulations” he pretended to seem as happy, but after all, fate was like joking him at that moment. Li only thanked him and stayed silent for a few seconds.

“And you? What are you doing in a hospital?” she probably asked to continue stopping that uncomfortable moment with more chat. Unluckily with a silent Yibo beside him. He was scared of his reaction.

“Ah, we were visiting a friend of Yibo” he answered naïvely, watching how his ex-wife nodded as being interested on it. His partner bowed to her as showing politeness and he received a bow back by her. Even like that, he was able to notice how tense he was. It was better if they went again before the things will become troublesome.

“I see… I hope you're doing good” she smiled at him with naïve eyes and Xiao Zhan couldn’t help but smile back. She had changed so much that he was impressed, she was finally looking happy and healthy.

“I am, thanks. I wish all the best for you and your baby, Li” he confessed from the bottom of his heart and his ex-wife touched her belly slightly.

“Thank you so much. I hope one day you will meet him or her, I'd be so happy” she seemed a bit nervous by saying such a thing and Xiao Zhan took it as a thing a bit out of place. However, he realized how much he was still meaning for her and nodded willing to fulfil her desire.

“It will be a pleasure” his sincerity reached her who seemed so excited.

“Then… I have to go. So nice to see you again” she spoke sweetly and patted his shoulder when she walked beside him.

“Good luck” he hoped for her and her pregnancy. This time a real one. And with a nostalgic smile, he continued walking through the hall, followed by a silent man. Then, he searched for his hand to grab and be connected once again. Slowly, he tightened his grip twice to catch his attention. “What’s in your mind?” he asked knowing that situation had been violent for him. Yibo sighed and looked at him with sad eyes.

“I was thinking how surprised and sad you were when you knew about her pregnancy. Somehow I can feel you really want kids and… with me you can't have that” he confessed troubled while gazing down. Hastily, Xiao Zhan stopped in the middle of the street, already out of the hospital walking to the parking. He raised his chin to see his almond eyes and rubbed their noses tenderly.

“We can” suddenly he said and caressed his cheek. Of course, he had in mind forming a family with kids and his partner in a future, but he had never thought that loving Yibo would break that dream. So to Yibo's lost expression, he clarified. “We can always adopt or well, now there are so many ways” he chuckled sweetly while being really close to him. “But never think you're a bother for my future plans. Because you're the main one” his voice was so low, only for him. Yibo drew a shy smile and kissed his lips at last. It was just a few seconds because they were in public, but that was enough to talk without words between them.

After it, they continued walking in silence, admiring the beautiful day together. It was so nice to be like that. It was like making his dreams come true and finally he was able to say he was living the life he wanted, the life he desired, that he was really happy for everything he was getting everyday and he was really awaiting for the future without scare, because after all he wasn’t alone. He had a wonderful person by his side who would protect him no matter what. That was all he wanted and desired. He wished he could stay like that forever. So all he had now would never end.

However, breaking his thoughts, they arrived to the car and he was going to open the door of the pilot seat, but Yibo stopped him. “Let me drive this time” he proposed without hesitation. Somehow, Xiao Zhan was dubious for him.

“Is it okay for you?” he asked, wanting to be sure he was going to be fine. Then, Yibo nodded and pecked his lips. It seemed like he wasn’t the only one who felt safe if they were together, so with that he was already happy and accepted it. Slowly, he surrounded the car to sit beside him and when he was closing the door, Yibo checked his phone before starting to drive. He left the phone and turned on the motor.

“Shan has asked me if we can come again another day. It seems that Fang truly likes you” he chuckled a bit at the end and Xiao Zhan widened his eyes. So that man had accepted him as his boyfriend… He didn’t think it was weird, that pure soul was too nice to reject anyone.

“Okay, for me it's okay” he accepted willingly and Yibo smiled satisfied. Then, another small silence was created while his boss was driving and Xiao Zhan was looking through the window, until the latter remembered the question he made to his partner and which was never answered because they found his ex-wife. That was why he decided to ask it again, because he was really curious. “Yibo” he opted for beginning with his attention. “You haven't answered me. Why don't you treat Wu Shan and Chen Fang in the same way?” the question was done once again and Yibo glanced at him with a frowned eyebrow. He was hiding something.

“Do you truly want to know?” he asked for some reason. Now, more than never he was as curious as no one else. That was why he nodded and waited for his reply. “FangFang for me was the brother I never had. If I had a problem, he was there to help and defend me. But with Shan… When I was kicked out of home, Shan tried to take care of me so well that somehow when I was having a phase that I was with a different person every night, he stopped it by proposing me to be his boyfriend in order to end that life” he confessed while looking straight at the road. Xiao Zhan was so taken aback, speechless because he had never imagined such a story. So Wu had been who made him go through the correct path. “Shan has always felt for me more than a simple friendship, that's why I accepted. For once I wanted to feel loved and cared in that way. He was the only man who made love to me. Until you appeared of course” he corrected himself nervously and Xiao Zhan tried to smile but he was really shocked. “The thing is that Shan for me is just my best friend, it was okay for two good fucks, but not to have a serious relationship, so we decided to break up. Since him, I didn’t stay with anyone else, but you. And I'm glad about it” he explained as better as he seemed to know and Xiao Zhan kept silent for a few seconds. He needed to process all of that. So the only man who had seen his partner in that way was Shan aside from himself. Now everything had sense. That was why they had such a strong bond and that relationship that seemed deeper than just two friends. But somehow Xiao Zhan found himself not knowing how to take that new information too well.

“How long was it?” he was curious even if a doubt inside of him was saying maybe it was better not to know more.

“Less than a year. I don't remember too well” his partner answered without hesitation. Xiao Zhan nodded and bit his lips, doubting how he should react. Which was the correct way to take it? Knowing that one of the closest people of his boyfriend knew his most private part too. It was a feeling he was hating. So unpleasant and uncomfortable. As if a dark hand was squeezing his heart.

Without a word, he continued watching the street through the window, attempting to stop that inside of him. Then, when the car was stopped, he felt a hand on his knee. Xiao Zhan turned around to find Yibo staring at him with worried eyes. “That’s why I asked. I don't want you to mistake my behaviour with him because I've never felt for him anything” he explained to make him feel better or at least understand it. However, Xiao Zhan was still lost.

“Then, why did you tell me that you were fucked only by the people you truly love if you did it with him while feeling nothing?” he asked rudely, showing his bother by far and Yibo sighed as if he was telling to himself he was right.

“Because that's how I've always worked with men. If I did it with Shan was because he has never allowed me to change and oh shit, he fucks so good” Yibo talked so much that Xiao Zhan frowned even deeper and decided to get out of the car and walk alone without him until the door. He heard steps behind him, even how he called him a few times. However, he only used his keys to open the door and came inside, leaving it without closing so Yibo could come inside too. Then, he went to the kitchen to drink something and a troubled man appeared in a hurry to approach him and hug him by a side. “Zhan-ge, I only love you, don't worry-“

“It’s not that” he stopped him from thinking things that weren’t true. “It's the fact he has seen you like that” he confessed, looking down at the glass of water his hand was holding strongly. He was scared of even breaking it if he continued like that. Slowly, he felt two arms grabbing his waist tightly and a kiss on his cheek.

“I can't erase it or go back and don't do it, Zhan-ge. I understand you don't like this story, but also understand me that I can't undone it” he explained with a sweet voice, seeming willing to fix it. Xiao Zhan looked at him and left the glass over the worktop to hug him and hide his face on his shoulder.

“I wish it didn't affect me…” the employee confessed with sad voice and the embrace became tighter.

“I know it…” Yibo rubbed his hair tenderly, trying to calm his sorrows somehow and kissed it to show his love. Xiao Zhan didn’t have a doubt he was saying the truth, that he felt nothing about Shan and that he was in love with him and only him, but so deep inside of him, a small part of jealousy was desiring that Shan had never met that part of Yibo. Because he wanted it all for himself. How amazing Yibo was in that way, Xiao Zhan desired it all without remedy.

Surprising him a bit, Yibo started to touch his skin inside his T-shirt. “Maybe you should show me who I belong to again…” he played dirtily and Xiao Zhan smiled. Only he knew how to cheer him up that fast. That was why he accepted. Maybe falling in his trap on purpose or maybe forgetting it was such just to observe how Yibo stayed in front of him, waiting to be ordered and touched. Xiao Zhan bit his lower lip, catching the edge of his T-shirt to raise it slowly, making him feel shivers, creating that expectation both hated and loved at the same time. It was new and old at the same time. He knew already how it was going to be, but there were always new small details that made him love him more and more. And only then, he realized it. When he was already on top of Yibo, sucking his neck mercilessly, he realized how stupid he had been. Why would he be jealous of Shan if he wasn’t already his boyfriend? He already had nothing from him. Everything, the whole being of that god was his, then why was he mattering about the past? Why was he creating a problem from a fact which was already done and forgotten? The present was that who was able to enjoy that part from him was he himself and no one else, then, there was no way he would continue frustrating himself with such a past. Otherwise he would be ruining their future and Xiao Zhan yearned for the best one for both. Together. Enjoying each single second beside the other.

That was why he smirked, realizing how childish he had been. Having that man for himself and worrying about others… There was no way he would do the same mistake, not now when his hands were able to make him moan and shout his name. Not now that he was able to be inside of him and drive him crazy. Not now that he was feeling his nails scratching his back deeper each time he thrust him. Yibo looked as a symphony where each sound produced a different type of reaction in his body. One day it was the desire of being touched; other days it was the desire of touching. Probably that was what he loved the most from his partner. How both could show what they wanted without fears, getting it because both wanted to spoil each other constantly and be happy endlessly. Without a doubt, Xiao Zhan felt so egoistic by thinking that, but he loved how Yibo gave him everything in the moment he asked for it. And as a reward, when his partner asked him for more pleasure with those hazel eyes, Xiao Zhan did it gladly, watching how satisfied he was suddenly. And that made him horribly blissful. How they were made for each other. How they were created especially for the other. How they were born to end up being together. How their paths were so intertwined since the beginning without even knowing it. How every coincidence possible occurred to make them go out finally. How even without searching for it, he found the person who suited him the best, who fit him as a puzzle of only two pieces, who was all the company he desired for the rest of his life. And slowly, his heart was cleaned of every possible doubt about his love for Yibo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I've completed this fic! First of all, I really hope you've liked and enjoyed it because it's my first one in this fandom and the best one I've ever written. Actually, now it's ended, I wanted to tell you this ff was written since September 2018 to February 2019, and I met WYB and XZ on January 2020. This was for another fandom so every possible coincidence or reference you may see in here, it wasn't written by knowing them. When I edited it, I only added two details, XZ mole and WYB thick lips; and erased one, WYB wearing glasses. Everything else... Was already here.
> 
> Did I write this for them even without knowing it? Who knows, but I could do a whole list of coincidences. Even you may have noticed many of them.
> 
> So having this said, thank you so much for all the support you've given me. I loved every comment you left and I will work hard in my next works too so I hope you will support me there too! For future updates, you can find me in Twitter as @W1Bo_ 🍀
> 
> BJYXSZD!! ♡.

**Author's Note:**

> For updates regarding this fic or any further new work, follow me on Twitter:: @W1Bo_


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